A Shaped Life
by X- JigsawRose -X
Summary: SEQUEL to 'A Misshapen life'...Bella Swan lives her life happily with a boyfriend she loves and a family she adores..What happens when Bella stumbles upon an admirer who could prove to be her first downfall in two years? (( ON TEMPORARY HIATUS)).
1. Present Day

**This is a warning for people who do not wish to read about adopted siblings in a relationship...I had some people on the prequel 'A Misshapen life' say that my characters were involved in incest...At the time I did not know this to be true however I love the original of this story too much to let it go...If you do not wish to read on then I will not mind and will understand..I do not want you to read a story will end up disliking because that is not the way I work.**

**-Bella is NOW eighteen and Edward is nineteen just to make that clear before we start.**

*~A Shaped Life~*

*~Bella~*

(Two years later)

"Oh...He's gotten so big!" I held my godson Danny in my arms as he gurgled and smiled beneath me...Jasper looked on as the rest of my family were engaged in other things...To be honest they were probably enjoying the break away from Danny because he could melt hearts instantly with one look.

"He's a little nightmare, really" Jasper said a mischievous smile on his face...My bond with my godson was unbreakable and my love for him purely unconditional..He was the living image of his late mother and my loving sister and even though I still miss her to this day her soul lived through Danny as he shared her blood..Of course he wasn't entirely like Alice..He had Jasper's melting smile and golden, blonde hair to match the eyes and facial features of Alice.

"Haven't you got work, today Jazz?" I asked as I rocked a giggling Danny around in a circle.

"No, day off..Besides Carlisle and Esme welcomed him back to me...I'm sure he has been causing mayhem."

"Oh my darling Danny boy would never do that" I cooed to Danny as he continued to giggle.

"You're very good with him though, Bella."

"With Emmett and Rosalie in their new place he has only Edward and I left for company." Emmett and Rosalie had gotten married and had recently celebrated their two-year anniversary even though it seemed like only yesterday we all attended their beautiful wedding. After the honeymoon, Emmett had stayed here for a six-month period as he was deciding to move in a small house with Rosalie nearby..The mortgage and housing plans proved to be a bit of a chaotic experience for both of them..It all panned out in the end and now they both couldn't be happier. I missed my brother bear a lot but I could not allow myself to be in a position to be selfish...I had everything I needed and I have never been happier.

"Bella-Boo if you keep throwing him around like that he is gonna throw up!" Emmett bellowed walking into the living room and handing Jasper a bottle of beer. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"I think you will find that I am the one who didn't make him vomit a few weeks ago." I teased fighting back a smile...With Emmett I could never be serious.

"Complete accident, buddy" he patted Jasper's shoulder.

"Don't worry about it" Jasper replied with a smile on his face.

"Aren't you working today, Bell?" Emmett asked me..I was too involved with Danny to hear the whole question but I just about caught the end.

"Later on, tonight" I replied not looking at him.

"Jazz take that baby away from her..She never makes sense when he is around." I heard Emmett say.

"He has that affect on people..A father can't help but be proud." Jasper replied.

"Bella could you be a darling and do me a favour?" Esme asked walking into the room with her apron on..She had already started her usual task of making dinner for everyone..To make it easier on Esme over the past two years each of us had an opportunity to make dinner and to also share up the household chores but Esme had always insisted that we don't...She knew that the option was there if she needed it.

"Yes of course, mum what is it?"

"Can you go upstairs into the library and see if you can find my cooking book..The one I normally use?"

"Sure" I walked over and kissed Danny on the forehead and handed him back to Jasper.

"Thank you, sweetheart" Esme said as I climbed the stairs.

The fourth floor was a place I had only been in about five times..It was Edward's place and even though he would never object to my presence in there to pick out books from their library...The principle that I was intruding was still strong. Edward was playing the piano..The sound of his playing getting louder and louder as I got closer to him...He still remained to be an amazing pianist even more so than when I had first met him...He has often said that it has been due to the amount of inspiration he has in his life...The usual cheesy line that comes out of my amazing boyfriend's mouth that turn me into jelly at his feet.

I knocked once on the door loudly so he could hear me over the keys..He turned and smiled my favourite crooked-smile at me turning around on the piano stool.

"Hello Pavarotti" I greeted him softly using the nickname that Emmett had used for him so many times.

"Very funny, baby" Edward teased.

"Thanks I do try" I teased back...Edward opened his arms out to me but I shook my head. "I have not come up here to be seduced Mr Cullen I am here to carry out an errand for our mother."

Edward stood up and walked slowly towards me...Almost predator-like I was now the animal at the fate of his mercy..And _Damn it_ I couldn't step back because of the stairs below my feet. I picked a direction and ran in an attempt get past him but he caught me in his arms gripping me into a vice.

"Edward...This is not fair." I said sternly as he spun me around our gazes locked...He brought his hand up to cup my left cheek as I instantly leant into his palm.

"Surely mom can wait, sweetheart" he said his voice soft as velvet...I rolled my eyes.

"You know I can't say no to you." I groaned.

"You have said that so many times...Yet I continue to love it."

"I am not your piano, Edward...I need to get this book for Esme and if I come down late she knows who to blame."

Edward stopped my ranting as he crashed his lips to mine..I sighed in defeat against his lips as I wound my hands around his neck inching my body closer to him..Edward wrapped his arms around my waist tightly as our mouths parted and our tongues reconciled. After two years of being with Edward there was never a time when I didn't want to be with him..We had both grown up a lot and the experiences that we have been through together have made us stronger..People in school soon knew about our relationship and I am not going to lie and say that all of them were how shall I say...Supportive of the idea but they soon came around. Now the school environment continued like nothing had ever changed.

I pulled my lips away from Edward's resulting in a moan from him about our disconnection. I smiled knowing that I could have that affect on him in the first place.

"Bella-"

"No..Perhaps when your nephew and the rest of our family aren't downstairs right now then we can continue this" I broke him off..He kept me in his arms tightening his grip on my waist.

"You're killing me, Bella...It is lonely up here."

"Come downstairs then" I wriggled out of his grasp but he continued to hold me..My attempt failing miserably.

"You're not going anywhere" Edward said as he kissed my forehead...Damn this man to hell he also knew that my forehead was my favourite spot to be kissed by him.

"Edward, please?" I pleaded not out of usual desire for his touch but more for him to let me go..He growled deeply as he released me..I turned away from him and made my way into the library.

I loved my boyfriend entirely too much...He had completed my life and got the confidence I needed in myself back which I had forgotten about for so long...Edward was the only one for me – when we would have silly little arguments we would always end up back together because there was something we had together. A magnetic pull which could not be seen only felt..An unstoppable attraction on both our parts.

I scanned the cooking section of the Cullen's ever so impressive collection of books...So many genres in one place it would put all the public libraries to shame in the whole state area...Sighing in relief as I found the book Esme had wanted..The library was always in need of a dust even though Esme had always done it religiously but the air was making me sneeze and cough. I wiped the book with my sleeve to prevent anymore dust flying up my nose before walking out of the library and back into Edward's place.

The piano was empty now standing on it's own the sheet of music left on top of the closed lid..I was tempted in that moment to have a look at what Edward was playing but even being in here was too much for me to handle.

"Have fun did you, Bella?" Emmett remarked as I entered back into the living room from descending the stairs.

"Sure if you call being covered in dust fun!" I replied...I knew exactly what Emmett had meant and it was in no way related to dust.

"Thank you so much honey!" Esme exclaimed as she took the book from my hands.

"Are you sure there isn't anything I can help you with?" I asked.

"No, no...You won't be here for dinner will you?"

"I have work, mum..Sorry"

"No need to apologise..I will leave some leftovers for you. Rose will be coming here later so I am making sure I have enough for everyone."

My phone vibrated in my pocket...I kissed Esme on the cheek before taking it from my jeans and flipping it open.

"Hello?"

"_Hello ducky, Lizzie here!" _I smiled...I'd know the voice of my boss ANYWHERE.

"Hello, Liz..How are you?"

"_I am very well Bella...Listen would you mind working in the kitchen today..Only we have a new waiter starting called Alex for his first day..Mark is away on holiday until Monday and you are the only person who has had training in cooking and food preparation."_

"Of course, Liz...Will there be uniforms there..Or shall I bring mine?"

"_No need to make more washing for you, Bella...Mark's is still here."_

"Okay...Who will be with me?"

"_Jacob"_

Ugh...Jacob Black was Edward's best friend and he had always made it a habit to ask me about how my relationship was going..Demanding details and forcing me to spill out things I would of normally kept between Edward and I. I had never said anything about our physical relationship..Even though nothing bad happened in that department just little things that had accidentally slipped out that he never let me live down.

"Great..So I will see you at four?"

"_Thank you so much for this, Bella..I can always rely on you. Bye, duck."_ I hung up the phone and put it back into my pocket.

"Problem?" I heard Edward ask as he sat on the sofa opposite Emmett and Jasper tickling Danny's tummy as he giggled loudly in his lap.

"No..Nothing at all" I replied.

"Where's dad?" Emmett asked me.

"Working..He will be here, later however I won't see him as I will be at work."

"Oh yes, Angeles..Heard many new things from there since you have started." Emmett teased.

"Stop teasing me about things that aren't true, brother bear!"

I turned on my heel and walked up the stairs to my room...I closed my door and fished out my black trousers and my 'Angeles' top which I wore for work...I hung them up on the door of the wardrobe. There was a knock at my door.

"Come in, Edward" I said knowing that there wouldn't be anyone else but him then and there...The door opened and lo and behold Edward walked in closing the door behind him. I sighed as he approached me.

"Bella..What is it?" he asked soothingly as he wrapped his arms around my waist..I leant into his chest.

"Nothing...I just have to work with Jacob today."

"Ah...Come on, he's my buddy...He isn't that bad."

"You are not the one who has to endure the constant questions about our relationship."

"That's the way Jacob is, Bella. Don't let him get to you..Do you want me to have a word with him?"

"No..Thank you, Edward but this is my issue."

"Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"

"No"

"Are you sure?" As if by lightening Edward's hand had reached up my top and his hand cupped one of my breasts through my bra..I forced back a moan as my skin alighted underneath his palm the touch sending shockwaves of happiness and desire through my whole body.

"Yes" I said swallowing hard.

"Say it again" Edward's other hand cupped the other one before I could register anything and he caressed my chest under my shirt..My breathing had already started to increase.

"Yes"

"You're voice is ragged, Bella" Edward teased as he leant his head closer..His mouth rested underneath my jaw line and by magic I tilted my head back to give him easier access to my untouched skin.

"Edward..We can't" I said steadily as he continued to attack my neck.

"Yes we can...We can do whatever we want" replying against my neck his breath caused goosebumps to appear sending the familiar tingles through me. The things Edward Cullen could do to me with one touch or one kiss could easily send me to an early death...He was positively dangerous.

"No...I need to get ready for work" I glanced up at the clock in my room as I bit down on my lips to suppress my moans and sighs the sounds that Edward had made a habit of having me make on a regular basis. It was three already and I only had an hour left.

"Later, Edward" I stated firmly pulling him away from me with my hands on his shoulders.

"I hate this...You and I working and not having enough time to see each other" Edward made a fair point...He had recently began to assist Carlisle at the hospital for a paid wage.

Edward, when I had first met him like me didn't know what he wanted to do...All of the jobs he had over the past two years had never been enough to make him happy...On a whim he made the decision to try out medicine and the caring of people at Carlisle's hospital and funnily enough he had been at home with his dad's world. Carlisle never expected him to follow the medicine career path but was ecstatic to find out that Edward enjoyed working with him.

"I know, sweetie...I will be back at ten and then I am yours, I promise."

"Ugh..That long" he moaned and I giggled.

"Continue to study...That will make the time fly."

"Bella...Do you really think that I can study with you on my mind?"

"You have done it before, Edward and I am sure you can do it again. Now get out" I said pointing at the door..Edward rolled his eyes, kissed me once on the lips and walked out of the room.

Once I had taken a quicker shower than usual I got all of my clothes on...Cooking at work was easy although there were times when it would be stressful and quite pressurizing due to the amount of customers we would have however today was Monday and Monday nights were always quiet in my workplace. Usually I would have waited until the morning to have a shower but seeing as I was going to be surrounded by food it would be best if I took one now and one later. Never had I used the most water in the house...This was only something I did when I was required to cook and I had done that only twice thus far...This being my third time.

I clipped my hair into my large clip letting some of my curls fall down my face and behind my ears...I picked out my locket that Edward had given me two Christmases ago and wrapped it around my neck. The locket was the one piece of jewellery I had always worn the majority of my time because it meant so much to me. It was a sign that indicated before anything had happened between Edward and I..Before we had fallen in love with each other but also it was a reminder of Alice as her picture was close to my heart around my neck.

I grabbed my car keys...Carlisle had been kind enough to give me a car very similarly modelled to the Renault Clios that we had back in England..I then forced myself to get my permit and I passed my test three months ago..It was such a relief to be able to go in and out of the house when I chose to and not having to bother anyone else for a lift to places.

I skipped down the stairs and Jasper, Emmett and Esme were all sitting on the living room floor between the sofas playing with Danny...That child never cried but he would always want to have attention in the form of a cuddle or a game. He was already fun-loving and that was the Alice in him.

"Bye everyone" I said blowing them a kiss...I bent down and gave Danny a wet kiss on the forehead..As I pulled away he reached out for me clenching his little fists as he did so. "Sorry baby boy..I have to go to work. I love you" I cooed feeling guilty that I had to refuse his want of attention.

"Have fun, Bell" Jasper said as I climbed into my shoes.

"Thanks..Give my love to dad when he comes home" I said looking at Esme.

"Of course" she replied.

I took my coat off of the hooks behind the door and took my phone out of my trouser pockets which I had previously taken out of my jeans pocket and checked it quickly.

I had no messages..I turned the phone off putting it in my coat pocket as I stepped out into the cold air that was Forks.

I cleared my mind as I made my way to work...This was my usual thing I did before starting work to leave my personal life behind and indulge in the life that was my job.

Thank god I was not be a waitress today..I do not think I could cope with a new person..The last one hadn't gone so well but I was not the one to blame when the newbie kicked up a fuss about me and the way I work. That was all gone and forgotten now.

I just hoped the new guy would be nicer to me...I don't think I'd want to relive the nightmare of the last newbie.


	2. Newbie

**Thank you for the reviews.. YOU AMAZING people! X**

**I do not own Twilight..I OWN ASL!**

*~A Shaped Life~*

*~Bella~*

"Bella...Oh the spring does raise again when your beautiful face appears in our humble restaurant!"

"Hi Shaun" the laugh from my body was uncontrollable as my favourite host opened the door up for me shielding me from the coldness of the outside air through the heat inside.

"How is my beautiful girl, today?" Shaun asked as he skipped over behind his platform and leant down on his arms peering up at me through his big, persuasive eyes..I took off my coat rolling my eyes..Some things in my work never changed however I was not one to complain. Shaun had always made me feel at home even on the day of my first interview two years ago.

"All the better for seeing you" I teased shooting him a teasing wink.

"That is what I am here, for" Shaun replied...The phone rang stopping our what would have been long teasing debates..I waved at him and walked past him to the restaurant area. I received waves from all of the bar staff..Mickey, Samantha and Leah were all giggling amongst themselves..I made a point to myself to learn how to work the bar so that maybe one day I could be the image of them adding another member to the laughing and care-free mix...Apart from the overly giggly bar staff I also gained a few waves from the public who had become regulars...When I had first started I was in awe of them and felt a little silly but now it was all second nature.

"Hi Bella!" I wanted to groan out loud when Jacob peered around the corner where the cookers and various ovens were kept.

"Hi Jacob" I walked around the counter...All I had to do was in my mind keep thinking about my Edward back at home..This would be a helping hand for me in what will probably be another pig heap of a situation. I tugged my coat off and hung it on the hooks in the small cloakroom behind all the smoke and smells from the cooking..Taking a long breath in and allowing my mind to clear itself of all my worries and concentrate fully on Edward's beautiful face...He always knew how to make any worries go away..Especially a worry that was starting to grow like his best friend Jacob Black.

I wrapped my arms into Mark's cooking jacket and pulled my hair back from underneath it the feeling of the curls bouncing onto the new material fluttering the centre of my shoulder blades for a slight second.

"Hey Duck!"

I spun around doing up the first button on Mark's jacket and smiled at the face of Lizzie. "Hello, Liz."

"I am sorry that that jacket is so big, Bell" her eyes were scanning me up and down and I wiped the remark away internally.

"Lizzie..I don't mind...Besides it feels..Roomy." I replied.

"I have asked Jacob to cover you for a moment...There is someone I want you to meet." Lizzie began to turn round but I grabbed her arm just in time to prevent her from turning in a complete circle.

"What's wrong, sweet?"

"You aren't going to introduce me to the newbie are you?"

"Why should I not, Bell?"

"I look horrible...Not to mention this jacket needs washing again."

"Alex knows that you are a waitress here and that you will be working with him..He is eager to meet you as he has been everyone else...Come on, Bell...There is no need to worry."

I bit down hard on my lip and nodded...Lizzie shot me an assuring smile however it did nothing to my sudden nausea and nervousness in my stomach...I released my hold on her arm and straightened the hem of the jacket down a little more now I had finished doing up all of the buttons...I followed Lizzie out of the door.

We reached the seating area and I glanced over at the bar staff..They were still giggling as they were serving the various people on the barstools drinks. I came to a sudden and unexpected halt when Lizzie stopped in front of me..I clenched my nauseous stomach together to prevent myself from falling into anyone's laps as they ate.

Luckily the two of us were away from the small gap in between all of the tables..We were positioned in front of the clear-glassed double doors were Shaun was chatting away on the phone to the left of me..The doors the only thing separating us.

"Mikey where is Alex?" Lizzie was at the bar..Mikey was in front of her wiping a glass in both of his hands.

"Now where could he be?" Mikey replied a cheeky look on his face.

"Mikey how many times must I tell you to leave the newbies alone!" Lizzie added..Her voice wasn't angry..She sounded more annoyed than anything...Mikey didn't seem to look phased by anything that she has said..He opened his mouth to speak when footsteps came pounding down the small corridor between the bar area and the downstairs climb to the cellar..A man probably only a little older than me on first glance came into view...He ran a hand through his hair..Similar to the way Edward did however Edward had the most beautiful coloured hair...This man's hair was a mousey blonde colour..The best way to describe it would be my own chocolate colour mixed in with Jasper's blonde colour...It was intriguing to say the least. His eyes were a deep blue colour...Much bluer than Jasper's and I never thought that I would see a colour the same as Jasper's or even similar to Jasper's in my lifetime but it turns out I was wrong.

"Ah, Alex..I am so sorry that my staff feel the need to hassle you." Lizzie said...I could just about hear her voice because I was staring at my new colleague's face. His features were soft his skin a slightly olive-colour however his tone was much lighter than that of Jacob's. I fluttered my eyes down to the floor when his eyes came into contact with my own..I hoped he hadn't noticed that I was staring at him for as long as it seemed I was.

"That's okay...Luckily I have had bar training otherwise your cellar would be a mess." An English Accent..._It seemed like I was starting the trend or at least meeting brand new people who I would be able to say anything to without having to repeat myself or find another way of saying the same word._..I fought back my relieved smile as a groan from Mikey's mouth rang through my ears.

"Damn for the first time...The new dude wins."

"Come around here for a minute, Alex." Lizzie replied as Alex walked back down the small corridor and back out the side door...Working his way past a few tables where people were eating...Lizzie had hired two waitresses that only worked here part time to serve for tonight...So the public were being fed in 'Angeles'. I folded my arms tightly to my chest to stop myself trembling at the feeling of meeting someone new...I had gotten a lot better in the two years I had been in the Cullen family but I wasn't completely comfortable yet..._Edward, I hope you can hear me...I will be with you soon._

"Alexander James...This is Isabella Swan, Bella to be exact..She will be your guidance and supporting hand in both your waiting duties...Bella I have given both of you similar shifts on the rota seeing as you are our only full-timers."

"Pleasure to meet you, Bella Swan" Alex held out his hand and I took one arm out from my chest and shook it gently...Never looking into his eyes..Instead focusing on the wall at the back of the room.

"Hi, Alex" I said shakily...I took my hand away from his and folded it back to my chest.

"Bella is suffering from self-consciousness, Alex...She does not usually fill out the duty of chef but seeing as the head chef is away-"

"Lizzie...It's fine..If you will excuse me, Alex..I need to get back to work." I turned on my heel and paced away from them as quickly as I could.

"How do you like the new kid?" Jacob asked me as I walked around the counter once again to join him on the other side.

"He's nice" I kept my answer simple so as not to cause any suspicion or any more remarks on Mr Black's part...I refused to be wound up today.

*~Jasper~*

"Jazz, man...What are you doing in here?"

I turned from looking out of the window in Danny's nursery to the whispering of Edward who was standing at the door.

"I wanted to be alone for a while." I answered honestly.

"Oh..Did you want me to go, then?" Edward asked..I shook my head.

"No come in...Danny is asleep anyway." Edward walked in and made his way over to me as quietly as he could manage.

"Were you thinking about stuff?" Edward sat down on the couch away from me. I ran a hand through my hair and let out a breath and sat down next to him.

"Yes"

"Do you mind if I ask what it was about?"

"I was thinking about me and Danny actually...Whether he will survive without a mother-figure in his life..Not having anyone to watch him grow up and mature."

"I can understand why you'd think about that"

"It is not that I don't want to forget Alice because...Let's face it I never will."

"So..What you're saying is...There is a chance that you may want to be with another woman?"

"It's not completely out of the picture..I am afraid of what others may think."

"Jazz...It's your life, look at me and Bella..We have been through so much talk but we pull together because we love each other."

"Are you going to marry Bella, Edward?"

"With both if us being adopted..It would never be allowed..By some laws we shouldn't be together anyway."

"That sucks"

"Not really..Bella and I are too young to be making commitments like that..If we were ever allowed to do it in the first place...As long as I am with her, I am happy."

"I miss that. With Alice, I didn't care where we were...Our age...I wanted her..I wanted her the day I met her."

"Jazz buddy...You will find that again."

"What if I don't?"

"If you don't then..Alice will always be in Danny."

"I miss her, Edward..She should be here."

"Yeah..I know, is there anything that I can do?"

"No...By saying these things I mean no disrespect to you or your family because you have been fantastic with me and Danny over the past two years."

"Jasper, you can't help what you feel...Besides if my family didn't want to help you then they wouldn't have offered to help in the first place."

"Thanks, man"

"No problem"

"So are Rose and Emmett going to be back tomorrow?"

"Emmett didn't say anything to me..After dinner everyone just kind of separated but when Emmett says he won't be coming that is when he doesn't."

"Ah fair play"

"You visiting your mom tomorrow, then?"

"I may take Danny to see her for a couple of hours..He likes this bed too much to sleep back at my mom's. Esme and Carlisle did a great job with this room."

"Esme is a unstoppable force when it comes to decorating...There was no stopping her when she started."

"I am grateful"

"Back at work on Monday?"

"Yeah..Well they said that I could have today off as well as yesterday...They know what pressure I am under with Danny. You back on Monday?"

"Yeah...I am supposed to be studying now to become a proper apprentice but I just don't have the energy."

"You miss, Bella?"

"Yes that too" I chuckled at Edward's statement...I stood up and turned Danny's lullaby back on.

"Thanks for writing this by the way." I turned to Edward and he put his hands up.

"No worries...I needed the inspiration anyway. Listen I am going to head out and study some more..I will speak to you later."

"Thanks Ed...Night" I watched Edward walk out of the door and close it behind him...I peered down at my beautiful son and stroked his forehead with my index finger.

"I love you so much" I whispered only the sound of the lullaby filling the atmosphere in the room.

*~Bella~*

Standing outside in the cold...The back of the restaurant was quiet and it helped soothe my stress..I had finished earlier than usual because I was becoming flustered easily in the kitchen area...However there was one good thing that came out of today and that was Jacob had not once made a remark about either Edward and Me, Alex or just fished around for more information about me individually. When he spoke there was a part of me that thought he spoke in a way that was too far beyond just nicety...Like his aim was to make damn sure I spill everything so that he can use it to his advantage. Edward knew his best friend better than I did and in the beginning I forced myself not to judge him because there was no right for me to do so but now, it was like I was determined to think badly of him when he spoke..._I miss my Edward._

After all this time...Edward was _still _the air I needed to breathe...Without him it was like I couldn't function..A robot losing its most vital part...Living without him would be almost unbearable...To even think about it was unbearable...If he did not exist then there was no reason why I should exist. Is this what love is? Was there such thing as true love?

I spun my foot around in the mud beneath me as I thought...Alice and Jasper were the image of true love but now he was going to have to live without her and so fate had things differently for him...Fate brought me to Edward just like fate brought Jasper and Alice...Also Rose and Emmett together..What was the plan they had for me? Would I lose Edward too in a change of direction in my wheel of fortune..Life could not be this good for me..After my track record I was constantly finding myself waiting for the time when everything would come down on me.

"What are you thinking about?"

I jumped uncontrollably and looked to the left of me back to the back exit doors...Alex was standing there with his arms folded his gaze on me..I swallowed deeply.

"Hello" I answered forcefully...Not wanting my voice to break or crack.

"Do you want some company?"

"Um...Sure" I replied dumbly...What was wrong with not being alone? Alex seems okay on first glance..Why did I suddenly feel nervous in his presence? _Pull yourself together, Bella...He is a person just like you there is no need to gawk at him like he is of an entirely different species._ I looked away from him as he lit up a cigarette.

"Want one?" he held out his box of cigarettes to me..I shook my head.

"No...Thank you...I don't smoke."

"Good girl!" Alex put the box in his coat pocket. "So don't you have a home to go to...Didn't you finish already?"

"Yes...I am waiting half an hour."

"How come?"

"Sometimes I just want to be alone."

"What were you thinking about?" Alex asked...He stood in front of me smoking his cigarette..My stomach clenched hard as I attempted to find my words.

"Life" I answered simply..._Why does he care about what I think? Now is not the time to be open, Bella..How do you know whether you can trust him?_

"Ahh I find myself having to think about life sometimes..So where in England are you from?"

"Maidstone...Kent."

"I like Kent...I live in Cornwall..At least that is where I grew up..You know the Cornish vanilla ice cream and everything?"

"Sorry, no"

"How old are you?"

"Eighteen"

"I am twenty one...I live out here in my own place..My parents are back in England..I pop down to see them as much as I can but quitting my old job made me so skint that I could barely live on anything..Now here I am."

"It's good that you got a job, then."

"There is no need to be nervous of me, Bella...I am not going to be rude to you if that is what your fear revolves around."

I bit down on my lip...Picturing myself in his shoes made me cringe a little..I was being civil to Alex but I would hardly say it scratched the surface of being friendly. "I am sorry...I am a little shy towards new people."

"I won't bite...Besides we have to work together, right?"

"We sure do" I answered with forced enthusiasm..It was hard to get used to sharing a position with someone else when I had already gotten used to being on my own.

"I bet it's hard when a new person comes along." _Another mind reader? Jeez!_

"It is a little...I can't lie and say that it isn't."

"No of course not..I can understand. With me what you see is what you get, though."

"Good..You won't be winding me up endlessly, then?"

"No...Unless you give me a reason to."

"No I wouldn't."

"Great. So why are you in the states?"

"I was adopted by a family out here two years ago." I stated simply.

"Ah you like them?"

"Yes I love them...All of them."

"Must be nice finding a family who love you like your own..Can I ask why you were adopted in the first place?"

"I may have to answer that another day..I do not know you that well, yet."

"Sorry...I did not mean to pry."

"It's fine. I would be curious as well...I still am really."

Alex chuckled at my remark and took the last drag of his cigarette before throwing it down onto the floor and squashing it with his shoe. "I have fifteen minutes left."

"So what do you think of your new job?"

"Meeting everyone here has been great...Everyone is so nice and welcoming."

"They are...They were great with me on my first day..Especially Lizzie, she is the best boss I could ever have."

"Ditto...When are you working next?"

"Not until Monday, now."

"Oh well I guess I will see you then, Bella..Have a good night"

"Thank you...You too".

Alex walked back through the door and I found myself wondering that maybe the new guy wasn't going to be as bad as I thought he was going to be. Dare I say that he may turn out to be a possible friend? No maybe that is stretching a little too far.

I collected myself before walking back into the kitchen area...It was now being covered by someone I did not know as Jacob had gone off early when he felt sick all of a sudden. I silently made my way to the small room where all our belongings were kept and picked my coat off of the hook and put it on my body..Reaching for my phone when I did the buttons up and switching it on. I had never kept my phone on during work because of two reasons one is that I wouldn't be able to answer it even if I wanted to and the second was that Edward always made it his duty to text me when I had my phone on and when we were away from each other and as much as I loved him for it...It all got a little too annoying when we both run out of things to say and so then resulted in having 'text sex' that was our new thing instead of speaking verbally to each other we sent texts.

I walked into the main seating area stuffing my phone back into my pocket not wanting to know or want to be interested or whether I had any texts...I just wanted to get home, now.

"Thank you so much for doing that, today duck" Lizzie beamed as she closed the distance between us the two of us standing in between people eating..They did not seem to mind as the majority of customers we got in 'Angeles' were regulars so they have seen us do this all of the time.

"No problem" I answered.

"How did you like Alex?"

"He seems nice"

"I understand that the two of you do not know each other as well yet but you will...He may turn out to be one of a few good things that has happened to this place in years..I include YOU in that Bella."

"Oh Liz, really..I am just doing my job."

"You are also a friend, Bella...That means a lot more than just having a colleague."

"Well...Thank you."

"Is Edward coming to get you?"

"Do you want him to?" I teased.

"Oh Bella..Do not tease me...You have bagged quite a looker..You should be proud."

"Proud that my boss fancies him?" I fought back laughter..I did not mind in the slightest that Edward was the object of Elizabeth's affections..He had that effect on people anyway so it was nothing that I had not seen before.

"I will take that as a no...See you on Monday, duck." Lizzie walked past me and I waved at the bar staff before walking out into Shaun's area.

"Aw girl...You going?"

"Yes..I will be back on Monday."

"I am away Monday...I will have to wait till Tuesday to see my beauty again."

"Sorry"

"Love you and miss you, pookie" Shaun blew me a kiss and I blew him one back as I stepped outside..The coldness of the air soothing my inflamed cheeks from the cooking I had done for most of the night...I climbed into my car and turned the key in the ignition.

My thoughts were now back on Edward as I drove the short distance back to my home.

I locked the front door behind me and walked up the stairs into my room...Throwing down my bag and sprinting into the bathroom to get rid of the smell of food and grease that was filling my nostrils from my skin. The hot water soothed my achiness and cleared my mind of work...I made sure to use plenty of my shower wash and soap...I also lathered up my hair...Getting rid of every essence of food from my body and my hair. I spent a little longer than usual in the shower tonight.

I stepped out and poured some lotion into my hand...I gazed at my morning-after pill box which Carlisle had given Edward to give to me discreetly..As much as I hated the idea of Carlisle knowing that Edward and I were being 'sexually active'...It was a small relief to not have Edward worrying about getting more protection anymore. I rubbed the moisturiser around my flushed face and wiped away any grease that made my skin glow off with my towel. I turned off the light and opened the door to step out. I gasped when I saw Edward sitting on the edge of my bed and looking at me intently...The moonlight from the window shining on the right side of his face...Making the strands of bronze in his hair glow ever so slightly.

_Gosh...I love my boyfriend...Have I said that before? I really...really love my boyfriend!_

I leant my back against the bathroom door keeping my eyes on his...He stood up quickly and closed the distance between us. Nothing was said as he stroked one of my cheeks with his hand using his thumbs to caress the definition line of my cheek bone..I sighed contently loving his touch on me once again as he worked his magical fingers.

Edward's breathing was deep and caused a pleasurable sound in my ears..Edward loved seeing me in just a towel freshly showered because he had told me on more than one occasion and he had shown me more times than he had told me.

"Bella...I have been thinking." Edward began...His voice was soft but had a deep quality to it...It was what his voice did when he was aroused..Or when he desired me. Our voices were similar in the way that they always got affected by our emotions.

"Yes?" I whispered just as softly in return the silence in the house making this moment much more special between us...There was no one around who was going to disturb us..There was just the two of us facing the world at night time and I loved it all.

"Jasper was saying that he missed Alice...It got me thinking that I am so fucking lucky to have you, baby." Edward hardly ever swore..Unless he was angry or provoked to do so.

"Edward-"

"Ssh" Edward put his soft index finger on my lips. "I love you so much, Bella...You do know that don't you?"

He had asked me a question but he hadn't removed my finger..I nodded causing my head and his finger to move at the same time with my motions. "You need to know that, Bella...I will not be able to ever live without you..Hold you...Kiss you...Touch you...Show you how much you are wanted. I would lay down my life for you...That is how much you mean to me."

I smiled against his finger...The sincerity and genuine tone of his words hitting the middle of my already over-beating heart..Tears filling up my eyes...Edward removed his finger and I exhaled into the silent atmosphere of the room.

"Edward-" I was intending to reply and spout him words about how much he meant to me...However it was now going to be my turn to show him. I brought my fingers up and undid the buttons of his shirt slowly..Not wanting to giggle at the fact that my boyfriend had the top he was wearing today with his pyjama bottoms...The colours not matching in the slightest. I undid the last button and parted his shirt to take it slowly off of his shoulders...My towel managing to hold itself on my naked body underneath it...I leant in and kissed underneath his jaw line...Edward's head automatically tilting backwards as my mouth made contact with his skin. I began my trail down all of the areas of his neck I could reach before moving down to his torso.

Edward had exercised more often since we had been together..Our bodies had both changed now we were older..I was much happier with my body as I was in proportion now..I will never be a vain person but when Edward wanted to be with me now..I was always ready for him whereas when I was sixteen I often felt a little self-conscious even though he was saying how much he loved me.

Edward's hands snaked around my own between us as I continued to kiss down his stomach and across his rock hard abdominal muscles..They quivered under my mouth.

"Bella?" Edward's voice was so ragged that I could barely understand my own name. I took one hand out of his and pulled down his trousers..I gasped as they passed his private area..He had gone commando on me..._Jesus Christ! _Taking in the temptation of loving him with my mouth I leant forwards closer to his lower body but was pulled upwards to standing rather quickly and knocking me for six.

Edward's eyes locked with mine..His eyes now evident with lust and desire as the greenness sparkled under the moonlight..He was simply breathtaking and best of all...He was _MINE!_

Our lips crashed together parting to let our tongues meet..The movement of our mouths passionate and urgent..I leant closer to Edward my towel still holding itself up as the material rested on his bare and exposed skin...Keeping our mouths working and battling for dominance Edward hooked his fingers around my towel..I whimpered against his mouth..Knowing what he was going to do..I pushed my face closer into his...My towel fell down to the floor and I wrapped my arms around Edward's neck our bare chests together..He lifted me up in his arms and walked me over to my bed the both of completely without any clothes and desire taking both of us under.

I landed on the bed softly as he towered above me our lips still savouring each other and our bodies needing the friction and edging closer and closer together.

"Edward" I sighed taking a much needed intake of breath as his mouth moved to my forehead and around all the areas of my face.

"What is it, sweetheart?" Edward whispered his breath on my skin radiating tingles into my soul.

"I love you too, so much" I breathed...Edward brought his head down to meet my eyes again. He caressed my cheek with one hand as he held himself up on the other one.

"It's us now my baby...Forever and always you will be mine, Bella" he whispered.

That was the last thing that was said before we were with each other once again in the soothing and calming silence of the room and the brightness of the moon outside of my window.


	3. Talks

**Thank you for the reviews! X**

*~A Shaped Life~*

*~Bella~*

"You wanted to see me, dad?" I peered around the door of Carlisle's office and saw him sitting at his desk...He had jumped a little when he had heard my voice however his features relaxed before he spoke.

"Come on in, sweetheart" Carlisle boomed his voice echoing through the room just so that what he said reached my ear holes well enough for me to understand him...This office really was just TOO big for my liking, Carlisle hardly ever used the bottom half of the office so it seemed pointless to have all this space...But hey who was I to brag? I am not a doctor and there is no chance in hell I will ever need all of the things that Carlisle owns.

I sat down opposite him at the desk and put my hands in my lap...After two years it still seemed like dad was going to give me a therapy assessment when I sat opposite him on the desk..Whether it was the analysing stare or the head resting on the elbows thing that Carlisle had going on was the reason, who knows?

"I wanted to speak to you about Edward." He began...I lifted my leg and put it over my other one in an attempt to make myself more comfortable.

"Okay" I said confidently...However inside I was a little worried as to where this conversation was going to go. Carlisle smiled.

"You are not in trouble, Bell...There is no need to look anxious...Edward has his assessment next week and I was curious as to whether he had spoken to you about how he is doing."

"No...I know just about as much as you do it seems, dad."

"Does he seem like he is doing well in his studying preparation?"

"He has done a lot of study so far...If that helps."

"Edward seems to be feeling the pressure somewhat – at least that is what I fear the most and seeing as you are the only person he tells just about everything to...I just needed to have some closure on it."

"I wish I could help you, dad but...Edward doesn't tell me anything about his work – Neither do I in all honesty."

"Two separate worlds...Work and family?"

I smiled "Yes something like that."

"How is your job going?"

"It's good...Lizzie is amazing as usual and...Sounds crazy but I am so much more at home, now...That reminds me have you been informed of a new family living around here, lately?"

"No...Not that I am aware of as much as I used to be anymore...Why do you ask?"

"There is a new man that has started – he is English, too like me and he has moved here..Seeing as you are well, the town eagle-eye."

Carlisle chuckled "that is a strange way of putting yet...Yet I can see you point, my darling."

"He seems fine...A little odd but then again who isn't?"

"Maybe he is just getting used to his new surroundings...You could become a good friend to him as you can relate what he is going through."

"That is true...How is Sandgrove these days?"

Sandgrove hospital held mostly bad memories for me...I arrived there when I had been taken away from my late mother due to her ever so large consumption of alcohol and therefore could no longer take care of her only child...I met my future father there but I also had a very bad turn into my life as a Cullen to have me admitted there for a second time...The second time was where I finally realised that I was in love with Edward...Looking back now it was amazing that I had come so far to get to where I am, now.

"I bet it seems like an extremely long time ago since you were there?"

"Yes..Probably because it was" I replied snapping out of my thoughts.

"As you know, I do not go there as often anymore but when I do...Tess always asks after you – as well as Doctor Albertson."

"It's sweet of them to want to know how I am doing."

"You affected their lives, Bella...They have every right to wonder how you are keeping two years down the line."

"YO!" I jumped and turn to the door of dad's office...Emmett was standing in the doorway beaming his mischievous smile that I had grown to love.

"Yes, Emmett?" I heard dad say behind me.

"Sorry to interrupt the meeting but Rose and I were wondering whether Bella would like to join us for lunch."

I swallowed and turned back to Carlisle "is Danny being looked after today?"

"Bell...You are an adult now, you no longer need my acceptance on what you do in your life...Danny is with his Grandmother...Grandmother Hale that is."

"Okay" I stood up from the chair "I will see what I can try to find out about Edward."

"Thank you, Bella...I would appreciate that."

I nodded and walked back towards Emmett at the door.

"Bella-boo!" he greeted me and I rolled my eyes.

"Is there any particular reason why you are dragging me out?"

"Does everything I do have to be justified with a reason?"

"Yes" I answered and Emmett laughed wrapping his arm around me.

Emmett and I walked out of Carlisle's office and into the living room where Rose was sitting on her own.

Rosalie and I had gotten our friendship back on a good level seeing as we had to endure a huge disagreement two years ago...Things between us were not fully recovered but it was enough for now...Seeing as it was a big fight.

"Hi, B!" Rose greeted me as she stood up from the sofa.

"Hi Rose...You okay?"

"Yes..Thank you...I am sorry about this but Em was adamant that you come out with us...Seeing as Edward is at work, Danny at Beverly's and Jasper at work." I put my hand up to stop her.

"Rose..Don't worry..I appreciate your offer." Rose gave me a smile in response and nodded her head.

"Let's go!" Emmett shouted as he made his way to the front door...With Rose and I close in pursuit behind him.

*~Edward~*

"Edward, buddy...What's up?"

I sat down on a table for two in a cafe near to Sandgrove..I had called Jacob and asked him to meet me for my lunch break...Although I was more concerned about the way he was behaving towards Bella rather than anything else.

"Thanks for coming, man...Have a seat" I said to Jacob as he sat down opposite me...I put the menu I had been reading down on the table.

"So how's tricks?" Jacob asked.

"Nothing much going on, Jake...You?"

"Same old...You know how it is."

"Sure...Listen the reason I asked you to come and see me was because of Bella."

"Bella?"

"Yes"

"What about her?"

"Do you have some kind of problem with our relationship, Jake?"

"Um...No."

"Bella is a private person...Having questions or even comments directed to her about her private life can make her uncomfortable."

"Ah, shucks Edward...I don't mean anything by it."

"I know you don't...But Bella is far too forgiving to talk to you about it herself...Seeing as we have known each other for much longer I wanted to talk to you myself."

"Work is such a bore sometimes and it's no excuse by I do need to amuse and entertain myself sometimes."

"Could you go about it differently?"

"Sure, sure...Bella is not upset is she?"

"No...Everything that happens between us stays between us."

"I get it...I am sorry."

"Okay...Enough of this talk...Anyone catching your eye at the moment?"

Jacob smiled mischievously and I knew that he had already got the hots for someone..Best friends know everything about each other and me...I knew Jake at the back of my hand. "There is someone."

"Yes?"

"Her name is Emily...She has just moved onto the res."

"Tell me about her?"

"She's hot...Like major hot but our dads are becoming quick friends and...Jesus...I don't know!"

I chuckled and thanked the waitress for putting mine and Jake's drinks orders on the table.

"You ordered me a drink?"

"Yes" I replied sipping my lemonade.

"Thanks...Damn why can't we be twenty one already...I could kill for a pint!"

"So...Would Billy hesitate to find you going out with this Emily girl?"

"Nah..Well I don't know."

"Why don't you talk to him about it?"

"Ed when have I ever spoken to my dad about girlfriends?"

"Ha...Good point."

"That is what I have you for."

"Yeah" I said glumly in sarcasm.

"So how is the job going?"

"It's cool for the moment...Have an assessment next week and hopefully I will pass it and become a real apprentice."

"Apprentice?"

"A young doctor in training."

"Ah gotcha!"

"Yeah"

"So...What are you ordering?"

Lunch with Jake in the end went by smoothly...It amazed me that we hadn't caught up for a long time until now...If he was my friend he would now think to leave Bella alone.

Or friend or not, I will hurt him.

No one hurts my Bella and gets away with it...She is the most important thing in my world and I will not see her upset again.

Not now...Not ever!

*~Bella~*

"So Bella- Boo...Rose and I have been thinking about you and Edward recently?" Emmett said as he gulped down a huge plate of spaghetti making one hell of a mess as he went...Was there an anniversary that I missed or something? Or was it just a 'let's talk about Edward or Bella' day?

"Um...What about me and Edward?"

"We were wondering where your relationship is going?" Rose added politely as she sprinkled parmesan on her Cesar Salad.

"Should...It be going anywhere?" I asked them both wearily.

"No...I mean have you made the decision to be with each other forever..Maybe someday get married?" Emmett said his mouth full...I needed an umbrella to shield myself from the spray of food somehow.

"No"

"No?"

"No...Edward and I we _can't _get married...We are adopted...It's against the law for us to be together as it is!"

"There is a way around that, Bella."

I looked at Rose as she nodded in reassurance "talk to Carlisle he should know all about it."

"Hello Bella" I swallowed a spoonful of my food and turned in my seat...Alex was standing next to me with a wide smile.

"Oh, hi..Alex" I replied feeling a little off-guard.

"I am sorry for interrupting your lunch...I just wanted to come over and say hi...My parents are down for the weekend..I am treating them" Alex pointed behind him and swivelling in my chair more I looked in the direction of where he was pointing...I looked at Rose and Emmett who looked like they were both fighting back laughter as they shoved large amounts of food in their mouths.

"That's nice of you" I said to Alex as he beamed.

"Thanks...So I guess I will see you on Monday"

"Yes..See you then"

Alex gave me a small wave and walked off...I eyed Rose and Emmett.

"Whatever you are going to say...Get it out now" I stated, Rose snorted.

"Sorry, Bella but...Who the hell is he?"

"He is the new guy at work?"

"How did he end up in the States?"

"Um...Damn he told me but I can't remember."

"Shows how much you pay attention to him, isn't it?" Emmett said with his mouth full.

"I am sorry, what was that Em?" I teased..He shot me a dirty look.

"So...You like him?" Rose asked me.

"First we are talking about Edward and our possible 'marriage' and now we are talking about Alex?"

"Bella..I have only Emmett now – I need to get the lowdown on other people's lives, too."

"Hey!" Emmett shouted...Rose and I laughed.

"I can't help but feel a little weird around him." I replied honestly.

"Why...He's cute?"

"I don't know...Maybe I am just being paranoid or something."

Thing is though, I didn't feel like I was being paranoid.

Was I wrong to think wrong of Alex when I hardly even KNEW him, yet?

*~Bella~*

(Evening)

It turns out it wasn't just lunch that Emmett and Rose had in store for me oh no, it was lunch AND a film! Now...I was SO tired! I clambered up the stairs and into my room when I finally made it home...I wanted to sigh out loud in relief when I opened the door to find my angel sitting on my bed..Although I held it back.

"Hey baby" Edward said giving me one of his famous knee-wobbling smiles..I threw my bag across the room and took my coat off hanging it behind my door...I closed the distance between us and straddled Edward..My legs wrapping around Edward's waist and my arms fixed around his shoulders.

"Hello" I sighed happily kissing his hair, the scent of musk filling my nostrils..I was finally home.

"I missed you" Edward said as he rubbed his fingers gently up and down my back sending my body into shivers...I pulled my head off of his shoulder and looked into his eyes.

"Can you believe after all this time...I missed you, too?" Edward smiled.

"I think so" he teased...I wrapped my lips around his gently and moved my hands from around his shoulders up into his hair as I caressed his mouth with my tongue...With a moan Edward responded his lips increasing speed as our tongues fought a battle.

I could never live without this man...EVER!

Once I had run out of oxygen..I disconnected us and looked into his eyes again...I trailed the features of his face with my finger tips...The softness of his skin blanketing each of my fingers. "What did you do, today then?" Edward asked as he ran his hands up and down my arms.

"Saw a movie..Went to lunch. Nothing really exciting."

"Where's Em?"

"Home"

"Ah"

"I need to speak to you, Edward." I stated.

"What is it my love?"

"Carlisle asked after you, today."

"Dad..Why?"

"Well...He is worried that you may be putting yourself under too much pressure with studying."

"Did he call you down there to talk about ME?"

"No..I went down there myself."

"Oh"

"So...Are you okay with all the work?"

"Of course I am, Bella..."

"You would tell me if you weren't, right?"

"Bella"

"I am just making sure...He wants you to do well...We ALL do!"

"I won't let everyone down...Especially not you."

"Edward...Pleasing me is not a necessity..I am always proud of you...A doctor..I mean you're helping people..What more can I ask for?"

"Bella...How did I get so lucky?"

"Don't start with that, already!"

"Or what?" Edward teased with a smirk...I rolled my eyes.

"Anyway..What did you do today?"

"Studied some more...I also had lunch with Jacob."

I stopped my fingers on his face and took them away to put them down to my sides. "Please tell me you didn't talk to him about me?"

"Ok I won't...But I'd be lying"

"Edward!" I groaned.

"Relax, Bell...He understood."

"This was my problem, Edward...You cannot save me from everything."

"Not everything...But some things"

"You're hopeless"

"A simple thank you would suffice." He teased.

"Thank you" I said genuinely.

"Anytime...I would do anything for you, baby" I cradled his face in my hands and leaned my head closer to his.

"I know" I answered simply kissing him again.

There wasn't anything I wouldn't do for Edward, either.

He truly was my world!


	4. Change

**Thank you for the reviews...Sorry it has been so long!**

**I DO NOT OWN *Twilight*...Only AML + ASL**

*~A Shaped Life~*

*~Bella~*

(Two weeks later)

The last two weeks had gone by so quickly that I had to then endure a normal evening at work...However tonight...Edward returned from the hospital newly taken his test and my stomach was swarming butterflies for him. I know he had worked so hard for it and even though his exam was earlier on in the day it was some kind of regulation to keep him there until every candidate completed their tests so there was no temptation to converse the answers – Carlisle was working there late and Edward's car had needed to be fixed for some time now but he had not the financial security to carry it out. Carlisle was his only meaning of transport back home and I would have offered if I did not have to work.

"Bella are you okay...You seem distracted?" Samantha asked me as I put the drink tray on the bar fetching yet another round of drinks..I sighed uncontrollably.

"Yes I am fine, thank you" I answered the pain in my feet becoming to be a big problem.

"Is it fair to say that I don't believe you?" Sam teased as she put various drinks on the tray as she poured them one by one.

"Yes it's fair...Edward has his exam today"

"Oh the doctor's one?"

"Yes"

"Wow...No wonder you head is in the clouds"

"Sam...Where is Liz?"

"Oh did she not tell you...She is out for the evening, a meeting with her superiors...I can't remember where she went"

"Shit...whose working?"

"Alex will be in any moment now...Jacob and Mark are out the back and Mickey and I on the bar"

"Who is in charge of breaks?"

"We can take our own breaks...As long as we all let each other know what time we are going"

"I will take mine the moment Alex comes in"

"Okay, honey" Sam finished piling the drinks on and I took it off of the bar in both my hands and took it over to one of the large tables and putting them down in front of the people who had ordered them.

Work wasn't the same without Shaun – who had seemed to be taken a lot of holiday at the moment...No way could I ever argue or discuss it with anyone because it is not my place but I was beginning to wonder whether it would be nice for me to have some time off...Rethink my life and where I want it to go.

Seeing Edward having a big dream often inclined me to think that there must be something out there destined for me...But what could it be?

I wasn't a bad student...In fact I was hoping to 'graduate' from school with flying colours...There was nothing that I was interested in...Was there really a place for me out there? Or was I to hold on to false hope and dreams that would never do me any good?

The moment I saw Alex enter the restaurant through the main entrance doors...I put down the tray on the bar and rushed out the back...The heat from the cooking hitting me as I went past the food counter.

"Bell...You okay sweetie?" Mark asked me as I came through the door.

"I am going on my break..Alex is here, he will take the next food order out" I rushed behind the cookers and into the cloakroom to fetch my bag...I took out my phone and went out the fire exit door that wasn't really supposed to be used but fresh air was what I desperately needed.

I turned on my phone and waited for it to load...Hoping that Edward had found the time to text me in a spare moment.

"Bella...What is the matter?"

Mark had come through the fire exit door...Why was everyone suddenly so concerned about me? My boyfriend was taking an exam that would hopefully turn him into an apprentice and seeing as he has spent hours and hours studying in the confines of his own room...He needed to pass – I wanted him to pass so very badly!

"Nothing" I answered...There was the beeping of my message tone the moment I gained signal and I turned away from Mark to read the incoming text.

_.B._

_I am so bored sitting in dad's office...The exam went well, I was proud of myself like you said I should be as long as I don't have any regrets then that is all that matters and as always, baby...You were right._

_Wish you were here...So much!_

_Can't wait to see you...I love you._

_.E._

_x x x_

There was the much needed relief to see me through the end of my shift...I turned to Mark who was leaning against the wall digging into a sandwich...I strode over to him and leant against the wall next to him.

"I am sorry for being so distracted tonight, Mark" I sighed

"There is no need to be sorry, Bella...You always work hard and it is a change to see you so in tune with your mind."

"I understand that"

"Do you want to tell me what you have been thinking about?"

"Um...My boyfriend" I stated wearily

"Ahh to be young and in love"

"No...It's not that, he had an exam today...To be an apprenticeship doctor if he has the greatness to pass – the amount of work he has put in for months would be such a waste if he has not passed"

"Wow...That must have been pressurizing for you"

"Yeah...But it's not me taking the exam...I guess I just want him to get some happiness in life because...He deserves it so much"

"Bella...You are being a great and supporting girlfriend – he should count himself lucky...How's your little Danny these days?"

"Aw...He is amazing, such a credit to his father and...His late mother. I could not love him more...I get to spend the weekend looking after him as Jasper is working long shifts at work"

"I am glad to hear it"

"How's your family?"

"You will never know how much happiness family can bring you unless you have one of your own one day, Bella...I could praise them to the ends of the earth but it is an experience that has to be related to"

"No...I can understand that"

"Bella...If I can ask...What do you want to do?"

"In the future?" Mark nodded as he took the last bite of his sandwich. "I have no idea"

"Well...There is time to find out. I must get back to Jacob"

"Okay" I answered as he walked away.

I opened the 'send message' folder and decided to text him back...It was strange how whenever Alex came into work or whether I was in his company...I had a need to reach out to Edward, read his words or hear his voice...I needed to know that I was still loved by him. Was that strange?

.E.

I miss you so much...I haven't been able to concentrate on anything tonight because I have had my fingers crossed for you.

I can't wait to see you either...I love you so much...You know that whatever the outcome of the exam – we will find something..We will work out the next step together. There is nothing I would deny you of my sweetheart.

.B.

x x x

There was a moment as the text message sent where I was almost lightheaded...Did anyone ever get that feeling? I guess it must have been the love talking.

Suddenly without control my phone started to ring in my hand...The tone quieter than what I was usually used to considering I was at work and no one in the kitchen area would want to hear what ringtones I had for each of my very small list of contacts.

"Hello?"

"_Hello sweetheart"_

"Esme...Are you okay, is something wrong?"

"_This is such a bad thing to do to you, Bella but is there any way that you can come home...Right now?"_

"Esme...Is it Danny, are you ill?" I really started to panic now...Esme had never rung me but I had only possessed her number in cases of emergency.

"_I will explain everything to you when you get home...Please honey; I know it is probably asking too much...Can you just try for me?"_

"I will see what I can do"

"_Thank you my darling"_

Oh shit...Shit...Shit...Shit!

What could have happened now...I don't think I want to deal with more bad news seeing as life had gone so much better these past two years.

Please tell me that everything is okay...That my mum is okay.

*(Half an hour later)*

I had to owe Alex a few hours of overtime but he seemed to be nice enough to let me go and take on the load himself...The restaurant was busy but it was not as busy as what the two of us had been used to before.

I raced home in my car – The police would love to have an opportunity to pull me over and give me some kind of ticket for my unlawful behaviour in my driving...But family was more important.

Turning my key in the front door...I flung it open and tapped it closed with my hand...It slammed on impact.

"MUM?" I yelled in the air of the house...There was no answer.

Sprinting up the stairs was difficult because even after two years I was still as clumsy as ever – in my determination..The only person I was able to think about was Esme. I ran to the first room where she had to be.

"Bella...You came home" Esme exclaimed as she sat on her bed...I hopped onto the bed and knelt down in front of her taking her hands in mine.

"Mum..What is it?"

"Oh, Bella...You will never believe it" she had tears in her face...I was becoming more and more uncomfortable.

"Is it Danny?"

Esme shook her head "Carlisle?"

"No" she reached into the pocket of her dressing gown and pulled out a pregnancy test.

"Oh...Mum" I breathed out...Was this really coming?

"I thought that it would never be able to happen again...But I have been proved wrong" Esme was gushing..I took the stick from her hand and glanced down.

There it was...The smiley face indicating that Esme was indeed pregnant.

"How is this possible?" I said never taking my eyes off of the stick

"Maybe...After Alice, I have another chance"

"Esme...Have you thought this through" I asked her wearily putting the stick between us on the bed sheet.

"What do you mean?"

"I can't help but be a little worried...Alice died giving birth to her child and...Who's to say it will not happen again"

Esme touched my cheek "Oh my dear...You have a right to be worried. But after Alice, I never believed that I was able to have another child of mine and Carlisle's own...As much as I adore Edward and Emmett...Alice was our child."

"I know that...Does dad know?"

"No...I haven't said a word...Not even when I experienced...The symptoms"

"What do you think he will say?"

"I am more concerned about what you are thinking, Bella"

"Me?"

"Yes...When Alice told you about her pregnancy...How did you react?"

"Um"

"Oh, please try to remember"

"I was shocked more than anything...Mostly I had you and Carlisle's thoughts in my mind. Oh Esme, how can things twist and turn so suddenly"

"That's life"

"So...I will be having another brother/sister?"

"Bella...There is no way that Alice will ever be forgotten and she will never be replaced"

"What is everyone going to say?"

"You are not the one having the baby darling" I laughed at Esme's remark.

"I am sorry, I have been worried for Edward all day and it seems like I feel things for other people without even realising that I have been worrying for them in the first place"

"Don't be...I will be strong"

"Is there anything I can get you?"

"Would you mind getting me some juice?"

"Of course not"

I kissed my mum on the cheek and climbed off of the bed.

My mind was swimming...Alice...New baby...Edward...Carlisle...The only person who didn't occupy my mind was me...None of my own opinion entered my head and I was not given the opportunity to dwell on them.

Danny had started to cry from the nursery...I raced to him quickly.

"Oh...Danny...I am sorry I forgot to say hello to you" I said to him as I picked him up from his cot and into my arms...He began to gurgle and his sobs had quietened down completely. "There...All you needed was Auntie Bella, eh?"

Danny giggled as I bounced him up and down "Oh...You are such a perfect little boy..You are going to break some hearts for females – you know that don't you?"

"I have already started writing letters to future parents" Jasper was standing at the door and I smiled giving Danny a raspberry on his cheek making him laugh some more.

"Oh Jasper if only every baby were like this!" I exclaimed "also if only there was another so beautiful"

"Danny has Alice's beauty through and through...Bella I'm glad you are here...I have something I want to say to you"

"Yes Jasper, what is it?"

"I have found someone"

I gawked at him...Danny was playing with a strand of my hair as I stood there motionless underneath him.

"I don't want you to be upset, Bella"

"Jasper...Would you take Danny...I need to go and get Esme a drink?" Jasper nodded but remained silent as he took Danny from me and without any word from me..I walked out of the door.

Why was everything happening so fast?

Why was everything about to change...Why was the change making me feel like my family were pushing Alice further and further away from our hearts?

*~Edward~*

"Bella?"

I walked through her bedroom door to find her room empty...She must have been home from work by now...I went into my room and had the same luck. Where was she?

Carlisle came up the stairs as I stood in the hallway..."Dad..I can't find Bella; do you know where she is?"

"Edward...It's Bella...Where do you think she might be?"

Dad walked past me then and as if like magic, the thought came to me.

Alice's grave.

*~Bella~*

"I am sure you have heard the news already, Ali...Esme's pregnant. Can you believe it? I am sorry I haven't been down here for a while, work has been handing me out shifts like gamblers with cards...Anyway it's money, I can't ever go back to not having money again...Alice, I hope you know that there isn't anything in the world that could make me forget you – Everything seems to be changing now and...Whether it's for the better or worse..I mean who knows?"

I wiped away the tears that had fallen from my eyes with the back of my coat sleeve..."I think I'll always miss you – in some are of my heart, it will never be filled again. Jasper told me that..He found someone...I don't doubt that he will ever forget you – But I'm scared, Alice...I am scared for Esme and I am scared that you will be forgotten. Because I never want that to happen."

Unable to speak anymore...I stood up and sat down on a bench keeping my head down for a moment in the silence...I always ran away to Alice when things were troubling me, things I could not bring myself to talk about with Edward or the rest of my family.

I took the comfort in knowing that she may be listening a sign. It was the only thing I had left of her but my memories of our short time together.

I put my head in my hands and let out all the emotion I was feeling not caring that my sobs were filling the air around me...Was it wrong to cry?

Was I over-exaggerating over something I should really be ecstatic about?

All I wanted was Alice to stay in our hearts forever even if it did begin to fade with the years, It would still not die out completely.

There was a hand on my shoulder...It was Edward's hand no question...I didn't want to look up, have him think I was being ridiculous in showing emotion.

"Sweetheart" Edward whispered...His arm wrapped around my shoulders tightly and his other hand rested on my knee...His touch made me want to touch him and uncontrollably I twisted my body around and fell into his chest grabbing onto the fabric with one hand.

"Christ...Bella, what is wrong..Tell me what is wrong, baby?" He said in a soothing tone as he stroked the length of my hair kissing my head at every moment.

"I am sorry, Edward" I choked into his shirt...The wetness from the material on my skin.

"What for, my love?"

"Acting...I am acting badly...I can't help it"

"It's okay to cry...Try not to speak – you'll hurt your throat" I nodded against his shirt and let the sobs run their course.

I lifted my head off of his chest after a few minutes and looked into his beautiful face...He moved his hand from my hair to my cheek...I took his wrist around my own hand and leant into his palm gently.

"What is the matter, Bella?" He whispered.

"You're going to think I'm stupid" I answered.

"Never"

I sniffed and took a deep breath in "I got off of work early, today"

"Are you sick, sweetheart?"

"No...Esme rang me"

"She did?"

"Yes...She asked me to come home...I managed to go and see her...But-"

"But what?"

"Esme told me that she was pregnant...She showed me the test..It's positive..She's going to have a baby."

*~Esme~*

"My darling Esme"

The sound of my husband's voice woke me up from my peaceful nap...I had been feeling so tired lately that our room had been my place of security. I fluttered my eyes and saw the beauty of my husband's eyes looking down into my own.

"Hello honey" I breathed out stretching my arms above my head.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes...I am sorry...I was tired. Dinner will be ready soon" I sat up but Carlisle took my hand in his.

"There is no need...I will make dinner tonight" He kissed my forehead and climbed off of the bed and got to the door.

"Carlisle, my love...Wait" I called out getting off of the bed myself...He turned back to face me.

"Can I get you anything, sweetheart?"

I closed the distance between us and put both his hands in mine "I have something to tell you"

"What is it?"

"My darling...I found out today because I needed to be certain. I'm pregnant"

"What?"

"Carlisle...I'm pregnant"


	5. Reactions

**I DO NOT OWN *Twilight*...Only AML + ASL**

***~A Shapened Life~***

***~Esme~***

"Are you angry, my love...Please tell me what you are thinking?"

My husband had an expressionless look on his face no sign to give me what he was thinking...Not one look into what was going around in his mind.

"Esme...How is this possible?"

Carlisle had been with me when a doctor had told me that the chances of me ever having another child were extremely thin...The two of us had not looked on that as a bad thing instead we both found an alternative and that was adoption.

Having Edward and Emmett was the best thing that had happened for us and it also gave Alice people to share her life with.

"I don't know, honey...Please tell me what is going on in that mind?" I pleaded – now was not the time to be angry or jump to any conclusions...Carlisle and I had always done things calmly and civilly...Now that wasn't going to change.

*~Carlisle~*

The look of panic and fear reflected in my darling Esme's eyes was enough to break my heart...There was no need for her to fear this, even though it was nothing short of a miracle. Esme and I had given up using any kind of protection because we were told by a person with a medical degree that we would never have to protect ourselves because having a baby was not completely impossible but there was no chance on the first time without protection anymore that we would be getting pregnant.

I was ecstatic..More than happy about the news but the shock was overwhelming me more than my secret happiness. I took my wife's face in my hands her pained eyes looking up at mine.

"Esme...I am shocked, there is no need to lie to you"

"Do you want to keep this baby, darling?"

"Why would you ask something like that?"

"Because...I cannot read your face"

"Oh, my love. Of course I want to keep the baby."

"You do?" there was a little more light in my amazing Esme's eyes as she asked me the question...I was not going to bring her down from her glow by reality.

"Yes" I said simply "Esme...I love you, I love you so much...We can get through this together"

"We can...Oh my darling Carlisle...Do you think maybe this is our second chance?"

"Second chance?"

"Seeing as we lost our own biological child..Is this a second chance to bring another into the world?"

"Alice will always be loved and I will miss her every day, but what would she have to say about this?"

"I don't know"

"She would want us to be happy...If anyone knows our darling daughter more than anyone it is us...Her parents"

"I told Bella"

"What?"

"I couldn't help it...I got the stick back and I panicked. Please don't be mad at me...But Bella seems a little upset by it"

"She has every reason to be"

"Why do you say that?"

"Bella was with Alice...During the birth"

"Oh goodness...I had forgotten"

"Just give her some time...I shall have a word with her later"

"Why don't you go, now?"

"Because I have two things left I need to do"

"What are they?"

I moved my hands down and wrapped them along with my arms round her small waist...Pulling her closer to me..She did the same with her own hands as warmness radiated from under our moulded torsos.

"Edward passed his exam"

Esme beamed and giggled at the same time..Always so adorable! "I must go and congratulate him" I clenched my arms around her so she could not longer go anywhere.

"Later...He is with Bella now. I want my wife" I moulded my lips around hers tilting my head to the side to get a better angle..With a beautiful sign my angel wrapped her arms from around my arms to my neck and smiled against my mouth before slipping her tongue in to meet mine.

Without any hesitation..I took her thigh in my hand and hitched it up onto my hip..Once it was against my skin I bent my knees and lifted her up fully carrying her to my bed, our mouths dancing and reaching every corner of each other's.

"Carlisle...I love you so much" Esme sighed..Music to my ears.

Instead of taking the opportunity to admire my love's body without any clothes in my way...I moved to her stomach..The growing place of our new child. I took the hem of her nightdress gently into my hands and lifted it up slowly so that my love could get used to the coldness of the air hitting her skin.

Once her now-flat stomach was revealed to me..I kissed in the middle of her lower stomach..around her belly button and along the edges of her sides. Esme's hips were bucking up against my mouth and I knew already what she wanted.

"I love this baby...This is a blessing for us, Esme"

"I know Carlisle...I need you my darling"

"That is the kind of talk that got us into this situation in the first place"

Esme giggled shakily "It is the best thing that we have ever done"

"Remind me to never take the word of a doctor again"

"Oh sweetheart...People make mistakes"

"Not mistakes like these"

"This is not a mistake"

"You're right" I brought my head up to gaze down into her eyes "now tell me what you want"

"I want you to shut up and kiss me"

I smiled and connected our mouths again.

In that moment...Mine and Esme's happy bubble was made even larger when I once again made love to her..Which I would spend every day of my life doing if given the choice.

I was to have another new member in our world.

No words could describe this.

None whatsoever.

*~Bella~*

Edward had driven me home...However his silence was antagonising me every mile it took...He never released my hand as he led me into the house, up the stairs and into his room.

I let out a breath as he closed the door behind me and put his hand on his head.

"How is this possible?" He said...I do not know whether he was speaking to me or to him but either way...I answered it anyway.

"I don't know...I am sorry, Edward – Esme would have probably wanted to wait to tell you."

"Oh...I don't care about that"

"Was it wrong for me to be upset?"

Edward stopped pacing and put both his hands on my shoulders "no, baby...I can see why you would be upset"

"That isn't all, though Edward"

"There's more?"

"Jasper said to me that he has found someone else"

"Oh Bella...There's no need to be upset by that"

"Isn't there?"

"No...Jasper has been through so much, don't you think he deserves some happiness now...Don't you think that mom and dad do too?"

"It's not that I am not happy for them, Edward"

"You have Alice in your mind...Bella I can assure you...She will never be forgotten about, not by you, not by me...Not by any of us"

"I worry for mum...How will she give birth..Will she die, too?"

Edward put his index finger on my lip. "Stop...No more of that talk!"

"I'm being realistic"

"No...You're worrying too much over nothing. You are not seeing the happy side"

I stepped away from him.

"You DO think that I am over-exaggerating?"

"No"

"Don't lie to me, Edward"

"Bella"

"Is it not enough that I have to watch my sister in her last moments but now to find out that my mum is having another baby and who knows whether what Alice had is hereditary and who knows whether Esme will survive it!"

I felt the tears in my eyes...I turned and ran out of Edward's room...There was only one other place I could go to where Edward would not come and see me.

Work...I will drive to work.

Maybe I can finish off the rest of my shift so that Alex can go home earlier.

*(Half an hour later)*

"Bella...What are you doing back here?" Alex asked me as I came into the kitchens from the back entrance.

"I am sorry for having you take my shift...I have come back to relieve you" I stammered out my throat dry from the crying I had done in the car on the way here.

"No"

"What?"

"I am on my break...Come with me" Alex wrapped his arm around me and took me out of the restaurant again the way I had come in...He turned to face me when we reached a quiet space in the garden.

"Now..What's happened? Sam said you had a family emergency."

I nodded keeping my head down "my mum is pregnant"

"Oh...That doesn't seem like such a bad thing"

"No...You don't understand" I looked into his eyes.

"Then, tell me?"

"No...It's too horrible"

"Bella...You can trust me, I am not going to make fun of you...I would never do that!"

"That's sweet"

"Let me help you Bella, please?"

"There is no way you can help me"

"I will never know unless you try...Start off slow and then stop whenever you feel you have said too much."

I sniffed...As much as I vowed never to tell Alex anything...Right now, I was in desperate need of a friend and that kind of friend was someone who had to exist outside of my boyfriend and my family...I walked away from him and onto the beaten up bench at the end of the garden, which was surprisingly still standing after how many years of looking like death in wood.

I sat down and sighed before starting my explanation.

"I came to America when my alcoholic mother could no longer look after me...I was adopted by a well respected man with a great job and a loving family...The family invited me and welcomed me in almost immediately and I grew to love them. Anyway, my adopted sister fell pregnant..Cutting a long story short her and her boyfriend Jasper, who is a close friend of the family decided to keep the baby even though my sister...Her name was Alice, was only seventeen...However nine months never came as she went into labour at only seven months..I went with her to the hospital and held her hand all of the way through, she gave birth to a son...He is called Danny, he is my godson. Alice died after the birth of her son. Now I am scared that mum will have the same fate"

I put my head into my hands letting out the cries that I had held in to make my explination somewhat understandable...There was a large creaking sound next to me.

"Oh, Bella...I had no idea. I am so sorry"

"Don't be...These things happen" I said into my hands..My voice muffled.

"Not to decent and caring people"

"Stop complimenting me"

"Bella...Please look at me"

I took my face away from my hands and tilted my head to my right and looked into his face.

"You...Have every right to be upset with the news...A right to worry"

"Thank god someone else sees things my way"

"Why do you say that?"

"My family are happy – I so want to be happy but I do seem to be the only one that is making any sense"

"None of your family were there during and after your sister's birth to Danny – they will never be able to understand that"

"Oh...Alex, is it also wrong to be upset that Jasper has found another woman?"

"No"

"Really?"

"Do you care so much about my opinion?"

"Of course...I need a friend right now"

"I will always be your friend, Bella"

"For that...I will always be grateful"

"No...Jasper is bound to find someone sooner or later – he cannot spend the rest of his life alone not when he has a son to take care of"

"I hadn't thought of that"

"You were thinking that he will get his heart broken?"

"Yes"

"Oh Bella...It is okay to have these feelings but to think about things so extreme as that!"

"So I really am exaggerating?"

"To some extent...Look...This may seem like a really silly question to ask...But...Do you want a hug?"

I nodded and leant my head against his shoulder..He wrapped one of his arms around my chest and the other hand was on the side of my head...He rocked me slowly.

"Whenever you are down, Bella...I am always here for you"

"Thank you"

"You're welcome...What did your boyfriend say when you told him?"

"He was happy...That is all"

"I am sure he understands your feelings though, Bella...The way your mind works"

"Yes...Yes of course he does"

"Bella?"

I lifted my head away from Alex's shoulder towards the Restaurant door...Samantha was standing there..I got up and walked towards her, leaving Alex to either follow me or to stay where he was.

"Yes, Sam?"

"Jasper is here...He is asking after you"

I rolled my eyes...Of course Jasper would know where I am right now. "Okay I'll come in"

"Edward told me you would be here" Jasper stated as I stood in front of him

"Why is he not here himself?" I asked

"He remembers you telling him to stay away from where you work – unless it is a matter of life or death..His words not mine"

"So are you here to take me home?"

"Only if you want to"

"You have been told?"

"Edward told me...Before he informed me of your escape"

"So he sent you for me?"

"No...I offered"

"Jasper...I don't really want to go back, yet"

"This is about what I said to you earlier isn't it?"

"No"

"You accused Edward of lying..Now is not the time to lie to me, Bella. Outside."

I walked out of the main entrance doors and into the slightly chilly outside air once again..I crossed the road and turned to face him...I opened my mouth to speak but Jasper put up his hand.

"Now is the time for me to speak...Bella I know you loved Alice and she loved you the same in return...But I need you to be happy for me"

"Jasper...I AM happy...For you and for Esme but good god, can you not see why I would be upset about this?"

"Yes...But you are reading too much into it"

"Who is she, then?"

"Do not speak to me like that, Isabella. Do you really think I would forget the love of my life..My first love?"

"No"

"Well it sounds like it. It makes me feel horrible that you think those things of me"

"Jasper-"

"I will not talk about her with you. You need to speak with your boyfriend...At least you still have the person you love the most still alive."

"Oh Jasper-"

"Just get in your car, Bella"

I bit the insides of my mouth and climbed into my car.

I had some apologising to do...Clearly.

I ignored everyone in the living room...Jasper had already beaten me home but I was more concerned about Edward to care about anyone else in my family in that moment. I slammed the front door shut and flung Edward's door open.

He was standing by the window...Silent...The last of the day air shining onto his form...I swallowed.

"Edward...How did your exam go?"

He turned slowly his arms were crossed..."I passed".

The smile across my face was uncontrollable..Standing still was hard when I wanted to give him a huge hug and tell him how proud I was of him.

"Bella you get some weird ideas into your head...Some that should not be spoken of"

"Edward...I just need people to understand. I was there when Alice gave birth to Danny and I was there when she died not ten minutes after...I am scared..I have already lost a beautiful soul in my sister..I do not want to lose my mum too."

My amazing boyfriend took my face in his hands..I kissed his wrists lowering my head to plant them on both of them. "Bella..I love you...We will be able to get through heartache again, all of us are stronger now."

"Edward...I am so proud of you, my love" I breathed kissing the tip of his nose as he smiled underneath me.

"All I thought about in that exam was you...Did you worry about me?"

"Like hell"

"Well you didn't have to...I said that I wasn't going to let you down"

"I am so sorry for my mind"

"No...Don't be sorry for your mind...I fell in love with that"

I smiled "You always know how to make me feel better"

"Perhaps it's my way to make you happy as you have done for the past two years"

I silenced Edward with my mouth lifting my whole body up and crushing myself against him.

Maybe all of this wasn't so bad after all.

Must work on the joy that surrounds me...And to stop overreacting!


	6. Trapped

**I DO NOT OWN *Twilight*...Only AML + ASL**

**Thanks for the Reviews...x!**

*~A Shaped Life~*

*~Bella~*

"DID YOU KNOW THAT MY MOM IS GOING TO HAVE A BABY?"

I was awoken in a frightened way when Emmett's booming voice took me out of my sleep in a matter of seconds...I put my hand on my chest to slow down my breathing.

"Emmett...What the hell!" I breathed out...my head was still floating from my speedy transition from sleep to awake and also the sudden change in my position from lying down to upright.

"Well?"

I turned to face him in my doorway "Yes...I found out yesterday" I replied.

"Oh my god...How did that happen?" Emmett exclaimed sitting down next to me on the bed...Thank god that Edward and I hadn't slept together in the same bed!

"Um...I don't know, Esme told me yesterday...Emmett, as much as I am pleased to see you..I didn't get much sleep last night-"

"Oh no you are not kicking me out now, is there anything else that you have failed to tell me?"

"Me...I have not failed to tell you anything?"

"You are really not a morning person, are you?"

"Usually mornings are good but not when I spend the majority of my night trapped in my thoughts"

"Ahh you and Edward, huh?"

"No...Not _me and Edward..._Just me. Where is Rose?"

"At home, she has a meeting with her boss but then she will be around here"

"Right"

"So is there anything else?"

"Um...Edward passed his exam"

"BLOODY HELL...EDWARD?" Emmett ran out of my room as quickly as he had entered it...I have never seen a man so excited about anything – he looked like a child stuck in a sweet shop or a child who had just woken up on Christmas morning...I was glad that he could be so happy at this time in the morning and have the need to express the happiness to me.

I threw myself back down on the bed...There was no way I was going to be able to sleep now that I had been frightened out of my once comfortable slumber – much needed as well I might add because of the thoughts swimming around in my head.

I groaned and climbed out of bed...Walking into the bathroom and locking the door...Maybe my bed may not have been a comfort to me right now but maybe a shower would.

*~Edward~*

"Whoa Emmett...What's up?"

My brother had blasted into my room at such speed that I couldn't help but be a little amazed.

"You passed your exam?"

I smiled "you must have seen Bella, already?"

"Yeah she's up...Is it true bro?"

"Yes"

Emmett grabbed me and hugged me tightly causing the breath to get thrown out of me...He had reacted the same way dad had...Of course dad was more composed – but this was Emmett he did not have a limit to his actions...Or predictability.

"Emmett?" I choked out...He let go of me and put up his hands.

"Sorry, man had a lot more than my fair share of news this morning...What is all this about mom being pregnant?"

"Oh yeah that kinda threw me, too"

"How did THAT happen?"

"Emmett...Do I need to give you the birds and the bees talk again?" I teased

"Hell no...I am more concerned about Bella...How did she take it?"

"Um...Not so good"

"Really?"

"Yeah...I forgot that she was with Alice during the birth and the last moments and um...Everyone else was ecstatic about it apart from her"

"Is that why you are not in the same bed right now?"

"No...Bella and I do not sleep next to each other every night, anyway I figure since yesterday was tough on her that keeping my distance would be the best option"

"Is she really upset about it?"

"No...At least not that she has told me about – Bella and I never have any secrets...not anymore. Have you told Rosalie?"

"Yeah...She has got something with her boss but she will be here, later. How is it that mom is having a baby when Rose and I haven't even started thinking about that, yet?"

"Mom and dad are adults and seeing as they already have two..._Three_ children then my guess would be that they have more experience than you guys"

"I guess you're right. So how did dad take it?"

"I don't know"

"Blimey...Everything is changing now, huh?"

"Yeah"

"So...Is Danny here?"

"Yes...Jasper will surely be around later"

"Do you have any plans for today?"

"No...Seeing as I am not studying anymore...I am as free as anything"

"How does it feel, bro?"

"Honestly...Not that different"

"I guess mom will be relaxing for the next nine months...Wait she is keeping the baby isn't she?"

"As far as I know"

"Oh good...Can you imagine having a new brother or sister?"

"No"

Emmett chuckled..."Hey how about we shoot some hoops today?"

"Sounds good"

"Great...I will meet you downstairs"

*~Bella~*

"Bella-boo I am sorry I woke you up" Emmett said as I walked into the kitchen.

"Hmm" I answered taking the milk out of the fridge and turning on the kettle...The shower had been a fail, maybe coffee could make me feel better.

"I heard that you were not happy about mom's pregnancy"

"Emmett...I really don't want to talk about this right now, I have to find a way to wake up in order to face work, later"

"How is that going by the way?"

"Fine"

"Just fine?"

"Yes...Just fine" The idea of coffee didn't seem so appealing to me anymore...I stormed out of the kitchen and walked straight up to the nursery.

Danny was gurgling happily in his cot...I bent down and picked him up enjoying the feel of his weight in my arms.

"Oh Danny...Why can't I be happy about this? Your mother would have been happy...She'd have told me to forget all my troubles and smile because life is too short. Of course, she didn't know that her own fate had been decided...I guess it's just us now, pal"

I let the tears go...needing the tension release from my lack of sleep and the aftermath of my emotional day yesterday "I never once thought about growing up without a mum – I mean my mum she was bonkers, I mean completely drunk the majority of the time but even if she was never really there...I couldn't begin to imagine life without her...There, I should count myself lucky, really."

Danny smiled at me, turning my heart into gold "you are the most beautiful thing in the world...And no one is ever going to make you feel otherwise. Anyone who tells you that you are not good enough will be sorted out – never let anyone put you down, that's not what your mum did..She never cared about how people saw her and I loved her even more for that...I will make sure that you never forget where you came from. Your parents really are amazing people...I hope someday that you will recognise and realise this."

"Bella?"

I turned to find Jasper standing the doorway...I put Danny back down in the cot and reached the empty space next to him to walk past him when he put his arm out to stop me.

"Jasper, please...I had such bad behaviour yesterday...I just need to be alone right now"

"No...I need to talk to you, Bella"

"I can't, Jazz...Please"

Jasper took hold of my shoulders as I let a few more tears escape my eyes...Why did he have to see me like this? "Bella...Listen, what you said about me and Alice...That was the nicest thing I have heard in a long time...Sometimes it's great to hear that I am doing a good job with Danny"

"You are, Jasper...You are" I choked out

"Oh come here" he pulled me into a hug and I rested my head on his chest. "Bella why are you so upset?"

"This thing of Esme's...I just don't forget Alice you know?"

"I know, Bella you will always have Alice's love surrounding you...I have just been told – I was shocked for a minute in honesty but it is beautiful too"

"I want to be happy for them, I really do"

"There is no need to justify yourself to me, Bella"

"I am so sorry, Jasper for being such a horrible person"

"Looking back...I can see why you would be shocked – I should not have been so defensive"

"No I freaked out"

"Well...I am here if you need anything. Oh and Carlisle is waiting in your room for you"

"He is?"

"Yes he wants to talk to you"

"Oh...Okay" I lifted my head away from his chest as he removed his arm blocking me in and I stepped out into the corridor and walked down the stairs.

This talk with my dad was going to be about Esme's pregnancy.

What was I going to do...I couldn't tell him the truth.

That would make me an awful daughter.

Good, god...

What am I going to do?

I need my Edward!

*~Carlisle~*

After a much needed morning alone with my wife...I waited patiently in Bella's room...She was the one person who had been occupying my thoughts for the majority of the night and her thoughts still meant a lot to Esme and I.

Bella entered silently and closed the door behind her...She put her hands in her pockets as she stood looking at me.

"You wanted to see me, dad?"

"Bella, honey...I wanted to talk to you"

"What about?"

"Come and sit down" Bella obliged me and sat down on the foot of her bed...I sat down beside her. "Your eyes are red...Have you been crying?"

"No" she answered immediately.

"Bella?"

"Dad...It's nothing...It's just that I didn't have a lot of sleep last night"

"Why?"

"Life is changing...When things change my sleep gets affected...That's the way it is"

"Oh sweetheart...I need you to talk to me...Please?"

"There is nothing to say...Today is a down day for me...That's it"

"Well...I am going to ring up your work...There is no way you are going there, tonight"

"No...Dad, please it'll help if I go – It will help me escape my mind for a while"

"Can I ask your opinion on your mom's pregnancy?"

"Does it matter?"

"Of course it does...Why would you ask me something like that, Bella?"

Bella sighed "I don't know...I get the feeling that life will never be the same again"

"Of course it won't"

"I just want Alice back!"

There was so much anger and longing in Bella's voice...Alice's death had been so hard on her but now it seems like I had failed to recognise the impact that Esme's new pregnancy may have NOW had the same effect on her...I suddenly wanted to help her but the barriers were restricting me from doing so...Once Bella put the barriers up it was never a good indication.

"Bella...I need you tell me what you're thinking" I pleaded.

"No...It's pointless...I have tried not to let this get to me...I loved my sister and she was taken away from me...There is nothing else, I incredibly happy for you two"

"You don't seem like you are"

"Well I am...This is the start of something new, a change for all of us"

"Bella...Change has never been something that you have welcomed in the past"

"I am not going to run off to England"

"I never implied that"

*~Bella~*

"Dad...I appreciate you trying to make me talk and make me feel better but...There is nothing else I have to say..I am happy – that is all"

"Okay, I made a mistake in the past when I didn't talk to you properly about what was bothering you...I do not want to make that same mistake again, Bella. You will not end up in Sandgrove again"

"Believe me, I am far from Sandgrove...I just need to be alone"

"Fine...Then I will respect that, however my door is always open if you should ever need me"

"Yes thank you"

I watched Carlisle walk out the door, desperately wanting to moan when Rosalie entered after him shooting him a smile as they crossed paths on the landing.

"What is it Rose?"

"I am sorry, Bella...I have been told that you are not in the mood to speak to anyone but seeing as you are surrounded by men – maybe having a female to talk to may be easier"

"Rose...I really don't want to talk about this"

"Why?"

"Because...It's hard – everything has suddenly got much more complicated and hard to deal with...Dad's right change has never been a good thing for me."

"Talk to me"

"Rose...I want to...But I can't"

"Why?"

"Because my brain or mind...Whatever you want to call it will not let me"

"Force it"

"I have no energy...I am going to have a sleep...Seeing as I am no longer going to work, my mind will never be on my customer service skills...Besides they owe me a day free"

"Call me if you need anything"

I slipped under the covers.

What was happening to me?

*~Edward~*

*(Two hours later)*

I bounded through the door after a great day with my brother when Rosalie approached me, rising from the sofa and ignoring Emmett altogether.

"Bella is upstairs in her room...She has had an emotional day and no one seems to be able to get anything out of her"

"What?"

"Bella...She's upset – we have all tried to talk to her but she won't let us in"

"Thanks, Rose" I threw the basketball to Emmett and ran up the stairs.

Bella and upset in the same sentence always rang the alarm bells for me.

*~Bella~*

"Bella, my love?"

Edward's voice was music to my ears as I lay with my back to him...His body now in close contact with my own...I couldn't bring myself to look at him, luckily I had got better at the sleep-acting in the last two years...Now it was an advantage.

"Listen...I know you have had a bad day...I am always here for you my baby girl...Always know that. I want to be in your mind – wipe away the cuts and comfort you in any way I can."

His genuine whispers were enough to make me want him so badly...Either that or cry a whole lot more at the fact that Edward was being so nice to me when I didn't deserve it.

"I know you are not asleep, Bell"

Damn my boyfriend and his knowledge of me! I shifted my body around and faced him as he smiled at me "there's my beautiful girl"

"Edward I'm so sorry" I choked out.

"What for, love?"

"There's a part of me that just doesn't think I will ever be happy for them"

"Oh sweetheart" he leant over to touch me but I pulled away.

"Don't touch me, Edward...I don't deserve love right now"

"Let me in, Bella"

"I wish I could"

"You can...This is me"

"Edward...You don't understand"

"You cannot go back into that hospital, Bell...I would rather die first – however if you don't speak about your issues then you are going to drive yourself insane. I can't allow that to happen"

"You can do one thing for me?"

"What's that?"

Forget about him not touching me...I needed him, possibly more than I have ever needed him.

"Hold me"

Edward wrapped his arms around me, the two of us hidden under the safety of the duvet...I leant my head down once his arms were secure around me and kissed both corners of his mouth...Trailed along his upper and bottom lips with my tongue and enveloping his mouth with my own resulting in a moan from my handsome boyfriend.

I used my tongue to reach all the areas of his mouth...The warmness enticing me and wrapping me in an instant security from the rest of the world. Edward did not just have to speak to send love to my heart...His touch was the most powerful.

"Bella" Edward whispered his breath on my lips sending vibrations through my veins.

"Ssh...No words, Edward...I need you..No more words, please" I pleaded crashing our mouths together again and pulling up the hem of his shirt...Edward took his hands away from around me and lifted his arms and I threw his top across the room once it was successfully off of his body.

Edward changed positions and brought himself upright...However I wanted to be the one to make him feel better – seeing as everyone else had tried but failed. Making Edward happy was the only much needed cure for his emotional day...I lifted myself up to sitting but hitched my leg over to straddle him making quick work of his trousers and pulling them down his body just low enough so that he could kick them off.

I lay across his body and kissed his face...Ensuring that I never missed an area..Starting from his head to his jaw..The closing of Edward's eyes was a signal to me that he was enjoying this and embracing the moment of my mouth making contact with his skin..I was not going to hold myself back – I desired him and was going to get him.

I ran my tongue down across his Adam's apple and along his collarbone as he quivered underneath me..His hips had already started to buck upwards onto my own..I kissed down his chest and across his now amazing toned stomach and abdominal muscles...This would be the moment where Edward would usually ask me to stop and say that this wasn't necessary however seeing as I had asked him not to speak anymore – he was as always attentive to my needs.

I dipped my tongue into his belly button and along the waistband of his boxers and hooked my fingers around his boxers and pulled them down...Edward completely and stunningly nude laid out just for me to endure and take in...He was always going to be mine...As I would always be his for as long as he wanted and needed me.

I moved my hands to my own underwear...Suddenly grateful at myself for changing into a t-shirt to sleep in...I ripped my knickers completely off of my body and lifted my top faster than the speed of light...My curls bouncing around my shoulders...I lifted myself up and sunk down onto Edward moaning at the contact our bodies made and the cravings it send through my system.

"God, Bella" Edward moaned...To brace myself, I placed my hands on his chest and began to move my hips taking him in and pulling him out at every moment I could...I loved this feeling...Oh how I loved it so much.

Edward's own hands grasped my hips as he matched his own rhythm with mine.

I took the whole night with him to sleep more soundly.

No one even needed to say anything...All I had needed was Edward.

Why had I not known that before I destroyed everyone's hopes of making me feel better?

Life was going to get harder and Edward needed to be there by my side to see me through this because in all honesty.

I would never be able to live without him...Not EVER!


	7. AUTHOR'S NOTE

HELLO EVERYONE!!

BAD NEWS….MY LAPTOP HAS BEEN OVERTAKEN BY A VIRUS AND SO I NOW HAVE TO ENDURE SERIOUS WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS FROM WRITING MY FICS!

FINGERS CROSSED THAT EVERYTHING WORKS OUT – I WILL UPDATE AS SOON AS HUMANELY POSSIBLE, I PROMISE!

THANKS FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT!

LOTS OF LOVE

JIGSAW~ROSE

XOXOXOX


	8. Breakdown

**I DO NOT OWN *Twilight*...Only AML + ASL**

**Thanks for the Reviews...x!**

***~A Shaped Life~***

***~Bella~***

"Bella lovie...Can you come into my office for a moment?"

Liz had returned to work along with Shaun and the restaurant seemed just right again but the sudden nerves swan around my stomach as I put the drinks tray down on the bar and followed Liz into her office.

"Come and have a seat, darling" my boss said as she gestured towards her desk and closed the door behind her.

"It's nice to see you back" I said honestly as I sat down on the empty chair putting my hands together in my lap.

"Thank you...How has everything been with you?"

"Um...Same old, same old really"

"How are you finding Alex?"

"To be honest...I haven't seen that much of him but in terms of settling in he seems just fine"

"Well...If you are being honest then I feel I have to be too"

"Oh...Okay"

" There has been talk coming back to me..."

"Really...What kind of talk?"

"It's mostly about you"

"Me?"

"Yes and before I start...I do not mean what I am about to say in a mean or critical way..I respect you enough as my employee to tell you"

"Why do I get the feeling that this isn't good?"

"Because it isn't...In a way"

"Tell me"

"I have been told that...Your work has been slipping"

"Slipping?"

"Yes, some feel that you are not working to your full potential"

"So who exactly are these people?"

"Bella, sweetie...Don't be mad"

"I am not mad but I would like to know who has been saying this stuff about me"

"I cannot disclose that, honey"

"Why not?"

"Confidentiality"

"Oh god...It's Alex isn't it?"

"I am not saying anything, Bella"

"Fucking hell it IS!"

"Bella-"

"No...I don't need this right now"

I shot up from the chair and walked out of Liz's office despite my boss's attempts to try and get me back into the room...Anger clouded my mind and my body – uncontrollably pulling me under- all seeing red..Everything was red.

"Bella, what's up?" Mark asked me as I walked around the ovens and outside the fire exit door – I immediately saw Alex standing with his back against the wall smoking a cigarette.

"My work is slipping?" I exclaimed in anger at him as he suddenly went from looking confident to completely and utterly worried.

"Bella-"

"What right do you have to talk to my boss about my work...You don't know me!"

"I was looking out for you"

"Oh please excuse me for thinking that telling my boss that I am doing a shitty job means that you actually care about me!"

"I do care about you"

"Bullshit...Being new you don't know anything about this place...I have been here since I was sixteen years old and believe me, if anyone knows this place inside and out it's ME!"

"I am not saying that you are doing a shitty job, Bell"

"Really then what ARE you saying, newbie?"

"Excuse me?"

"Being new does not make you turn all high and mighty and superior...Tell me, tell me why you had the nerve to talk about me behind my back"

"I was worried about you"

"Oh good god...Can you hear yourself?"

"As a matter of fact I can and am I wrong when I say that you need a break?"

"A break...I don't need a break – breaks are for people who have emotional issues that they cannot live with...I have been there and fucking done that..TWICE!"

"Maybe you need it again"

"Alex...Let me make one thing clear – when I want your help...I will ask for it in the meantime try and be in my shoes for one second and realise just how horrible this makes me feel...Don't count on the help, either – You might go and tell my boss!"

"Bella-"

"Stay away from me...You arsehole!"

I crashed through the fire exit door and out of the kitchen altogether when Lizzie stopped me before I reached the seating area of the restaurant.

"Bella...Darling...I am giving you a week's holiday – all paid"

"What am I supposed to do for a whole week...Stay home and sleep"

"If that's what it takes to rejuvenate you"

"I can't believe this is happening"

"I am giving you a break because I am concerned for you"

"You wouldn't be concerned if your new colleague hadn't shout his mouth off over things that aren't true – is there anyone else who is concerned for me because bring it on!"

"Please, sweetie...Go home and I will ring you later"

"Don't bother...If there isn't going to be a place for me to come back to I'd rather know now"

"I am not firing you, Bella...You will have a place when you come back"

"Right"

I fought back the tears as I strode back into the kitchens again – Mark and Jacob were watching me pass and go into the cloakroom – I tugged my coat off of the hook balancing it on my arm and hauled my bag over my shoulder and strode back out again...However, I stopped before going back out into the restaurant.

"Do you two have anything that you want to share about how I do my job?" I asked them sternly..They looked away from me the moment I finished the question causing me to scoff uncontrollably.

"No..Honesty is not in anyone's policy these days is it?"

I stormed out of the restaurant without another word and climbed into my car...Fumbling for my keys in my coat pocket and starting up the ignition.

Why was this happening to me...Now when I have a distraction from all the baby talk in the house it is taken away from me?

Releasing the tears was allowed in the privacy of my own car and without the eagle eye of anyone I knew...Life was getting harder and harder and if Carlisle saw me in this state then admittance to Sandgrove was next on the cards for sure.

When I got home, I thanked someone up there internally that there was no one in the living room..I shut the front door and ran up to my room slamming the door and throwing myself onto my duvet.

I screamed into the duvet my voice muffled and the vibrations surging through my body as I sobbed out all the tears from the hell morning.

Edward hadn't started his new job yet and there was a small chance that he would have heard me from across the corridor but I needed to be alone right now.

Why weren't things the same anymore...Why did anything in my world have to change? Is this all supposed to be a learning curve? What the hell was I supposed to learn about all of this...

"Bella?"

I sniffed and lifted my head from the duvet climbing over to sit on the end of my bed at the sound of Carlisle's voice..._Why was he here? Why wasn't he at work?_

"What's happened, sweetheart?"

I locked my gaze on to the floor biting the insides of my mouth to keep me from speaking. "Can I come in?" nodding at Carlisle's question the sound of my door closing again...Actually in honesty – I hadn't even heard him coming in the room at all.

With a sigh my dad sat down beside me and I saw him gaze at me from the corner of my eye.

"So...Did something happen at work?"

"I don't really want to talk about it"

"It will help if you do"

"Please...I am sorry if I disturbed you...I thought you would be at work"

"I am working from home, today...Of course you didn't disturb me"

"Okay"

"Bella...Please open up to me, you have barely said anything for a few weeks now"

"There's nothing to say...Life is all usual and routine. That's it"

"I understand that I can't force you to say anything to me but, Bella...I cannot...I will not see you go down again, emotionally"

"I am not going anywhere"

"You may say that...But I am not too sure. When you want to talk to me, I will be in my office" Carlisle finished his sentence a little too sternly for my liking...Now I was to be targeted for everyone's anger AND concern for being quiet. Is that a crime now?

Banging my fists against the duvet as Carlisle left my bedroom...I walked into my bathroom hastily grabbing my towels and making my way up to the main bathroom.

Enjoying the silence from the rest of the house...I shut the bathroom door and leant over the bath turning on the taps and adding some bubble bath in from one of the bottles by the taps and waited on the floor for the water to fill up high enough.

Sniffing, I took off all of my clothes and climbed into the bath letting the heat from the bubbly water sooth my tightened muscles..I turned off the taps before leaning back and closing my eyes letting the sobs break through again as I covered my face with my hands.

_What is going on with me!_

"Bella?"

"Edward..Not now" I wailed crying into my hands uncontrollably at the sound of my beautiful boyfriend's voice...This has what his girlfriend has turned into, a crying wreck with heightened anger.

There was a strong grasp on my hand as Edward attempted to pry my hands away from my face..I fought against him hard. "Don't look at me" I said into my hands.

"Baby, please?"

The plead in Edward's voice may have worked usually but it was no use to me now..I turned my body around and away from him intentionally wanting my over active thoughts to disappear.

"Bella...Talk to me...Please for the love of god talk to me. I hate seeing you like this?"

"Leave me alone" I replied taking my hands away from my face now that I didn't have to look at him, instead my eyes gazing upon the tiled wall.

"You know I can't do that, Bella"

"I don't know anything anymore...Everything is wrong"

"What are you talking about?"

"No one understands"

"Make us understand"

"I can't...You won't get it – even I don't get it...I hate myself...I hate myself and I don't know why"

"Let me help you"

"No...No one can help me, Edward...I am a lost cause"

"Don't be ridiculous, my love..I am here and I love you so much – please talk to me..Please?"

"Please don't be emotional because of me"

"My love...I have always been here for you – I want to help you, do you think I would even be here if I didn't?"

"I appreciate it...I appreciate you, Edward but...NO!"

I turned around and lifted myself up and stepped out of the bath as quick as lightening throwing a spary of water on both Edward and the floor...I saw my boyfriend stand and I spun walking away from him the towel securely around my body by this point.

"No..Bella...Stop!"

I quickened my pace and stormed to my room – locking it behind me...Without stopping, I ran to the wardrobe..Everything going so quick and fast.

Throwing on the oldest and ugliest clothes I could find as well as underwear there would be no chance in hell I'd wear again – Edward's pounds against the door went unnoticed as I clipped my hair back and climbed into an old pair of converse.

I unlocked the door and stormed past Edward down the stairs.

"Stop running from me...Why is it when things go wrong you always run away!" After securing my coat around myself...I slammed the front door.

Need to get away.

Need to go far...Far away from here!

*~Edward~*

"Bella?"

There was nothing that I could do for my girlfriend...She was slipping away from me and all I could do was stand by and watch. I had never felt such pain in my body such a need to make her talk to me, even if it was only a few words..It would be something.

Bella walked around her car and out of nowhere...

A car engine...

Squealing of tyres on the tarmac...

Bella standing then floating in the air and back to the ground again.

"NO!" I shouted running towards my one and only love...Nausea overthrew me when I ran around her car and saw my Bella crumpled on the road, blood pouring from her nose and her head – her eyes sealed shut – the car continuing to drive down the road the noise of the engine trailing into the distance.

"Oh no, no, no!" I took her body in my arms and cradled her..."No god please, no...Bella...Bella, baby can you hear me...Please wake up, please?" I pleaded the tears falling from my eyes.

"Bella?" I kissed her forehead "it's going to be okay...I am here, Edward's here...I promise nothing will happen to you my love" my voice was croaking like hell my heart was so very empty.

What has just happened...WHY...Why did it happen? Not to my Bella!

"DAD!" I shouted my voice echoing around the quiet air around me "DAD!" _He had to hear me...He had to hear me. Mom isn't home...Dad is my only hope!_

"DAD!"


	9. Tears

**I DO NOT OWN *Twilight*...Only AML + ASL**

*~A Shaped Life~*

*~Edward~*

"_Leave me alone"..._

"_I don't know anything anymore...Everything is wrong"..._

"_No one understands"..._

"Edward?"

I brought my hands away from my face...Picturing Bella's last words to me in my mind to find my father leaning over me.

"What's happened, what's going on?" Dad put up his hand to try and stop me from freaking out but I was beyond freaking out...Sitting in a crowded A&E waiting room with loads of sick people...There is no chance in hell I would be able to work in one of these places...Luckily Sandgrove was a quieter kind of place with limited patients to its name.

"Son, I need you to be somewhat calm about this"

"Tell me what is wrong with Bella!" I clenched my teeth to stop me from shouting.

"She has some internal bleeding – they have already taken her into surgery...If the operation goes well she should be out in the next two hours"

"Internal bleeding?"

"Around her head and her ribs...I have looked on many of the same operations and they have all been successful"

"We aren't just talking about any 'normal' person...This is Bella"

"There is also a chance that she will be admitted to Sandgrove when she wakes up from unconsciousness"

"Oh good god, no...Dad she can't go back there"

"Edward...I hate to say it, there is nothing more that we can do for her...Look at how strong she has been over the past two years – losing Alice and sorting out her own life again. Depression has a way of catching up on a person days or even _years _before the symptoms start to show"

"But...Why...Why her?"

"She is a danger to herself; Edward...Would you rather her attempt suicide again?"

At the word 'suicide' the tears began to fill my eyes...Why did I have any tears left?

"Fucking hell" the pain in my stomach was awful. I can't breathe...I can't do anything.

"Son, it's going to be okay"

"How the hell do you know that, really?"

"Bella is a fighter – she always has been...There is a strength in her that she has lost for a while due to the lack of necessary chemicals going to her brain"

"Please, dad...No medical talk"

"Whether you like it or not – she needs our help right now...She needs you to be strong for her"

"I don't know whether I can"

"I know you can, Edward...Bella has been strong for you and now it's your turn to be strong"

"I want her back"

"We all do, Edward...We all love her"

"She's my girl...The other half to my soul...My reason for being – Dad, the only way I can live and breathe in this life is when she is in my life...I can't lose her, I can't"

*~Carlisle~*

I have never once doubted my son's feeling towards Bella but in this moment sitting in a crowded accident and emergency room – his feelings became crystal clear and as the head of this family...My son needed me, of course being as stubborn as he can be sometimes he would never admit it to anyone that he still needed his father. However, there are moments in my own life where I need my son...Just for the occasional chat every now and then would suffice my curiosity for how his speedy life is going. It seems only yesterday that Bella was joining the family but now, she needed all of us to be strong for her because as selfless as she is – it was obvious that if she were awake and looking on to someone else in the family having the operation – like my beautiful late daughter she would never think of herself and how she was suffering inside instead comforting everyone else.

Seeing my son break down after expressing how much Bella meant to him, I could feel my own heart breaking inside of my chest – if that was even possible..I sat down next to him and wrapped my arm loosely around his shoulder...I kept my grip lose out of principle that Edward can then choose if he wants to back away from me or move closer.

The sobs from my son suddenly made me wish that I was a woman, or better still – my wife because she had always seemed to make Edward feel better...From a young child recently adopted into our care to now Esme had the gift to heal anyone and I loved her even more for that ability.

"Listen, Edward...I am aware that I cannot be your mum and sing you a song to make you feel better but you have to understand something...There will never be a time in your life when I won't be here for you...And let me know if I have said this but I am so very proud of you for getting your apprenticeship. For a long time..I wanted to lose hope that in your life there would be doors to open but now – you have completely astonished me"

"It's not all _me_, dad"

"What do you mean?"

"Bella changed me...She made me see the doors when I was too much of a self-involved prick to realise what was right in front of me. All of this credit goes to her"

"Then, don't you think that she would want you to carry on as normal?"

"I don't know what she is thinking...Even SHE doesn't know what she thinks!"

"That's the illness, Edward"

"Bella cannot have an illness – she just can't. Dad, tell me the truth...If this operation works out...Will she lose her memory?"

As Edward took his head out from the confines of his hands and looked up at me, his watery, tortured eyes staring my own down – there was so much I wanted to say to him but what was the point? A situation like this cannot be buttered up or built on false hope – my son needed the truth as horrible as it may be for him...I could never live with myself if I had lied to him...The regret would be too hard to handle.

"There's a very slim chance that will be an outcome..However, not entirely impossible"

"So with Bella – it could happen"

"The chances are slim but we may all have to be prepared for the doctors to come out and confirm that"

"How can I prepare myself for _that..._She won't even know who I am – all of the times that we have shared together will only live through my own memory..She won't be in love with me, anymore"

"Edward...Please!"

"Bella stayed strong for Alice...How could I have been so stupid...It must have had some kind of effect on her. Why didn't I see it before?"

"Don't blame yourself"

"How can I not...I swore to her that I would always be here for her...What kind of a boyfriend have I turned out to be. The last thing I said to the woman I love was 'when things get bad, you always run away'"

"Edward...This thing it's shocked all of us and no one saw it coming"

"I haven't been in this hospital since losing my sister – now I will lose my girlfriend as well...No, I can't do this"

Edward stood up but I gripped his arm...He can't run away – god knows what he will end up doing or where he will end up going.

"No, Edward...Stay here"

"I can't...I have to go"

I caught the eye of my beautiful wife coming through the entrance doors but Edward had already made his way towards her – like a professional she stopped him in his tracks but their voices weren't audible and before registering anything else my son had walked out of the entrance doors and out of view entirely...Esme had walked towards me...I stood up, then and took her into my arms as she held on to me just as hard in return.

"He's okay, Carlisle...He has just gone to get some fresh air" she said in her attempts to soothe me.

"Are you okay, my love?" I asked moving one hand from around her shoulder and placing it gently on her stomach as her skin quivered under my hand.

"Enough about me...How's Bella?"

"She's gone into surgery"

"Surgery?" Concern clouded my darling wife's face as she brought her head away from my chest.

"Bella has internal bleeding...They say that it is not serious but they are operating on her to remove it with my permission"

"Oh sweetheart...How can this of happened?"

"I don't know darling...Edward is broken and the only one who seems to be able to calm him is you"

"That's all from experience...He knows that as his dad, you're there for him"

"I wish I could see inside his head – know what he is really thinking"

"Baby...He has just seen the love of his life hit by a car...No one wants to know what is going on in his mind and knowing Edward..He is barely making sense right now – the shock was too much"

"I know...God, if only there was something else we could do"

"We have to have hope...Hope that our Bella will come back to us, hope that Alice is watching over her and protecting her just like Bella had done when she was alive"

"I never fully understood what Bella did for Alice in this hospital last time we were here and it hurts me to know that she is suffering from it, now"

"Come on, sweetheart...Let's sit down"

Esme took my hand in hers as she sat down next to me her head immediately finding comfort in my shoulder. "Where's Emmett?"

"He and Rose are coming by a little bit later – something about work"

"Oh...You told them, then?"

"Yes...After you rang me...I rang them. I hope that's okay"

"Sure it is"

"How are you holding up?"

"I'm fine...But I just want to cry right now"

"Oh sweetie you don't have to be strong for me...You can cry and I will be here"

That is why I adore about my wife...Her needs went forgotten but she always found the time to comfort me and ensure that my state of mind and well-being were up to scratch.

I needed her especially now that our daughter was suffering.

*~Rosalie~*

"Emmett...Has there been any news about Bella?"

I was hastily drying my hair towering my voice over the loud noise at Emmett who was getting dressed behind me. The two of us were supposed to be out of work earlier than usual today but as soon as we hear that one of the people we both care about the most in the world is in hospital – our usual plans of going to see her in the _actual _visiting hours had gone straight down the chute.

"No...She is still in surgery right now" Emmett said his voice quieter than my dryer but I could still read his lips.

"Well...Hopefully they will let us stay in the hospital"

"Yeah they should do...I mean dad's there so...He will be able to sort something out"

After another half an hour of running around hastily to get ready and Emmett and I were parking up outside of the accident and emergency section of the general hospital.

"You don't have to pay to park do you?" Emmett asked.

"No as long as you don't park here for longer than four hours"

"Ok cool"

Emmett was about to climb out of the car completely when I grabbed his arm...He sat back down and looked at me questioningly. "I'm sorry...We just...I just...I haven't been here since..Alice-"

"Oh babe...I know, it seems really weird to be back here especially now when Bell is the one in there"

"Do you think she is going to be okay?" The sadness overtook me quicker than a thunderstorm and there was nothing I could do to get myself better and move out of the car to see Bella in her time of need.

"I don't know, sweetie"

"I hope the same doctors aren't treating her like they did Alice...I mean, look what happened to her and she was giving birth...Bella got hit by a car!"

"Rose calm down"

I was pulled into Emmett's chest as he ran his hands through my hair "I just don't understand it – why do good people like Ali and Bella have to go through these things?"

"Babe...Do you want to go home?"

"No...Bella needs us" I sniffed and took of my seatbelt and climbed out of the car closing the door behind me.

I looked up at the hospital and the memory of losing Alice that god awful day came flooding back to me in that moment...Her fight, her struggle...Now Bella's fight and struggle. Were we to lose her as well?

How will Edward cope?

"Come on, honey" Emmett cocooned me with his arm around my shoulder and he led me up to the entrance..I had always hated hospitals and the same hate had been with me since a very early childhood followed me all the way to now.

Esme and Carlisle stood up from their seats and came over hugging each of us in turn.

"We have an hour to wait before any of us can be updated on Bella's progress...Did you two happen to see Edward on your way down here?" Esme asked us.

"No...Why?" Emmett answered

"Oh he needed some fresh air and went out the same time I came in...He must have gone to see Alice"

"Where's Jasper?"

"He's at his house with the baby...He is trying to sort out a sitter so he can make his way down here as soon as" Emmett answered.

"Great...So all we have to do now is wait" Carlisle said gesturing towards two more seats..I clutched Em's hand tighter as I sat down next to Esme holding her hand with my free hand.

Due to her pregnancy – there couldn't be any time for her to have stress.

Oh god, this all felt so weird.

Why Bella...Why her?

*~Edward~*

"So...I haven't ever really done this before and I am sorry that I haven't been here for a while"

The one place I could really let things go and get some sense around my swarming mix of thoughts was the cemetery and the only person who had always listened to me – sometimes at times against her own will was my loving sister, Alice.

"Bella's in hospital...The same one you were in and...I don't know what to do. When we were kids you were the expert at kicking my ass and I need you to make sure that she is going to be okay"

My voice was threatening to crack from my emotion but in the confines of the quiet air around me...I allowed myself to release them.

"I can't lose her, Alice...I love her...I love her more than my own life and there is no chance in hell that I could even begin to imagine my life without her...Send her back to me, Alice if she comes to you...Make her come back to me"

"Jazz and Danny are doing great...If you were here – you'd be so proud of them and rightly so...They will always love you, sis – none of us have ever forgotten you. Right now, I need a sign or a feeling that you are going to help me...I love you, Ali...I can't lose my Bella the way that I lost you"


	10. Battles

***~Thank you for the reviews...Seeing as Bella had her sad time in the prequel it is now Edward's turn~***

***I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT***

*~A Shaped Life~*

*~Jasper~*

~(Two days later -Evening)~

I was happy to be on a fourth date with Olivia Greene...A woman I met through one of my work colleagues...It was not so much as a 'date' but more of a night spent talking. Seeing as Alice had always liked to walk along the beach, I took Amber to the same beach after we had dinner the sound of the waves crashing on the shore the only sound surrounding us. There was something beautiful about the moonlight on the beach. Soothing somewhat – it was handy because my nerves had itched up a storm since we both began to walk along the shore.

"That was a really great dinner...I had no idea that there was so much to chose from in that restaurant...I really wish you hadn't insisted on paying, though"

"It was my pleasure...That restaurant is one of my favourites...Maybe, you should show me what kind of places you like next time"

"There is going to be a next time?"

"Sure...Why?"

I was thrown out of whack when Olivia stopped suddenly and walked away from me up the beach finding a spot of sand away from the dangers of the sea water and sitting down on it. Frowning, I walked over to her and sat next to her. "What's wrong, Livvie?"

"We've been on four dates now and...This is usually the time where I start to wonder where we are going"

"Oh"

"Yeah...I know that I may seem pushy"

"No...I was just thinking about us, too actually...I can't deny that I really want to see you again, but...After things that have happened"

"I understand...You have every right to be hesitant about another person...-"

"Are you cold?"

"No, actually...I have to say it though, it is beautiful out tonight" Olivia looked up at the sky before lying back onto the sand putting her hands on her stomach...I leant on my arm and studied her as she looked up at the stars, her eyes glistening like the stars.

Olivia will never be as stunning as Alice but at the same time she was very beautiful...We had not been seeing each other long but the kind of conversations I had with Livvie were very similar to the ones Alice and I had together.

Being here with Livvie made me realise that the majority of the time in silence forced my mind to instantly make comparisons over her and Alice...She will never be Alice and this was starting to look like a really bad idea...I liked Livvie, a lot but she didn't deserve to be compared to my first love. Maybe I haven't moved on...

"Oh look...There's a shape of a heart" I looked up following Livvie's finger and saw a brief outline of a heart in the sky.

"Wow...I never really had time to look properly at the stars before...Whoa, does that sound strange?"

"No of course not...There are lots of things that people don't appreciate in life..It's kind of sad, really"

"Yeah...It's always the little things as well"

"How's Danny doing?"

"He's good...Growing out of his clothes like hell but...He is a part of me...He's my son"

"I think it's amazing that you love him so much...Being on your own has to be tough"

"There are moments where I think I can't cope...But, I think of Alice and how she is supporting us both in some way and it's a comfort for me"

"She must of been an amazing woman"

"She was"

"I have never lost someone so...I can't pretend to relate to what you have gone through" At Olivia's remark I lay down on my back next to her sighing as I gazed up at the stars twinkling slightly in the blanket of black.

The sound of the sea on the shore was quieter further where we were up the beach but the beauty was still consistent..._Why was I wanting to throw this all away...Alice was never going to come back and there will be no other woman like her out there – Was I to be single for the rest of my life because I can't let go?_

"Jasper?"

I was stunned when I turned my head to see Olivia lying on her side facing me her eyes glaring into my own. "Yeah?"

"There's something I really want to do...But I am afraid of scaring you"

"What's that?"

My date took my hand in hers gently and pulled me to the side...I let my body go, not wanting to tense up and scare her...Even though right now I couldn't have been more terrified...Moving her hand up to my cheek, all I could do was look at her attempting to show some kind of confidence on my part.

Olivia touched her lips gently to my own, tenderness radiating from the gesture as I lay limp underneath her...I couldn't move, I couldn't think...I didn't have the energy to stop...She stroked her hand across my face and attempted to push her lips harder into mine..._This doesn't feel right...This can never be right...I can't lead her on when she will never have the same affect on me as Alice did. No...It's wrong to do this...Just wrong!_

Pulling away from her abruptly, I lifted my body back up to sitting...Rubbing my hands through my hair...I don't think I will ever be happy again.

Losing Alice was too much to handle at the time when she wasn't gracing my life anymore; No other woman will ever come close and the thought kills me. Someone as nice, caring and charming as Olivia is should not be going for someone like me. A man with a forever broken heart. I am no good for her...I never will be the man she wants me to be.

"I'm sorry, Olivia...I can't do this" I whispered turning my head to face her. "I'll take you home"

Standing up and brushing the back of my pants down I held out my hand as she hoisted herself up in silence we both walked back to my car – the tension and pure awkwardness making this date far from over.

I know that I was the one to cause the tension, but I will never stop loving Alice and in my heart she will still always be the one for me.

I miss her so much everything hurts.

*~Edward~*

Bella's operation had been successful – but I was the only person apart from Jasper who hadn't gone in to her room to see her. The thought of seeing her made me sick, the broken soul replacing my once beautiful and loving Bella scared me. What if she never comes around?

What if she does come round and then the moment she realises that she is going to come back home with us again, be taken away in a straight jacket?

To see her face drown in more emotion causes me more pain that humanely imaginable...A battlefield in my mind of my heart and my head.

In my heart – I wanted to reach out to her, let her know that I was there for her...Always going to be there for her, never once going to leave her side...My head was telling me that she needed help and the way that she had shut me out before coming to the hospital will still remain the same if she woke up in hospital. If she didn't want me with her, I could never cause her more pain and stress to see me there when she woke up.

"Edward...She is stable"

Dad's voice filled my ears as I ran my fingers down the glass of Bella's room...The glass restricting us, parting us and making separation.

"I know" I answered keeping my eyes on Bella's still body on her bed – machines attached to her at every angle the beeping noise of her heartbeat barely audible through the constricting glass.

"You don't have to see her, right away"

"Dad...She probably doesn't even want to see me, anyway...All of the emotions that she is going through – the same ones from two years ago...I can never relate to feeling that low...I have never needed therapy"

"This is not about relating, Edward...This is about love and support"

"I love her too much to not want to see her shut me out again, there is nothing that I say or do that will ever make her open up to me again without help"

"Then...That is what we all have to adapt to and accept because Bella has been the rock of this family for a very long time – time can change people and that time can make us learn new things as a result"

"You better get home...It is an early shift for you in the morning"

"I have come to take you home"

"No...I have my car – I just need to be alone to make any sense in my head right now"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, thanks dad"

With a comforting pat on the shoulder dad left me in the lonely hallway I watched him go at the corner of my eye and when he had gone round the corner and out of sight I slumped back in the chair opposite the glass again putting my head in my hands.

Alice...This is where I need you back with us...To help me make sense of all of this.

Because everything is getting so hard!

_I can't do this without you, Ali...I can't!_

*~Jasper~*

As soon as Olivia went back into her house...I hit the accelerator to my car and sped off – I had two options then to make.

I could go home and spend the rest of the evening with my son...Or I can go and see the person who has been one of the biggest supports to me outside of my Alice. There was no choice, then...Danny was being looked after by my mom and Edward would probably still be at the hospital.

Making a rushed trip to the hospital, I climbed out of the car glancing at my watch as I locked the door...I had one more hour left of the visiting hour slots – that gave me enough time.

I had only been to the hospital to see Bella once since she was admitted – It dawned on me that as many times as Bella had been there for me in the past two years...I hadn't even begun to scratch the surface. God I had been a bad friend to her.

After my Alice had loved her so much...She'd be shouting at me right now when the truth hit her that I had not been there for Bella as much as I should have done.

After I was admitted down the familiar hallway of where Bella's room was...I was a little shocked to find Edward sitting outside of her room completely silent with his head buried into his hands.

I have never seen him look so alone...It was painful to see him suffering when his girlfriend's life was so unpredictable...I slowly made my way over to him sitting down in the seat next to him.

"Hey, buddy...How's it going?"

"I could be better" Edward replied his face still in his hands.

"How is she?"

"Stable"

"Have you been in there to see her?"

"No" he lifted his head from his hands and leant back with a sigh...He looked exhausted...It was obvious that he wouldn't be sleeping when Bella was in this situation.

"I don't blame you...I am a little weary myself" I leant back, then making myself a little more comfortable in this dark and goddamn unwelcoming hospital hallway.

"How was your night?"

I felt like cringing when Edward asked me his question, but having someone strong around him may make this atmosphere a little better. "Not good"

"How come?"

"Olivia kissed me"

"No way...That's great"

"I panicked...Pulled away from her and took her home. Edward – I have to admit this, I don't think that I will ever be able to get over your sister"

"You will...It will just take time"

"I want to believe that I can love again but I am scared that if I do...People will think that Alice is being forgotten about"

"She won't be...She is the mother of your son, the love of your life and our sister – she meant far too much to us in life to be forgotten about, now."

"Just like you and Bella"

"Bella and I are having difficulties at the moment"

"Why?"

"She doesn't want to talk to me...She shuts me out"

"Maybe she does that because she is trying to be brave for everyone else...Bella has always been like that"

"I know...But I should have made her talk to me"

"You can't make her do anything she doesn't want to"

"She will go back to Sandgrove"

"If that is the best option, then...Maybe it is necessary"

"Sandgrove has never been a good enough place for Bella...But, thinking about it – Mom is pregnant and I know that is the reason Bella is going down emotionally"

"That and the fact that I told her I was seeing someone"

"Bella loved Alice – she was there, all the way and I failed to realise that would have an effect on her"

"We have all come a long way...But Bella needs us all now. Listen, Edward we only have an hour left...Are you going to see her?"

"No...I can't"

"Can I go in?"

"Sure"

"You want to come in with me?"

"No...I'm not ready...I am sorry but it is best for me to stay out here"

"Okay"

I walked into Bella's room studying her lying form for a moment before walking beside her bed and taking one of her hands in mine.

"Hi Bell...I know I haven't been in to see you much...I am sorry for that – Danny is missing you...There is never the same smile on his face for anyone else but his always so loving Godmother. Bell – I know now that it must have freaked you out to learn that I was seeing someone else but I promise you...There is nothing in the world that will make me forget Ali.

I went on a date with her, again tonight...However, things got kind of sticky and she ended up kissing me...I panicked and sent her home – another date is not on the cards in the recent future. Listen Bell...We all need you to wake up and come back to us...Edward is missing you so much and he told me that you didn't want to speak to him. Bella I loved Alice so much more than anyone can ever begin to describe and I still do...But you and Edward, you're both timeless...Meant to be together and he loves you so much Bell. The two of you cannot drift apart, now because you need to stay together.

Please, Bell...We need you back...We all love you and we will all be here every step of the way.

Come back...Come back to Edward...Because he will never be able to live without you."


	11. Broken

***~Thank you for the reviews~***

***I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT***

**I OWN 'A MISSHAPEN LIFE and A SHAPED LIFE'!**

*~A Shaped Life~*

*~Rosalie~*

~*(A week and a half later)*~

Two weeks!

Two weeks of Bella's limp and lifeless body in the hospital bed...Monitors beeping and her shallow breathing the only sounds being the noisiest in the room...Actually the entire corridor.

Edward had started his apprenticeship...However; we could all see that the poor guy was suffering like hell at the unpredictability of Bella's condition. The Doctors were only coming in for check-ups and said that they can't do anything else until she wakes up...Their excuse being that everyone is different and so their 'waking up' times are never a definite estimate. Carlisle was trying to do everything he can to make Edward feel a little better because he wanted the apprenticeship so much for his son but his son being so in love with his injured girlfriend and not being able to help her in the hospital was proving hard on him, also.

The past week or so has been tough on all of us; Edward remains to be the only member of our family not to sit beside Bella, seeing as he was adamant that she did not want to talk to him – the way that they had left things has always haunted him...No one knew what Bella was thinking and it made us scared...Scared that she is going to be unhappy again when she has been so comfortable in life...At least giving off that impression. There was nothing that any of us could do – it was becoming a option to send her back to Sandgrove even though all of us had wanted so badly to keep away that option.

I sipped my water from my plastic cup holding tightly onto Bella's still hand underneath my own...Emmett had wanted so much to stay with her this morning but I was adamant that I should do it seeing as I didn't have to start work until this afternoon.

Bella had to wake up from this – she just HAD to!

"Bella...Please, honey you need to get up, now...All of us are feeling the strain of not having you at home seeing as nothing is the same without you. Edward is literally scraping the barrel to get himself up every day and seeing as you used that saying before it seems right to use it now"

Being alone in the hospital was bringing back all the memories of my beautiful friend, Alice and it was hard emotionally to keep it together when my other really good friend was also suffering inside. I had to be strong for Emmett but there were times where I literally wanted to run away and stay away from the Cullen's because nothing was the same – change had never been a good thing for me, I guess pretending that everything was alright had become a really good and convincing habit to others but like Bella, someone who is strong cannot stay strong for a long amount of time because strength is harder than emotion.

Without warning, Bella's hand clenched ever so slightly underneath mine...I caught my breath in shock and stood up from the chair to gaze down at her face...Her eyes were fluttering open and gasping in shock...I released her hand and ran out of the room to the nurse's station down the hall...The usual young one called Louise...At least I think that was her name acknowledged me with a look as I ran up to the desk.

"Bella's waking up" I said simply not being able to say anything else due to the sudden shaking of my body...Louise stepped away from the desk and I followed her in pursuit back to the room...All I could do was watch as Louise studied Bella's face and asked her questions about who she was so that the side-effect of memory-loss did not become a reality.

"Bella" my friend answered barely audibly her voice rough and raspy as her throat exercised itself again after a long time of silence and helplessness.

"When is your birthday?" Louise asked stroking her patient's forehead gently.

"September the thirteenth" she replied immediately.

After a few more small facts about Bella, Louise turned to me and gave me one nod with a smile...She was telling me that Bella was going to be okay and she remembers who she is and where she comes from.

Like magic, my mobile rang...I reached into my coat pocket and glanced at the screen for a split-second before accepting the call.

"Hello, babe"

"_Any news about Bella?"_

"She's awake...I was about to ring Carlisle"

"_Oh my God...That's great...I will ring up Edward and mom if you handle dad...We will all be there as soon as we can, can you stay with Bella?"_

"Of course...I will see you later...I love you"

"_I love you too"_

It was the shortest conversation that Emmett and I had ever had – it was appropriate though due to the day we were all going to have...Once Louise left...I took Bella's hand in mine again as she glanced up at the ceiling...Tears falling down her face.

"Bella...It's me Rosalie, can you hear me?" I asked her in a soothing voice, desperately wanting to cry at amazement that she had actually woken up – the torturous hours of waiting alone in the hospital all washing away.

Bella was silent as she continued to cry...I asked her a few more questions but she never replied – deciding then to leave her alone because the shock of being here must have been taking its toll on her as well as all of us who had wanted her to wake up for so long.

Dialling Carlisle's number...I stood up from the chair again and paced around at the foot of Bella's bed.

"_Carlisle Cullen"_

"Hi Carlisle...It's Rosalie, is Edward working with you, today?"

"_Hi Rose...Yes he is, why do you ask?"_

"Bella has woken up, Em has called Esme and I will call Jasper after this...Can you tell Edward?"

"_Yes of course...Thank you for letting us know...We will be there as soon as work finishes"_

"Great...See you, then"

I hung up and then used my phone again to inform Jasper.

Things had changed...Bella was awake and all of the people who cared about her needed to know.

The only person that she was going to open her mouth to was Edward and that was why I needed him to be here...He loves Bella more than any of us and she trusts him more.

I couldn't wait to see the happiness on his face when they both look into each other's eyes once more.

*~Esme~*

"Mom!"

At the sound of Emmett's booming voice and nearly cutting myself on the kitchen knife...I stepped out of the kitchen.

"Emmett, honey...What is it?"

"Bella's awake!"

The shock was uncontrollable, the shock with a mix of happiness...My hands immediately shot to my mouth and I started to cry uncontrollably. Edward had been such a lost cause for a while and no matter what I, or his father said we got the feeling that the lights were on but nobody was home...Edward was listening to what we said but it wasn't registering in his head. Emmet's large arms wrapped around me as he hugged me closely to his chest.

"Mom...It's okay now, don't cry...The baby"

Emotion did cause some stress on the baby but the emotion that I was feeling was not bad – more happy...Happier than I had been since hearing the news about my pregnancy. I did not have any blame for Bella to her reaction to the baby...I was never expecting everyone to be so welcoming about it after what happened to my beautiful Alice...Bella was bound to feel upset and so now, I was going to be there for her.

"Can you take me to the hospital?" I choked out against my son's chest.

"Yes...I am on my lunch break but I won't be able to stay long...Rose should be there, you can get a lift back with her or me?"

"I don't care, sweetie...As long as I can see my Bella"

"Okay...Let's go!"

Emmett grabbed my coat as I took off my apron and wrapped it around me, it was another rainy day in forks...Not too much cold just rainy and gloomy like the house had been for the past fortnight. Tension was building around all of us as we all worried for Edward as well as Bella in turn.

Emmett covered me from the rain with his umbrella as he climbed into his jeep and he drove off from the driveway slowly tucking his wet umbrella underneath the back of his seat.

"How are you feeling today, mom?"

My darling Emmett was talking about my pregnancy...Everyone had been so kind to me, of course they were all quick to defend the fact that I should not be lifting any fingers and spending the day in bed resting but I had never been a lazy person in my life and when I was pregnant with my Alice, I never rested once maybe that was why she was so energetic and independent to spread her own wings which she did ever so amazingly in her short life.

I will always miss and have the purest love for my daughter but...I have as much love as I do for Emmett, Edward and now my unborn baby.

"Much better, sweetheart" I answered the tears gone and the smile replacing them as the eagerness to see Bella washed over me the closer we got to the hospital. My family was a tight unit and it had already lost a member...I cannot lose anymore and having Bella wake up was the best news that I could have gotten in the awful weeks gone by.

"Good"

"How is work, honey?"

"Quiet...Rose has been trying to keep me busy with her decoration plans for the house"

"I will be happy to help!"

"Mom...You're amazing at designing houses but Rosalie is never going to ask you to help – she knows that you should be resting"

"How can I rest because of expecting a child...Besides, my family need me?"

"We will always need you, we love you but we do not want you to put any stresses on the baby"

"Ssh...Enough about the baby – This is about Bella, now"

I finished the conversation...The news about the baby had sent Bella into the downward spiral that she had been suffering from before her accident and the last thing she would want to hear about is the baby – no matter how much I knew deep inside that she loved it just as much as we did.

Bella had never forgotten Alice and her love for my late daughter made me happier than words can describe when she was alive...That kind of love cannot be washed away over night.

Emmett parked at the hospital and covered me as it continued to rain...We stepped inside needing no assistance from the receptionist as we both signed in and made our way to Bella's room...Every member of staff new who we were by then as all of us had literally camped out in the hospital since our daughter was admitted.

I grasped my son's hand as the nerves of seeing Bella hit me uncontrollably as we reached the long corridor that all of us had to sit in for hours on end inwardly wishing to have Bella come back to us.

Emmett grasped my hand back and leaned in to kiss my forehead as Rosalie appeared at the end of the corridor, gazing on the two of us approaching her – I stopped in my tracks releasing Emmett's hand as he and Rose had their little usual reconciliation of a tender kiss and a cuddle...Rose looked exhausted, worried almost and it scared me...As she released my son she walked over to me and took my hands.

"Hi Esme...How are you feeling?"

"Oh Rose...It doesn't matter what I am feeling, how is Bella?"

"She's awake but she has not said one word to me...Only to the nurse, I doubt whether she will talk to anyone but Edward"

"Can I see her?"

"Of course...I will wait out here...Seeing as she won't talk to me...I do not want to feel helpless anymore"

"I understand" I kissed Rose on the cheek and whispered a 'thank you' in her ear before walking into Bella's room with Emmett. The tears filled my eyes again as I saw Bella crying silently her own tears falling down her face as she gazed up at the ceiling...No immediate emotion covering her face.

In honesty, she looked as helpless as she had done when she was unconscious...Even if she wasn't going to talk to me – she needed to know that I was there, that we were all there for her.

"Bella, darling...its Esme...I am so happy that you have come back to us" I stroked her forehead and kissed her head backing away so that Emmett could have his turn.

No life in her eyes...Or her face, this was not the Bella that we had all known and loved – she was suffering and it was become more and more plausible that she may have to go back to Sandgrove.

I only hoped then that my other son could make her eyes light up again, as he had been able to do countless times before.

*~Emmett~*

Bella-Boo looked so bad!

I can't lie and say that she looked amazing because she was clearly suffering from shock at being in the hospital..So shocked in fact that her tears had not stopped falling from her face...Crying may be the best thing for her right now as it may have been some kind of release for her emotions.

Honestly, I was clutching at straws...I know nothing about emotional states and depression, I had not been so unfortunate as to have been diagnosed so how can someone who has never had it relate to someone who has had it...Twice like my gorgeous little sister.

"Bella-Boo...We have missed you like hell...We all love you, sis" I gathered what I wanted to say in one sentence because it did not look like she was going to be talking to any of us any time soon...The only hope we had was Edward.

I left mom in the room with my sister after greeting Bella with a small kiss on the head and stepped out of the room to give my Rosalie a hug. No words can ever describe how thankful I was to her for being here when Bella woke up, even if she was not talking to us – the thought of her alone was much worse.

"Oh Em!" she exclaimed as she stood up from the chair and hugged me tightly...I ran my hands through her hair in comfort as she breathed in and out slowly and deeply underneath me.

"Sweetheart...It's alright, if you need to cry...You cry" Rose lifted her head off of me and shook her head.

"Crying is only something that I do at home...Besides, Bella has been strong for all of us countless times and so we need to be strong for her"

"You're always so strong" I whispered cupping her beautiful face in my hands...Without saying anything else..I wrapped my lips around hers and she responded, wrapping her arms around my neck pushing her lips against mine...I kept the kiss short but forced enough passion and love I still held for my amazing Rosalie in my mouth movements.

"Always so amazing" I whispered against her mouth rubbing my nose against hers making her laugh underneath me.

"I love you, Emmett" she said rubbing my arms with her hands.

"I love you, too Rose"

"I hate to have to go but I do need to get back to work"

"That's alright, baby...I will stay here until Carlisle and Edward come here – work owe me lots of vacation time anyway because of the amount of over hours I've done"

"Okay"

*~Carlisle~*

*~(Afternoon)~*

Edward had worked harder in the past few hours after I had told him about Bella's waking up than he had done in the past fortnight. I didn't know whether to be happy or worried about that...But one thing was certain, I was incredibly proud of him.

I kept my words to my son to a minimum as his mind must be working over-time in the time that we spent finishing up our work for the day and now, in the car on the way to the hospital.

It was only a matter of time before our darling Bella came back to us – it was looking bleak at moments and so...The energy to try and keep everyone's spirits up had been a hard task for me.

Edward and I said nothing as we got to Bella's room...I deliberately went in before my son so that I could talk to the doctors to catch up on what Bella and we as a family should do next.

This was all so strange but great at the same time.

My darling daughter had been away from us for too long.

*~Edward~*

Bella!

My amazing, stunning and strong Bella had finally come back to me...I couldn't determine which emotion I felt towering over her as she gazed up at the ceiling, tears falling from her eyes which were already red and puffy from crying for a long amount of time. My Bella looked like she was in so much pain and there was nothing I can do but tell her how much I loved her and that I was always going to be here for her.

Not being in there to see her when she was unconscious was finally making me feel guilty and there may have been a chance that she may not have been able to hear me if I did end up talking to her.

"Bella...Bella, my love" I soothed in a whisper not letting my emotion at seeing the love of my love awake at last radiate from my voice.

My Bella continued to look at the ceiling...The light shining on the next set of tears that were threatening to fall from her eyes...I stroked her face with one of my hands. "Sweetheart, no more tears...You are safe now, I promise you are safe...No one is going to hurt you, baby" I said kissing her forehead.

Her silence was torture...I have been dreaming about her every night for the past two weeks, wanting to hear her voice, see her smile and hold her again.

"Please talk to me, angel" I trailed my index finger along her beautiful lips...Under my finger her head tilted slowly to look at me...I smiled letting my own tears go as her eyes locked with mine, there was no happiness in her eyes but they were my Bella's eyes all the same.

"I love you" I breathed with a sniff.

"Edward?"

Dad's voice interrupted mine and Bella's moment...I released my hand from her face and turned to my dad in the hallway. "Can I talk to you for a moment?"

I nodded and turned back to Bella "I'll be right back my love...I am not going anywhere" Bella's eyes went straight back up to the ceiling and I walked out of the room.

As I stood in the corridor, I noticed that Jasper had come by to visit – the entire family was here, and even though we were beyond the usual number of visitors – none of us were making any noise to draw any attention to ourselves. Dad put his hand on my shoulder.

"Edward...As much as I don't want to tell you this...The doctor's will have to keep her overnight for her last amounts of observation but there is no way that she is going to be able to come home"

"What?"

"Bella is going to have to go back to Sandgrove...She hasn't stopped crying since she woke up this morning and she isn't saying anything to anyone...If she won't talk we cannot help her and...We have no choice"

"No...Dad there has to be something...Not to Bella, anyone but Bella!"

I couldn't keep the emotion in anymore...Bella's worst fear was going back to that hospital...There has to be another option!

"I am sorry, Edward...She is a risk to herself and would you rather her kill herself?"

"I can't believe that you just said that!" I put my hands on my head pacing around on the spot ignoring the glances that I could see my family give me from the corner of both my eyes.

"Bella has depression, Edward...It is not an illness that should be taken lightly...I hate it, we all hate that she has to go back there but there IS no other option!"

*~Jasper~*

Seeing Edward fall to the floor hearing the news that his Bella has to go into hospital to recover from depression broke my heart.

Bella had been strong for all of us in the time that she had been here, now we could not be strong for her – I mean, we could but she would never be able to see it.

Carlisle hugged his son on his knees rocking him as he wailed broken-hearted...There was no other sight so sore to see than this one...All of us who had the support of the people in our lives and had the right amount of chemicals going to our brain unlike Bella in this moment.

Esme choked next to me, myself and Emmett had put our arms around her...None of this was anyone's fault and yet all of us were being affected by it.

"Come on, mom...Let's go home...I will make us dinner" Emmett soothed Esme, she nodded not able to say anything and I turned to Carlisle as Emmett led his mom away from Bella's room.

"Jasper...If you want to go home...You can, Danny needs you"

"Danny is with my mum...Besides, I have had enough heartbreak recently...What is a little more?"

Carlisle smiled at my honesty and I knelt down putting my arm around a still-sobbing Edward...I have never seen anyone but Bella so broken but Edward loved her so much, dare I say even more than I had loved Alice and the helplessness was too much to watch.

Edward needed as many people as possible right now, my son was being looked after and so...My place was here – to the people that had shown me such love and support in the past both when my Alice was alive and after her death.

Not being there with Alice still tortured me and Edward was her brother.

I was going to be there for him!

Him, and his amazing family!

*~(Next Day)~*

Edward had slept on my shoulder all night at the hospital...There had been a few explanations as to why he refused to leave Bella for one moment...Seeing as she was going to be away for a time from now on – he wanted to make a memory of her. Edward was never one to go to hospitals but for the love he had for Bella...He would do anything against his comfort zone...It was nothing but admirable to see that he would go to the ends of the earth and back again for Bella.

As the doctors went in to Bella's room...I stood up with my arm around Edward...Watching the staff take Bella off of the machines and help her up from the bed...She never looked afraid once or fight against them as to where she was going. Looking at her, it was almost like she was dead but still walking. It was horrible.

Edward continued to sob as he looked on her as she came towards us, the two strangers holding each of her arms to keep her steady...Bella glanced once at Edward and blinked letting out her tears and looked at me for the same few moments before being led away by the men...One of them had taken his coat off and wrapped it around her shoulders.

"I love her; Jazz...I love her so much!" Edward sobbed never taking his eyes off of Bella's back as she disappeared from our view...I let out my own tears at the fact that she was truly away from us.

I hugged my brother in law tightly in my arms not caring that we were having an intimate moment so against what men should do...He was broken...Broken to the depths of his soul and all we can do now is a family is support and be there for both him and Bella as they both went through different kinds of recovery from this nightmare.

I wanted Bella back...We all wanted her back.

I already missed her so much!


	12. Care

**Thank you to the people who continue to read and support me with this fic as well as 'A Misshapen Life'**

*~A Shaped Life~*

*~Edward~*

The sound of Danny's crying took me out of my silent and almost deathly trance as I sat in the chair by the window in his nursery...Rising from the chair, I wiped my hand on my both my eyes to get rid of my tears and leant over my nephew's crib and picked him up into my arms, the sound of his wailing decreasing as I cuddled him closely to my chest.

Kissing his head, I sniffed and bounced him gently up and down standing still on the spot my mind never once leaving Bella and how she must be feeling right then and there...It occurred to me that even Danny was missing her, she had been wrapped around his little finger since he was born and, he preferred her above all the other people in the family.

"She'll be back soon, little buddy" I soothed to Danny who had stopped crying and leant his head against my chest the warmth of his little body seeping through my own shirt. Even with my amazing nephew in my arms, I was still not complete the loneliness and the helplessness of not being able to help my Bella increased more and more by the day. How was she ever going to get back to normal when she looked so lifeless and drained?

"Edward, you okay?"

Turning, I saw Jazz standing in the doorway gazing at his son in my arms, I nodded and walked back to the crib putting Danny gently back into it – I turned on the CD player, my lullaby that I had wrote for him personally booming softly through the speakers. Closing the distance between Jasper and I, I passed him in the doorway and said nothing slumping down the stairs and into the kitchen where mom was cooking the food for tonight, I hopped up onto one of the stools on the bar and watched her turn to face me.

"Edward, sweetheart...You look so tired, have you slept at all?"

"No...How can I sleep knowing that there is nothing I can do to change any of this?"

"Sometimes life does that, Edward...Bella would not want you to be like this-"

"She doesn't even know who she is, anymore Esme...It's all because of all the bad luck that she has had to deal with – no person, even a person as amazing as she is-"

Our conversation was short-lived when the sound of our doorbell rang through the house, mom wiped her hands on the back of her pinny and stepped out of the kitchen the door opened and there was muffling of a male voice along with my moms.

"Edward...Can you come here a minute?" mom called...Groaning I got off of the stall and followed the sound of her voice to the front door. My heart skipped a beat once my eyes fell on Shaun, one of Bella's good friends from her workplace was standing there with a bunch of flowers.

"I came to give you these...Also to let you know that everyone at work is thinking about Bella – if there is something any of us can do then there is always a person to ring" Shaun, to me had always a bit too feminine for my liking but right then and there he could not have been more honest and it touched me in a strange way – Bella was loved by people outside of our family and it was hard to imagine that anyone could love her more than us.

"Thank you, mate" I answered him appreciatively, Esme took the flowers almost waiting for permission to do so and I opened the door for Shaun to step through. He kept his hands in his pockets and shuffled forwards into my living room, following him...I sat down on one of our loungers and he sat down on the main couch eyes darting around the room.

"Nice place" he commented...I smiled at his statement leaning my head against my arm my elobow propped up on the arm of the couch.

"Thanks"

"So how is she?"

"As bad as can be...She is currently in a 'padded cell' because she is a risk to herself...We do not want to put her or anyone else in danger-"

"I forgot...You work in the hospital, too"

"Yeah but I don't go and see her until out of hours, there is no time limit then because I know how to lock the place up if I did not already have a deal with the night shift"

"That's cool...Is it okay if other people can see her outside of family?"

"It's allowed but not recommened because of the effect it may have on some of the people-"

"Have you seen her?"

"No...I can't bring myself to do it"

"Maybe it may help her, in some small way that you are there...She must be missing you"

"What can I do...Tell her that everything is going to be alright?"

"Just by being there"

*~Jasper~*

*(Half an Hour later)*

"What's happening little buddy?"

I held my beautiful son in my arms, the pictures of my equally beautiful Alice surrounding my mind, the nursery was too much to take when I was feeling down about everything around me because of my Alice staring at me from every angle imaginable.

"Hey, Jazz"

_Crap! I wasn't expecting this!_

"Hi Olivia" I answered, not finding it in my heart to look up at her – I had taken my son out for a little alone time in the nearby park..Of course, I had not been able to talk to Livvie again since our date – the time when I basically rejected her because my heart still hadn't healed. The best thing that I was able to do was to tell her to leave me alone because I was damaged goods.

"Hey little guy" the smile from my son's mouth as she tickled under his chin had not gone unnoticed by me, at least he approved...Hell, he wasn't old enough to talk properly yet but he could always crack a smile at a person that he loved above all others. Why can't Alice be here to receive that smile, the smile from Danny would probably be just as large for his mom as the one he held for Bella when she held him and made a fuss over him?

"How are you?" Livvie's voice was so soft, caring and my body always awakened a little at the sound of it – I can't deny that I liked her a lot because of her beauty on the outside but the fact that like Bella and Alice before her she was selfless. The tears prickled at my eyes as my arms occupied my son, rocking him up and down on my lap on the bench as he wrapped his mouth around his own foot. "Jasper...About the date, I understand why you suddenly backed away and put up a barrier...I do not blame you and even though, I can't begin to understand what it's like to lose the love of your life...I am still here, if that means anything-" _Now is not the time to be so fucking sweet and caring...Not after what I had done, how Edward is feeling over losing the Bella that he had fallen in love with...How can I sit here and ignore this girl who clearly wants to take time out and talk to me?_

Not keeping my tears at bay, I released them and rested my head on my sons...I heard Livvie sigh next to me, her soft hand running through my hair gently to prepare for my reaction if ever I pulled away but the gesture was so amazing and her touch was soft and motherly that even if I wanted to...I'd never pull away.

"Sorry" I said simply, my voice affected by my emotion ever so slightly.

"There's nothing to be sorry about-"

"Liv, why are you being so nice to me?"

"Is there a reason why I shouldn't be nice to you?"

"On our date, the way I reacted...It was wrong...It seems to be automatic these days...Protecting myself because the pain has been too much-"

"Jasper, there is no need to explain yourself to me...Look at you, Danny is the most beautiful and well-behaved young baby I have ever seen...You have raised him all alone and of course you have had support but Danny does not have a mother in his life and most men may be turned away by the fact that they will never be able to make it through as a single parent – but you didn't-"

"Please, Liv...Don't sing my praises-"

"Perhaps you need to hear from an outsider's view about how much you are doing for your son, how much you are liked and...Basically how fantastic you are-"

"Liv-"

"Stop trying to push me away...I understand you're hurt but I want to help you, Jasper...In any way I can because I care about you and there is no chance now that I can deny it after seeing you and experiencing what it's like to be alone with you, just us and no one else-"

"I have a son-"

"I LOVE YOUR SON...I will never be his mother and considering how much love you had for her, I would _never _take his mother's place...Just a female friend for future references that is, if I will be here for the long-haul. Please, Jazz...At least let me know that you will consider it-"

"Olivia...I am broken, what makes you think that there is any hope left for me now?"

"Jasper Hale...You are not broken...Just had some damages but it will take time to heal and to stitch you back up and if being in my company means that there is a chance of belief that you are forgetting about Alice then...I'll go...I'll go right now and leave you alone"

_Selfless...Always so flaming selfless...She'd let me go even though it is possible that she'd nurture a broken heart. I don't want you to go, Olivia...A part of me needs you._

"Judging by your silence...You want me to go?"

_No...No...No! Why can't you say that?_

"Alright, it was nice knowing you Jasper...Danny is going to be a credit to you and Alice when he is old enough to live his own life. Thank you for everything"

I closed my eyes as her heels clomped away from me, getting quieter and quieter into the distance...It was then that I released the sobs from my stomach and leant my head against my son again hiding my face letting him protect me in my arms.

Why couldn't I say that I wanted her to stay! Why?

*~Edward~*

*(Two hours later)*

_Lifeless...Broken...Tortured...Oh, my Bella why does this have to happen to you?_

There was Bella, through the small window...Padded material surrounding her at every angle...Her body against the far wall, her legs wrapped around her knees as she stared at the ground, not making one sign of movement in her face or body as she continued to stare at the spot. Did she know I was here...Even deep down in her heart?

"Edward, what are you doing here...I have told the members of staff that you won't be back till Monday-" I couldn't even hear my father's voice only feel his prescence and see him from the corner of my eye.

"Sorry" I said lamely, never taking my eyes away from Bella..._Look at me, my love...Let me know that you can see me...That I am still a part of your heart as you are mine? Come back to me._

"Edward...She is a risk to herself...All the padded walls they are only procedure-"

"Dad...Please don't make her situation easier than what is is...Look at her...There is nothing that someone outside a paid professional can do..She has always helped me..Why can't I help her?"

"Son, you need to stop beating yourself up...Sometimes there is nothing that people can do...The human mind, it's complex and such a delicate territory as a doctor I can never seem to get a grasp off even after how many years of experience behind me-"

"Why won't this go away...Why can't we go back to how we were...Bella would never have to be strong because I would have already known what was going to happen-"

"Edward-"

"THIS is not what she deserves, dad...I am sorry but Esme's pregnancy is not going to go away and if Bella is diagnosed because of that then how is she supposed to get better when there is a baby in seven months time. I want mum to have the baby, believe me I do...But Bella is my world and without her, I might as well not breathe"

"That kind of talk is never going to help her recover-"

"Does she even know that I am here...Does she know deep down inside her beyond the emotions that I am here waiting for her?"

"Of course she does-"

"She can't even look at me!"

"STOP...Son, you need to stop...Look at me!" under my dad's firm grasp on both my shoulders and his tug to get me to turn on the spot, I braced myself before locking my eyes with his – his features stern and bordering on anger as he stared me down intently. "Bella WILL recover, do you understand me...This is not about your mother's pregnancy...Think about it, Edward..She had an alcoholic mother...The experiences of a physiciatric hospital...A new family to adjust to...A new love...Once she finally found security...Her new sister dies and her mother does near the same time prior. The emotional journey for all her life has always been up and down...That takes strength and she still has that strength, but you need to be strong for her-"

"I need to have something to do, dad...Otherwise I am going to go insane!"

"Stay here, at the window...If she knows deep down that you are there she will look up...That kind of love in someone's heart takes a long time to disappear and there is no chance that she has forgotten what you have. What makes you think that she is not calling out to you and wishing that you were there!"

"What can I do..Really?"

"You're strong too, son...Death affects everyone differently and because Bella loved Alice so much, it is hard for her to think that her memory is still going to be kept alive when your new brother or sister comes along because she believes that everyone will be too involved with the baby to care. That's not true, she is not getting the correct chemicals to her brain and all the emotional strength has caused her to fall. It's our job as her family to keep coming here and even if she never looks up...We will be here because that is what families do"

"I'm sorry dad, I just don't know what to do"

"Come here"

Dad pulled me into a hug and for the first time in years, I fell into his chest wrapping my own arms around him and crying onto his shoulder. Dad was right, he has always been right. Bella needed me here and hell no matter how long it took for her to look up at me, I was going to be here.

This was my turn to change my attitude and show the same amount of strength as my beautifl girlfriend had done for me over the years.

Bella was my life and I was going to keep her alive, in any small or big way in my ability.

*~Esme~*

"So, do you want to know the sex of the baby?"

I was out to lunch with Rosalie, taking some time away from the house and away from the bad karma and atmosphere around my once solid and homely house...Everything was a mess and, how can I deny that when everyone was going through the stages of worry for Bella and hope that she was going to find her way through it.

Bella's admission had affected me so strongly that there were many times when Carlisle had told me to calm down because of the health of the baby growing inside of me..Our miracle baby, much like Alice who will always be our baby.

"Sorry, Rose what was that?"

"Esme...Talking about the baby may make things a little better, I want to help you-"

"Oh Rose...You are sweet...I have been so distracted with Bella, I never think about the baby...As awful as that sounds..Bella is my baby, too. Tell me, what was the question?"

"The sex?"

"Oh...I don't care, any child of Carlisle's is going to be incredible-"

"Like Alice-"

"Exactly"

"Esme...Do you reckon that Bella is going to get through this?"

"I wish I could see a silver lining, my attitude has always made me see the small ray of light in a cloudy and sometimes torturous situation but...I don't know-"

"Esme...You always know. Emmett hasn't spoken properly since she was admitted into hospital after her collision with the car. It's like he's awake and doing his usual things but there is something missing-"

"Have you tried talking to him?"

"Yes...But, he is there with the barriers and Esme...I am his wife, surely we can't keep things from each other...I am in pain too, Bella does not need any of this and believe me, I would take her place but...Em...He is drifting away-"

"Rose...Would you like me to talk to him?"

"Esme...I wish you could but he is going to know and direct it straight back to me and not having him talk to me about deeper things is much better than not having him talk to me at all. I feel helpless, yet I'd rather die than lose him"

"I'll talk to him...He won't know, I am too much of a nosey mother to not have him make any ideas about the reasons why I am asking-"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes"

"Thank you so much, Esme...He is lucky to have a mother like you – this new baby is going to have the most loving family in the world. Trust me, I love them already"

"That means so much to me, sweetheart"

"So...Let's talk coloured walls!"


	13. Souls

**Thank you to the people who continue to read and support me with this fic as well as 'A Misshapen Life'**

**Stephenie Meyer owns 'Twilight'**

*~A Shaped Life~*

*~Bella~*

_Padded walls..._

_Tears falling onto the padded floor..._

_This is what I am reduced to...This is all that I deserve! A locked away place where no one can ever see me and no one will ever be able to come close. I am a disease – that every sane member of the earth should be intelligent enough to avoid._

_Why can't I remember anything before my waking up in hospital...Why don't I want to look up...My head is a weight, a heavy, dull, emotional and thick weight bringing me down, will I ever be able to look up...Even work my way back up?_

The padded cell is a prison – first and foremost...There are only two people that I see day after day, even though with the windows at the top of the door barely give any room for anyone to gaze on me, like some kind of monkey in a cage at the zoo. That was all that I am, someone who people feel the need to look upon and study – new students trying to find some way in life to find out about the emotional issues and turmoil of people the same age, or at least roundabouts.

"Lunch, Isabella?"

The familiar sound of James, one of the medical staff filled my ears when I was too busy staring at the floor which had become a habit.

Shaking my head I heard a sigh and the door closing...I found the courage to look up and saw that he had disappeared as quickly as he had entered. Carlisle hadn't come to see me – I can imagine why...Why would he want to see his daughter locked up because she was a risk of committing suicide...I wanted to die, right now there is nothing keeping me here...I have never felt so alone and so alone in myself...I am disgusting.

Where is my Edward...Was he grossed out at the idea of seeing me as well...Could I ever find it in my soul to gaze into his eyes and see the hurt that I have bestowed upon him? I knew already that he must be ashamed of me, what I have become and my behaviour in the past weeks...Putting away my hurt and hiding it from the rest of my family with a mask until the surface underneath could crack and crumble no more. None of it was my fault, the thought of Esme having another child – a biological child in replacement of Alice was all too much.

It was not like my family to ever forget her but in my determination to keep her memory alive I have only gone and made things worse for everyone...Was it wrong of me to think that I was the only sole person remembering Alice and the beautiful godson she had left me and the stunning son she had left to Jasper? The son she had risked her life for and a part of her soul living in him. I miss Danny, I miss everyone but I can never go back there...Never go back to the house that had caused me so much happiness and so much upset at the same time.

The cell was my home, now.

The darkness in my mind was so embodying, taking me in under it's influence and making me feel and look lifeless and utterly broken. I am broken but I do not have the hope or the 'silver lining' thought of ever being mended. Can people be mended if their soul is broken completely? Or is death the only way out.

Was there any hope left for me?

*~Rosalie~*

Bella's emotional state had affected everyone...No one more so than Edward – but Emmett was now feeling the downfall and he had put up barriers from me to hide his true feelings even though we had promised each other before we had even discussed the idea of marriage that there would be no secrets between us.

Talking to Esme openly about it after it had been in my mind since Bella's accident had made me feel a little better but there was a part of me that wanted to speak to him, alone and place all the cards on the table about my own feelings about his silence to me. I knew deep down that my Emmett did not mean to hurt me but sometimes...There were times when I wanted to cry because of the coldness that radiated from him, the life taken away from his eyes. He was not Emmett and it hurt me so much.

After a busy morning at work, I was happy to have the rest of the afternoon off – the house that Emmett and I had brought needed some work but it was my own security – forever alone with my husband because there was no one in the world that could ever take the place in my heart that he has owned.

After cleaning the house and making it look almost presentable...I sat alone on mine and Emmett's bed letting the silence fall on me. I was in my mind, which had become a habit since I was not able to speak to anyone but Esme about my thoughts. Emmett was expected home, soon and the temptation of wearing something a little shorter and more hugging to my figure was hard to resist. The thought of sex was not going to make Emmett talk to me...But I had wanted it so much in my heart because he had been more than distant with me on an emotional level. Physical, also.

As soon as I heard loud footsteps thumping up the stairs...My stomach twisted and sickness swarmed over me...Feeling the strength escaping my body, I laid down completely on my back my stare going to the ceiling patterns above me...Taking slow, steady breaths I waited for my Emmett to come in and see me. The door wasn't closed so I did not know when to tell he was in here with me or not. Swallowing loudly...I waited for what felt like forever in the silence.

"Hello Rose" Emmett's soft voice filled my ears sending relief into my soul from the torture of the silence.

"Hi" I answered simply back, keeping my voice just as soft – even though my mind was screaming at me to stand up and take an angry approach. The bed sunk and it showed me that Emmett had sat down by my feet, I looked down to his back – seeing his head sinking in his hands.

"Did you have a good day?" I asked, not making the concern in my head affect my voice.

"Yes..You?"

"It was okay...Listen Emmett is there a chance that I can speak to you?"

"Since when do you have to ask to tell me anything, Rose?"

"Well-" I sat up, then...Needing him to look at me at some point – that is, if the conversation was going to go anywhere. "I don't know where you are half the time-"

"What is that supposed to mean?" There are the barriers – defending him from the hurt that may come through from my soul to his ears.

"Please don't get defensive...Tell me what you are thinking...Please?" I asked him, blinking away the unexpected tears filling my eyes in that moment.

"No one wants to know what I am thinking...Nothing will make any sense, anyway-"

"Emmett...I am not just 'anyone'..This is me, your wife and I love you, Emmett...I love you enough to have an interest and a desire to know what is going through your mind-"

"You're trying to make me talk about Bella, aren't you?"

"Not if you don't want to...I know you're upset-"

"Everyone is...That is why my thoughts will not matter because they are the same as everyone else's...Anyway the person we should all be thinking about is Edward and mom right now...For different reasons"

"That doesn't mean that you don't matter, either...Emmett look at me?"

When Emmett didn't move his head from his hands, not even flinch at my plea..Rejection washed over me like a powerful ocean current. "What can I do?"

"Rose...I do not want to make you upset...I can hear it in your voice-"

_Damn! _"Sorry...I will try and change it-"

"Don't apologise...This is the way that I deal with things, Rose-"

"I know you shut yourself out but even when you have been upset before, you have always told me...What has changed?"

With a sigh Emmett rose from the bed and started pacing around the room – deep in thought his silence killing me at every moment. The uncertainty of what he was going to say next making me feel anxious and helpless.

"I can't do this-"

"Yes you can...I am here, I swore to you when I married you that I will always be here-" at his sadness, I had rose from the bed, myself walking over to him slowly so as not to make him run away towards the door.

"Don't come near me, Rose" he warned putting his arm out towards me in the far end of our bedroom.

"Stop shutting me out...Let me help you, sweetheart-"

"I want to tell you but...Rose this is something that I have to deal with by myself-"

"No one should ever have to deal with anything alone-"

"Stop being nice!"

Emmett's tears falling down his cheeks made my arms reach out towards him grasping his shoulders as strongly as I could possibly manage with a defeated sigh he stopped in his tracks and looked down to the floor. His body was trembling beneath my hands. "I am not being nice...Emmett...I don't understand...Blocking me out makes me feel useless and I would give you anything in the world if I could...Do anything for you-"

"God...Why did this happen, Rose...First Ali and now Bella-boo...Why must people like them have these kind of things happen to them?"

"Em it's okay-"

"NO...It's not okay...It's all very well for the two of us because we have each other..What does Edward have, now...What does Jazz have?"

"You're feeling responsible...When you shouldn't-"

"Why not...My life is happy and look at what they are both going through...I love my nephew, Rose more than the richest things on the earth but there is nothing that I can do. When I speak to Edward – all I see is pain, pain that I want so much to take away but the only way it ever can is if Bella came back but...In that fucking cell how is she ever to recover?"

"Ssh...Listen to me...Will you listen to me?" Lifting his head slowly, his tear-stained eyes reaching my own he nodded twice slowly smashing his lips together to keep the sobs from coming through. Smiling a little, I took his face lovingly into my hands and smoothed out his tense skin.

"Baby...I know that things for them have been hard and believe me, if I was to take either Bella or Alice's place...I'd do it at any cost...But, this is us...This is our life and we must live it how we want to..Not being selfish but still caring for our family – I care more about your family than I have ever done about my own and I will do whatever it takes to show the love and support in my heart for them. My love, don't shut me out...I am hurting, too and the only way that we can get through this healthily is to talk about it with each other-"

"I'm sorry-" he choked on a sob releasing two more tears from each of his eyes...I released my own the sight of him in so much pain having the same effect on me. Leaning my forehead against his...I swallowed and kissed the tip of his nose. "No apologies...Please just let me in-"

"I will...I can't do this alone, Rose...I wanted to because I did not want to make you sad but it seems I have done that, anyway-"

"We stick together..Emmett...I love you...I have always loved you-"

"I love you, too...Baby...So much...I am so sorry I have hurt you-"

"You haven't...There is only one thing that you can do for me, now"

"What is that...I'll do anything for you, sweetheart?"

"Kiss me...Kiss me, please?"

At my plea, he took his forehead away from mine and brought his lips down to wrap around my own almost immediately, the feel of his lips on my own sending need through my body. It seemed so long since we have kissed or shown each other any kind of love. This was all I needed, my arms wrapping around his neck as he wound me around his strong arms, protecting me.

This was far from over but for now...I was happy.

*~Esme~*

"What are you doing, sweetheart?"

The sound of my Carlisle's voice startled me from my chopping, I spun around releasing the knife back onto the side – my breathing deep from the shock. "Me...What are you doing here, shouldn't you be at work?"

"None of us want you to cook...It takes too much of your energy-"

"Stop...I am not going to lie in bed all day...I haven't began to show yet!"

"That doesn't matter, love" Carlisle took my body in his arms, our chests crashing and moulding together, rocking me slowly from side to side...I sighed, smiling once the warmness of his arms washed over me, securing me as only my Carlisle could.

"I can never win with you...But please, I don't want to be tied to the bed...At least let me go out and about if I want to...I promise I won't do anything silly-"

"Okay" he broke me off with the voice that instantly made my heart soar inside my chest...I leant my forehead against his own and embraced the moment of silence with him.

I have always been a bit of a freak...When I was pregnant with Alice I could not find it in my heart to have one minute of rest...I did not want my days to change just because I was expecting a baby. However, with Bella the atmosphere around the house and with all the members of my family was much more known and felt – losing Alice was the hardest thing to ever happen to all of us but now, our Bella was suffering and there was nothing that anyone could do. The stress was more likely to spread now than it ever had been in my pregnancy with Alice and I could understand Carlisle's worry.

"How's Edward?" I whispered kissing both of his closed eyelids.

"He's coping...He has always been able to cope but inside...He is falling-"

"He has strength, my love...Don't leave him out...He will find his power to cope with this...He has just always needed a little more time than the others-"

"You're always right my darling...I am on a lunch break, anyway...Edward is, too...Don't worry I have not left him alone to work"

"Have either of you seen Bella?"

"No...Edward and I don't see her during work hours for obvious reasons...We would never be able to get away, I get updates about her progress from the staff down on her floor. No change"

"Good God...There is something...There has to be something that she can see or realise that may help her find herself, again-"

"Bella has strength...More so than any of the others even though I don't like to say it...She will come around and if I have to talk to her to help her along then I will-"

"How did I get so lucky...To have a second chance of our own baby, again and still have you all these years?"

"Some couples are meant to be...Our connection is always going to be strong, I will always love you my Esme...More so now than ever before-"

"I just wish Alice was here...So I could see her reaction when she found out she is having a little brother or sister-"

"I know, baby...But if we all know Alice and we do...She will find some way of telling us-"

"Do you think she is watching over us, Carlisle?"

"Of course...I believe that she will help Bella, just like Bella had helped her during her pregnancy and before...Alice and Bella's love is always going to be unconditional"

"I miss her"

"I miss her, too...We will always have a place for her in this house and in all of our hearts...When Bella comes back we need to make sure that she knows that. Deep down she does but the illness is taking away her true soul at the moment"

"I agree...Where is Danny, anyway?"

"Oh...Jasper said he was going to take him round his mother's...He hasn't been himself lately, either"

"How come...Being pregnant also means that I am kept out of things-"

"Jasper is struggling about his feelings for Olivia-"

"That woman he went on a date with?"

"Yes...He hasn't told me but I can see it in his face, I have had some experience of having the same face in my own past. He does not want to forget Alice-"

"Like he could ever do that?"

"Olivia is a replacement...At least that is how he sees it and, I suppose he is worried about all of our reactions"

"Jasper will always love Alice, but he cannot be alone for the rest of his life-"

"He needs to find out what he wants...The grief of losing our baby girl is still within him and it will be a struggle for him to finally get past it all"

"I hope he does. I want to see him happy, again...Danny needs a female figure...Jasper will never allow Olivia to be his mother but it will be good for his growing up if he has a woman figure"

"You're right"

"So...Are you going back to work?"

"Hmm...Just five more minutes"

*~Jasper~*

"Jasper, honey is everything alright?"

I had been in a daydream since bringing Danny around to my mum's on my day off from work...Olivia would not escape my mind and the words she had said to me on our last conversation at the park replayed in my head over and over again like a bad record.

"Sorry...What was that?" I snapped my head up and stared at my mom...Danny bouncing around on her lap clapping his hands softly in her lap as she soothed his arms with her hands.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked me, softly. The same tone that she had always used to get information out of me as a child, some habits are left in childhood but things still hadn't changed.

"Things"

"Care to be specific?"

"Mom...If I feel the need to be with anyone, a force bigger than me then...Am I betraying Alice?"

"What made you think of that?"

"It's Olivia...She is becoming more of a friend...At least the way I think about her is no longer in friendship territory..She wants to help me and there I am throwing away her hopes of us being only friends because I am too damn broken!"

"Jasper...If you feel that way then no one can ever say anything against you...Does Olivia feel more than friendship for you?"

"She said she cares about me...I couldn't answer or say no when she asked me whether I wanted her to go completely from mine and Danny's life"

"That's natural...Alice and you, the two of you were young's love dream and considering that you were together for so long I have no doubt in my mind that you are never going to forget her-"

"What about Danny..I am scared that if he calls Olivia 'mom' then Alice is truly gone-"

"She has gone my baby boy...Nothing any of us can say or do can bring her back even though all of us would jump at the opportunity to bring her back. You need to find some way to move on, even though every thought in your head stops you. Perhaps this love will be a good thing-"

"It's not love, mom...It's more of a need to be with her, even if we just end up talking about Danny-"

"Danny needs you in his life; he also needs a female to have the mix and stability in his growth. I am not saying that you must grab her with both hands because it will take some time to do that – but don't lose her, Jasper...Even if it is just as friends...Everyone is in need of friends-"

"I just don't know what to do, mom...I do not want to lose Livvie but I can't find it in my heart to love her because I will always love Alice-"

"I know that. Everyone knows that...Jasper, listen to your heart...Sometimes our heads can take away chances because we convince ourselves that is the right thing to do. Our hearts are the purest tellers and everything you wish to know is in there...Trust me Jasper you will find a way. Words cannot express how proud I am of you and how much love I have for my beautiful Grandson" Danny giggled in her lap as she tickled his stomach.

So much like Alice...So much like my only love of my life.

*~Edward~*

*(Evening)*

_Look up at me my only love!_

Bella hadn't moved, she never moved from her spot in her cell...The staff had told me that she hadn't eaten anything and it alarmed me. I made the note to come down and see her as soon as the shift ended and my dad had already gone home.

Still the same, still the same as always...No light in her eyes..No hope showing in her appearance of ever coming back to me but, I was determined now to stay here and let her know that I was here, as many times as it takes for me to smile at her and show her that she is still loved from everyone in her life. Bella had made such an impact on all of our lives and we were now finding the strength together as a family to show her support. I needed her to know that I was going to be here with her, waiting for her to return to me.

"Hey bro!"

I never looked up once hearing my brother's voice in my ears...Emmett had only come here once, at least the one time that I was aware of – he had taken himself away from the situation to deal with it all and I never once blamed him for it. Emmett has always been like it. "How is she?"

"No change" I answered keeping my eyes on my Bella but feeling my brother's presence next to me.

"Edward...I came to say sorry for not being here for Bell as much as I should have been...As much as all of you have been-"

"Em it's cool...Don't worry about it-"

"Can I get you a drink?"

"Sure" I replied, not really knowing what I was saying yes to...When Emmett walked away, I was a little happier that he was going to be staying here with Bella...She had always loved him like a sister should and that kind of bond was never going to break. Emmett needed his time to think and now, he was being kind to me and helping me as well as my Bella.

Just as the sound of Emmett's feet trailed away, I gasped a little as Bella's eyes made contact with mine..Her expression straight but her beautiful chocolate eyes filled with tears glared into my own. Biting down on my lower lip to stop my own emotion from the happiness of having her look at me at last...I brought my hands up to the window and trailed two fingers down it. I had wanted to smile but with my mouth being occupied by my teeth, instead I used my fingers.

Bella looked down again and closed her eyes..The moment gone but, it was a start that she had looked at me at all. Now, she must have known that I was there.

I was always going to be there...I had to, my life is nothing without her.

Nothing at all.


	14. Needs

*~A Shaped Life~*

*~Bella~*

*(A Week Later)*

I had managed to come out of the cell – find the chance to sit in groups of therapy hearing about other patients' problems that seemed so much bigger than my own – my oath to swear that everything said in the room be kept confidential and my mind forever screaming at me to see Edward again. For the past week I had managed to set myself a target to look at him for longer each time whenever he was gazing at me through the window and...Much to my relief he was always there sometimes even harbouring a smile on his mouth. He was supportive, and the sight of his smile eased me – was his heart still mine? Did I still belong to him as he still did to me?

Can he ever forget this whole episode ever happened and go back to some kind of normalcy in our lives once more – wiping away all the cracks and have nothing but smoothness and contentment back again?

"Isabella, what are you thinking about?"

Angela Weber was the name of my main psychiatrist who comes into my dark slum of a room and sits in her usual chair in front of me with the same clipboard and pen, the same stare to make me bear all to her. The first time she had come to see me ended up being a pure waste of time – my mind wanted to talk but nothing came out of my mouth and I was a mute for the whole session. Given the advice that the longer I stay quiet about my problems the harder the recovery for me is going to be...What they have failed to notice is that I have come here before and survived before, maybe they believe that once you fall the second time there is no going back. Maybe there is no hope...!

"Isabella...What is on your mind?"

"Nothing in particular" I answered, feeling defeated about having to say something, the silence is even more empowering when I was being gawked at and made to speak to a person who was getting paid far too much to sit in a room with a clipboard. In all fairness despite the pay in her job, Angela was a very nice person and she did not keep pushing me like some of the others that I had before her. The strange thing about it was that she worked with Edward – due to obvious reasons...Neither Carlisle or Edward could assist me in a outsider's view and a physcological analysis of the exactness of my mind and how far damaged it had gone since losing Alice two years ago.

"How have your classes been today?"

"I do not pay much attention in them...I have to be honest, all I think about is the outside world...How people may perceive me and what opinions they have. Is everyone ashamed of me?"

"Others are not ashamed of you, Isabella...You are ashamed of yourself...That is the low self-opinion coming out. People go through emotional issues on a daily basis-"

"Of course, otherwise you wouldn't have any patients-"

"Has anything happened in the last two years since your sister's death that has made you feel different in yourself?"

"What do you mean?"

"Has life been content enough through the grieving of your family...Has anything or anyone upset you at all to get to where you are here, now?"

"No...Life was alright, my nephew is growing...My mum is pregnant but I haven't been at home to see how she is doing-"

"Your mother is pregnant...You have never told me about that, Isabella"

"I didn't think it was that important-"

"Your sister, Alice was the only biological child of your mother and father wasn't she?"

"Yes what has that got to do with anything?"

"Well...How do you feel about her pregnancy...It must have come as a small shock to some members of the family"

"The baby wasn't planned so...Yes it was, but otherwise it's okay...I mean with a new baby everyone is probably going to forget all about Alice and it is my job to keep her memory alive"

"You believe that your family are going to forget about your sister?"

"Danny is enough to keep everyone's attention with two young children in the house, everything is going to be in uproar...Oh you know what, I am going around in circles here and all I want is to go back home...Nothing welcomes me here I am not comfortable"

"Isabella...You are not going to talk to any of your family members about this if we do let you go.-"

"You don't know anything about me...Just because you learn some things from textbooks does not make every therapist geniuses in the world of the human mind, who can ever really understand it?"

"Isabella...Calm down...Just take deep breaths-"

"Angela...Do you walk away after every assessment and inform Carlisle about my progress...Tell Edward about how I am doing?"

"Your family have a right to know what is going on...That and the fact that they want to see whether I am doing my job properly-"

"The job to make me talk-"

"It's not just about that, Isabella...I have a duty of care to you...I want to help you recover and go back home to be in the arms of your loving family once again. You're far too young to spend too much time in a place like this, with therapy classes and these discussions we can find out what is the next step for your life and what you want to achieve-"

"What makes anyone think that I have any talent...I do not have a talent that can be carried through to a career...So what do you suggest I do then?"

Assessments made me feel like I was going around and around a useless circle with no way out and no chance of finding a new curve to take my attitude down. Carlisle and Edward were informed of what I was going through but yet they can have no say into what Angela does – her attitude did change since I had chosen to speak to her to be rid of the awkward silence and the pressure to say things even though they did not make any kind of sense to anyone, not even me.

Someone get me out of here!

*~Emmett~*

Staying and watching Bella for most of the night last week had been one of the hardest things I have ever gone through...She was not my sister, the sister that had shone on all of our lives in different ways and though it was no fault of her own that she had become like this...Seeing it was heart-breaking especially because she had always been so strong for us.

"Hey mom"

I had come to see mom – seeing that she was always there when I needed to speak or a moment of peace to be with her. Let people say what they want to say – I appreciate my mom and I will not have anyone think any less of me and state their opinions to my face about it...Sometimes men come across as strong and independant but over half of them still love their mothers and I was no objection to that majorty.

"Hey sweetie" mom smiled putting down her book, dad had been going on at her for not resting enough and even though she was fully clothed she had taken his advice and was taking some rest seeing as no one was in the house and she was alone. Without saying anything else, I climbed onto the bed and rested my head on her shoulder...One of her hands went around my shoulders as the other one took place on her tummy, on her unborn baby. "Are you alright?" she asked me rubbing her hand soothingly along my shoulder making me feel like I was a kid again.

"Yeah" I sighed in reply, closing my eyes and enjoying the moment with her.

"Have you spoken to Rose?"

It was not a surprise that Rose had talked about my behaviour to Esme the two of them had become much closer since we lost Alice and Rose was always so fond of my mom which was nice because she did not have a proper mom to call her own. "Yes, everything is sorted"

"She was worried about you, baby...I know that none of this is anyone's doing but you have to understand that Rose is your wife and she is only looking out for you-"

"You sound just like Bella-"

"Bella has sense, a bit too much for her age – then again, she has always been beyond her years"

"Yeah...Mom, is everything going to change?"

"What do you mean honey?"

"Well...With you and the baby...Bella and Edward, are any of us going to get back to normal?"

"Of course...We can be the family we were again...Liz has called constantly and asked about Bella's progress it seems she has other people who love and care about her as much as we do"

"Does she mind that Bell isn't working?"

"No...She misses her, the two of them were always as Bella said 'two peas in a pod'...But nothing was said out of spite-"

"Shaun comes around sometimes, too"

"Yes...Everyone is behind her in their own way...I can tell that she must miss you-"

"Me..Why me?"

"Oh come on, Em...You have been a great big brother to her...I want you to be a good big brother to the new one like Alice but believe me, whatever Bella believes in her state of mind at the moment...Alice will never be forgotten, here"

"How's Jazz?"

Mom and dad had told Rose and I that Jasper had been struggling in his emotional feelings for Olivia...It was obvious from the start that the two of them were going to grow close but, Jasper is full of his own worries about going ahead and being in a relationship. None of us had met Olivia but I guessed that was because of Jasper's worry about our reactions. I felt sorry for him, he had been through so much and it didn't help that he had found someone after he had loved my sister to the ends of the earth and back again – dare I say loved her more than I have ever loved Rose and believe me that is a lot!

"Quiet...He doesn't speak very much, staying with Danny for most of the time-"

"Is there anything that anyone can do?"

"Edward has spoken to him...Out of his own choice and, some of us have stated our opinion that there will be no bad influences or opinions here if he ever brought her round. What do you think about it all?"

"Alice is still a huge part of my heart and I can't lie and say that seeing him with someone else is going to have some getting used to but otherwise, he should be able to let go. I want to see him happy because he has been sad for so long-"

"That's very mature, honey...I am so proud of you for making a home of your own and turning into someone that anyone would be stupid not to love-"

"You're my mother, you are a little biased-"

"Now you sound like Bella!"

"Am I going to win against you?"

"When have you ever won against me?"

I smiled and left the conversation at that...I wasn't going to win but God did I love my mother!

She is truly a rock!

*~Bella~*

"I want to see Edward" the words came out of my mouth before I even had the chance to decide whether it was the right thing to say or whether asking the question burning in my mind after another draining assessment with Angela.

"I don't think-"

"Please...Let me see him...He will be able to make me feel better and get the first proper sleep I can have in this place...Please?"

"I will see what I can do-"

Angela walked out of the room...In exhaustion I slumped down onto my iron bed the sound of squeaking filling my ears from the weight on the small mattress. I couldn't shut off my mind, Edward's stunning singing voice had always made me sleep like a baby and I was missing him too much to keep any sanity left in my broken mind.

I needed him...Here, with me he doesn't have to be beside me but it is enough just to be with him.

*~Rosalie~*

"Alice...Hey...Listen I am really sorry that I haven't been here in so long...I am wondering about whether you are helping Bella...It seems like none of us have the power to say or do the right things at the moment and if you were here...You'd only be kicking our asses for sitting here and being emotional. Things are still so fucking hard without you baby girl...Nothing is ever the same and now that Bella is gone from us for a while it feels like I have lost both of my sisters. With Bella, I mean...I have treated her so badly in the past but I love that girl more than anything for what she has done for me and what she did for you about your pregnancy with Danny. Danny is always beautiful, a real credit to you and trust me when I say that he will always be loved by us, Ali and we will all be there for him when he grows up and gets to wherever he wants to be in life. I just wish so much that you were here to see him and to tell me how much of a useless skank I am being in the nicest way possible. I miss you, Ali...I will always miss you – Emmett has gone through a lot but we have gotten through the rough patch...Send me a sign that you can hear me, somehow and look after Bella for us – we all want her back home where she belongs. I mean all of us!"

*~Bella~*

I hitched a breath as Edward stood in my doorway, a worried look on his face...All the things that I had spent the time alone to think to tell him had flown out of my head and now, there was nothing but silence...Always silence..Always the same silence!

Fighting back the tears, I sat up on the bed and clasped my hands out in front of me...Sniffing, I looked up at him again and shrugged my shoulders lamely. "I'm sorry" I choked out almost silently...The fear of him walking out again clouding me...What else could I say? I had treated him so badly the last time we had spoken...I had run away from him...When had I ever not wanted to be with my amazing Edward? What was wrong with me?

"Can you forgive me?" I asked then, taking the question out of my head and out of my mouth...I studied him as he gradually made his way towards me...As he knet down my heart fell when his own eyes were glistened with tears threatening to fall...I wanted so much to bring my fingers out and wipe them away but I figured that it was too soon to touch him. Speaking was enough.

"Say something" I was pleading him to talk to me, I needed to hear his voice even if it was going to be used to yell or shout at me, lord knows I deserved shouting and anger after everything that I had done.

Edward sniffed then, taking my face forcefully in his hands and leaning his forehead on mine...I sighed and pushed my head closer into his the smoothness of his skin and the feel of his touch soaring through me and making me feel completely at home – forgetting that I was even in this god-awful place!

"I have missed you" he choked out kissing my nose and smoothing my face and each side of my hair with his hands so brilliantly, the same magic hands that brought me so many emotions all of them positive.

"I love you...Edward, I love you...I love you...Please believe me...I love you so much" I was really crying now, not having anymore words left to speak the sobs violently being held back and the tears cascading down my cheeks and moulding onto his own skin. My fingers itched to touch him, I wanted to fall into his arms like the way we had always done on the nights we spent together and the moments where I needed to be comforted...Edward was my soul, my one guiding light through the darkness of my path at the moment.

"Oh Bella...I love you, too...Calm down my love, I am here...I am always here for you-"

"Lie with me, please?"

At my question, Edward released his hold on my face, came up to standing and climbed next to me onto the bed and held me in his arms resting his head on mine, the silence between us showing that words couldn't be enough for us that the actions were so much more important.

As I closed my eyes he began to sing me the lullaby that he had wrote for me as well as the one he had written for Esme the first time I had seen and heard him play the piano.

This was my home...I needed to find a way to come back to Edward, look after Esme for the birth of my new brother or sister...Edward and the rest of my family were still suffering from losing our amazing Alice but we can stick together...All of them were being there for me and it meant so much.

"Thank you...For being here" I breathed out, falling into a much needed sleep wrapped up in Edward's arms – he was not going to be there in the morning but this was enough, this moment made my whole time in here and in the cell worthwhile. I could see him again...I was here with him.

"Sleep my one true love...We all love you" I swear I heard before going into the depths of my sub-conscious thanks to the comfort of my beautiful boyfriend.

Edward needed me and my God...I needed him...I need to get through this and get back to my life...No matter how many classes I take...As long as I know he was there for me, nothing can stop me.

I wanted my life...I want it all back!

I can't stay like this, anymore...I just can't!


	15. Desires

**Stephenie Meyer owns 'Twilight'**

**I own 'A Misshapen Life' and this sequel!**

*~A Shaped Life~*

*~Jasper~*

_Come on Jasper...You can do this...You can do this...Stop being an idiot!_

_I can do this...I can do this...Oh, I have to!_

I had been pacing up and down on the small space on Olivia's doorstep for about half an hour, the cold day air sinking into my skin at every minute...There seemed like there wasn't any movement from inside the house but I couldn't bring myself to knock on the door or ring the doorbell. Instead, accepting that my limbs did not have it in themselves to be forward, I slumped down on the step burying my head in my hands and waited in the silence.

Olivia was never going to be like Alice, the two women could not be more different but both of them had such a kindness and loving personality in their souls and the kind that drew me to them without ever stopping my attraction. Alice was an enthusiastic person with such a energy for life, Olivia is more of a quiet and shyer person but still had a caring side to her that made me feel close to her...I never wanted to fall out of love with Alice because the part of my heart that she will forever be in is locked away so it won't break but what will everyone else think? Will they hate me?

"Jasper?"

I looked up at the sound of my name to see Livvie standing at her opened front gate just steps away from me, she did not look angry...Instead she was more surprised. I swallowed, all the words going out of my head and looked down again, her footsteps trailing towards me as she said nothing but sat down beside me. "Hi" she added softly.

"Hi" I replied lamely desperately needing to explain my behaviour – either that or at least think of some simpler reason for why I was here.

"How long have you been out here?" she whispered wrapping her arm around me "you're freezing...Come inside and warm up for a minute". Livvie stood back up and released her arm around my shoulder to fetch for her keys in her coat pocket...Why hadn't I been that prepared to have something to wear around myself in the gradual drop in temperature every passing hour?

I followed Livvie inside her house, the warmth from her heating hit me and soothed me immediately as she took off her coat in front of me and in courtesy, I removed my shoes and kept them neatly behind the front door.

"Have you had something to eat?" Olivia turned and faced me...In reply I shook my head and she smiled a little. "I was going to make something...Come and sit down, eating may make you warmer as well".

Olivia looked particularly pretty today – the colour green had always been such a good colour on her to match her eyes and it was hard then not to gawk and drool at her like some middle-aged man in a park. _Wait that didn't make any sense...Oh Jesus now my thoughts are not even making sense!_

"Have a seat" Olivia sang as she turned on her iPod in a dock on a shelf and turned up the volume...I sat down on one of the seats at her two-seated dining table and let the music take me over.

'I'll be' by Edwin McCain was playing, the soothing melody calming my nerves and nausea at the reality that the woman I have grown to care for more than friendship was now dancing around the kitchen, not too obviously like a dance floor but her hips swayed slightly as she added various ingredients into a large cooking pot...It was enduring to see her less quiet and so involved with her own thoughts, I was beginning to think that the both of us had done a reversal in personalities in that moment as I was the one who was shyer than her.

"I am sorry this is simple but...It never went amiss when my mum needed to cook something fast. Are you allergic to anything?"

"No" I replied shooting her a small smile at her taking care of me once again...After the awkwardness of our last meeting it seemed nicer to be here right now but the talk and explanation of why I never told her to stay was going to have to wait until later.

I lifted my eyes to look back up at her again but jumped as her eyes glared centimetres from my own, she was fighting the smile of my reaction to her closeness but she never once moved. "All alone in those thoughts again, Jasper...Do you want to talk about anything?" the softness of her voice drew me in but I was confident not to speak about anything until after dinner. I shook my head and she moved away from me taking the refusal and walking away from me. Adding some pasta to another pot, she hummed to the next song which was a song I did not recognise but the woman's singing voice running through my ears was angelic and soothing.

"Have you ever heard of Within Temptation?" Olivia asked me, then never turning around but keeping her hands occupied with the cooking...I was forced then to answer instead of shaking or nodding my head.

"No" I replied twiddling with my thumbs and breathing in the mouth-watering aroma around the kitchen from the cooking that Olivia was going to make me. "Do you want me to set the table?"

"Oh would you...That would be great...Cutlery is in here and the plates are up there" she gestured to the various spots where the cutlery and plates with her mixing spatula, I swallowed the dryness in my throat as the realisation of the drawer where the knives and forks were right next to her body...Stepping towards her and standing to a standstill next to her I was ignoring the feeling of need in my fingers barely grazing the material of her skirt when grabbing two pairs of knives and forks in preventing to not allow my embarrassment to show I did the task as quick as lightening and took two plates out of the cupboard that she had shown me above our heads but thankfully away from her.

"Would you like a beer...Oh God you're driving...I have squash...Or water-"Livvie stuttered making me smile at her obvious mistake and embarrassment of having to cover it up. Once I had put the plates on her table with mats underneath him and the knives and forks on either side...I sat back down.

"I don't want anything thank you" I replied politely...Alcohol had always made me more confident in every kind of situation but for this kind of one, it was not a good option.

"Oh are you sure...I am having some wine and I don't want to look like an dependant?"

"Thank you but...Alcohol is not my thing at the moment, what with Danny and everything-"

"Oh how is the little man?"

Every time Danny's name was mentioned, a beautiful light shone in Livvie's eyes, the kind that any friend who thought so much about another had in their eyes. I was grateful for mentioning my beautiful son because the tension washed away as soon as his name fell on my lips and the two if us were now back to normal friends again in the click of fingers.

"He's great...He is with the Cullen's today"

"They sound like they give great support to the two of you-"

"Esme is like my second mother even though I do have a mother that I love with all my heart-"

"Two mothers, now that is lucky!" Olivia brought over the two pans and put them down on the centre of the dining table, underneath a pile of mats there were already there before I had laid down our places. "Smells great!" I commented as she smiled bashfully sitting down opposite me.

"Mum swore by this recipe...Now I know why...Help yourself" she said standing up and taking her glass of wine off of the kitchen side and bringing it over to put in front of her place. "Are you sure you do not want anything?"

"I'm fine thank you" I answered putting a small amount of pasta and sauce on my plate and waiting for her to take what she wanted and then after she had put the food on her plate, I picked up my fork and took a taste. Alice had been a good cook, perhaps not so good as Esme but cooking skills ran through the genes of Esme and Carlisle to Alice but this was something as high as Esme's standards...A mix of different tastes washed over my tongue and the savoury taste forced me to take a bigger bite once swallowing the first.

"This is amazing" I commented, making sure my mouth was free of food before speaking.

"Thank you" Olivia answered eating her own food.

The conversation over dinner was more general, about work and our plans for our careers in the future...Olivia had always had big dreams much like Alice had done, even though she was not working her way up in the job that we shared the same building it didn't seem to make her any less determined to live what she really wanted to do. Sitting with her had been the most fun I have had in the longest time – this was the things that life was made of the small moments to share with friends and the people you care about. Livvie had a fantastic ability to bring me out of my shell and make me enjoy what life could be and that is what I admired the most about her.

After dinner, with the help of my hands washing up as she dried them and put them in the correct places, Olivia invited me into the living room to a more 'comfortable' room before I headed home. It was then that I took a glass of water in with me with Livvie's permission and sat down next to her, slumping against the comfort of the couch.

"Listen, Liv...I want to talk to you about the last time we spoke-"

"Oh, Jasper...I was too forward with you and of course, after everything that has happened it is only natural that you would wish to steer clear...It was wrong of me to say those things and in return, I should be the one who apologises-"

"No...I wanted you to stay with me...I don't know what it is, or what this is that we have yet and...There is a fear inside of me about what other people think more than anything"

"I can understand that"

"How are you so understanding...About everything...You make my behaviour seem reasonable when in actual fact, I was cold and distant with you even on our first date...In honesty we should never have gone on that date...Well, I should never have asked you...But there is a part of me that is glad we did...?"

"I am glad we did, too...I enjoyed myself and well...I like being with you, perhaps a little more than I should-"

"The thing is, Livvie...You're amazing...I mean you are grounded and a great friend to me but...How can I give my heart to you when my heart will always belong to Alice?"

"You don't need to give me your heart...It will always be Alice's and of course again, I can relate to that. Jasper I am not going to make you feel or believe anything different than you have known because I have lost someone in the past that I care about-"

"What do you mean?"

"I never told you because I do not need anyone's sympathy...It was a long time ago, it was when I was in college...I met a man named Jeremy who studied the same course as me and of course, instant attractions can with some luck change into a relationship and with us, my dreams came true because my smitten feelings and my 'rose-coloured glass' view of him had made him see that he felt the same way. We were together for two years and on the last year of college, a death in his own family ended up being his downfall and well, to put it generally and to cut a long story short...He started to drink a hell of an amount and...Became distant and there was nothing that I could do or say to help him. To show him how much I cared for him even though he began to change from the man that I had fallen in love with I kept telling him that I was there for him but it all fell on deaf ears. One night he was out with the guys, a nightly thing which became a habit...i had seen him for a quiet night the night before but none of us said anything important instead just falling back into conversation once again...But, he had drunken too much and being the man that he had turned into...He got onto his bike to ride home. He was involved in a collision and both he and the driver of the car he had the crash with died on impact"

_Fuck my life!_

"So...The reason why I am so understanding is because I have also lost someone I loved, the love of my young life...My first love. I was a late bloomer, not having much interest in men growing up but Jeremy...Before the death in his family was the nicest of men, caring and so loving towards me-"

"Oh Jesus Livvie-"

"Please, Jasper...I can't have any apologies over something that he decided to do...I had a horrible time and it is never a good thing to bring it up and have a deep conversation about it" Olivia starlted me as she rose from the sofa and stood in front of the window wrapping her arms around herself and the sound of her deep breathing in and out filled the room in my useless silence. All this time I had been worried about my own feelings when Livvie had gone through the same amount of pain as I had done, maybe even more because she was younger...Either way I had no idea about Jeremy and she had been right not to tell me because then and there I did feel very ashamed and sympathetic.

Choosing to stay silent...I rose from the sofa and walked towards her, placing my hands gently on her shoulders on my contact with her skin, she turned and the tears that had filled her eyes had fallen down her cheeks...I brushed them away with my thumbs keeping my movements slow and gentle because I had no idea what to do or what to say to her as she held her head still in my hands.

"Sorry" she whispered bringing her eyes to mine from the floor and keeping her gaze "I should never have said anything to you...Can we forget it ever happened and go back to being the way we were?"

The question startled me...The selflessness in this woman was even more unbearable now that she had told me one of the saddest times of her past. The woman was a martyr and I was dragging her through the ground each time I came over here and attempted to make anything normal. Taking her face away from his head, I released my own tears and backed away from her.

"Jasper, are you okay?" she asked me concerned but I ignored her, running towards the front door and grabbing my shoes before sprinting out into the now spitting rain. "Jasper...Wait...Please!"

The plead in Livvie's voice made me turn in front of my car "Livvie...I don't deserve you as a friend, how can you like someone like me when I drag you through the ground every time I try and make things normal between us...I CAN'T BE NORMAL WITH YOU...I have tried to get you out of my head but you won't go away...I think about you all the time and then straight afterwards I am guilty because I am betraying Alice, but am I...How the hell am I supposed to do?"

"Jasper...I care about you too much to not be your friend, I want so much to help you...Whatever that means for you...This is not selflessness – this is what friends do" in anger, I punched my car door making a dent but ignoring the pain in my fingers the sobs mixed with anger at this point.

"I care about you, Livvie...My feelings for you have gone beyond friendship but...I won't ever lead you on or give you false hope. My son loves you, the look on his face when he sees you is deep down in the past the face I wanted him to have for his mom...You're a part of my life now, Livvie...God knows how it happened but...This is what I am-"Losing all speech, I hung my head in my hands and leant back hard against my car.

Within seconds, Olivia had tried to pry my hands away from my face which she managed to do and held them down at my sides before bringing her own hands up to cup my face "ssh Jazz...It's okay...It's okay...Trust me...Everything is going to be okay" the feel of her hands on my face send mixed and unknown messages into my system...The raindrops falling down her face, the brightness of her evergreen eyes much similar to Edwards stared into my soul, so much love within them for the broken man in front of her.

Slowly I leant in...My body being pulled towards her before my brain had a chance to know what was going on...I touched my lips to hers, making her sigh against me at the contact but never forcefully respond – Livvie was keeping a lid on her wants so as not to startle me. The softness of her lips invited me in, I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her closer to me not allowing any distance between us...Our mouths gradually got faster and faster against each other's and Olivia had touched the tip of her tongue to my bottom lip stopping my mouth movements altogether.

_It's alright, Jasper _I swear then and there that I heard my Alice's voice somewhere in my conscious mind..Call me crazy but could she really be okay with this?

I didn't have the time to think twice before opening my mouth for Olivia to caress my mouth, her hands moving up to my hair and entwining within it bringing me even closer to her as she reaches every area of my mouth. So long had I gone without being kissed or shown love from another woman or my showing love to another woman, I forgot how great it feels and how much it can take to want to be with someone who shares the same feelings for you back.

Before the two of us ran out of oxygen, Livvie took her lips off of mine, stopping our tongue dancing and stroked her arms down mine, the two of us drenched by the rain and gently she brought up my injured left hand, placing a kiss on my red and slightly swollen knuckles and brought her head up, my hand safely in hers.

"I should get you some ice to put on this" she said smiling and walking back into the house...It was right not to follow her, just kissing her had been a step up from the awkward first kiss on the first date and it felt really nice...I was still in a daze. Only being able to smile as she came back and handed me the ice pack.

"I will ring you tomorrow" I said, my voice deep and still affected by the emotion running through me from our kiss...Nodding she kissed my nose, forehead and both eyes slowly and reached over and opened the car door for me to step into and climb into my seat...I put the ice-pack on the passenger seat and reached for the keys from my back pocket and turned the keys in the ignition. Livvie waved at me through the window and I made the small journey back home...Making a much needed stop beforehand to speak to Alice.

*~Bella~*

The night's sleep I had made me feel much brighter today, even though the therapy takes so much out of you and all an individual wants to do when suffering from depression is go straight back to sleep again afterwards because of the exhaustion of pretending that everything is okay and putting on a straight face for the people around them.

When the evening came, it was wrong of me to want to have Edward back here with me, he loved me...he still loved me even after all of this, seeing me so down and having no hint of life in my face...The unknown replacement for the girl he had fallen in love with. Hearing Edward say how much everyone was there for me gave me the push I needed to speak to all of the psychiatrists on different types of therapy class and get a better perspective about gaining a better goal at the end of this and make a better mind for a better life.

Oh what the hell...I needed out of here.

"Bella?"

I gasped and turned from the window in my room to find Carlisle in the same spot that Edward had been last night...Seeing my father again made me more emotional than my meeting Edward. Carlisle had been there for me since day one, the reason why we had met in the first place is because I was brought here and the memories of my not wanting to be separated from him replayed through my head.

I ran to him and wrapped my arms around him cowering my head in his neck and sobbing in the safety of his arms...My father, Carlisle who had shown me so much love and comfort...Welcomed me into his home and adopted me into his family, bringing me to Edward and giving me the honour of knowing Alice, Esme and Emmett. Everything I am is credit to him and his choices with me.

"Oh Bella...How are you, darling?"

I didn't want to answer any questions, instead gripping my arms around him tighter and embracing the moment in the silence and love radiating from both him and me.

Carlisle nodded once against my head and wrapped his arms around me tighter in response rubbing one of his hands along my back to calm me and my sob punching out of my abdomen against his body.

Sometimes in life there are no words...I will tell Carlisle everything when I can get an understandable sentence in my head...I will speak and tell them all my worries and embrace in the protected family unit once again. My old life will be my own.


	16. Gradually

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**I am sorry that I have not updated this fic in like...TWO MONTHS how awful am I?**

**There is no excuse, perhaps my other fic 'Just Between Neighbours' taking up too much of my mind...Or maybe it's because I have too many WIPS?**

**Anyway, I am back with therapy Bella and other confused members of the Cullen clan!**

**Stephenie Meyer owns 'Twilight'**

**I own 'A Misshapen Life' and this sequel!**

*~A Shaped Life~*

*~Jasper~*

"Emmett...Emmett, you here?"

My mind was in such a mess, my feet led me to Emmett's house because he was the only member of the Cullen's who will know what this is like – or at least have the right head needed for my outburst of what had happened to me last night with Olivia. Edward, Esme and Carlisle were rightly thinking about how Bella is doing and so was I, admittedly in the back of my head but right now, this needed to be taken away from my chest and the gradual tearing of my heart needed to be taken away, right now as soon as possible.

"Jasper, what's the matter?" Rose came down the stairs, their front door left open for me and basically anyone who wants to rob their place to come in...Her hair was a mess on top of her head and dark circles under her eyes.

"Sorry Rose, is Emmett here?"

"He's upstairs, I'll go and get him" surprisingly, Rose did not seem as much in a mood as she had done a good few times I had made morning visits...Putting my hands in my pockets, I stood still as she went up the stairs to get my friend and in the silence and emptiness with all the strength in my body I tried to ignore the thoughts in my head, the feeling of regret and betrayal to my beautiful Alice who must from where she is have witnessed what had happened between Livvie and I just last night. As much as I enjoyed it, and Livvie's reaction in return spurring me on to carry the kiss longer...Now I couldn't feel worse about myself and the way that I acted on instinct.

"Jazz, buddy...What is it?" Emmett came down, looking like he had thrown his top and pants on from yesterday to come downstairs and see me, the way that he and Rose had looked I also felt bad about not knowing what times they wake up to start the day. This was a Saturday and the two of them must never see before nine am.

"Sorry about the late call...Something happened last night..."

"Alright man calm down and come and sit down on the couch with me for a minute..." He went ahead into their lounge and in defeat of my admitting the fact that I may have cheated on Alice with another woman, I followed my head bowed unable to look into his eyes...Seeing hurt in Emmett's eyes was proof enough without the other members of his great family who had shown me such kindness since Alice and I had been together and living with that was not going to be an option...It just couldn't be.

"Can I get you a drink?" Emmett asked me, sitting down and rubbing one of his eyes to wake himself up yawning loudly the sound filling the room around us.

"No..I am good" I sat down beside him, now wasn't the time to be civil..Not until I knew what he was going to say about how I had spent my night.

"What's up?"

"Listen Emmett, I am sorry right now because last night...I did something really heinous and stupid last night.."

"What did you do exactly?"

"Alright well...You know Olivia?"

"The chick you've been dating for about three weeks?"

"Yeah...Um...We kind of kissed..."

"Jasper, what do you want me to say to that...Good on you!"

"What...you're not serious?"

"Positive...It's great that you have found someone else, hell it's about time you did. Danny needs a woman figure in his life and, Olivia will never be Alice but...Your heart has to open up again my friend"

"You did not just say that?"

"Rose turns me into a shmuck sometimes, what can I say...I am married and I love her. Jazz, is that why you look like you need to hurl right now because you were worried about what I was going to think?"

"Yeah pretty much"

"Don't be...Although, speaking in the words of my mother as I do not live with her anymore..She will want you to bring her around to the house and introduce Olivia to the family..Always playing the hostess even though Bella is still in hospital..."

"Bella is in hospital because of Olivia...Nothing that Livvie did but, how can she think that I would forget Alice?"

"Bella is sensitive...She has been through a lot...More than what the majority of us have done and so, she is right to feel bad about Olivia because she was so close to Alice. Don't worry, she will recover and she will love Olivia..."

"I have a feeling her and Livvie will get on..."

"See maybe that will happen...Jasper, the next time you want to worry about something so small and come around here at this hour of the morning, could you at least bring coffee or some doughnuts!"

"Sure thing, maybe we can go out and get some, now...You're dressed!"

"I have nothing else better to do...Let me tell Rosalie and I'll be right back!"

*~Rosalie~*

After Jasper's early call, I couldn't go back to sleep and so in an attempt to get rid of my boredom...I showered and got changed into the most comfortable clothes I owned, yes I was a woman who cared about her appearance but on a lazy weekend like this one...There is secret fun in wearing sweats and a hoodie along with flexible sneakers. I was tying up my hair after spending a stupid amount of time getting rid of the haystack look and knots through with my brush when Emmett poked his head around the door.

"Baby...I am going out to get some breakfast...Do you want anything?"

"No thanks...I said to Esme that I'd go around and help her with some new recipe...Of course the call will be a little earlier than expected..."

"Alright baby, well...Ring me if you need me...After seeing Bella, I may come around and see you two"

"Okay...I love you"

"I love you, too" he blew me a kiss and disappeared from view.

Managing a ponytail and a 'workout' woman look, I grabbed my car keys from downstairs on the coffee table where I had left them last night and headed out the door locking it behind me...I felt like such an idiot leaving the door open last night but my husband and I had been too far distracted looking forward to a relaxing weekend and so...Without going into too much detail, we started the party early.

Climbing into my car, I adjusted the heat and rubbed my cold hands together to get some heat in them before placing one on the wheel and the other to turn the key in the ignition...Pulling out of the driveway I started the short ride to the Cullen house...I suddenly hoped that Esme was up early today.

Bless her, she was about six weeks gone in her pregnancy and Carlisle, being a fantastic Doctor is keeping her prepared in case the same things happened with Alice will happen with the new child..Esme had a bad time with Alice's birth with a twenty-eight hour labour and many alarms and causes for concern about her contractions but the two of them are more prepared this time around and who knows...This time around may go much smoother. Of course, she had the glow of a pregnant woman and Esme had always been so attractive so the pregnancy did more wonders for her appearance.

I pulled up and climbed out of the car, locking it behind me and walking up to the door...I knocked twice as softly but loudly as possible because of how early it was – Carlisle's car was not there so he must have already gone to work or his car may have been in the garage...I didn't know so I hid my hands in my pocket as I waited for someone to appear.

"Rose, sweetheart!" Thank God...She looked a little stunned to see me and rightly so because this hour was only see by me on long work hours.

"Sorry for the early call, Esme...Emmett and Jasper have gone out to get some breakfast and...I couldn't get back to sleep.."

"Emmett is awake at this hour?"

"Believe me, the two of us are only up because of Jasper, he was worried about something and he needed to talk to Em-"

"How is he?"

"Fine, he looked like he hadn't slept but apart from that he seemed okay...Emmett will tell me later what is wrong when he comes round here..."

"Oh great...Well, come in sweetie...I have just made some breakfast of fruit and nuts...If you can believe it, Carlisle is getting me to take the right vitamins and slow-energy releasing food to help with these early stages of pregnancy, I have another two weeks before the percentage of fifty percent survival goes away...Don't ask me, all I want is to have our child and second chance to be as healthy and happy as possible and keep it away from stress as much as I can" Esme walked into the kitchen and sat down with a large bowl of fruit in front of her.

"No...I am fine, would you like a hot drink because I could murder a coffee right now..."

"I have some juice, already had my tea but you go ahead"

"Thanks...So how is Edward doing?"

"Much better, there has been a real change in him since seeing Bella for the first time and he seems much more comfortable when he is around her...Thank God he has found some peace of mind with Bella's progress"

"That's great, Emmett is still worried but...Bella does seem to be much better but she has some way to go..."

"Bella has strength, she'll get through it and there will always be a home for her right here...I understand how the news of the baby may have tipped her over the edge, but we have to be welcoming to her Rose when she comes back here..."

"I know, I was mad at her in the beginning because it was more stress and honestly, the reaction and her behaviour had struck me to be a little childish and self-absorbed but, she has had this before and with her past...I am surprised she has lasted so long"

"Thank you for not being mad at her, she will be naturally upset and scared about what we think about her but that is her depression and that is the paranoia that she will feel-"

"Edward will be there for her, he is still there which is the most important person in her life and also she knows that we are, too"

"So...Are you going to see her, you and I are the only ones who haven't seen her face to face?"

"I may do tomorrow, sometime...today is going to be spent with you and having a good diet it seems-"

"As much as I love and adore my husband to the ends of the earth...I do feel like an animal in a zoo!"

*~Bella~*

"Bella would you like to show me your drawing?"

Art therapy was considered one of the best options of venting out the sadness and negative thoughts in a depressed person's mind, it was also thankfully not a contest like in school where any work you showed in front of the rest of your classmates a strange and pressurizing time because I had never been able to draw. Writing had been more of my stronger point in my brain and in my natural talents.

I had asked to have an assessment on my own in my room because of the fear of being with complete strangers once again in group therapy...The therapy being about anger and the controlling of it in a healthier way than keeping it bottled up inside.

Angela watched me with the lid of her pen in her mouth, the studying look that had wanted me to slap her numerous times no matter how much she was trying to help me and how nice she had been to me in my time here.

Sniffing away the tears that had fallen onto my jaw and using a tissue from my always-needed box of Kleenex on my bedside table to wipe them away, it was my turn to study my head carer as she glanced down at the paper...A frown creasing a line above where her nose started to form.

"A thundercloud...So, what is the thundercloud, Bella?"

"The cloud is the constant factor in my life, when things get good it appears again and I can't seem to find a way to shift it..."

"Are there people or things associated with the cloud?"

"No just bad luck...It's the bad luck cloud"

"So...When this cloud goes away...Is everything clear or are there other bad thoughts that cross your mind?"

"No...I think about my past sometimes, but then everyone does...That's normal"

"I don't like the word 'normal'"

"Oh sorry of course you don't...What I mean is that my past comes up but that's maybe a drizzle if we still wish to use the weather analogy but never a cloud. A cloud is what happened when Alice died, the cloud came back when Edward was in hospital after having an accident when I had come back from England and the cloud was there when my mother died-"

"Wait a minute, your mother died?"

"Yes...But that's all in my past...Surely that has nothing to do with me now, I got over that"

"Did you?"

"I went to her funeral and the two of us had said goodbye to each other when she drifted away, the sole reason I went to England in the first place was to say goodbye because she wanted me to..."

"Did she tell you that...Make contact with you?"

"She came to the house and took me...Christmas two years ago, Edward had told me that he loved me...For the first time, I remember that night clearly now and I always will for the rest of my life"

"That must of been hard"

"Yes but it's all over now..."

"Well something tells me that you may not have truly moved on from it, maybe that situation of being there at the time of your mother's death is a part of the bad luck cloud as well...No one should have to go through that at only sixteen..."

"These things happen..."

"How did your family take your decision to go back to England?"

"They couldn't have been more supportive, Carlisle got us plane tickets and money for me to manage for the three months I ended up in total staying away and...Yeah, all of them helped me."

"What about Edward?"

"Edward was upset, much like me but we got over it and now, I want to get back to my old self and be with him, again because away from him in this prison cell of a room is complete and utter torture!"

"Didn't you and Edward have a few fights when you were together in the beginning of your relationship?"

"Yes, one was when I went back to England after Alice had died, I had to run and escape from it and it was the worst decision I have ever made and recently work had become too stressful for me, the news of the new baby brought me down because of the fear of Alice being forgotten but I do understand now that she won't be and it was wrong to assume that my family would forget her but...I guess that's what happens when a person has suffered from depression before...It always comes back to haunt you"

"Well...With a little more help, there is a chance for you to go on and be happy again...Just let everything out in these sessions and even if it is something small and it belongs in the past...If something has hurt you, touching on it and talking it through properly puts it completely to rest for future reference"

"Thanks"

"So, do you want to work on your family unit for me for tomorrow...Don't worry nothing has to be Monet or Picasso but tell me about them through drawing as much as possible.."

"Okay, if anyone comes in to see me can you send them down..."

"Of course seeing as your classes are done for the day...Would you like anything to eat, Bella?"

"No thank you"

"Alright but if you change your mind just inform the women at the nurse station..."

"Sure"

Classes were draining...More so than the actual assessments between Angela and I, there was much detail through psychology that these people can pinpoint and find out exactly what is the cause of a person's downfall and how they can do best to treat you...Like there is some magical cure to keep the down feeling at bay for the next five years at least. Having Edward come to see me along with Emmett and Carlisle who had managed to come and hug me with assurance that everything was going to be alright was vital to want to get out of here and go back home again, back to my room...Back to my job and most importantly, back to m life.

The last six weeks have gone in such a speed that I do not know what day it is anymore and the worry about not seeing Esme, Rosalie and Jasper began to eat away at me...Perhaps it was stupid to expect all of them in one go besides the only reason Edward came to see me was because I had asked him to, if I had not made a big fuss over seeing him...He may not be around with me for a few nights now and the idea of that made my heart sink slightly.

Carlisle was supportive, as he has always been...Of course with Esme and the birth of a possible new biological child for them must take its toll on him sometimes but like the true professional that he is, he comes back to Sandgrove now that Edward is trained as a full apprentice and comes to see how I am doing. The two of us don't speak about anything that has happened, instead I ask him how Esme is doing and how the rest of my family are living their lives without me and everyone to my knowledge is doing very well. The last thing I want them to do is to worry themselves about me, I am the one who has behaved so awfully to them all – especially to my Edward which I apologise for profusely to him every time I see him but in my heart, that will never be enough for me to be satisfied that he forgives me. Edward keeps brushing off the thanks saying that it doesn't matter but, come on the way that I have been...I am surprised he has stayed with me at all.

He does love me and hell, I love him more than my own life and always will do...My life was never enough without him, being in this cooped up cell is enough to prove me of the fact that my Edward had been right all along, I do have some things to live for...Also, there are people who care about me...He and the rest of the family that brought me from complete abandonment and loneliness and welcomed me into their house and into their hearts. We have had our ups and downs but what family hasn't...We all love each other of course, the couples..Emmett and Rose and Edward and I more to each other but there will always be a family love and unbreakable bond.

I was grateful to them...Forever and always and I hope that when I finally go home, I can be the good daughter again and help Esme and Carlisle embark on their second miraculous chance at having a proper child of their own to fill their hearts over losing Alice.

I will always love Alice as well but, if she were looking at me right now she'd probably tell me to get my butt in gear and recover so that I can return to my family once more.

For once...I agree with her.

*~Rosalie~*

"Carlisle has been such a comfort to me!"

Esme was gushing over Carlisle as she and I stood in the developing nursery room which used to be Emmett's old room...Danny's crib had been put into a spare room that was used as Jasper's when his place here had become more permanent that what it used to be. Emmett was not sad to see his room go, if anything he was the main influence on getting his father to change the decoration...He is adamant that this child was going to be another boy and so he can have another younger brother to boss around much like he tries to do with Edward. However, Edward being older now knows to give it straight back to Emmett whereas before he'd be caught up in his shell and ignore the world and the rest of the people living in it, only consumed with decisions for him and thinking only of himself. Bella had turned his life around and so now was the time for him to be strong for the two of them...Bella, admittedly had been the stronger one of the two up until this downfall.

"It must be great to have someone like that..."

"When do you plan to have a family, Rose?"

"Oh Esme...Not for a while..Emmett and I need to be happy in what we have and appreciate our house for what it is and accept our forever together before we even touch on having a family..."

"Don't rule it out...There is nothing better than having children and raising them to stand on their own...I could not be happier for Emmett, he has turned out to be the exact opposite to what Carlisle and I thought he would. That's down to you.."

"Believe me, it isn't...Bella has something to do with the change in people, never once has she treated Emmett badly and I can never take away the respect I have for her for that..."

"My beautiful ladies!" Emmett's voice boomed from behind us and Esme for the first to turn, Jasper had appeared on the stairwell along with him.

"Emmett" Emmett wrapped his arms around Esme kissing her on the forehead and wasting no time in getting down to his knees and giving her unborn baby a kiss.

"Hello Jasper" Esme greeted Emmett's tag-a-long as he gave her a warm smile. "What is this I hear about a certain Olivia?"

Oh man, Esme can never keep anything quiet but because she was so god damn nice and warm that it was hard to stay mad at her for more than about ten seconds...Jasper did not look angry instead shot her a bashful look and it was confirmation enough that things between the newly dating couple were gradually getting stronger and stronger. No matter how much I loved Alice and still miss her so much to this day two years later, Jasper needed to have someone in his life...Someone worth living for once again and so, good on him!

"Mum...I had an idea about what to give the baby..Well, it was Jasper's idea..."

"Emmett..What have I told you about presents...Having you around us is a gift in itself..."

"That is why, it will be one present from all of us. Jasper's mom gave us the idea of a baby book but not the kind that you just stick pictures in and have one line of writing underneath...It is just a writing one and everyone can put a note in for the baby before and after it is born!"

In that moment, I could kiss my husband and never let him go...That had to be one of the most beautiful ideas that he had ever come up with or...In this case, suggested to us and there hadn't been that many...Ignoring my itching fingers to reach out to him, I looked to Jasper and gave him a discreet nod in thanks for giving the idea to Emmett and turned to Esme who was fighting back tears.

"Oh honey...That's a beautiful idea...Thank you, Jasper...Thank you, son" she couldn't say anymore and she managed more than me because my own tears had filled my eyes and my hand covered my mouth to keep the sobs inside my body. Esme gave Emmett a huge hug and Jasper was looking on with a proud smile on his face.

These were the kind of moments that life is all about...These are the moments that we have missed these past couple of years and hopefully when Bella comes back there will be a lot more to celebrate.

"Right...Um...I am going to make a start on dinner" Esme cleared her throat and wiped her eyes.

"I'll help you, Esme" Jasper insisted giving her his hand and walking down the stairs with her, in the silence of the hallway between the floor ahead of us with other rooms and the stairs down to the next one there was Emmett and I.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" My amazing husband wrapped his arms around me and I looked up into his eyes.

"I don't say this as often as I should but, I love you Emmett Cullen" that was all I could manage to say, all I wanted to say and no other words were going to mean more to him, he'd only brush them off and give me a compliment in return but the image of seeing how much Emmett was caring about the baby growing in his mother was enough to make me believe that one day when we do decide to have a family – he will be an amazing father with a good heart to pass on.

"Oh Rosie...I love you too" he sighed bringing his lips to mine and his arms wrapping tighter around me as we moved our lips in perfect synchronisation...My hands buried themselves in the roots of his hair and my mouth opened to let him in.

More moments like this and we can all be as we once were before...Now, there was only to have Bella back and to see finally who this Olivia girl is and how much of an effect she has had on Jasper after everything he has been through.

*~Bella~*

"Bella?"

I awoke from a much needed sleep to see Edward kneeling down at my bed with a smile on his face...Rising from the mattress I gave him a sleepy one back in return. "Hey"

"How are you feeling, my love?" he asked me softly, ghosting his fingers along the flushed heat of my cheek.

"Better now that you're here" I replied touching his hand with my own.

"This is going to sound stupid but, I figured you might want to have something to read...So...I brought you Wuthering Heights and Persuasion from home" he told me, bringing out the books from the floor in front of my eyes.

"I remember when you gave Persuasion to me..."

"So do I...It was when I finally accepted you as my sister..."

"How was your day?"

"Good...But, I'd much rather know about yours..."

"I did art therapy with Angela and relaxation with another person and something about anger management this morning...Having so many classes gets on top of you..."

"They are only there as a guide to give your carers more idea about which ones are better for you and which ones you no longer need to go to..."

"I know, but I don't want to talk about therapy...It seems all I do is talk...Can you do one things for me?"

"Anything, Bella"

"Can you hold me?"

Edward smiled and rose to his feet, he bent down and climbed on the edge of my bed bringing his arms out for me to sink into – which I did with no hesitation. Edward's arms had always been my haven. We never said much to one another instead, wanted to be as close to one another as possible and feel the heat from our bodies. I smiled as he kissed my hair and I snuggled my head into the side of his neck as he locked his eyes onto the ceiling above us.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm going to be okay...You know that don't you?"

"Yes, baby...I never doubted you for one moment..."

"I am sorry for the way I have treated everyone..."

"What have I told you about apologies, Bella...We all just want you to help you to get better in any way that we can..."

"This..."

"What?"

"This is enough, you being here with me...It feels like the old days again.."

"We will have those days back and they will be better..."

"You have been strong for me, Edward...I'll always be grateful to you for that..."

"I learnt from the best..."

"Ed-"

"Don't ignore it...The reason why all of us are being strong is because you have been strong for us...We are following your influences over us..."

"Thank you"

"It's the truth, baby and...I love you so much, Bella...You know _that _don't you?"

"Yes...I love you too"

"Forever?"

"For eternity"


	17. Colours

**Stephenie Meyer owns 'Twilight'**

**I own 'A Misshapen Life' and this sequel!**

**Thank you to all readers who have reviewed! X.x.x**

*~A Shaped Life~*

*~Bella~*

(Three Days Later)

Having a down day, tears uncontrollably pouring from my eyes at feeling like someone who may as well have a lock on her room door and never have the ability or chance to emerge from the darkness and the powerful negativity of my own mind. I hate being here, every moment Edward comes into my room whenever he can and holds me in his arms – my place and where I belong is wherever he is and my life should be spent with the family that fate and the angels above haven't felt the need to take away from me. I want to be with him and getting so very self-involved and upset about the most stupid thing that will never be true may have lessened my chances for any of us to go back to normal. Does he still love me the same or have I permanently damaged him from treating him in such a horrible way and blocking any opportunity for him to know what was going through my mind and instead result into constantly worrying and having burning unanswered questions in his head burning away any content and happiness in his life.

That was all me, I am the reason he is suffering and I will always hate myself for this.

"Bella, what are you thinking about?"

Angela took me away from the habit of thinking about what has happened to me, one minute I have been run over by a car and in fairness...I do still have yellow tones of bruises from the impact of the road on my legs and hips to enhance the evidence for that happening...Being so wrapped up in myself, you'd think that a person who wasn't insane would might notice a car coming straight towards them if not by eyesight then by hearing of the engine at least!

"Yes, here you wanted this..." I shoved my poor attempt of another drawing in front of her eyes watching them lower to the bed in between us for a mere second before picking it up to lean on the clipboard at her lap. I took my tissue from under one of my sleeves and wiped my eyes with it, the soreness causing me to wince ever so slightly from the swollen and puffiness evident on them without having to look into a defeating mirror and gaze upon the wreck that I have become.

"Can you tell me about this, Bella?" Angela asked bringing her eyes away from the drawing and locking her eyes with mine again.

"They're all labelled...What more do you wish to know?"

"Is there a reason why...Rosalie and Emmett are not in the same bubble as Edward, Carlisle, Esme and you?"

"Rose and Em don't live with us; they have their own house..."

"Are they still involved with the rest of you?"

"Of course, Em would never stop speaking to Esme or Carlisle...All of us, Alice, Em, Edward and I are all adopted from different biological families and none of us now, after Alice has gone share any blood but we have a connection that is...Unbreakable and, we will always love each other just as much as blood families with shared DNA would do"

"Do the colours have any reference?"

"I like colour...Black and white is too boring unless it is a written piece of some sort...I like to use colours to go with code sometimes like, with that picture the colours have reference to moods or the atmosphere around us all...There is a separate diagram on the back..."

"For a young woman Bella, you are very detailed and are a big thinker that can prove to be a great benefit in some careers..."

"Obviously not an art career?"

"Not everyone is art-inclined...Believe me, you have done a much better job than I ever would..."

"Yes but I don't study psychology or have ever studied it and that's much more academically advanced than visual art..."

"That's down to opinion, sweetheart...So; can you explain the colours to me?"

"Tell me what colours I have put on the back; I don't have much of a memory..."

"Sometimes cloudiness is a problem with draining emotion and lack of chemicals to the brain...Believe me that will not last forever. Alright, on yourself and Carlisle there is a line of red in the middle of the two of you – what does red mean for you?"

"Red is a mix between anger and love, Carlisle and I have had ups and downs the most memorable in my own mind was when he reacted to Alice's pregnancy test in my pocket..."

"How did his reaction make you feel?"

"Carlisle has been my guardian angel since day one, I wanted to be a good daughter to him because of the life he has made for himself and the soul he possesses – it was wrong of me to keep that test in my pocket perhaps keeping it somewhere less obvious but Alice was so scared about his reaction and I wanted to be there for her, a promise between two sisters the kind of promise that came naturally to me even though I have no biological sisters or brothers of my own...He upset me, I felt rejected and upset with myself for letting him down and pursuing him to believe if only for a few hours until Alice came clean that I had made a black mark on the family name..."

"No family is perfect and from my own experiences, it's the black marks made that enhances strength and stability"

"Yes, I can agree with that...I love Carlisle to the depths of my soul as my father because, there was no male influence in my life before him and he is the only father-figure I have ever known..."

"What you have is special?"

"Yes very much so...He apologised and it was all forgotten but, the look on his face haunts me sometimes..."

"I can understand that...So, the pink between yourself and Esme?"

"Pink is more of a lighter colour than red, Esme and I haven't had the same connection from the beginning as Carlisle and I in the sense that she hasn't known me as long – Esme and I have a lighter colour because of the lightness we create within ourselves she is there for me whenever I need her and being a little unstable in my mental state of mind that is such a comfort but...There isn't much of a strength of love between her and I..."

"Why do you think that is?"

"I don't know, I suppose I can put it down to the reason that Edward, Emmett and Alice know their mother much more so than me and...Don't get me wrong, she never made me feel inadequate or less important than her other adopted children but she and I did not talk so much and we still don't when comparing it to Carlisle and I..."

"So you prefer Carlisle as a parent?"

"Not at all...I love them both but Carlisle was my doctor in the beginning..."

"So for that, there is a stronger bond..."

"Yes"

"Right...The green between Emmett and you?"

"Green is my favourite colour but not because Emmett is a favourite brother, Emmett is a complexed being...He can come off being strong, masculine and with a wise head on his shoulders but inside where only the people who really know his soul can witness – he still needs his parents and has a wonderful family vibe surrounding him. I have always believed that Emmett will be a 'fun' parent perhaps not much of a disciplinarian but, the children he decides to have will be lucky to have someone like him to act as their father and a potential role model. His act of protection and his role of an older brother to me came so naturally to him that still to this day, the speed of acceptance and the determination to make me feel wanted and loved within his family unit is something I will never forget and...In return, I will always be grateful to him for what he has done for me"

"What about Rosalie...His wife...There is a grey line between you?"

"Grey is immediately perceived as a dark and unnatural colour, Rosalie and I have had the rockiest relationship out of all the Cullen's...Rosalie and Alice were best friends and as a pair they accepted me but...Do you remember when I spoke about my escape back to England?"

"Yes..."

"Rosalie took Edward's side, saying that I wanted attention and that making Edward fall into a downward spiral was done out of pure selfishness on my own side and nothing else..."

"That must have been hard..."

"It was...I can't lie...Because Emmett loves her so much, I feel a need to be liked by her because the last thing my brother needs is to find himself torn between the love of his life and his adopted younger sister..."

"So, are you still rocky?"

"Rose has slipped gradually into Alice's shoes of being like a sister to me, no we are fine for the moment but...When I get discharged from here and go back home her reaction still frightens me..."

"It frightens you because she may come to the same conclusions as last time?"

"Yes..."

"Alright, we will touch more on that...For the rest, Alice and you have a gold line..."

"Gold is luxury...Gold is the colour of an angel's halo and what person doesn't like gold in general. Alice was the perfect sister for me; the most perfect soul there was nothing about her that remained hidden from the people she cared the most about. There was nothing to dislike, she had a dilemma with a unplanned pregnancy but once she found the acceptance in herself and had the confirmation that Jasper was going to stay with her no matter what happened she took to being pregnant like a fish to water...I believe that she also would have taken the same naturalism to being a parent if she were given the chance..."

"Was Alice close to the rest of her family?"

"Yes, everyone loved her...I mean, she wasn't perfect of course no one is but she was a beautiful all-rounded good person and she made people feel accepted if she spoke to them...That's what I miss, I miss looking into her eyes and seeing no judgement just pure caring and love and feeling from her...I loved her...I loved her so much and I always will twenty or thirty years down the line maybe even more...She can't be forgotten with me her soul lives in Danny my Godson and through Jasper and I..."

"Jasper and you have a blue line,"

"Blue is solely to represent Danny because he is a single parent to a son who he had with the woman he loved but also, blue is natural and calming...Jasper is a calming soul, he has hidden powers to make any heightened stress in a situation deteriorate in front of him because he has a earthly quality...He never takes sides unless he needs to and of course he loves unconditionally and honestly, the hand he has been dealt with losing Alice is an unjustifiable one and that injustice will always hang around us all and he struggles but, I'd like to think that the Cullen's and me help him in some way..."

"You just said you and the Cullen's...Do you not consider yourself a Cullen?"

"No, I mean...I have the Cullen's around me which is more than I can ever wish to ask for but, I am not a Cullen technically and I say that my being separate is not to make them feel any bad but because it's a force of habit..."

"Now there is yourself and Edward...With a yellow line..."

"Yellow is the sun...Yellow is life...Yellow is freedom, yellow surrounds me with Edward...I have the freedom to say whatever I want in front of him and never once doubt my words, I can be honest with him with my true feelings at least up until this point I could...I can live my life with him and feel like there is a life to live every moment we spend together. Edward accepts me, he accepts my flaws and my advantages he accepts my body and he accepts my heart which is the greatest feeling in the entire world. I was made for him, we fit together and we 'mesh'..."

"What was your connection with each other before you became lovers?"

"Um...Edward was the troubled one of the three children, he was the most broody...I don't quite know why however he did tell me once that it may have something to do with losing his mother because there was a strength between his mum and her son much like the same bond with Carlisle and myself. Edward was the brother who made the most mistakes with me, but the one who did inhabit the same want to accept me into their life and I kept on helping him..."

"How did you help him, sweetie?"

"Just talking...The amount of times we spoke now is the talks I wish to have had with Emmett at some point because, Emmett as much as he has a big heart because he still wants to maintain _some _masculinity he draws a line and there is a boundary...Edward and I had something special from the moment we met and, well..Against what everyone else might think about it we became something more..."

"What do you mean by others?"

"I was scared and still am a little to the remarks that outsiders may come out with, like...My and Edward being together is sick because we are a part of the same family or that our love isn't natural and needs to be stopped..."

"Do you think that Edward feels like this?"

"I don't know...We have never spoken about it...I guess because it is not an issue with us...He loves me and geez I love him with everything that I am and every breath I take so, with him there was never a necessity to know what his opinion of us being together was..."

"Would you like to know?"

"Frankly...No...Because I know what he'd say...That he loves me and that is all that matters and...In hindsight that _is_ all that matters. The truth of the matter recently is, I hurt him, Angela...I blocked him out intentionally and in every way possible verbally, mentally and physically I placed up a barrier..."

"Do you have an idea why that was?"

"Fear...There was a small part of me that feared he was going to think less of me because of my stupidity of ever once contemplating in thought that he and the rest of my family were going to forget Alice. I wouldn't care if the rest of the world hated me...As long as there is Edward there is nothing else...He is a part of me...He is the best part of my soul..."

I broke off, feeling my voice breaking from my tears filling up in my eyes...Angela smiled at me genuinely and leant forward on the bed "its okay to cry, Bella...Take your time, honey..."

"I never wanted him to look at me with doubt, to doubt that the girl he fell in love with was no longer there because of her downward spiral...Now, he has had to be strong for everyone and two years ago he was entirely different to how he is now...Being an apprenticeship doctor he is filling out his wish to help people with mental problems and issues and I could...I could not be more proud of him..."

"I know that, honey...Off the record - because the way you speak about Edward is so raw and honest...Can you definitely see a life with him in your future?"

"Yes...With my hand on my heart...I want a future, kids and marriage is immaterial because as long as I get to be with him and hopefully in the right state of mind to live out life the way we both should and be a girlfriend or partner to him that he deserves then that is all I ever want in my being..."

*~Edward~*

"How's Bella doing?"

Carlisle was the only person who could answer this question honestly and whose answer I'd believe...Bella had been showing some improvement in recent days but, Carlisle knew more than me about how Angela assess her and what Angela feels like she gets out of it from my Bella's response.

Dad was sitting at his desk deep into looking at piles of paper when his head lifted and his face softened as he realised it was me. "Come in, son" he said softly, I closed the door to his office...Some of the workers in Sandgrove were prone to listening in on conversations that didn't concern them and so, unable to run the risk of that happening to the girl I love with my everything is not an outcome.

"Have a seat..." he gestured to his two empty chairs opposite from him at the other side of the desk and I, hesitantly sat down wondering then whether this was the right time to spend my lunch break.

"What do you want to know...I cannot tell you all the details, Edward because I am not her doctor anymore..."

"I know, I just need you to tell me honestly whether she will be returning home to us, whether there is a chance even a small one that Bella is coming back to me..."

"Edward there is no doubt in my mind at this moment that she will be staying here for longer than absolutely necessary...It seems she has impressed Angela and other assessors who take her for classes...They are surprised by her wisdom for her young age and how she presents herself..."

"Really?" I could not have been more proud of my sweetheart in that moment, the fact that she was showing strength in a place like this – a place which she had tried her hardest to stay away from was enough to make my heart swell.

"Yes, she is showing real determination to get through this rough patch and, well I haven't read the records myself so I do not know exactly what she has said but...She still loves us son and there is a real regret to how she has behaved..."

"Who told you that?"

"Angela..."

"Well there is no need for her to feel like that, I know why she cut me off...I know why she became distant and if there was any way that I could turn back time and make her talk to me then I would...I am not mad at her, there is no way that I can do anything but show her how much I have missed her and how much I still love her..."

"Stay strong for a little bit longer Edward...We want her to come back..."

"I know, dad...Don't worry I will!"

*~Bella~*

"How did you feel when you were fifteen and were admitted here for the first time, obviously you must have been upset but...What was going through your head?"

Angela had moved on from the picture analysis but, it was still on her clipboard as a reference...I had shed more tears but was finally ready to keep going...I was feeling very drained but the longer I spoke the more chance I could have of going home much earlier than originally estimated...Wiping at my eyes again, I tucked the new tissue under my sleeve and the old one in the bin beside my bed.

"I don't remember anything at all about when I last saw my mother the first time around and when she was still alive...All I can think of is clutching my diary to my chest because...Well, this might sound weird but...I recorded everything that happened to me in my life from a young age and that was my only source of my old life and when I knew deep down that I may not ever see my mother again, I held onto it for dear life..."

"So they carried out checks...Physical checks to see whether you had been harmed and so on, not going to go into any details...Those tests needed to be done in order to establish where you came from and how we could help you with correct counselling and therapy to your specific needs..."

"Yes, I know that now...At the time it was very confusing..."

"Of course...So, when you were admitted can you look on the experience at being kept safe here for the short amount of time that you stayed and find a positive, there?"

"Yes...I found Carlisle, he adopted me...The only reason I had a second chance in life was because fate had brought me here and had brought Carlisle to me, as well..."

"With that in mind...Can you see a positive for the other bad things?"

"Like what?"

"Like...Alice's death, Esme's pregnancy...I am not trying to get clever answers out of you and there is no right or wrong answer in the way that we all think because we're all different – but can you find a ray of hope or in your case some colour in those situations...By doing this I am trying to get you to break free from the negativity and have more of an opened mind to both the good and the bad side of a situation to maintain the chemical balances in your brain and to retain from contented mood to emotional instability and draining?"

"I suppose...Esme's pregnancy is another chance...They lost their only true child and as fate might have it, they are a couple who deserve to have another chance and I agree with people who may state that they are a deserving couple so that is the silver lining there. Alice's death I mean, I can't find one for that I suppose not everyone can have a full life no matter how much they are loved and needed on the earth their destiny is to end short...I can't find a way that in terms of all of us it will make things better but who knows perhaps we can all find out in the future or something...Have an epiphany..."

"You're on the first step to recovery, Bella..."

"What?"

"The fact that you are willing to find the good sides in things, no matter how difficult it may be to see them that shows me that you want to have an open mind again and want to bring yourself out of this shell...I have to say that this assessment has been your best to date and for me, as well as your family who I know love you and want you to get better...Keep up this attitude and things will improve...I can promise you that..."

"Will I still have to be checked on every five minutes?"

"No, honey...After this assessment I will speak to your head nurse and have your suicide watch colour turned to amber where someone on the staff will check on you and where you are every half an hour..."

"Okay..."

"You're no longer in the red zone...Now that we're finished would you like me to send you down any more food?"

"No thank you..."

"As much as I would prefer you to eat right now, I am still pleased that you have eaten something today and also taken a shower, personal hygiene and diet can be lost entirely when someone suffers from depression and these are all positive signs, Bella..."

"Can Carlisle come and see me?"

"When his shift finishes I will ask the head nurse if he can come and have a talk with you...I do not let him see any of your records, Bella but I do out of the kindness Carlisle has shown me as an employer and how much he loves his children let him know the general outcome of each assessment so he will know now how much you're improving and he is already so proud of you and what kind of person you have become over the past two years of being his daughter..."

"How do you know that?"

"There are sometimes things that you just _know _without an understandable explanation as to why...Perhaps it helps that I am a mother and see the maternal signs in others..."

"Thank you, Angela for today..."

"No need to thank me, keep this picture for future references...In case there is a part of you that may feel lost as to what the Cullen's mean to you there it is from the heart and forever embedded on the fibres of that paper. For the next assessment you can decide what we chat about, if you wish to talk at all..."

"Alright..."

"I'll see you tomorrow, Bella" Angela smiled at me proudly and closed my bedroom door the moment the noise of it closing reached my ears I slumped down onto my back hitting the bed...I closed my eyes instantly the rest of the world around me washing away as I waited to wake up hopefully with enough time to spare to see Carlisle – there were some things I wanted to talk to him about.

*~Esme~*

"Hello little man!"

I held up my beautiful Grandson on my lap as he smiled at me, there was something about my luckiness at being pregnant again that made me feel more happy that Danny was a part of all of our lives and that Jasper still wanted to have his son around us.

"He's always liked you guys..." Jasper said then, studying his son as he made noises in my lap...I wrapped my hands around his little tummy, his back resting against the little miracle growing inside of me and lifted my head to my son-in-law at the other side of the room.

"Jasper...Is there anything you want to talk about?"

The sigh from his mouth made me instantly believe there was...Jasper was a readable person whenever something bothered him and it was fortunate because I did not want him to go down the same road as my beautiful Bella where he feels completely alone and unable to talk to anyone who really love him and feel for him.

"Esme, this whole thing with Livvie...I really like her and I worry for all of you because of Alice...Trust me when I say that nothing inside me will ever stop loving Alice not for one minute of any day in the future but, what are you thinking?"

"I am thinking that this doubt isn't about us 'Cullen's' it's about you and your own hesitation about stepping forward even more with Olivia..."

"Well, I know why you are a great mother..."

"This isn't about me, Jasper you do not ever have to explain yourself to me because I have always known that Alice will not stop being loved by you...We will all still love her until we all one day go and join her in the heavens but, you need to find a way to find courage..."

"I don't know whether I can..." at Jasper's decline in emotion, the sight of tears prickling at his eyes, I stood up and placed Danny back into his playpen and sat down beside my struggling son-in-law putting my hands on his face and bringing his gaze sideways onto my face.

"Listen to me...No one has been a better father to Danny than you, there is no one who could have loved my daughter or treated her with as much respect and love as you and you, Jasper Hale are an incredible human being...Your strength, your ability to see all the good in people whether they can in reality see it themselves and just your general care for others in the world, your giving nature proves to me that Olivia is the lucky one to be the possible object of your affection...She understands what you have gone through Jasper and yet she does not think any less of you – does that not mean anything...Does that not show you something?"

"You're right...I am just so scared, Esme..." as he rested his head on my shoulder, I moved one of my hands away to place on my stomach and the other to run through his hair, this action was always a necessity because both my Edward and Emmett loved it.

"Everything is going to change now, come with us and face the new life together, Jasper...We will never stop loving you or your mother and never be ashamed to fall in love again, if you and Olivia can find a way to comfort each other then there is going to be a love that can be exactly the same as yours and Alice's.

My daughter was your past...She has given us all a beautiful son, but if you want it to be...Olivia is your future and hopefully because you know we will all be here for you no matter what we can all meet her sometime..."

*~Bella~*

(Three hours later)

"Bella?"

I stirred at the sound of my name being called softly, opening my eyes the realisation dawned on me that Carlisle may have wanted to see me now because he had finished work...I sat up and rubbed at my eyes struggling to find the light to my lamp but managed to see Dale my head nurse at the door.

"Sorry to disturb you, lovie but you have a visitor..." at her informing me of a visitor, I nodded running my fingers through my hair to de-haystack it in the small amount of time it took for the visitor to come into my room.

"Hello Bella..."

*~Jasper~*

There she was...My sister, my support...My guide in life along with the rest of her family on a hospital bed not even strong enough to be called a bed...Dark circles under her eyes and looking paler than she had ever been before in all the time that I had known her.

My heart broke in that moment, the never coming to see her since she had been in the hospital getting surgery for her car accident wounds got to me, the reality of her being stuck in a place like this with only visitors to comfort her and also the memory of how great she had been to me and how much, against what she might want I needed her words to get some sense into trying to go further with Livvie at least to a point in our relationship where we could be called secure and stable.

I clutched the present I wanted to give to her after speaking to Esme in both my hands...Bella had shock written all over her face but it soon died. "Hey" she greeted me so softly with a genuine smile to add...I lost it, then my whole will and attempt to be strong crumbled by just how much she was suffering and how we had all been blind to it at some stage.

Not knowing what possessed me to do it, I closed the distance between us and wrapped my arms around her burying my head into her neck as she grasped me with as much strength...I released the tears onto her shoulder, how I had missed her so much!

"I'm sorry...F...For not co...Coming...Sooner," I choked out feeling like an idiot at my sudden show of uncontrollable emotion for Bella.

"Ssh...Don't be...its okay" she answered rubbing one of her hands along my back in comfort – I had missed that touch, that feeling of support from the girl my Alice had loved so very much.

"I love you, Bella...Please tell me you know that?"

"I do know" she released me and ran her small hand along one of my cheeks as I slowly sat down beside her on the bed, she wiped away my tears and studied my face for a moment. "I am sorry for the way I spoke to you...About Olivia, that was unnecessary and so unkind of me to do so...Can you forgive me?"

"Oh Bella don't be sorry...If anything I am more scared than any of you about this,"

"What do you mean, about Olivia...Are you still seeing her?"

"I can't seem to deny it anymore, Bell...I don't want to be without her she means a lot to me..."

"That's good..."

"No, it's not because...I am scared of getting over Alice and being with someone else,"

"Jasper, you can't let fear stop you from being with someone...Like I said to Angela today in my assessment I sometimes wonder what people say about Edward and I but we love each other and fair enough if there is no love from you to Olivia just now but you care that much about her then do it...Alice would have wanted it..."

"Really?"

"Come on, you knew her better than me...Remember how she said that a person can have one great love but that doesn't mean there is a chance that they can love only once in their lifetime..."

"Yes?"

"Don't you think that's a little coincidental...Alice may be your greatest love as she was to so many people but, that doesn't mean your heart has to be closed off for the rest of your life?"

"I'm so frightened..."

"I know you are, losing Alice was one of the most awful things to have happened but...I have to try and find a silver lining to get my mind out of the negativity and you – for another chance to give your son a female figure and also the chance to feel loved again need to do this...Tell her how you feel and then perhaps the two of you can just talk...There is no need to run off and elope or anything..."

"Elope?"

"Okay, extreme but I couldn't think of another thing to say..."

"I have missed you, Bella...So much"

"Jazz I have missed you too...I have missed all of you..."

"I brought something..."

Trailing my fingers along the tissue paper material over the present I had wanted to give to her, I took a deep breath and handed it to her bringing it from my lap into her hands. "What is it?" Bella asked ripping away the paper and gasping at what was inside.

"She loved you...Let her be your guide to getting out of here and coming back to the place you belong, Bell..."

"Oh Jasper...That's so sweet of you to even think about that...Oh, thank you"

Bella wrapped her arms around me and I felt happier than I had done in weeks for doing something for her, it may have been little but she had shown me that it meant more to her and that was what's important.

The photo of Alice can be a help to her and if anything, put her mind at rest as to how none of us will ever forget our shining star and the...As Bella rightly said, the love of my life.


	18. Breaking Free

**Stephenie Meyer owns 'Twilight'**

**I own 'A Misshapen Life' and this sequel!**

**Title has been changed; the plot is staying the same...Thank you to 'food for thought' for bringing this to my attention.**

'**literaturegirl' your review brightened my day...Thank you SO much! x**

*~A Shaped Life~*

*~Jasper~*

(Next Morning)

I had left Danny with my mum for the day, she hasn't seen him for a few days and like me, she suffers from withdrawal when my son is away from her for too long. I am beginning to feel like Danny is the most loved person in the world with such strong people around him and who care for him and now, what am I doing...There is a fear in me that I never would wish for him when he becomes a man in his future. Alice was a fighter, his mother and half of his blood and maybe he is too young to appreciate a female figure in his life but my gorgeous son needs a mother and he needs stability...Along with me, he needs to know where he is standing and what boundaries to keep. I liked Olivia, a hell of a lot more than I can care to admit to myself at this time but she needed to know where she was standing...My life is much more brighter being around her and that brightness is something that I need to take a chance on because, looking at Bella the most generous and selfless soul in all of the world apart from Alice was suffering so much and for her own recovery finding the good things in life and the silver linings of hope to any situation and...That is what I need to do. This was a step for me, a needed one and it was a risk but life is worth risks sometimes and if things do not work out between us then at least I can say I tried.

Pulling up outside Olivia's house had made me feel so nauseous and my hands began to shake violently on the steering wheel...I could do this, for my son, for me and for Livvie I needed to do this. My happiness was at stake and also the comfort that my son needs in his life...Innocent and unknowing that he will spend his growing up without his real mother..What kind of father would I be if my lesson to teach him when relationships came his way to run away after losing the person you love and ending up, alone...Perhaps he might want me to have someone else if he was older...I don't know...Being his parent has thrown me into new ways of thinking and new ways of being and he was my priority now, nothing that happens in my own life is relevant unless he is happy.

"One chance, Jasper...You can do this" I told myself in a hushed voice before swallowing the dryness in my throat and stepping out of my door.

Closing the door behind me, I buried my hands in the pockets of my pants and shuffled towards her front door, keeping my breathing steady at the threat of hyperventilating the moment her eyes lock with mine...Alice was strong for our son that cost him her life – the ultimate price and sacrifice the least that I can do now was be strong, too. Alice is my angel and she always will be but my heart needs to be opened again and I need to love someone again, probably not as much as I did Alice but Olivia is a start on the next road in my life – someone new and of course, she loves Danny and accepts the reality that I do have a child and that I am a single parent who struggles to turn my one important reason for living into a good man he grows up to be.

Bringing my hand out of my pocket, I held my hand up to the door and balled it into a fist knocking on it three times before taking my hand away and back into the safety of my pocket...The small wait was torture, shuffling on my feet on the spot before the door opened and the sight of Olivia's red hair shiny as anything and her beautiful green eyes locked with my own and in that minute, I knew...My life was nothing without her and I cared about her beyond friendship...I had known that since our last evening together and it's crazy how all doubt can be erased when the person in question, their face constantly in your head makes all the jigsaw pieces fall into place.

"Jasper..." Livvie was a mixture of happiness and shock for seeing me on her doorstep...I took an inward breath and bit down on my lip.

"I'm sorry...I needed to speak to you, Liv..."

"There is no need to apologise, come in.." she broke me off standing to the side and letting me walk through...I stepped through smelling her perfume from the walls of her house and kicked off my shoes leaving them by her front door. "Can I get you a drink or something?" Liv asked me a little hesitant about why I was gazing around her hallway like a zombie or another creature crawled from the grave.

"Water will be fine, thanks..." I replied not knowing what I was really saying, my head turning into a complete blur at being back in this house again and feeling strangely at home.

"Alright well...You go in and make yourself comfortable and I'll get the water..." Sitting down wasn't the desired option, how can I sit down when I was going to say to Livvie about how much I cared about her, if in the end ultimately it meant anything at all.

I stood in front of her window, looking at my car outside and wondering just how far it had taken me to get to where I am right now, finding someone that will want to spend the rest of my life with and who will love my son, which was more important than whether they liked me much at all.

"Here...Why don't you sit down?" I turned on the spot and took the glass of water from Livvie's hand and gulped it down surprisingly quickly much to her shock. I placed the glass on the nearby coffee table and folded my arms across my chest. "Jasper, what's the matter...You can tell me..."

"I know I can...Look, I don't quite know where to start with this..."

"Okay well take a deep breath and take your time..."

"Stop being nice, stop comforting me...The sooner this is said the less I have to suffer in silence and only have to find some sanity in the image of your face in my mind...After all this, after everything...Two years of never feeling complete in my soul..."

"Jazz...It's okay, slow down...Please come and sit down..I'll feel better if you did, please?" the moment her hand touched mine, the feather touch that sent tingles and desire through the pores and I was at her mercy the moment our skin made contact, blinking away my tears of determination to get all of this weight off of my shoulders and away from my heart.

She led me to the couch and I followed her to sit down, she wrapped her hand around mine now and leant down slightly to bring her eyes level with my own, the floor was a much needed sight to look at but at the same time, I had to look her in the face because she needed to know that I was going to be honest.

"Liv...Do you care for me?"

"Jasper..."

"Please tell me..I don't care about whether it is going to be bad...You need to take me out of this..."

"Jasper..." she took my face in her hands "I care about you...I care about you so much that I may even be falling in love with you. However, my feelings don't matter because I need to know whether you're ready for this; don't be afraid of me because this ball is in your court. If you want me to stay away from you, that can be done or if you want me to stay then I will...Your choice..."

"Oh Livvie, I can't be alone anymore..."

"I can never understand what that's like but, there will never be a moment where I will replace anybody...All I want is to take care of you whatever that may include doing...Saying that you love me isn't important, we can go slow...I love Danny, your son is the most beautiful boy in the world and, if you come with a package deal then what more can I possibly want or need?"

"Liv..." My head fell forward on its accord and my lips wrapped around hers needing to feel her close to me. This woman was willing to wait for me to accept her and accept the reality that the two of us had gone beyond friendship but there was still something kicking me inside my head...Resulting in my pulling away from her abruptly.

"I'm sorry...I-"

"Jasper..." Livvie's voice was now a whisper, her hands stroking the sides of my face our noses brushing against one another and both our lips so close together but not touching again "everything is going to be alright...I am here...It's okay, trust me...We will make this work my sweetheart...I love you, Jasper"

After two years those three words were music to my ears and soul, the tears fell down my cheeks as she wiped them away "I don't know what to say, all I want to do is kiss you..."

"Then kiss me...Don't be afraid of telling me anything that you're not ready for..."

Silencing her, I connected our lips again and moved my tingling and itching hands from my lap and placed them on the soft, velvet skin of her shoulders pushing our mouths closer together in the process.

*~Bella~*

"How are you feeling today, Bella?"

Angela looked up at me that look so familiar, her eyes moving from the clipboard in her hands to my eyes whether I was having a low mood day or feeling pretty normal for being in my current surroundings.

"I'm fine...Can I ask you a question, though?"

"Sure..."

"Why does it sound like you have a mix between a British and an American accent?"

"Um...That was a bit of a strange question because...Well, no one has ever asked me it before but...I grew up in England and came here for my training...To cut a long story short"

"Oh"

A knock at the door interrupted our next possible topic of conversation. "Come in" Angela said watching the door open and reveal one of the male staff nurses on the ward that had come in, his name was Vikram and he had an obsession with blue dolphins, you know the kind that British people may only sell at a 'pick'n'mix' stand in a supermarket God knows where he gets them from but, it was an enduring thing about him seeing as his teeth were unnaturally white and yet he eats far too much sugar to keep them in check.

"Sorry, Angela...There is a visitor for Ms Swan, it seems like you have become quite the favourite around here..."

"Thank you, Vik...We will continue this when you're ready Bella just give me a shout..."

"Sure, thanks"

"No problem...Have fun, and tell your guest that if she wants any food she is free to go and get something from the cafeteria...Only for today though as I am in a good mood..."

"Alright" I managed a smile and watched Angela go, I didn't bother with my hair, it was still early and there was a special routine for going in the shower because of how many patients go in to wash themselves and how many people may or may not see me emerging from there. Self-confidence still is an issue of my personality but when I was surrounded by strangers some people have to still have boundaries as to what they make public.

"Hello, Bella"

I almost fell of the bed from the recognition of the voice, there at the door was Esme..The person who had replaced my own mother in the best way possible and had helped me learn to love again. The woman who I had made feel insecure about her pregnancy and adding to her own family because of some stupid belief that her own daughter was going to be forgotten.

"Esme..." I sighed feeling the emotion at seeing her, a little bigger around the tummy but not enough yet to make her pregnancy obvious.

"Can I come in, sweetheart?"

"Of course...Come in" I said grabbing a tissue from my nightstand to be on the safe side, she came in but I gasped again when Rosalie came in behind her, it was official the only person who hadn't come to see me since I managed to speak again was Emmett but in my heart of hearts I knew that he would come in his own time.

"Hello Bell" Rose greeted me closing the door to my room and walking over to give me a kiss on the forehead...I blinked away the tears.

"You don't know how happy I am to see you two...Listen before we start..I need to say that I am sorry..."

"Well we can stop that right now, Bella there is nothing to be sorry for...You loved Alice and you did more for her than we did of course the news of mine and Carlisle's baby was going to come as a shock..."

"No one else ended up in here though did they?"

"Depression runs in families and, honestly your life has been difficult...Now, we are here to talk about good things..."

"Please, Esme normality is the best thing now...Sit down, please?" Rose sat down on the chair that Angela had exited and Esme sat down beside me on the bed, taking my cool hand in her warm ones.

"God your hands are cold honey..."

"There isn't much heating around here..."

"We have both brought you a little something...Now, it was Emmett's idea but we felt like as you're an important member of our family, we want you to sign it first..."

"Sign what?"

"This..." Rose reached into her handbag and brought out a large book with a teddy bear on the front, the colour being beige for gender-neutral of course it was going to be for the baby and the thought of my signing it first was a necessity to help me accept the changes that were going to come...A small gesture, but a large help.

"Oh wow...Emmett thought of this?"

"Emmett and Jasper...There is no hurry to sign it but, I want the baby to hear from it's Aunt as it grew inside of me..."

"Thank you, really...This helps...This is much better than grapes that dry up or flowers that die...Really, thanks..."

"You're welcome" I placed the book on the bedside table and took a deep breath in to change the conversation..."So what's new?"

*~Emmett~*

"Dude...Are you not at work today?" I was shocked to see Edward sitting in the lounge with the remote in his hands.

"Day off...What are you doing here?" he asked looking over my way.

"Well...Rose and Esme are at the hospital and, I was bored at home..."

"You finished work?"

"Yeah early shift...What's on?"

"Not much, have you been to see Bell yet?"

"I will do this weekend, Rose agreed to go first and well...I want to be able to see her with a clear head..Does she look bad?"

"No she's much better..."

"You look better too, buddy..."

"Thanks, the only reason I am happier is because Bella is making a lot of progress...With any luck she will be home again with us, soon..."

"I hope so..."

"So, wanna play the Xbox?"

"Sure!"

*~Jasper~*

"Jazz...I don't understand where you're taking me..." Olivia had showed me a different side to her, she had let me know how she felt and shown a lot of courage to do so...Now, was the time to bring her to the one place she needed to see if only to get more understanding and for me to lay down the fear following me to rest.

"Trust me" we were inches away from Alice's grave...This may have looked disrespectful to other people but if the new woman in my life was going to be permanent then, she had to realise the extent of my past and what kind of woman is the mother of the boy she thinks so well of.

"Oh, Jazz..." there we were standing in front of my Alice, my past and my forever angel in the heavens. "There is no need for you to bring me here, not if it is going to be hard..."

"This isn't hard, this is Alice..."

"Wow, she was so beautiful, so much like Danny..." Alice's small picture on her grave stared back at the two of us, Olivia's hand wrapped in my own to comfort me. "So, are you going to tell me about her?"

"Do you want to know about her?"

"Of course, more than anything..."

This was it...This was the moment where all of my past comes up and for a way to get a better chance of moving on from the terror and low-confidence that is taking me away from being with the woman next to me.

I needed this, so...For one final time, I have to be strong.

I just hope now that Livvie has said that she is falling in love with me that doesn't change.


	19. Spreading Wings

**Stephenie Meyer owns 'Twilight'**

**I own 'A Misshapen Life' and this sequel!**

*~A Shaped Life~*

*~Bella~*

"I don't think I can do this..."

Another lesson of art therapy with a very emotional edge – the therapist had asked me to make a presence in the class, itself where all these people sat alongside me wanting to hear my own problems for a mere eighteen year old British girl who cannot go out there and live her life which is what they are no doubt pondering in their minds. I was the youngest in age by a landslide and most of the individuals, keeping to the rule of confidentiality had on the whole much worse problems than an alcoholic mother and a dead adopted sister – to put the sole reasons for my admittance lightly...Years and years of their middle-aged existence had been spent, unjustifiably with more and more piling of bad luck and mother nature's blatant disposal of ever possessing any hope for a turn-around and a much desired and deserved change.

Looking around the circle of chairs, all eyes burning into my own as they waited for me to explain what I had put on my piece of paper was nothing like the slight uncomfortableness I felt when describing my drawings and collages to Angela. Being in this position was very much like school where everyone showed their masterpieces without any comments or sounds of judgement allowed...Judgement can be controlled to not make a transition out of a person's mouth but at the same time, it can be shadowed behind facial expressions and remain to embed in a mind. I knew that better than anyone, the eyes on me were judgemental and I didn't like being put on the spot...This is me, Bella Swan...A teenager...From another country and world entirely to the one that I had been surviving through to the best of my ability, do I look like someone who takes enjoyment at being centre stage? Most of my own existence was a pretence - the kind where teachers would ask me how I was coping at school from listening to hearsay of my peers in the year and my answer of 'yes'...All the time 'yes' and a thousand times more 'yes'...I didn't want to express myself to the teachers back then and Angela and I here in Sandgrove had find some kind of place of contentment where, if there was a day where speaking was not my strongest point then, she would ask me simpler questions about who I was...My hobbies, likes and dislikes to lift me out of the thunderous clouds threatening to break me down slowly and powerfully.

This room had a different atmosphere, entirely...

"Isabella...It's alright to feel like you can't speak...There is never any pressure for you to talk about it..." I had heard the same answer a few times before and hearing it always evolved the same feelings inside of me. Why was I going to sit here and spend as much time as everyone else working on something that was undoubtedly close to my heart, because like in reality outside of the hospital walls every one living and being on the earth were different and the variety of drawings and art that came through to all of our eyes under the same therapy programme were no stranger to that fact of life...Never was it right to back out when EVERY individual in the room found some strength inside of them to speak, they may be crying through it but they had strength and how could I back out of finding my own that was surely inside of me somewhere just at the present moment out of reach?

A knock at the door brought me out of my battling mind and everyone turned to the door as the therapist, Claire opened it with her card around her neck...I was stumped somewhat to see Tess peer around the door and have a brief conversations of whispers with Claire, the rest of us sponges absorbing every element of the therapy we had been given in the class were left to sit and stare at the floor or mumble with each other, depending on whether we had come to friendship terms with each other. For me, that was not a comfort.

No one had spoken to me apart from Angela and my family...Not because there was something wrong with me, at least in my heart I hoped to God that wasn't the truth but because there was no one on the section of the hospital I stayed in that seemed to gel with me or who I, in return had a curiosity to get to know. Since childhood, there has been a curiosity inside me to learn about different people and watch them whenever I managed to get into some public space away from my prison of a home. Even at school, I found myself at times sitting in the corner of the school entrance, not a playground but just on a pavement watching different students with the same uniform as me come out and greet their parents if they had come to pick them up or greet their friends who were getting on the same bus of transport home...Was I wishing to have more of a social life? Yes...But undoubtedly the main reason was to see how parents and children had relationships, from a simple hello...A hug and kiss if their family unit was strong and wonder how mum and I did not have the same love radiating from us to outsiders and where the closeness went...Deteriorated year after year because of her dependency on alcohol to make her feel better was the realisation hitting me after being adopted into a family who had closeness and an unconditional bond with each other.

Depression ran through families and genetics - being here, having time in the room at night to contemplate what was going on in my life had made me come to a conclusion that my own mother was a depressive, but instead of being a passive depressive like me who only cried and worked herself up so much that the need to injure themselves is the only way they can get over it for an hour or two. Injuring themselves...'Self harming' as what it is known in England is a punishment of the psychological aspect of a depressed mind, a desire to punish your soul for being so down and to cry out to people that there is something untoward and unexplainable going on that need to be addressed. Mum turned to alcohol, much like some people turn to illegal drug use to take the pain away but, like even prescribed medication dependency is a common downside and to depend on something to make you feel better isn't healthy anyway in life no matter how much damage it can do to your outer and inner body. Alcohol was mum's drug, her own personal brand of heroin or cocaine that destroyed her so much that in the end, she paid the ultimate price of her life cut short on the earth. When she was dying, the two of us as a mother and daughter had been so much better than ever since I was born to her, there was no thought in my head about my father – whether he might come and find me because, I was sixteen at the time and if after sixteen years a father hasn't wanted to contact the mother of his daughter then chances are it was never going to happen. Of course, having a father...My own biological father could have been a plus in my upbringing but would he have left seeing mum so down and in such a state that only killer substances could bring her back to life temporarily, would he have lived with the uncertainty of financing her habit or ran straight for the hills? Who's to say that he was a decent man, he could have been a greasy biker player outside a pub whom mum had a one-night stand with, he filling out his usual ploy of using sex as power against women because there was nothing left in the beer barrels after drinking the pub ales out of house and home?

Whoever he is, never had he wanted to come and find me and, well if he is in England then I am a long way from home, anyway.

Carlisle was my father, through and through...He was the kind of father that every child should be lucky to have in their lives, he is the whole package...Kindness, love, generosity, discipline and a fantastic role-model because of his successes in the helping of others in his career – I suddenly, thinking about how beautiful he is and always will be to me, my mind flew to the concept of his new born baby with the ever so lovely Esme Cullen. What a fortunate child, to have two older brothers whose act of protection had brought me so far away from my own old life and a sister in me, who believe me will always be there no matter if I gain a younger brother or sister. Gender is irrelevant because that child deserves to be loved as much as I have been and brought into stability and I couldn't live with myself knowing that when that child grew up, they witnessed my floating in and out of hospital.

What was that going to make me look like? Weak and unable to snap myself out of it and take on board the advice that I have been given and try the hardest in my own power to live my life as happily as it once had been.

"Bella, would you like to come outside for a moment?" Tess asked me, my eyes advertently went to Claire who gave me a small smile and a simple nod of the head...Taking my cue as any good performer would do, I picked up my A3 paper off the floor and my jacket – the not-so-good jacket which had seen all the downsides of my life, to my mum dying and also my own early teens in England. Call it an obvious choice to wear it in my second admittance to a psychiatric hospital.

I hit the outside air after walking silently down the small corridor, and once we were both out of the art and fitness centre – not the kind of centre that people use in everyday life but a therapy centre and Tess began to talk to me.

"Sorry to take you out of class, early but...Claire mentioned some trouble you had been showing with discussing your collage, I thought that I'd come down here and talk with you about it in your own room...Angela says that being in that environment proves more of an advantage to your comfort..." Tess was using work-speak but, I still had so much respect for her because she had given me so much support outside the Cullens and after what happened with Alice.

"Okay" I replied cheerfully liking the idea of Tess adding the change to my one-to-one assessments and, I may find it strange after not being with Angela because she is away from the hospital today but, this was Tess and there was no one else to look at me and expect me to break down and show some more emotion probably more than what they have done.

Once we got back to the room, I opened the door and sat down on my bed crossing my legs on the hard mattress having to listen to the heavy creaking of the bed for a few seconds before getting comfortable, Tess sat down right in front of me on the mattress, annoying the chair that Angela frequently sat in completely and her honest eyes looked right into my own emotion-clouded ones. "So what did you find difficult, beautiful Bella?"

"I don't know, I guess I am still so afraid of judgement from people...I shouldn't be, because any confident human being would ignore the thoughts of others and carry on with...You know...What they do in life but..."

"Why would anyone judge you?"

"Well...Look at me, I am perfectly ordinary...I mean I am about the perfect version of myself and well...Others, in life I just want so much to make people proud of me..."

"They are proud..."

"No...They're not...I mean who would be? An eighteen year old girl...Surrounded by over thirty year olds and frankly those thirty plus individuals have much more issues and reasons to be depressed...I have a family who love me, there is a boyfriend whose world is my own to share and...A Godson who is an absolute angel and so innocent to everything around him, and this new baby..."

"Bella, it's alright to have down days, to be upset...It's natural..."

"Is it? Is THIS natural..."

"You can't help what's happened to you, much like everyone in here...They are victims to situations that have arisen through no fault of their own, you're the same..."

"Picking out pictures in magazines that appeal to you...There is nothing in magazines that have interest for me, unless they're home and garden magazines...Fashion, they speak volumes about what people should look like, should dress like and...They send wrong messages because skinny is good...Anorexic skinny is 'fashion'...What kind of world is that?"

"Bella Swan has never been a trend to latest fashions..."

"Yeah, don't I know it..."

"No...There is nothing wrong with individuality, personally...More people in the world should ignore those magazines and dress the way they want to – more modern and interesting..."

"Unlike this piece of rubbish!" I pointed to the collage on the bed, that no longer held the appeal to therapists or to anyone else sane enough to ignore everything that I had said...Tess sighed and touched my shoulder lightly with her hand.

"Bella...Show me, talk to me...I think that you have so much to give in this world, you're not a taker in life – you're a giver and talk about the world and deep meaningful issues appeal to you because your soul is inept to reality...It's fascinating..."

"Alright..." Sighing in defeat, and having the habit of always being able to speak to Tess about my life, I picked up the paper and put it in front of us on the bed – facing my friend so that she can see what I was talking about. "Well...This one is a hair ad...I liked the colours and the woman's hair..."

"It's very beautiful...What drew you to it?"

"All my mind went to when I turned the page was the colour, the vitality and the beauty of the woman leaning her hair back in the water...She seemed free, like water can make someone feel free and they can do what they want because of the size of the space and the fish gliding underneath them..."

"Do you like the water?"

"I have never been taught how to swim, but...Watching people swim fascinates me, the strokes and moves and the way the water cascades around them like a cocoon even though the people are spread out like butterflies...Water is becoming, peaceful..."

"So what does that tell you?"

"It tells me that I need to learn how to swim..." Tess laughed at my answer but not in a spiteful way, she seemed genuinely tickled by my revelation and all I did was frown at the sound of her laughter. "What?"

"No sweetie, that's not it...Do you want to know what I think?"

"Okay..."

"This picture alone, creates a dream world for me as an assessor and a person who also likes colour and the water...Looking at this, I can see why a person like you may be drawn to it. That's because, your life has not had many gaps and you have not had many opportunities to spread your wings like a swimmer and dive into life and what it can be – through no fault of your own. Your childhood was a prison and, a person doesn't need to have degrees in medicine and psychology to know that...You want freedom, you want beauty and I believe with all of my heart that you bring beauty to the world – your own personal beauty but at the moment through bad luck your wings have been kept hidden under that jacket of yours..."

"That makes more sense..."

"So you believe that?"

"I don't believe the whole bringing of beauty, but I haven't spread my wings...I have a little in my personal life as a girlfriend much more so than ever before but even then sometimes, there is reasons to hold back..."

"Why do you hold back?"

"Fear...About others..."

"So others is an issue that we have to talk about another time...What about this one...Have you seen the Wizard of Oz?"

"No...Never, colour again played a part in this picture but, the other reason why I chose it was because of the help that the girl in the checked blue dress is giving to the tin-man...He is made of tin, right?"

"Yes...So the helping aspect?"

"Yeah...I like to help people; I don't know where I got that from in terms of genetics because my mum was much more of a stubborn and self-involved person but, helping people like health, medically or just having an ear to give to someone makes me feel happy..."

"Happy?"

"Definitely, seeing that I can create a smile and gain a hug is what my life is all about...I mean when I first came here, not to Sandgrove but when I met the Cullens...As a younger sister my job was to make sure that everyone was happy, because I had never been truly happy and I wish for genuine people and, of course in this case people who have shown me so much love, kindness and support needed to have me be there in return..."

"You have been there for them, Bella...You were there for Alice..."

"Look what happened there!"

"Don't think like that, life dealt a hand that there was no control over, Alice is looking over all of you and she knows that you were there for her..."

"I wasn't...Not when she needed me..."

"Alice was a victim of fate...Nothing more, nothing less but her soul lives in Danny...Danny loves you, that must mean something..."

"Of course it does..."

"So you're a dreamer and a helper...Any other pictures that you want to talk about?"

"Um...That one is basically love..."

"Hearts are directed to love, yes but not always just for that...Did you pick it because of the look or because of the love in your life?"

"I have huge loves in life, the loves that I still don't know what I have done to deserve..."

"That's because love has never come so easily to you..."

"I wasn't loved by my mum, not in the sense that the love was unbreakable because she loved alcohol more...Alcohol could do more for her than me..."

"You were young..."

"That's what hurts...I wanted to help her but how was I going to be able to take her away from her addiction?"

You couldn't...But yet again, nothing that a person can do can determine the fate that falls over them...Your mother made a decision to drink as much as she did and so, if we all had the ability to control what others in our lives can then everything can be easier..."

"Tess, one question...When can I go home?"

"Well you've been here a month now and..."

"A month...Is that how long it's been?"

"Yes...I will speak to Carlisle and also your head nurse and determine whether you finish the week...Turning onto green has helped your freedom and there is a chance to go out and leave the hospital for a while in the day if you wish..."

Getting a green light was not something that I had given much detailed thought to – but as soon as Tess mentioned the concept of going out of the hospital grounds...There was only one place that I wanted to go and a place that I have neglected for a while...Wrongly so. There was a chance now to see my sister and to explain everything that was going on in my head...That and the occasional job that might need doing for the appearance of her grave.

"What are you thinking about, thinker?" Tess asked me suddenly, the rest of her sentences drowning out of my mind because of the image of being with my sister, again in the smallest but most comforting way.

"Sorry...I was just thinking about going to see Alice..."

"Oh yeah, that'll be good for you..."

"Really?"

"Of course...Alice and you had a great relationship and, perhaps being back there can help you gain new thinking about what you may do..."

"Won't she be mad at me?"

"Sweetie, you survived a childhood with an alcohol-dependant mother...You survived being in a new country and adjusting to a new world outside of your comfort zone...You have gotten through the death of a sister without causing yourself anymore physical pain and...You have come on strength to strength in here. That's got to count for something, there is strength in you, and Bella Swan...Alice is proud of you...Carlisle is proud of you and...If I am going to be entirely honest...I am proud of you..."

"Really?"

"Sure...I have seen many younger people fight this illness and a small percentage have come out the other end, some people do not have the determination to see the better side and the greener grass...You are loved by so many people. Alice is going to look down and be proud of the love you gave her and the support you gave being there with her until the end...Her son and her fiancée love you so, what else is there to convince you? Dare I mention the 'boyfriend'?"

"Edward"

"Yes...I remember when he first brought you in here...Not this time but last time when you had a turn and, he may have only been your 'brother' then, Bella but that boy loved you...Back then there was a spark between you and a different bond that you may have shared with your other brother and your parents..."

"I love him, Tess and I miss him..."

"I know you do...But, with any luck we can get you discharged within the week and, you can go back to being with your family..."

"Tess, I don't want to talk about the drawing anymore...But, can I say something?"

"Anything..."

"Thank you...Thank you for everything..." my tears broke through and Tess pulled the drawing to one side and wrapped her arms around me, giving me the warmth and comfort that I was needing so damn much.

"You're always welcome, beautiful Bella..."

*~Emmett~*

"Right I am going to see her...I have to, it's been too long and I am the only person who has not seen her..."

I was working myself up a little too much, Rosalie had been sitting with my mom for the day and even though there had been distractions of chores and other things to help with my family home, my mind still went to Bella...My Bella-boo who had shown me such amazing support as a sister and who, I can never live my life without because she is the person I can go to about absolutely anything. Mom had also asked me if there was a chance she could get the baby book back to have a look at Bella's entry and to add some more of her own.

"Alright sweetheart, there is no need to be edgy..." mom said studying my striding and pacing from one side of the carpet to the other.

"Sorry, alright...Is there anything you want me to say to her?"

"Just that we love her..." Rosalie answered cutting mom off, although that is undoubtedly what mom would have said anyway, my wife had been such a God-send to me – the past few weeks had been a rollercoaster but she had come on so much, her love for Bella was growing and growing and two years ago, I would never have seen the connection between the two of them but right now, anything was possible.

Rosalie had shown me the reasons I fell in love with her these few weeks because her maternal side was coming out, babies and children had never been a topic of discussion for us since we got married but – if the tables turned and my Rose was the pregnant one and not my mother then nothing could lead me to believe that she was going to become an absolutely fantastic mother...A much better mother than some people can ever hope to become. Thinking of a child who had her natural beauty outside of her everyday makeup mask and having the hidden soul that I know she possess there is nothing that can go wrong with the upbringing. The child can look like her because, having a second half of her and watching her stomach home my baby was an idea that made my heart soar. Yes, I thought about having children with her, there was never going to be anyone else who I want to explore parenthood with...When she is ready, when we are both ready...We will try and extend our family and create our own perfect world. My world was nothing without Rose.

I took Rose's hand and led her to the front door, wanting to have a private moment with her without mom's eagle eye distracting our moment.

"Are you alright baby?" she whispered, the care and love in her voice brought my hand out to touch the smoothness of her skin.

"I love you, do you know that?" I whispered watching a smile edge across her face.

"Yes, I love you too...Give my love to Bella..."

"I will" I replied, like always I brought my head down and wrapped her stunning, plump lips around my own for a moment fighting away the want and desire always battling my heart when we got close and the heat from her body showered on my own...Rose released me, first.

"Be careful, otherwise you will never make it to the hospital..."

"Okay...But I want to pick this back up, tonight..."

"Perhaps I'll wear something more..._revealing_?"

"Yes, please" I growled...Rosalie Cullen playing dress up is the sexiest thing on the entire planet, just the image in my imagination gets me so damn aroused...When I actually see her, it's a whole different ball-game.

Fighting away every instinct to fuck her senseless, I headed out saying goodbye to my radiant mom who even though I had never seen her pregnant with Alice pregnancy did wonders too. Mom was beautiful, but the glow and the brightness in her eyes just made her so wonderfully stunning.

Sandgrove was not too far away, but heading here on my own was different because...What if Bella didn't want to see me? She had every reason to not want to see me because of how long I had left this, the acceptance of her being back in hospital needing to have as much support as we all could give her had been so hard to swallow and, all my excuse is...I need my own time. How good is that?

My body went on to auto-pilot getting out of my jeep and into the entrance of the hospital, the smell of chemicals filling my nose and making me feel a little sick. After approaching the desk and talking briefly with the receptionist...I signed the visitor book and made my way down to Bella's ward, not once gazing at the white walls and grey carpet because of the depression it gave me to know that my lovely little sister was having to endure this and had to endure this for the past three or four weeks, actually I did not know how long it had been because of the waiting for things to change all of a sudden...The hope of having Bella on the brink of coming home to us and then having something to stand in her way and our way of having her reconciled with us.

"Hello Emmett...How are you?" A nurse at the station greeted me and strangely, knew my name before I had even known hers.

"Um...Hi..." I stammered...The nurse gave me a smile.

"Sorry, your father has told me all your names and you are the first I have met apart from the others so...There was only one name, left. I am not making any sense now, I am sorry it has been a long day, are you here to see her?"

"Yes"

"Good, well she is in room 22 just down the hall, there...Go on through, anything you need don't hesitate to come and speak to us."

"Thank you" the nurse was surprisingly nice and attentive, working in a place like this must have come down hard, sometimes if she was anything like my dad she had an ethic of keeping the work life and private life separate.

Shuffling away from the station, I walked down the dark corridor and reached a white door...Yet more damn white with the number 22 in the centre in a gold plaque...Taking a deep breath, I knocked twice softly so as not to disturb the other people in their rooms.

"Come in"

*~Bella~*

"Come in"

I thought that another nurse was going to come and check my blood pressure, the room had been full of activity today much more so than usual. It may have had something to do with the fact that my discharge was drawing nearer or not, who knows anything these days?

"Bella?"

I turned and lifted up my weight using my arms to sitting when my adorable brother bear peered through the door. "Bella-boo!"

The sound of my nickname, the nickname that used to drive me to the ends of cliffs, sometimes but had always been Emmett's to use for me made me feel very emotional. It seemed like forever that the two of us were in the same room...It had been too long without Emmett to cope with handling my emotion in general.

"Emmy-bear!" I replied through my tears grabbing a tissue from my bedside table and watching him as he closed my door and came and sat on my bed. "Oh God..."

"Listen; Bell...If you want me to go right now...Just say it and I will..."

"What?"

"I have kept this too long and it was so wrong of me..."

"Emmett...You have no idea how happy I am to see you..."

"Really?"

"Oh I've missed you...I understand that you needed time and I don't blame you for anything, Rose has told me so much about how this has affected you and...I am sorry..."

"Bella, don't apologise...This has nothing to do with you...Change has never been a good thing for me and...I hate to see you suffer..."

"I am not suffering anymore; you and your family came into my life and...All of you...You're the best thing that has ever happened to me...I love you..."

Emmett pulled me into a tight bear hug, the hugs only he can give because of his build...I sank into him resting my head on his hard shoulder and flashbacks of our two years together came flooding through me, every inch of me felt love for my amazing older brother who, like everyone else had shown so much strength for me.

"I love you, too Bella...I miss you...I fucking miss you...I want you to come back" he choked hiding his tears from me but the wetness of them seeping through my pyjama top to make me realise that he was reeling from this emotion as much as me.

"I know, I'll be back soon...We'll be brother and sister again, like we used to be..."

"You don't know how much I need you back...I need to protect my beautiful little sister again, Bella!"

"Maybe this time I'll let you..."

Clutching onto my brother for dear life made the drive in my soul to get back home to the people who love me greater than it had ever been. I had a family to go back to and they needed me as much as I needed them – this was going to be my last days in here.

It was time for me to spread my wings again and find who I am once more and permanently to shape my life back together from the mess it had become.


	20. Reunion

**Stephenie Meyer owns 'Twilight'**

**I own 'A Misshapen Life' and this sequel!**

'**kouga' – I love Emmett, too! **

**Thank you to everyone who continues to support this fic and show their love...I hope this is the chapter that everyone is waiting for...**

*~A Shaped Life~*

*~Emmett~*

*-*Friday – two days later*-*

_To our beautiful new miracle_

_I am looking forward to having a new sibling...My journey has not been the easiest and as you get older into the world some truths about me will become clear to that fact. I am not a sister connected to you by blood but there is nothing in the world that can ever make me stop loving you because I love you so much already there are no other words for it!_

_I have behaved badly to your parents who honestly are the greatest parents in the entire world because of the love and strength that they have shown me...Not every child expresses how great their parents are but believe me, little one you have been so fortunate to have both of them! _

_Your brothers are the greatest people as well...Perhaps later on in this book they will write their own beautiful messages for you to appreciate when you're older and find your own path when memory lane is looked back on._

_As this is the first message in here, I am feeling a little pressured but what it comes down to is that we will all love you so very much and I, personally am looking forward to meeting you...Stay strong for all of us, the people who want you so desperately and come to us healthy and well._

_Lots of love_

_Isabella_

_X X X_

"Oh my!"

Mom had been having an emotional day so far, it was early afternoon but the hormones had started to kick in quite frantically so – on my day off I had spent my time sitting on the bed with her and giving her some cuddles to help her calm down. There was no specific reason as to why she managed to get so broken in appearance but, all I wanted to do was enjoy the silence in the empty house.

"Short and sweet, eh?" I had taken, much like always to make jokes in at every opportune moment because mom may be down but she usually found herself laughing at me and as long as she was laughing or even showing me her beautiful smile I was happy.

"It may be that...But, she has a way with words my daughter..." mom sighed contently wiping away her tears with a tissue and folding the baby book now properly used and placed it on the floor. I kept her hugged close to my side, my back resting against my dad's pillow.

"Mom...Do you think that Bella is going to come home this weekend?"

"Well, sweetie...The doctors don't let patients out on the weekends, only week days seem to prove better because of the amount of staff members on duty..."

"What shall we do, when she comes back?"

"I'll cook..."

"Mom you know that dad won't want you to do any work..."

"Your father can go hang because...Cooking is the one thing that can help me and take away the moodiness and aggravation and honestly, he'd prefer to have me calm and collected rather than throwing a rolling pin at his head..."

Mom snuggled into my side, the scent of her hair...Her usual coconut hair products filled my nose creating a safe cloud of home over us, both. There are some smells that remind you of childhood and mom's shampoo was always there...Whenever she was holding me after falling down at soccer practice or trying my best to get used to balancing on roller blades...Call me a schmuck but mom meant the world to me, she always had done and why was that going to change now that I was married and living in another house?

In her state, she needed all the people going to take care of her, even though she is one of the most caring women in an older generation there was a stubborn side and no one was going to argue with her to tie her to the bed against a bigger majority of people's wishes so, best to leave her alone and do as she pleased. Dad may be a doctor but he is a sucker for my mother and he always has been...Whatever she wants and wishes she gets and, honestly their relationship was similar to that of mine and Rose's...Anything that my Rose wants – in my power she gets them. I guess that is what marriage is all about...Teamwork and door-mat changeability.

"Mom...Can I talk to you about something?" I released my hold on her, letting her ragdoll body fall back to her own pillow and watched her as she stroked her stomach lovingly in deep thought about something inside her own mind.

"Of course, honey what is it?" she replied looking up at me but maintaining her feather-like touches to my unborn brother or sister resting in her womb. Even now, she was a good however many weeks gone – she did disclose to me how long she had gone but, as usual most information flies out of my head before there is a chance to even hold on to it for a few seconds at one time – she still maintained her maternal side to her soul after all the pain we had all gone through losing Alice, mom is still up for the challenge even though a lot of time has passed since she filled out the duties of a mother.

"Is being a parent...Scary?" I didn't know how to word the question, since coming home from the hospital all I have been able to think about is mine and Rose's family, once extended in a pregnancy will it be the life that we have now where yes, we have ups and downs but we still manage to hold so much love for one another and want to be living under the same roof...Will a baby change that?

"Are you thinking about parenting, Em?" she asked in a sing-song voice, as if she needed to ask me...She knew what I was thinking about before I had a chance to open my mouth.

"Kind of..."

"Well then, lying to you right now is not the best option...Yes it's the hardest thing I have ever done but, at the end...Through all the struggles all of you came out to be the very people that your father and I both wanted you to become and that in itself, is the reward..."

"Mom, do you ever wonder what having Grandchildren will be like?"

"Sure I do, I was ready to think about it after Rosalie and you got married but...As fate had it there is still another chance for us to be parents, again first..."

"What do you think about?"

"Emmett, baby...Have you spoken to Rose about the possibility of having a family?"

"No...It came up not long after the honeymoon but, with everything that happened with Bella – the discussion has been put on hold...Not to mention there is another member of the family coming, too..."

"So does she share your enthusiasm?"

"That's the thing, mom...I want to be a father but, Rosalie is going to be the most amazing mother far better with discipline than me...How do I step up to the mark?"

"You're worried about being a good parent?"

"Isn't that normal?"

"Emmett...Sweetie, you are my son...You have taken a path in life and want to extend on it after marriage the natural talk of family building is a given journey...I may be biased, baby but there is no doubt in my mind that being a father will come so easily to you...I have never doubted it..."

"Really?"

"Yes, you know how to have fun and...There is a trait inside of you that won't take any funny business from your children well...The idea of you having children makes me very tearful on it's own..."

"Oh let's change the topic..."

"You need to work on being comfortable with shows of emotion..."

*~Bella~*

"Seriously, I am good to go?"

Dr Albertson had called me into his office, being on the shift was a rare occasion for him because of the time-consuming job he works at but after a worrying start of looking over my records and every assessment that I had gone through and the notes that the therapists had given he gave me enthusiasm and optimism in his analysis.

"Yes, Bella you have done extremely well...Of course we are going to prescribe you some anti-depressants just to ensure that your mood remains lifted being away from the hospital – if there are any problems then you can always come back..."

"I can go, really?"

"Bella...You have made fantastic progress and there is nothing left now but for you to fill out the hardest challenge and go back to your normal life and never forget that there is always a person to speak to on the end of the phone, here that is if visiting us again is not what you want to do. Would you like me to call Carlisle and inform him?"

"Oh, no...I want to head somewhere before I go home and it is within walking distance..."

"I do not think that walking on your own is recommended, Bella..."

"This is something that I have to do...On my own and..I kind of want to surprise my family...You can inform Carlisle but tell him that I have found some way to get home, please?"

"What about Edward?"

The mention of my love's name created excitement in my heart that I was going to have my final reconciliation with him this evening when he finishes work and the idea that he will have no clue about my being back at home was a desired outcome as well because...I am hoping with my entire heart that he will be able to find some way to forgive me for how I have acted towards all of his family and believed that any of them will forget our beautiful angel who can no longer be around, anymore. How could I have imagined that Alice may never be thought about once with all the change...Then, once it hit me in the office everything fell into place. The change was what I was fearing, the moving on with everyone else's life and them leaving me behind and the memory of Alice tarnished with the new arrival – all of the pain that they must have endured is all down to a false prentence. A pretense that I have made and created all on my own.

Mending was needed right now, I loved my family with everything and I loved Edward with my whole being and my existence on the earth is because of him, now he had shown he can be strong for me as I could manage to be for him...Our relationship was indeed, set in stone...No matter what fate may bring for everyone else or even for me down the line, what is meant to be will happen and that is what life has to be from now on. Lived to the full.

"Alright, but at least let me ask Tess to take you to where you want to go...She has already decided to be the one to take you home..."

Tess driving me home was better than any member of my family because it will rid the awkwardness and fear in the fibres of the atmosphere in the car.

"Okay" I replied...Dr Albertson smiled and picked up the phone on his desk and I moved my gaze to my duffel bag – at least I think that is what they called it and waited patiently.

Being away from Sandgrove is going to be the strangest part of finally gaining my wish of being back with my family...For a month this is all I have lived, breathed and slept...Constant assessments and expressing of my feelings that still drained me if it was done, properly. The main thing that I have learned from the downfall to my illness was never to keep anything bottled up inside because that is essentially what makes me have breakdowns and stuck in the rut that only paid professionals can have a hope to bring me out of – I needed to tell my family what was worrying me and, whether that be my guiding light of a boyfriend or the love from my brother and parents...It doesn't matter...If something needed to be brought out from my defeating battling mind then speaking of it was going to be a huge advantage to carry on and go back to the normality of living and hopefully, working if Liz can find it in her heart to take me back under her wing.

"Alright...Tess will meet you at the nurse's station in a moment...I wish you the very best of luck, Isabella." Albertson rose and held out his hand to me, I stood shakily at the realisation of being moments away from leaving the hospital grounds and took his hand in my own.

"Thank you for everything, Doctor Albertson" I said appreciatively, Sandgrove to any living person is not a great place to consider being in but the therapists and assessors have really helped me find my feet once again and for that, alone I will always be grateful to the people who work here because they help so many people and out of the goodness of their hearts bring them each back to reality.

"You're welcome" he replied gesturing to the door with a wide smile, he seemed more excited than I was about going home, if that were even possible.

Bending down, I grabbed my bag and hauled it over my shoulder securely before stepping out of the office and closing it behind me to walk the short distance to my ward and to the nurse's station at the entrance.

I didn't know what to think, a part of me was excited but then a small part of me was also fearful at the reception I may get of finding anyone back at home, Esme was always at home but she may be in the security of her and Carlisle's room getting her much needed rest to ensure that the baby she brings into the world is healthy.

"Hello Bella, do you have a way of getting home?" Angela had come back from her day away and I was fortunate to have the chance to thank her and have a proper goodbye without having to give another nurse not so close to me and with my progress a message to give to the main assessor who had shown me such patience and kindness in my good and bad days.

"Yes, Tess will be here in a minute...Look, Angela...I want to say thank you so very much for everything..."

"Oh Bella, you are young and a very special person at that...There are many opportunities for you out there..More than you realise right now. All I can give you is my luck and...Also your prescription..." At the turn of conversation she bent down and lifted out a white bag with a rectangular shape inside of it and handed it to me.

"Thanks..."

"One in the morning and one in the evening for the first week and then once a day after that...Do not depend on them, Bella the best thing to do is to start off on two and move to one and then when you feel you can go through a day without one come off of them completely..."

"Right..."

"Hello Bella...You ready?" Tess bounded over and took the bag off of my shoulder startling me on the spot in front of the station and I turned to her.

"Yes, listen Tess...If this isn't okay..."

"Nonesense...I am on my lunch break and it is not far to your house from here!"

"Okay well, then let's go..."

This was it – the start of my third chance at living my life.

Why did I suddenly feel sick?

*~Esme~*

My Carlisle had left me a little hesitantly because of my emotional state, being a doctor he should be aware that emotion is common with pregnancy, the stages depend on different people but even when I was expecting Alice, I found myself crying over the very littlest things that others looked at me like I was insane. I was so aware of a baby and a life growing inside of me even though this was all early in the process...Doctors had told me that having anymore children after our Alice were incredibly slim and so, I decided to adopt Edward and Emmett and nothing could prepare me for the men they have both become, there was a small part of me that wanted to thank Bella and Rosalie because they in turn had become major factors in the maturity of both my incredible sons. The two women in their lives needed to have some credit in how they have turned out – as a mother there is nothing more rewarding in life than doing the best job possible in parenting and having endless amount of pride for their children.

Carlisle and I had our struggles that had led us to where we are, now but I'd take those struggles again in a heartbeat to get back here and having Bella on the verge of coming back home and completing the family, again. I can understand perfectly how she thought the memory of our daughter may be put to one side because of the changes we all had to face together but there was no anger inside of me to how she had believed that fact. This change was so big and everyone's lives were turning and so...It's natural she'd feel a little left out because her life was consistent up until this point.

Emmett had been the perfect son to me since finding out about our miracle baby – taking his day off to spend some time with me when he could very well be spending the day with his friends or even with Rosalie when she got home from work...Seeing Carlisle go when I was feeling this down was hard but he had always worried far too much about my welfare and why make him worry anymore than needed?

"Here you go!"

My baby handed me a cup of green tea, coming back onto the bed and resting the side of his head on my stomach...He was heavy but he was already filling the natural role of an older brother and I already knew how much Edward, Bella and even Alice were fond of his protection...That's the thing about my Emmett – emotion does not come easy and like a man he is prone to walking away from a teary situation but for his family, he fought to the end to make sure that all of us were okay and I could not have anymore pride in my soul for how he is with the people he loves.

"Do you think unborn babies can hear everything?" he asked me in a whisper, I brought my hands down after putting my boiling tea on the bedside table and wound them in his short hair, bringing back the actions that soothed him as a child whenever he was crying.

"Of course they can...Why?" I gushed in my mind when he stroked my stomach with his fingers, Emmett was worrying about being a father and in truth, the revelation that he may have wanted to have his own family knocked me for six because I had always seen Edward as a father before my eldest son but, everything was changing so nothing was set in stone, anymore.

"Just wondering, I can't wait to show this new one the ropes...I mean, I want to make them defend themselves if they come across any low-life who puts them down...I want a little brother..."

"You do?"

"Yeah...I mean, a little sister would be awesome too but, Alice was my sister and having a younger brother can give me a chance to introduce him to the sport's world..."

"He'd be the luckiest younger brother in the world..."

*~Bella~*

"Tess are you sure that this is okay?"

We had pulled up outside the graveyard, I had been here many times but being back here, now was stranger than ever before. Realising that I hadn't come to see my beautiful sister sunk my heart slightly because how much I missed coming here and finding some alone time to spend with her, without anyone watching me.

"Of course, did you need someone to come with you?"

"No thank you...I won't be long I promise...I just need to see her..."

"I understand...I'll be here waiting..."

With a comforting smile Tess gave me, I climbed out of the car and closed the passenger door behind me and made the slow but chilly walk to the grave I had neglected for so long...I had forgotten in my prison how cold this area could get in the later months of the year but fortunately the usual rain had not yet made an appearance to wet this situation for me.

As soon as I passed the familiar bench where I had once sat with Edward, Carlisle and Tess at one time or another, the feeling of finally feeling like I was back at home flooded me...Fair enough being in someone's house usually felt more homey but, wherever Alice Cullen was...Was my home because she was always going to be my family.

Gasping at the beautiful upkeep my family had on my sister's grave almost moved me to tears...All the flowers were brand new or maybe even a couple of days old, maximum and the grass around her resting place was trimmed to perfection. Leave it to my family to keep this sacred place looking stunning.

"Hi Alice" I said to the shining surface of her gravestone, my eyes locking with the beautiful picture of her in the centre of it, the same picture I had given Jasper to keep for Danny in memory of his stunning mother – Alice looked incredible at any angle but this picture was the most becoming that I had seen, her crystal-like eyes shining from the flash of the camera and her wide smile shining through the sadness of her lying in the ground underneath me.

"Wow...I don't know how long it's been..."

Crouching down I trailed my fingers along the small baby blue teddy resting against one of the large boquets but shielded from the bad weather in the wrapping paper of the bunch – baby blue had always made a regular appearance here because of the reality that she had left a fantastic little boy behind who is the spitting image of her and who in turn, is so fortunate to have someone like Jasper to look up to and support him...The Cullen genes were definitely one of a kind!

"Listen, I am so sorry if you find yourself looking down and seeing what I have been like for over a month...I have let many people down, the people who have given me a new chance in living life properly and gaining the acceptance that the little girl inside of me has always wanted to possess. Being a good sister hasn't been as natural and, in my hate for myself and how down and tired I felt all the time, no one was allowed to come near me and...Well, you have every right to be angry at me – I am angry at me, more so than anyone can realise. This new baby is a blessing and, why was I not able to see that? I was so scared, Alice...Scared that your place in all of our hearts would disappear and the only person who could ever inhabit the largest part of your heart is your perfect son who I miss, by the way so very much. Thinking those things has been the worst thing ever to happen in my life, being back in Sandgrove has taught me so much about the way I have acted and made up false beliefs in my head...The only excuse I have for being that way is because I love you, Alice. I still love you so much and, I hate that you're not here...I always hate not having you climb onto me in the mornings and force me to go shopping against my will or hugging me whenever one tear escaped my eyelid. The sister in me wants you back all the time, well that feeling is never going to go away but...I promise you, my angel that I will look after everyone again...I will watch over Danny as I have always done because that little boy can cause even the coldest hearts to break with one of his smiles...Your smiles.

There is no need to worry because I will turn everything around and make things normal again, this mess was created by me and alone it is my turn to fix things at last.

I will be back with your favourite flowers the moment I am back at home, who knows perhaps this new baby will want to have me as an older sister and I hope to God that I can be as good a sister as you always were to me. That's it, really...Perhaps next time I can give you a better update but for now...Please don't hate me. I love you...Forever."

Wiping away my tears with the back of my hand I stood back up and walked away from the grave feeling a little stupid not bringing anything for me to leave but next visit was going to be the one with flowers, as many as I can manage to get.

The clouds had moulded closer and closer together above me and it had began to rain lightly when I opened the passenger door and climbed back into the car enjoying the surge of the heating on my face from the vents on either side of Tess and I.

"Everything okay?" Tess asked me as I buckled my seatbelt.

"Yes, thank you for stopping..."

"No problem...Let's get you home..."

The conversation on the way home was limited, I couldn't bring myself to start a conversation because of the need to be back in the home that had changed my life around for the better...The house that had become my haven to all new experiences of a young existence...Alice's pregnancy, Emmett's wedding and now the childhood home of the miracle arrival that everyone was so anxious to meet.

As we pulled up, I took one look at the house and tears filled my eyes, this was it...The moment that I had wanted for so long.

"Call me at the hospital if you should ever need me, Bella..." I turned to Tess and smiled blinking the tears down my cheeks and grabbing my bag from between my feet and stepping out of the car for the final time.

"Bye Tess" I called out to her and closed the door, bracing myself in an alone moment before finding the movement in my legs to make my way up the driveway to the front door. Tess drove away and I was then completely alone, before knocking on the door I trailed my fingers down the wood and enjoyed the sensation and then knocked three times loudly. Perhaps I should have managed to take a key so that this might not be such a torturous wait in the rain.

Thundering footsteps came down the stairs and then came the cue for the butterflies in my stomach, there is only one person who can make that noise and that was Emmett. The sound of the knob twisting on the other side left me alone for the last time as my elder brother came into view the wider the door opened.

"Bella-boo!" Emmett exclaimed, his hands flying to cover his mouth as he began to cry along with me...Any hope of my redeeming a confident state was all shot to hell seeing my Emmy-bear so emotional to see me. If anyone knew Emmett they'd realise that emotion was not his thing but seeing this reaction to my being back home was a Godsend.

"Hi" I choked out not managing to say anything else because of the speed he had closed the distance between us and wrapped me in his bear-like arms around me, lifting me from the ground completely and taking me into the warmth of my home, my bag hanging helplessly in one of my crushed arms...It hurt being crushed but Emmett could crush me at any time of the day and the cutting of circulation never deemed to be the problem it is usually perceived to be.

"Oh my God you're home...You're back!" he said the sound of his voice muffled at our close contact.

"Yes but...I can't...Breathe" I managed to blow out, he released me and smiled at me apologetically.

"Sorry..."

"Don't be, it's good pain" I answered throwing my back down and wrapping my arms around his neck tighter now that there was some use for them...He clutched me and held me as we both cried in the moment, together where no one else can witness – just us, our brother and sister moment.

"Mom will be so happy to see you, it has been so dull without you here, Bell..."

"I know but I am home, Emmett it's okay everything is going to be okay..."

"Yes..For once, I believe that"

Emmett released me and took my bag up off of the floor "your room awaits" he said sniffing and composing himself, obviously he didn't want anyone to see what kind of change he had been showing at the reaction of my being back home.

I followed my brother up the stairs and into the door of my room, the shade of my purple bedding unslept in for so long and the woodland view outside of the window brought everything back, how many nights I had been able to finally sleep at being in this home and also the argument that Edward and me endured when I escaped back to England...The make-up sex...Oh I had not thought about being intimate to my love for so long but now, there wasn't going to be much time before I needed to feel his touch all over me, the feelings that only he can give me and desire him against my head whenever the mood I was in. Which honestly, was not often because my boyfriend was the most handsomest man on the planet and his magical fingers were my lifeline.

"Do you need some help unpacking?" he asked me putting my bag down at the foot of my bed.

"No thank you, go and be with Esme...Don't tell her that I have come home, yet..I want to surprise her for now...I really need a shower!"

"Sure...I will see you in a minute" he answered kissing me on the forehead and walking out.

If I did have the time to stand in my room to take everything in properly then I would have done but, I was back to having my own shower and a luxury like that wasn't going to wait.

After my shower, I changed into the cleanest and most comfortable clothes in my wardrobe and also made the decision to wear the locket that Edward had given me holding the picture of my family that had been left behind in my new world. Having the locket back on my neck was my completion and now, there was nothing left to do but go and see my mum.

Climbing into my slippers, I walked out of my room and up to the next floor making my weight on the stairs as little as possible so as not to cause attention before getting to where I wanted to be.

Managing to not make a scene, I twisted the knob to Carlisle and Esme's room and the sight of Emmett resting the side of his face against the newest Cullen growing inside of my mum's stomach was the rarest sight to behold. Emmett was already a brother before the baby was even born.

"Bella!"

Esme beamed so wide that her mouth looked like it could break free from her face, entirely..I smiled and walked over climbing onto the bed and into her waiting arms as she held them out to have her hug with me...I sank into her arms resting my head on her shoulder as she kissed my hair and sobbed quietly. "Oh sweetheart, we missed you!"

Esme and I have cuddled before but this was different to all of those other times – this was what we needed, I needed to have my mum close to me because of the loss of my biological one had left me without a mother figure for a while. "Oh mum, don't cry..."

"Don't worry she has been crying all day..." Emmett added with a smile in my direction.

"Leave me alone, mister...I am pregnant!" Esme retaliated releasing me and running both her hands through my hair which wasn't wet anymore from washing it. "You are a little rebel aren't you...How are you feeling?"

"Happy...Happy that I am here and Esme...With this new baby, I promise that I will be the best sister to them and I am so sorry for ever wanting this miracle to never happen..."

"That's over now, all in the past...I know you'll be a great sister...Just like you're the perfect daughter..."

"You're the perfect mother..."

"Oh baby, I have missed you so much!"

"I am here, now" I kissed her hands as they trailed along the areas of my face...I took one of my hands and placed a kiss at the centre of my palm and reached over to place it on her stomach "I can't wait to meet him or her!"

*~Edward~*

*(Evening)*

"You ready, son?"

After a long day at work and reeling from the revelation that Bella was going to be in therapy until later hours and as a result not being able to see her, I waited for dad outside of the hospital and watched him do up the buttons to his coat.

"Yeah..."

I followed him but not long enough before I reached my own car and climbed in, immediately turning on the heating and putting my notebook and folders in the back seat...I wanted to see Bella so much because of hearing from dad how well she was doing but, the one time that I needed to see her nothing was possible.

Hiding the anger inside of me, I turned the key in the ignition and headed out of the parking lot following my father who had already started his journey home.

This car even felt so lonely without Bella inside of it and waiting for her to come home was even more tough now because she was making enough progress to draw her discharge nearer to next week sometime but the only poigniant time where everything felt so lonely was at night – cuddling my stunning girlfriend was the highlight of my sleeping hours and waking up to her radiant face and sparkling chocolate eyes was a memory forever embedded to get me through the weeks without her.

All I could think about was her, I lived to wonder how she was doing because deep down inside the pain of not having her around all of us killed me at every minute passing by – time was so damn slow and nothing could make me feel better not even my old pastime of hanging out with some friends.

Basically, being a zombie and my body working on a routine had kept me alive and possessing at least some sanity in my soul had worked so far– I waited all my life for someone like Bella and I wasn't prepared to let her slip away from me, again. Letting her go once had shown that I had not been strong enough to have her talk to me and I must have some strength inside of me to get through these weeks alone so...Next time, she was not getting away.

I pulled up behind my father in the driveway and stepped out of the car and closing the door behind me as well as locking it from the button on my keys, I left my paperwork and briefcase on the backseat and made a mental note to pick them up and bring them in tomorrow for my constant assignment deadlines.

"Edward can you do me a favour and go to Bella's room and get me her silver locket...Angela told me she wants to wear it until she comes home?" Dad asked me turning the keys in the front door and stepping inside.

"Yeah" I replied, the idea of going into Bella's empty room not the best place to be because her bedding still smelled of strawberries from her hair the last time she had slept in it...I had slept in Bella's bed sometimes just to feel her close to me in some small way and the scent of her shampoo and conditioner brought the soundness of sleep easier than being in my own empty bed.

Running my hands through my hair, I climbed the stairs letting dad walk away from me and into his office.

*~Bella~*

After making sure that Esme was okay on occasions, I had managed to unpack and create my washing pile which would be on my agenda for tomorrow..Slipping back into the usual habits may make being back home all the more real because right now, sitting on my bed and reading through the blank and desserted pages of my diary still seemed so surreal. A dream and I'll wake back up in Sandgrove and face the day of expressing ahead of me.

Pulling me away from the whiteness of the unwritten pages the door to my room opened and my heart swelled seeing Edward come in his eyes to the floor, unknown that I was even in there and close the door behind him.

Taking one step forward he looked up and the beauty of his evergreen eyes burned into mine as his mouth flew open...The tears with Emmett had been too sudden but seeing the man that I had loved for so long and who had been there for me every step of the way created the waterfall that was my emotions...Edward's eyes filled with unshed tears as he smiled my favourite crooked smile.

His feet seemed glued to the floor so I, intentionally and by choice clambered off of my bed throwing the diary to one side and closing the distance between us, Edward's eyes went down as he struggled to keep the sobs inside of his body, but his eyes had been the source of my subconscious in hospital and seeing them for real was a miracle in itself, I pulled out my finger and lifted up his head my finger resting on the velvet surface of his skin, so long I had gone without touching him with my own hands and something so small can make all of this worthwhile.

"Come here..." I whispered wrapping my arms around him and inhaling his minty scent mixed with a little hair gel, the smell that had reminded me of all the times we had spent together as boyfriend and girlfriend, the smell of him and only him. I held him close kissing the hidden area of his neck by his shirt feeling a little agitated that his collar was in the way as he wrapped his arms around me and the warmth radiating from him covered me, protected my soul from anymore harm...He cried into my shoulder, and my heart broke a little for him at how hard this must have been. My being without him was torture but he had taken the ultimate task of coping without me and...I knew he loved me enough to make that experience a painful one.

"I'm home, Edward...I'm home and I love you, I have always loved you my beautiful sweetheart...Let it all out, baby" I whispered into his ear and kissing his lobe once getting a deep exhale from him, not a exhale of desire but of relief of hearing what I felt for him, nothing could ever make me stop loving Edward Cullen not now, not ever in my life.

"Oh Bella..." he choked on a sob and ran his hands through my hair...He needed me to hold him and frankly, I needed to be held by him as well because his arms were my heaven and even now, after everything that has happened between us. Edward pulled away and sniffed the tears evident down his cheeks as he brought his hands around and stroked every area of my face as if he was studying me for memory, not in the same way as Esme had done but my own fingers latched onto his shoulders as I caressed the hardness of his muscles in my hands to soothe him, somehow. "My angel, my life...You will never know how much I have missed you...Your beautiful hair, those gorgeous eyes...The smoothness of your skin and the feeling of your heartbeat...The heart that I hold so close to me. I love you, Bella...God I love you, too...I'll never let you go, again...I can't stand to be apart from you...How I have longed to be with you, again my love..."

"It's okay...Nothing is going to make me believe those things again, it was so wrong of me to behave like I did...Thank you for being strong for me..."

"I'd do anything for you...I would die for you..." Edward cut off all speech as his lips crashed to my own, my fingers in his hair clutched onto his skull firmly at the tingles in my lips underneath his...Like the sun to it's worshipper I opened my mouth to him and let his tongue caress my own...His kisses created the fires of desire with my soul once again, the love radiating from the pores of his lower and upper lids moved my tongue to every inch of his mouth my hips bucking against his from the all-too familiar sensations he brought to me, nothing but arousal for the man I loved.

I attacked his mouth with fevour and longing passion as he tilted his head, taking my own with him and moving in at a deeper angle...I was consumed in everything Edward and this was the place that I wanted to be...My passion for him taking over my body as my hands moved to his chest and buried underneath the fabric of his shirt...The hard but smooth muscles of my Edward's torso was music to my fingers, sight to a blind man and water to an animal...I breathed him all in from every area of my body from my feet to my toes. Edward's hands had moved to the skin between my neck and the line of my top and he held the locket around my neck with one of his hands as the other caressed the side of my neck.

The moans flew out of me and my hips continued to move with his, the need for oxygen was drawing closer and closer but I continued to worship his mouth as best I could with my own because of the overgrowing need to tear off all his clothes and take my lips away from his and move them to every inch of his body, usual movement goes out the window and the self-control aspect of my personality is long gone whenever my Edward is near me.

Edward and I didn't need to make love, we didn't need to talk...Just being with each other right now took us away from the rest of the world and brought us back into the bubble that was our love for one another.

I couldn't wait until we could be with each other again, connecting through our souls and our bodies because I have missed him so very much.

I was back at home and Sandgrove seemed like a million miles away.


	21. Affirmations

**Stephenie Meyer owns 'Twilight'**

**I own 'A Misshapen Life' and this sequel!**

*~A Shaped Life~*

*~Bella~*

"Hmmm..."

I sighed stretching out my arms underneath the warmth and comfort of my pillow the familiar and once admittedly annoying birdsong filling the woodland outside and gave me music to my gradual emerging ears from my subconscious.

The smile along my face was uncontrollable, I was back in my room...My very own room which had never belonged to anyone else whilst I had been away from the happy place, the haven...The sanctuary basically every word that is good in the dictionary sums up the Cullen house.

Fluttering my eyes open, I stretched out one of my arms finding the energy in my bones to move from the numbness of leaning against them in my sleep...I was never once a rested sleeper, moving around at every opportunity that there have been bruises in the past to prove that evidence and reality that sleep was never good for me, at the moment not as much as good as living had done, either.

Finding the opposite side, where Edward had clutched me into his arms all night long was empty and the cover underneath me was dry and cold unlike the heat radiating from my side...I turned and flipped onto my back and rubbed my eyes to wake myself up quickly and gazed up at the ceiling above my head.

"Good morning, sweetie..."

I turned to the right and saw Esme standing in the doorway holding a cup between both her hands situated near to the top of her stomach, the stomach that held the miracle of the life and the epitome of good news and a completion of a family, again – anyone could make a story about the baby growing inside my adoptive mother and readers would jump at the chance to observe and get a piece of.

"Morning mum..." I replied shooting her a smile as she closed the gap between the door and my bed and sat down beside me...What was nice was that she had managed to have a day where her mood was good enough to put on some clothes besides her pyjamas and I wondered then whether she had made the effort because of the reason I had come back home...That was the 'Esme' thing to do. Honestly, she could have been in her pyjamas all day with me and nothing would have made me feel any worse about being back and returning to the one place that ever made me feel like I belong.

"I made you some herbal tea..." Esme said as she handed me the cup from her hands.

"Thank you" I replied bringing the cup to my mouth and taking a small sip that allowed me to swallow it down my throat without the risk of scalding the inside of my mouth and popped it on the coaster on my bedside table.

"I am sorry, we don't have any coffee much to the dislike of Emmett and Edward...Being pregnant allows me to have my own rules and routines..." Bless Carlisle to the heavens and back again for making Esme's pregnancy as relaxing and consistent as possible we all, as her family know how much she can worry about something ever so little and the last thing she needs is stress and panic.

"Oh don't worry, I am not going to argue with Carlisle because he is the one I am going to have to deal with if I change anything..."

"He has been so good to me, Bella...I only wish that you could appreciate how much we both want this little baby and how much it will mean to us all..."

"I already do, Esme...I am so happy to be back home, here with you...Lie back for a moment with me before the shower gives me the final call..."

"Alright..."

Esme obliged laying on Edward's side of the bed, but she stopped her back from hitting the board when she turned and picked something up making me gaze at the white paper in her hand "I believe this belongs to you..." she added, shooting me a small smile and handing me the paper...All I did was smile sheepishly in return knowing that Edward must have left something behind – an assurance of some kind...How can I deny that I wanted him here with me at the moment instead of Esme because I did but he had shown so much emotion and happiness to see me reunited with him and the family home?

"Sorry..." I opened the half-folded paper and gazed at Edward's elegant and calligraphic-scrawl placed in the lines of the thin paper and read the sentences as if they were the last things that I will ever place my eyes in front of.

_My Bella_

_I have to go into work to sort out some things but I will be back soon and we can spend the day together and do whatever you want._

_I love you, I'll miss you and have I mentioned before how blessed I feel having you in my life?_

_Look after my heart, baby_

_All my undying love, forever and always_

_.E._

_X _

"Edward won't be gone long..." Esme said interrupting my heart's leap at the intensity and honesty of the words that my beautiful boyfriend had written to me, mine eyes only.

"Thanks, don't worry there was no way that he was going to see me this morning and, he has been so strong for me during the bad times..."

"Believe me, honey he struggled...I mean there were days where he could barely make sense out of anything..."

"Please, Esme...I know he struggled but hearing about how hurt he must have been still makes me feel so incredibly regretful..."

"No one was at fault, here..."

"Anyway...How is the little one?"

"Growing, obviously it has only been six weeks so...We are getting along and hoping that everything will be alright on the first ultrasound."

"Do you feel sick at all?"

"Not at the moment..."

"Is there anything that you need?"

"Bella, calm down...I am pregnant not having a heart attack...The less stress on the both of us at the moment, the better...So would you like to do anything until Edward gets home?"

"No unless there is something that you want..."

"I was wondering, your car is still in the garage and, I haven't been there for a long time and..."

"You want to go to Alice's grave?"

"Would you mind?"

"Of course not, Esme...I wanted to buy some flowers for her to put on at some point once I was settled..."

"Perhaps you can go into shares with mine?"

"Really?"

"Of course"

"Thank you...I need to get up and get ready, will you be here or downstairs?"

"Oh the last thing you want is for me to stay here, honey...I'll be downstairs..."

"No heavy lifting..."

"Would I ever?"

I giggled and leant to the side to place a kiss on Esme's cheek before climbing out of the bed, thankful that I did not have to hide my fully nude body and that Edward and I had decided not to reconcile in every way possible last night, honestly the two of us needed the night to feel and be in each other's arms and nothing made me none the wiser.

I did miss him in that way but there was never any rush...Being back with him was enough and brought me all my wishes to the truth and so...What more could I need?

Switching on the bathroom light, I took a moment to take the bathroom back in my system, my products – all strawberry untouched and waiting to be used once again in the shelves of the tiled wall and the screen almost brand-new. Esme must have made it her duty to come and clean it for me and there was nothing in there that she would be surprised at and she was not the nosey type of mother and no risk to my things going missing or ending up in the bottom of a bin bag wasn't priority. Stripping down from my tank top and small shorts and plain underwear that I only used for sleeping circled around my feet and I stepped over to the shower doors opening them and turning on the handle, the water sprinkling out of the head and flowing down the drain as it heated up.

Carefully, weary of the temperature being too cold...I stepped in and dunked my head straight under the head my hair almost singing from feeling a different and more powerful water than it had gotten used to in Sandgrove.

I took out my shampoo and opened the lid, smelling the scent that always reminded me of home and honestly the smell that was always a part of me and had been for a long time – as strange as that sounded before pouring some onto my palm and applying it to the roots and tips of my hair in a soapy and bubbly lather in my hands. What felt great was to feel really clean because no matter how many times I washed and showered myself in Sandgrove, which could end up being three times in a day most days the feeling of being dirty and useless still lingered in the pores of my skin and only, now being back in my own shower did that feeling properly wash away with the lather through the drain and away to the unknown. My past was washing away, my recent past which had caused so much pain to my family along with me was going to be forgotten and the attitude to look forward present because, I could look back for the rest of my life and indulge in what had happened but what good was that going to do, the feeling of causing the pain because of my own stupid thoughts and self-belief still hung in the air around me and frankly, that was going to take a while to cease but nothing was impossible to shift.

I added the conditioner and then used my loofah to really scrub my skin with my body wash and get rid of every trace of hospital and emotion that have existed in the last month and let it all go, basking under the heat of the water was a release for me, being alone was the time to get my mind back to having some kind of routine and plan what may or might not happen. I thought about some aspects of my life alone, my work which I needed to sort out with Liz and also where I can go in that job, whether there is a chance to get a promotion or whether finding another job in a career field is the best option for me. Did I want to be a waitress for the rest of my life, of course not because there is going to be something that paid more? Money didn't interest me like it would the more materialistic people but coming from a life of struggle meant that I desired to be comfortable. Not having dollars flying out of my ear holes but having enough to live and pay my way in life, wherever it may take me.

My fate was in the hands of the angels and I wanted so much to trust them not to throw anything else my way because...Well, look at me and what I have already endured emotionally and physically a result of being dragged down by tragedy and everything else falling into my lap. Can everything be alright at least for a temporary time, until the new Cullen was born or when Edward and I were more comfortable with one another and everyone else in the family had found some closure and technique to leave all of this behind them?

Turning off the water, I wiped down the screens to prevent musk and lime scale which was what I had always done and nothing, no matter how many times other may say that there is no need to clean that or to do something I believed was right, there was no stopping me.

Normalcy is key, here and that is what I am going to achieve, slip right back into my old routine and maybe add some changes later on when the timing is right and when I believe with all my heart and soul that my decisions are right and from my heart.

I took my towels off of the silver rack and breathed in the aroma of the fabric softener that was the trademark of the Cullen's...The kind of softener that only Esme insisted on using because of the easy to pour spout and lingering freshness – her words, not mine...I wrapped the larger one around my body and the other in my hair bringing it forward and wrapping the towel around it, keeping the wetness of my neck to add my small amount of makeup on once back in my room.

Makeup was not a necessity for me but it made me feel good, everyone should have something that makes them feel good and so that for me, is makeup and knowing that I can look somewhat average no matter how much visibly on my face the tiredness is evident. I was exhausted from the therapy and I was exhausted because my routine had been broken but I had been given a second chance here and I can't let that go, now.

My life was meant to be lived, as different as that might have seemed two years ago when I wanted to end everything because of the mess with Alice and the anger that my parents had shown because of the lie I had chosen to tell and the image of my being pregnant at the age of sixteen. The razor that I had attempted to use against my wrists and arms was no longer around but I always used the same razors and looking at them did bring back that moment when Edward had saved me, the sound of his voice my one saviour to bring me away from harm. No one else could have called me or told me not to do it besides him, back then...His voice and his opinions of me meant the world even though we were not officially together.

That was tough night for him, now he needed me to be well and he needed me to be secure in my thinking and life plan for the rest of the coming years...The changes had already been taking shape, there was Esme's pregnancy which at the moment was running very smoothly...Never once did I doubt that anything could go wrong with Carlisle calling the shots. Jasper had Olivia, who had proven to make an impression on him and as much as all of us, deep down in our hearts still wanted to see him with Alice or never want a moving on step for him that is selfish and Jasper is one of the most genuine guys ever to grace my life and he deserves to have someone else to dote on and think well of because of how broken his heart was at losing my adopted sister and the struggle he has faced with raising their son on his own. Emmett was married with Rosalie, there is also no doubt that they have been making and building foundation plans to make their own family and all the best luck to them from the depths of my heart because of their support to me and what had happened.

Then there was Edward and I, happy and content with being together and I have no plans to make a family or move out because of the uncertainty of my mental state at this present moment in time but, Edward was my life...He is the best of me and brings out the best in me. Someone who can make me feel so beautiful and wanted, Edward needed me and I enjoyed and adored being needed because it was in my soul much like my mother before alcohol found her became a real shoulder for people to cry to and a rock of support to people who needed her.

As long as I was still with Edward everything was going to be okay, our relationship had been rocky due to circumstances but he had already proven his strength and telling him about it will only send him into denial but it is there plain as day for everyone to witness.

I picked out my black jeans which I hadn't taken into hospital with me and my white v-neck cardigan with long sleeves for the weather of forks and a nice set of underwear, not the frilly kind that have made appearances before now but a nice baby blue colour which Edward always loved on me because of the way it made my skin look...I had never seen anything different to that set or any other but being my boyfriend he can appreciate them a whole lot more than me.

I got changed adding some comfy and warm socks to my feet because of the reality of my going out into the cold for a while, today for Esme to say her piece to her daughter. A part of me didn't want to be around because of how much honesty she has in her words and how those words can break someone's heart in an instant. Edward had gotten his honesty and care from Esme from the way she had brought him up and even though he was caring, anyway it was now enhanced in the little things he'd do for me. Like leaving me letters and gifts here and there out of his own choice.

Managing to change and not have my hair fall out of the towel, I took out my makeup bag from its usual place in my chest of drawers and sat down at the food of my unmade bed and applied a tiny amount of liquid foundation to my face using a sponge that Alice had always insisted I use instead of my own hands and also brushed some light brown eyeshadow across my pinkly and vein-filled eyelids because of the exhaustion existing on my eyes and underneath them. I applied mascara to my top and bottom eyelashes never enough to make it look obvious and then put it all back in the bag and stood up to take my locket from the top of the chest where Edward had left it taking it off of me last night and put it around my neck.

Forgetting about drying my hair, I let it fall naturally out of the confines of the towel and rest around my shoulders, using my fingers briefly to get rid of the tatters from the static of the air in the room and made my bed.

After my room looked more normal, I left the pile of washing behind the door planning to do it once I got back and took out my car keys. Driving was going to be awkward because of how long it had seemed being without one and almost going back to being sixteen where I had no option of a car to get places – I closed the door and walked down the stairs, seeing Esme on the sofa wrapped up in a coat and scarf around her neck and greeting me with her usual motherly smile.

"You ready?"

"Yes, do we need to make some stops, anywhere for food?"

"No I went yesterday before you came home with Rosalie and we're all stocked up for now..."

"Great then, let's go!"

I climbed into my converse at the front door and took my coat off of the coat rack and wrapped it around myself not bothering with the buttons and let Esme out of the front door and out into the morning air before locking it behind me. "Wow, I never thought that we would be going out together so soon..."

"Me either, mum...Are you sure there isn't anything..."

"Oh Bella you're worse than Carlisle...If there was anything I'd tell you..."

"I just want to make sure..."

"I know and I love you for that, sweetheart..."

Esme linked her arm with mine as we went to the garage, I pulled open the door not having invested in getting a button which Carlisle used to make the lifting easier and my mum waited patiently as I opened my car driver's side door not having the time to glance over the loneliness it radiated from the paintwork and reversed out onto the gravel stopping and climbing back out so I could close the door, again.

Esme climbed in and I followed suit, switching on the heat and closing the door and fastening my seatbelt...Like riding a bike, driving soon became second nature again as I reversed out of the driveway and headed out onto the main road.

*~Edward~*

Words couldn't express how elated I felt having my beautiful Bella back where I had needed her for so long, she had shown so much courage once again and her strength always amazed me because just when you think she had gone down so far there is something existing in the beauty of her soul that fights right back to the hand fate has dealt her. I was emotional, more so than ever before...Even when Alice had been taken away from us and even when Bella had born her soul to me when we had made up in the aftermath. Seeing her, sitting on her bed my father knowing that she was coming back home but never giving anything away made the shock and surprise all worthwhile. Bella had never looked so beautiful when she greeted me with a smile and assured me that she loved me, I was the one who needed to be saved in that moment and she was always too happy to oblige.

Having her, loving her, knowing that she loved me still made me adamant that I was the luckiest guy on planet earth because my girlfriend had everything I could ever want and need in someone by my side, she had always been a mysterious and incredibly interesting human being but, emotionally linked with her is a whole different story. I ached for her when she wasn't around, the heat from her fingertips of my skin - the want to worship her every hour of every day wanting to constantly tell her that there will never be anyone else compatible with me and that every moment we spent together was precious because of what had happened to my sister and to Jasper.

My father was happy, my mother was happy and the world had been put to rights again, Bella was back where she had always belonged and she was so loved by my family even now when she had changed in personality in her downfall for depression, there was still that stunning side to her deep down that got rummaged beneath the tragedy and whirlwind of tears and tantrums.

We all believed that she could get through this and she has, there is nothing in the world that she is incapable of enduring, I mean Bella is not perfect and no one is but she still manages to show us how much she cares on a daily basis and that always meant so much.

I had missed her, God I had missed her so damn much...Holding her, talking to her, touching her and kissing her were my oxygen supplies...I needed them to live, there was not a passing day where one or more had to be done and yes, I am turning into a real cheesy man much like the way dad was with Esme but watching my parents only made me believe that there are relationships that can be as fresh and new as the very beginning. My parents' love never faltered in the bad times and they find the strength in each other to keep them afloat and that is what Bella and I have. We're very similar the four of us.

I can't deny that there was a side of me that wanted to worship her last night, connect with her and make her mine, again properly because she was never going to be anyone else's...There was an impossible connection with us and we were both made to be with only each other. Our bodies matched, our feelings were the same and I always wanted her, always will I want to show her I love her, make love to her until we were both exhausted and streaming with sweat in the early hours of the morning but in my parent's house that can have its downsides.

The end of the short work day could not come fast enough and I longed to go back home and come back to my Bella, my life, my world and my entire soul was hers and she had the reason to keep it and she also had the choice to decide what we do. What she didn't know was that I had planned a weekend alone with her as my parents had wanted to go and see my relatives because situations had prevented them from seeing each other since my seventeenth birthday party and Emmett's wedding. I was going to cook for her because going out was not an option; I wanted to be with her every second to make up for the time that we had lost being kept apart...

It may seem like a silly date, because it's not really a date if you stay in but we needed to have some time and not having Emmett live under the same roof anymore was a benefit because he'd eat all the food and then insist that we both play video games instead of what Bella and I secretly wanted to do. This was mom's last chance to get away, at least until her second trimester and dad had her on a tight schedule even now and there will not be many opportunities to live on the wild side.

I had an hour left...Only an hour until I got back home...

Sixty whole minutes...

Begin the countdown...

*~Bella~*

"Esme, they're beautiful!"

Esme had managed to get some flowers which she kept in the church in a vase to put on the grave when she next came down, they were a bunch of pink and white lilies with the biggest and fullest blooms anyone can hope to see in flowers. With pride she glanced at them up and down in her hands and gushed. "Alice had always been prone to these, although she'd never say otherwise because of lilies symbolic meaning of death..."

"I am sure that she'll love them..."

"Would you like to add your name to the card?"

"Have you got a pen?"

"Sure!"

Esme pulled out a pen from the inside of her coat and I took off the lid and used one of the church benches to add my name to the card which she had taken gently out of the bouquet – I put the lid back on the pen and put it in my own pocket and handed her back the card.

"Let's go and see our angel..."

Taking my hand, she led me out of the draughty church and out into the air once more, the distance from the church to the grave shorter than the walk from where my car was parked and I passed the graves feeling a little saddened at the fact that most of the people buried here hadn't asked for death to take them...For their place in the line of natural death in elderly ages being bumped forward a good few years and having to leave the people they loved and cared about behind. I had wanted to end my life on a few occasions of my own choice where these people had no choice and it did feel that I had been selfish in wanting to end my happiness and the place where I belonged but then again, when you're that down and when there is so much hatred and anger in your veins about yourself and what you have become then anything is possible because self-control is lost in the haze of emotion and there is no going back.

We reached Alice's grave and Esme let out a small sob as she took away the dead flowers from the cold and added the new bunch right at the centre of Alice's resting place. We all had taken the responsibility to clear up the grave and trim the overgrown grass because of the fact that Alice had always looked so beautiful and been so amazing in character even on the down days and where she may have been feeling as sad as the overgrown grass and the wilting flower petals – her grave needed to be a place she'd approve of and a place where she can be remembered through the bloom of various flowers and the thoughts about her forever embedded in the notes we left there for on goers to see.

"I will give you a minute..." I whispered to mum who nodded once and I released my hand from hers and stepped away letting her have her much needed moment and say whatever she needed to in that moment. I sat down on the bench which also brought back so many memories and watched Esme kneel down from a distance and speak inaudibly to Alice's undying and immortal spirit.

There are things that people will never be able to get over and watching the members of my family bear their soul to the stunning Alice who will always be in our hearts is mine. I got emotional whenever someone took the time to speak to her whereas I had found it difficult at times myself to say anything and now was much more prominent because of my own behaviour.

Alice's soul lived in all of us but the best of her lived in her son and in Jasper...Olivia seems like a keeper and if Jasper is happy with her then there is nothing else that any of us could ever want and I can speak for everyone in disclosing that because we all think the same.

Esme touched her stomach with one of her hands and blew a kiss to Alice before standing and walking back over to me, she was so emotional that it took all the strength left through my exhaustion to keep my own at bay. I reached into one of my coat pockets and held out my handy packet of tissues in front of her and she shot me an appreciative glance and took one out of the packet and proceeded to dab her eyes with it.

"Oh Bella, you know nothing will ever compare with losing a child...I really miss her and I still miss her so much..."

"I know, mum...You don't have to justify yourself to me, anymore...We all miss her..."

"She must miss you too, you have always been so good to her much against the situations that she had to face and that kind of love lives forever in someone Bella, alive or dead Alice appreciated you and that is something you can take..."

"I do, but right now...I am wondering whether she would want to kill me..."

"No negativity, baby...We can't be having anymore of that...We have another child, coming but nothing will stop us from loving the one we lost..."

"Esme you are an amazing mum and Alice was so much like you, the way she is shows her upbringing and how you and Carlisle have raised her...A child is a representation of their parents..."

"We did the best we could..." she sniffed, blowing her nose into the tissue leaving the skin on her nose with a rosy tinge.

"Then, that is all you can do..."

"So shall we go back home?"

"Yes, it is too cold out here for new mommies!"

"Oh stop!" Esme said letting out a small giggle and putting the tissue in the pocket of her own coat and taking my hand again. "I still don't know who brought you to us, Bella but I will always be grateful..."

"I am, too..."

*(Half an Hour later)*

"Where have you been?"

Edward, looking slightly adorable and flustered met Esme and I at the front door his hands on his hips, the realisation suddenly hit me that I had not left some kind of note behind. Esme squeezed my hand in hers, once.

"Now, Edward...We have just been to see Alice and if anything, I was the one to ask Bella to take me...Don't take any blame out on her..." Esme took the mother approach and retaliated just as strongly back to her son. Edward took his hands away from his hips.

"That doesn't mean that I don't care..."

"Yes but there is no need to care about me, you have someone here who needs you care...I am going to take a bath, Bella..."

"Alright well I will put some washing on and make us some dinner..."

"Oh there is no need to do that, Carlisle said he'd come home and make something...Well I say that he 'said' but more like demanded..."

"Call me if there is anything-"

"I will!" Esme shot me an annoyance mixed with a happy smile, the kind that showed I was driving her insane but not to take away how much she cared and appreciated everyone running around after her...Esme had a lot to deal with because she had always been the one to run around and now, taking a back seat did prove to annoy her slightly. However her annoyance was more comical than concerning and so everything was forgotten about and no issues were raised.

I watched her walk up the stairs and I closed the front door, taking off my coat and the moment the material left my shoulders, Edward maintained the warmth over my upper body with his arms as he pulled me into his chest.

"Oh baby, don't do that to me..." he whispered using both his hands to take my head away from his chest and crash his lips to my own, leaving me no time to do anything but respond. His kisses were small but they were meaningful and I took my lips away from his and rubbed my nose along his.

"I'm sorry..."

"I can't lose you, again..."

"You won't...I made a mistake but I am back, now..."

"I have been driving myself insane at work just wanting to see you..."

"I know that, baby...Now if you care not to distract me for a few minutes...There is some washing that is calling out my name..."

"Oh no, no, no..." Edward replied bending down and lifting me into the air, making me squeal slightly at his speed and determination to take me away from the task at hand.

"Edward..."

"Bella you're not going anywhere or doing anything..."

I was powerless in his bridal-style carry and given a choice to spend time with him and do my hospital washing was no competition to an outcome...Edward always won in my heart and in my mind through basically anything and he always used that to his advantage like every hormonal guy would do. "You are dreadful..."

"Ssh.." he said wrapping my lips around his own, again and rubbing the back of my thighs with his hands as he led me up the stairs and stopped any protest I may of had physically and mentally as he moved his lips passionately against my own, our noses brushing together as we tilted heads and how he had managed to get to his own room and kick the door closed when his mouth was occupied was beyond me.

As lightly and as carefully as a father holding his own child, Edward placed me on his bed, the aroma and scent that only he smelt off filled my nose as I breathed in through the workings of my tongue against his – contentment overwhelmed me as it came from the softness of his mattress on my back and the dancing of every area of our mouths against each others. I cupped his face as he hovered over me and his hands, magical and talented as they had always proved to be caressed my stomach and hips.

"Oh God..." I breathed coming up for air as his mouth wasted no time and no hesitancy and moved onto my neck and collarbone...I used my hands to wind around his hair and bring his mouth closer to the inferno building beneath my skin and through my bones.

"What do you want to do, Bella?"

I wanted him to make love to me, but it was not the right time... "I want to spend the day with you..."

"Doing what?" he asked me, his voice more and more evident of the emotion that was clouding him his mouth now on my waist and stomach.

"Just cuddling..."

Edward lifted up his head, looking a little dismayed through his lust-filled eyes..."Cuddling?"

"Yes, just hold me, Edward...Hold me in your arms, please?"

At my plea he lay down beside me and opened his arms out letting me slide easily into the comfort of his hard and muscled chest beneath his top...I longed to kiss his muscles and feel them rivet under my mouth at the desire shaking through him in response but right now, as I have said before...His arms were more than enough.

"Are you alright?" he whispered kissing my hair.

"Yes, no words Edward at least not now, let me have this moment..."

"You can have anything you want, Bella..."


	22. Worries

**Stephenie Meyer owns 'Twilight'**

**I own 'A Misshapen Life' and this sequel!**

*~A Shaped Life~*

*~Edward~*

I couldn't recall how long I had been sitting on the foot of my angel's bed, watching her sleep so peacefully and beautifully her hair sprawled around her head on the pillow looking like nothing in this world, words cannot ever describe how much life felt like the fiery depths of hell without her being here and having her back made me even more adamant that she would ever leave me again, throughout our relationship Bella had been the strong one, I, so indifferent to her and almost-coward like in comparison had to endure her empty room and the uselessness of my arms not having her stunning body to hold on to at night. Without Bella life wasn't worth living, no matter how much I was beginning to secure the next step in a future career and the reality of the two of us getting older every passing day – every advantage that others may clutch to meant nothing to me without coming home to Bella or her coming home to me.

"Edward, stop staring at me...its freaky..." my love hadn't even opened her eyes one inch, it never surprised me anymore how in tune she was with me and how we could finish each other's sentences like some cheesy married-couple. This was the highlight of my day, so it was a little stupid watching her sleep but she was so fascinating that no sane man on this planet could ever justify her as 'plain'.

I smirked at her remark, "where's the harm baby?" I cooed in a whisper, intentionally giving her the softest voice possible – the voice that can pretty much make Bella turn into Jell-O when she heard it – there were things that my Bella could do to me that made me have the same reaction, either that or continue to show how much I love her which honestly, I could never stop doing!

"Don't do that...Don't be sexy..." she sighed, trying to be angry and ending up singing her words in happiness, so it boosted my ego...I could think of worst things that can turn men on but Bella trying not to be aroused when she was is admittedly to damn adorable.

"I brought you coffee..." I said, changing the subject...With a small sigh she stirred her head moving to the side and her body following behind and her eyes opened...The coffee wasn't as hot as it had been about five hours ago but Bella drank down caffeine like a lion to fresh meat.

"Good morning..." smiling, she brought her body up and held her hands out to me, yawning loudly her mouth wide open...There's the beauty of our relationship, nothing can be a secret for more than five minutes and the comfort of being with one another clouded our self-control.

"Hi..." she answered giving me a returning smile and taking the cup in her hands as she fidgeted underneath the duvet getting comfortable. "You okay?" she added taking a sip.

"Yeah, I am sorry about gawking at you; you're just so beautiful..."

"That is why I do not want to have you looking at me whilst I sleep, I can't stay mad at you and using the tactic of coyness is cruel..."

"You love it..."

"Unfortunately, yes..." Bella smiled, not able to keep a straight face, we both loved each other to the ends of this earth and back again, even I when I wasn't teasing the crap out of her could never say no, either. We were just a couple of suckers! "So are you working, today?"

As Bella asked me her question, my mind went onto the weekend that I had already planned for us, my parents needing to get away had chosen to go and stay with family, the members probably wanted to gawk and sigh over my mom's pregnancy and share stories about how much childbirth did or didn't complete their lives. Hands down, I loved all my family but the 'gushing' was too much even for my father, who out of the love he had for my mother went with her all the same, like he'd go with her anywhere.

I had planned to have a dinner with Bella out but, due to where she had been and also the need to have her adapt back to her old life with us, the life she was born to live – it seemed a much better option to get some use out of the house that was going to suffer some neglect in being empty...Fair enough, when Bella had met me I did not know how to separate an egg but now, thanks to some many hours of studying mom's cooking books there was some grasp on one of Bella's favourite recipes. After dinner, we were just going to have some free time to spend however she wanted, if there was a change in plan and she decided to go out then I wasn't going to object, as long as we were together then everything – the time apart, the pain, the tears and the heartbreak had all led us to the much-needed reconciliation I knew _I _so longed for, and so did Bella.

"I have to go in, later...But you have the morning with me..."

"Hmm, what to do..." Bella said, raising her eyebrow and giving me the sexiest smirk imaginable that if I had been undressed and still in my boxers we would have had a serious problem.

"I will make you breakfast and then, we can stay here or we can go out, as long as I am at work by two..."

"Oh well, I was thinking about staying here and looking for jobs..."

"What about..."

Bella took one hand from the cup to hold up in front of her "I know that there is still the opening in Port Angeles but, Edward as much as the job helped me and no matter how I enjoyed it, everyone knows where I have been these last weeks...Is it so much to want a fresh start?"

"Of course not my love, but there's no shame in this..."

"I feel shame..."

Silence overthrew me at her comment, of course Bella had always been a sensitive creature and that was one of the elements of her personality that I had fallen in love, with but in my constant need to have her close to me just to know that our lives together again was real – I had neglected what she was really thinking and, I felt sick.

"Baby..." I brought up a hand and cupped her face, caressing her cheek as she smiled leaning her head further into my hand.

"It's okay, Edward.." she attempted to comfort me, once again we were both at the crossroads of her neglecting her needs to help me, that was the habit that had gotten her admittance back into Sandgrove in the first place and over my dead body was she ever going to go back there.

*~Bella~*

Edward brought his body over to me, at the quick changing of position I put down the cup of coffee he had been so lovely as to give me on the bedside table and welcomed his weight onto me leaning back as he followed me closely in pursuit, the heat radiating from our bodies at the sudden lust to form over us. My Edward cupped my face in his hands, my legs wrapping around his to keep him there and began to kiss me, moving from my forehead torturously slowly to my nose, chin, both sides of my jaw line and my eyelids. I was always so powerless to the wonder of his mouth and what one touch of his wondrous skin can do to me.

"I am sorry..." he whispered, regret in his voice as he continued his trail to my neck.

"For what?"

"I have been so stupid, tell me what you fear Bella...Tell me so I can make it go away..." Oh if only taking the last few weeks away were so simple, that turning back time could really exist and become an option for so many people who have suffered regret in their lives, an instant cure of sorts to erase all the shit and only leave the great times that forever embed in our memories. Edward had been the best thing to ever happen to me, my life here was meant to be enjoyed but the way things have gone in the last two years, and the kinds of situations that have faced me make my soul riddle with fear. There is something around the corner to trample all over the time that Edward and I have together, like what seemed to become a usual happening in our lives. Another wave of bad luck is going to swarm down and flood all the happiness and throw me, him or both of us into a web of more worry and constant sadness.

"There is nothing to be sorry for...Oh Edward, I can't help but think that this time we have...Here, right now isn't going to last..."

"Bella..."

"Someone, or something is going to tread all over what we have, what we have managed to come back to all over again all for the sake of learning and appreciating but most of all being grateful for this...I already appreciate you so much that I am beyond words, I can't lose you...Not again...The thought almost kills me..." The usual sting surrounded my nose and the gradual filling of my eyes from my brand new tears fell over me in that moment, the reaction to the reality that if my life lived up to the same habits on a permanent basis then this wasn't going to last – Edward and I, were not going to last...He will be sick of all the bad luck that is in my fate and find something better.

"Bella...Listen to me..." Edward's lust-filled, hooded eyes came back up to fall onto my own emotional eyes, as always in sync he bent down and kissed the falling tears on both cheeks from my face and sighed heavily, questioningly and wondering in the sound. "We have been through so much, you admittedly more than I...Bella there is nothing that can make me leave you...How could I when I love you to death...No matter what happens we can face them...I can face them because you have made me stronger..."

"Ed..."

"Don't doubt me, doubt anything else but not everything that I say, or have ever said to you because every word coming out of my mouth is real, honest and true...I'd never lie to you – yes, life may be hard and there may be moments where the bad luck made an appearance again but we...Can...Do...This...Together..." Edward silenced me with a searing, passionate kiss all the words I had planned to say disappearing from my head at my mouth's automatic, chemical response to matching his rhythm – the moan flew from my lips vibrating against his, my arms wrapping around his shoulders to bring our mouths closer, more tears fell from my eyes from the battle between the passion I still held for my beautiful Edward but also thinking about how much time we had to appreciate and live in moments like these, moments where when words were never enough there was only emotion left.

"Promise me you won't leave me, I love you so much..." I cried against him, our noses brushing together and my hips bucking slightly against his to meld our bodies once again...There was no time to be embarrassed about my emotion, I couldn't bring myself to be embarrassed even if I had wanted to.

"Never, never Bella...You're stuck with me for eternity..." Edward kissed me again, more tenderly and sweetly before brushing my tears away with his thumbs "my beautiful girl...I'll love you, forever..."

Sniffing, I hugged him close to me for a few minutes, the minutes frankly feeling like hours and found the strength in myself to pull away and admit how silly my little outburst had been, Edward always the Gentleman climbed off of me and held out his hand, waiting for me to hold onto it which of course, I wasted no time doing.

"Shall I wait for you to shower, or would you like breakfast first?" he whispered, wrapping the blanket from the foot of my bed which I had not even seen him take around my shoulders clutching onto the folded halves at the front tightly. I was cocooned, my Edward was cocooning me from the rest of the world and keeping us in this moment for as long as possible but unfortunately life does not happen when you're in bed with the man you love.

"I'll shower, thank you Edward..."

"Don't thank me, I have done so many things wrong but I am always going to be the one thanking you..."

"We'll never agree so, maybe it's best for me to just nod." Edward smirked and watched me nod with pride radiating from his eyes, yes he was a guy who liked compliments and there weren't enough in existence in the English language for him. He was sensational. "Where's your mum, today?"

"Out with Rose, a girl's day out whilst Emmett is working, she has already gone and did ask about you joining them..."

"What did you say?"

"I wanted to say that she was barking mad because I was at home, but why would I want to let my mom in on our private life..."

"She has to be, she owns this house..."

"Yes but not the real ins and outs..." I was surprised at Edward's English term, but then it hit me that he must have used it intentionally as the second meaning to his remark blared in my head like a traffic light – unable to cringe and only laugh my eyes fell to the floor.

"You're terrible...But I love you..." I finished on the end of the sentence, he always used the 'you love me' when I attempted and failed in giving him a tease so, instead he nodded and kissed me on the forehead before stepping out of my room.

The heat suddenly disappeared, the love and passion inhabiting themselves through the molecules in the atmosphere had shifted and now, left me with loneliness and detachment – I suppose this is what always happens with a person in love, but whether or not Edward and I were in fact going to be together forever having him not moulded to my side like clay was hard to get used to. How I managed without him in Sandgrove...I'll never know.

Ignoring the ache to call him back in the room and strip down naked in front of him, without the use of a shower...I turned on my heel and turned on the light in my bathroom across my room.

The longer I spent moping and dwelling, the last time Edward had before going to work.

*~Edward~*

Humming to myself, trying desperately to be rid of Bella's words in my head, her words that showed so much fear and restraint that it ached from head to toe that I was not able to help her in any way I could – I was frying the eggs in the pan, the sizzling sound drowning out any noise outside of the replaying of my girl's voice in my head and the smell taking away any other, I was in a cooking bubble – even when Bella and I hadn't been together I was always able to somehow manage an egg or two, it was like they had always liked me enough not to burn the pan or the kitchen down in the process. My mom didn't need any kind of nerves in her system at the present time, dad had been watching her so intently that she barely had time to breathe in and out properly – the two of them had suffered so much from the death of my sister with all my heart I wished and hoped that this birth was going to run smoother than my sister's had been and also somehow with the new arrival their hearts can mend a little more, obviously never completely – none of our hearts, my parents, my brother or I will ever have our hearts whole or complete again because of how much we had loved Alice but it can be at least three quarters whole at least.

The house was always so unusual without mom being here, she belonged here – the decor and furnishings reeked of her all over and it was almost like she was a part of the interior design she had planned from scratch, as strange as that sounded.

Once the eggs were on the plates, I set them out adding a small orchid flower in the middle, a present that mom had received just recently from a friend who she had been reunited with from their school days, the flower symbolised some kind of memory in both their science classes but, unfortunately I wasn't paying any attention to my mother's explanation. Maybe the flower was too much for this early in the morning, but come on...When had Bella and I ever stuck to normalcy, never mind tradition we were both unique in our own ways and together, we meshed.

I heard footsteps come down the stairs and finishing up the pouring of apple juice in Bella's glass, I walked over to the fridge and placed the carton back into it and dipped the heated pan into the soapy water in the sink.

*~Jasper~*

"Jazz?"

At the sound of my nickname, I stirred and felt my mind waking up, my feet touching something hard further down my body and at the unusual feeling my eyes shot open.

"Hey..." a soft pat and smoothing motion to my head calmed down my heart as the realisation washed over me as quickly as it had been to wake me up from my sleep. I smelled her perfume, not floral but simple and beautiful and the touch that could only belong to her and no one else send comforting and welcoming calm to my system.

"Are you okay, did you have a bad dream?" Livvie whispered her voice so soft it could have been made of velvet to run my fingertips through.

"No, I just forgot where I was for a moment..." I replied in a whisper, my eyes closing again to take in the mental note to keep breathing in and out slowly to calm down my heart.

"We fell asleep, your cell was going off for most of the night, I tried about four times to wake you but you wouldn't even stir so I turned it off...I am sorry..."

"Oh, can you pass it to me please...Maybe I should have told you that I sleep heavily..."

"I sleep lightly, almost restlessly so I guess there isn't any hope for us...Here." I smiled and held back a chuckle from her remark and clutched my cell in my hand and forced my eyes open, voluntarily this time around and switched the power button on.

Livvie snuggled next to me, her head on my shoulder, my arm wrapping around her to keep her close to my side as the cell loaded up, the thing was so run-down it wasn't going to last much longer, in my need to get other things in my life, creating near-happiness again from two years of suffering from a broken and damaged heart.

"Jesus, eleven voicemails!" I gasped, Livvie sighed next to me, I never blamed her for not waking me – no one apart from my mom had ever been able to, not even my beautiful Alice had the ability – my mother did have her tactics, though which Alice would never have taken on to do herself if she had known about them.

I held the phone up to my ear and listened to the first message, wishing suddenly that a huge cup of tea the size of my head was within reach – nothing like a boost of sugar and caffeine to start off a day.

"_Jasper darling it's mom, I have some news to tell you and I don't want to tell you over the phone can you ring me as soon as you get this, please? Love you"_

Next message...

"_Jasper its mom again, you must not have gotten the last message so...Here is another one, can you ring me the moment you get this message please it's important?"_

Were they all from my mom...?

"_Jazz where are you, please ring me as soon as you can?"_

Oh God, what had I done?

"_Jasper Hale answer your phone young man...I have no idea where you are and I am getting worried...CALL ME!"_

"_Jasper, this is the last time I ring you before I send out a search party!"_

Mom hadn't left me anymore, well actually I did not want to hear anymore and suddenly realising that I had abandoned my mother and not informed her of any plans of mine, which had become our routine since she was kindly looking after Danny for me, in my stupidity of falling asleep my original plan being to take Olivia home after I had told her everything possible about Alice and our relationship which led to the blessing of our son's birth mom was now worried.

"What's wrong?" Livvie whispered, her breath tickling my ear as she kissed the right base of my neck in a comforting gesture, smiling...Unable to stay mad at her for no time at all even if I wanted to...I tilted my head.

"Mom needs me back home, I didn't tell her that I was going to be staying overnight here..." I gestured to the bed beneath us and Livvie let out a nervous laugh her hands covering her eyes.

"You can blame me; even though nothing happened...We both slept in our clothes..."

"I'd never blame you...Mom knows that I am sensible enough to never leave her with Danny for more than possible or for more time than we had planned unless there was a good enough reason..."

"Then you should go home and see your son..." Livvie replied with a smile at the end, mentioning my son always seemed to bring the usual stunning brightness and life to her eyes that frankly, looked a little too sad most of the time, which I wanted secretly so much to take away – anything little or large to help her was my deepest desire that she'd never know about unless she wanted to prepare herself to run for the hills. Talking about Alice was enough to make me feel uncomfortable, even in bed with her there was a battle with my heart and my head, my heart ached and itched to get closer to her body, wrap my arms around her to feel the heat from her body and the beating of her heart and my head said 'no' refusing any contact because of the fear that she could still turn on me, suddenly hate me or ask me to leave and never come back.

Stroking her face lightly with my fingers, enough to satisfy the urge but also the right amount so as not to startle Livvie, I turned to climb off of her bed but her hand, her strong grasp on my right arm stopped me as my head flipped back round, a questioning look on my face and in my mind.

"I am going to miss you..." She whispered with nothing but genuine honesty, the look in her eyes can never be doubted by anyone when she spoke of the emotions of her soul and all I managed to do was smile, because her tone of voice bowled me over and amazed me beyond words. Livvie bent down, her breath fanning over my face and touched her lips to my own, leading in small, tender but beautiful caresses – I knew that she had chosen to be hesitant with me and so as a result, went for gentle and even for me, the smallest gesture means so much – just having her in my life made me feel saved – that I do have a second chance.

I responded cupping one side of her face with my hand and letting her lead, making my own decision not to take anything further because of the fear of my pulling away – Livvie worshipped me in the only way that she knew how, the only show of affection that we have shown is the tender, sweet kind if it can be described as that and those seem to be like the only words to describe, the emotion feels like so much more. I was coming back into myself, being brought back to life where love is possible once again, not because I have forgotten Alice but because I was supposed to have my heart open up again and I wanted so much to show Livvie that there was more to me than some bad luck and a young son. I was human, I still am human with a heart that beats and a heart that needs so much to have someone belong in it, never in the same way as Alice because such a large place will always belong to her but at the same time, now she was no longer around...I never realised how much love can complete a person or make them feel so much better. Loving Alice was so natural because of how stunning she was, inside and out there was never anything to hate or even dislike in her soul and an individual never truly realises what they have until t is taken away from them and I have missed loving someone, having a purpose and someone to go out to or to be there for another when they needed me. I am still human, that is what it comes down to.

Livvie moaned against my mouth, her hand running through my hair smoothly, her skin so desirable and tempting moving down to a trail onto my face and around my features, every feature besides my mouth that is, I welcomed it...Never speeding up our movements but allowing the moment to stay with the both of us for a little longer before real life took us away but never in a dull way. My son was my life, the very pinnacle of my life and no matter how much I may have wanted to stay lying in bed with Olivia letting the world pass us by as we held one another was irrelevant. As a parent, my only focus goes to Danny and the only decisions I will make when he gets older is going to be for his benefit and my own – life was not to live for just me, anymore...I owed it to Alice because she had sacrificed her life to give me such a beautiful son and of course, the parental role is there...No matter how young I am, I like having someone to hold most of my attention.

"Wow..." Livvie whispered, breaking our contact and bringing her lips to my forehead, my eyes closing at the calm around me from her small gesture.

"I am sorry, I have to go..."

"I know, never be sorry...Your mother sounded worried...I should be the one to apologise because of my lack of ability to wake you up-"

"No way..."

"Will I see you soon?"

"Of course you will, what kind of a question is that?"

"Well, if there was something to keep you away then I'd understand..."

"Can I bring Danny round later, maybe you can come to mine for lunch and meet my mom..." Livvie stopped breathing for a moment, I didn't dare look at her face in case she showed contempt or shock at what I had just said a little uncontrollably, my brain stupidly not having the moment to realise what was actually being said.

"Oh, do you think that's a good idea?" she whispered, running her index finger along my forehead.

"Yes, why not?"

"Oh, I mean after you told me everything about Alice...The last thing that your family and the people you care about need is another person come to make everything different..."

"This isn't about replacement, Liv...I want to introduce you, will you at least consider it for me?"

"Of course I would, Jasper but...We...Us...What are we...Do you think that this is going to last?"

"Do you want it to last?"

"Yes..."

"So do I..."

"Really?"

"Yes..."

*~Bella~*

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

Edward was practically drooling over his empty breakfast plate at me from across the table, honestly it was a little creepy how motionless and how much of a corpse he looked like as he studied me up and down. The sudden fear of some of my food stuck in my teeth fell over me my hand reaching up to touch the gap between my two teeth.

"Silly girl, there is nothing in your teeth..."

"Then why are you gawking at me?"

"How can I not gawk at my girlfriend when she is so beautiful...?"

"I have a boyfriend who says the right thing far too many times..."

Damn, can't a girl have breakfast in peace?

Edward Cullen, why do you have to be so irresistible?

*~Jasper~*

"Hey mom!" I shouted the moment I passed through the front door...Moments maybe even seconds later she appeared from our kitchen with my son in her hands, quiet as anything.

"Oh baby, where have you been?"

"I'm so sorry, things got a little out of hand, and I got a little side-tracked..." I said closing the distance between us and kissing my boy on the forehead, making him smile at the sight of me...A smile that belonged entirely to his late mother.

"Well, can you let me know next time?"

"Sure I am so sorry mom...Can I make you some breakfast?"

"No we have already eaten...I have something to show you..."

"Really, what?" At the sound of my question, mom shot me a proud smirk and turned on her heel and walked over to the small space between our two couches, where the carpet was and set down my son softly onto his feet and held up his hands above his head. The swelling in my heart and what I had already perceived was going to happen made my hands shoot to cover my mouth, mom smiled at me once more before taking tiny steps behind my son who, unlike anything else walked in front of her, the steps small and slow but the feet entirely on the floor, a giggle escaping his mouth at the strange feeling and it was music to my ears, the tears escaped my eyes before I had even known they were there and my mom had also shown some emotion as they managed to reach the other couch, sniffing I wiped the tears away with the back of my hand and walked over to my son and picked him up, clutching him close to my chest and rocking us from side to side, his little head snuggling deeply against my chest as his breathing slowed gradually from his giggling.

"Oh you're my clever little boy...My little boy...I love you so much..." I cooed to Danny as mom watched on with nothing but love and pride.

"He surprised me when he had put his weight on his feet, all on his own...Even though he fell back down again I then decided to hold his hands, I told you it would come didn't I?"

"I can't believe this!" I exclaimed, the emotion too much in the room to have some composure over.

"That's what I wanted you to know, that and the fact that I didn't know where you were. Were you with Olivia?"

At the sound of her name, I turned to face mom and sat down on the couch still hugging my son to me who made no attempt to change his positioning and ran the hand not clutching around him to run up and down his back. "Yes, nothing happened..."

"Jasper, why don't you bring her around here, I mean she has done so much for you and I wish to make my thanks to her..."

"I invited her, I want you to meet her too but she is scared..."

"About Alice?"

"Yeah, I mean...I don't blame her but, I fear that her place in my life is going to be taken away from me and she is worried that the people I care about the most are never going to accept the fact that she is now in my life. We are both fearful...It's stupid..."

"Oh sweetheart, I am behind whatever decision you make...I have always supported you and that isn't going to change because there is someone new in your life. The Cullen's may be a little more hesitant because Alice belonged to them, we're always going to miss her but things have to change..."

"I dread what the Cullen's are going to think, after everything they have done for me and for bringing Alice to me in the first place, I don't want them to hate me..."

"Esme is beyond being capable of any kind of hate or dislike, she is the most caring and gentle of women and believe me, no one is going to hate you...The change may hurt them a little but like all of us at some point in this life, we need to adapt."

"So do you want to meet her?"

"More than anything...Will you bring her around here, soon?"

"Sure..." I smiled; mom always knew how to make me feel better even now I was no longer a child and her help wasn't so desirable and her words of wisdom a necessity to aid me in moving on with my life. Mum came down to sit beside me and wrapping her arm around my shoulder she brought me into her chest her other arm wrapping around my front, I leant into her taking my son with me as she wrapped the two most important people in her life close to her.

A moment which needed no other words, nothing left in the atmosphere but love. In more ways than one.

*~Bella~*

*(An hour later)*

For Edward having the morning off, we hadn't spent much time doing things that were shall I call it...Productive. Having him back, so close to me still seems so unreal and now there was the chance to change things in my life, the things that were routine for me and now, desperate to obtain a fresh start I reached for something new.

Spending my time away from Edward as he got changed upstairs, I had already done my much-needed washing that had been sitting helplessly in a pile across my room and was waiting for the dryer to finish the cycle and whilst I waited, I held up a book making it look, to Edward that I was reading but instead, I cast my mind on what I had said in all those assessments in Sandgrove and how true they were.

The days went slow here in my life but in hospital they had been so torturously slow that the patients going insane did not surprise me as I had been close to having the same fate. All the colours made sense, all the comments about my family members were so true and what was surprising was that even, in my delirium and negativity, there was still an ounce of sense about me, that I wasn't completely hopeless after all.

The doorbell ringing took me out of the daydream and, wasting no time...I folded the pages of the book and rested it against one of the arms of the sofas and walked over to open the front door, smiling widely at the picture of Jasper and his son waiting for me.

"Hey Bella..." Jasper breathed walking over and placing a kiss on my cheek, unable to give me a hug due to my Godson soughing comfort in his father's arms.

"Hey..." I replied ogling Danny but at the same time, closing the door behind Jazz as he stepped in the house and adjusted his son's position in his arms.

"How are you feeling being back home?" he asked me in a soothing voice, I had missed Jasper just as much as the Cullen's because in all honesty he and his mother and of course his son as well were also my family, I couldn't live without any of them. I probably could live, but not very well.

"Fine, thank you...How's everything with you and Livvie?"

"You remember me talking about her?"

"I remember everything that you all say, at least to my face of course..." I stopped and at the sound of a gurgle coming out of Danny's mouth, I sighed "can I hold him?" I added biting down on my lip at the anticipation of holding my Danny again.

"Of course you can" he replied, handing Danny over to me, he was so warm and slightly on the heavier side but not so bad that I was not able to carry him. I gazed into the eyes of Alice and the blonde hair of Jasper and came to the conclusion that he was looking more and more like his mother every passing day, he was so gorgeous that it was hard to keep a lid on my emotions.

"Is Esme around today or is she out?" Jazz asked me as he made himself comfortable on one of the couches in the living room; my usual bouncing technique with Danny which had always been a hit with him now became his source of entertainment as he was reunited with me after what seemed like decades perhaps even longer in his fresh, young mind.

"She's out today, was there anything you wanted in particular?"

"No...Just needed to ask her whether she would like to meet Livvie, officially...Seeing as we are not planning on breaking away from one another any time soon...My mom wants to meet her but, I wanted her to meet you guys at the same time..."

"Oh I see..."

"Hey, Jazz...What's up?" Edward had the perfect timing as he came down the stairs, a beaming smile for his close friend but I wondered then, panicked a little at how he might have taken to what Jasper had just told me – I was alright with it, because of the reality that Sandgrove had given me so much time to think about what kind of changes that I would have to adapt o in order to stay in my home and in my proper life. Edward may not have welcomed this, even though he seemed to adapt to change much better than I, naturally.

"Hey Edward..."

"What's up, dude we haven't seen you around in a while...How's the little man?" he walked over to me, not making eye-contact instead all his attention consuming little Danny in his arms and placed a wet kiss on his cheek and ran his long index finger along the definition of his nose.

"Everything's cool...Listen I really want to get this out and, the last thing that I want is to have Bella keep secrets from you because...That's an unforgivable request to ask..."

"What is it Jazz?" Edward looked a little confused, but his eyes were attentive – I wondered then along with the butterflies in my stomach just how long those eyes are going to look content and instead, how much time it takes for them to fill with anger or sadness.

"I wanted all of you to come around to mine sometime soon, to meet Livvie..."

I studied Edward, his face dropped slightly on cue but his swallowing made me believe that he was prepared to put on a face for Jasper which I made a note to talk to him about, later...This was going to be hard on him, for anyone naturally who has lost a family member but I believed, personally with all of my heart that Olivia was a Godsend for Jazz and she must have known that her being in his life was never going to take away the memory of Alice but at the same time, it was going to take some time for us to adapt, everyone else more than me frankly.

"So are you guys...Serious now or something?" Edward asked, I noticed the deeper tone of his voice the only indication that my love was holding back either his real emotion or what he wanted to say quite forcefully but Jasper didn't notice right away when he struggled to answer, opening his mouth and closing it in a circuit at least twice before gaining his voice.

"Yes...I can't lie, Edward and I wanted to give all of you the choice, I understand if you didn't and I really don't want to ask this of you because of the fact that you guys may not like this..."

"Yeah, well mom will be home later so, you can talk to her if you have the time...Give me a minute, I have to go and get my paperwork"

See that was another little white lie, Edward had left all his work at his work which he had told me about when I had asked him out of curiosity last night before he and I went to sleep...I bit down harder on my lip and watched my beautiful man walk in speed up the stairs and Jasper let out a defeated sigh and turned back to me.

"Things could have gone a lot worse..."

"Jazz, just give him some time...He'll come around..."

"Yeah, listen I have to be somewhere...Will you be around today?"

"I don't have any plans; do you want me to watch Danny?"

"No honey it's alright..."

"Please, I want to...Besides I need a distraction..."

"Thank you, I'll see you later when Esme comes home..."

"Well, it's best to come tonight because she and Carlisle are going out tomorrow morning until Tuesday, it was going to be a Friday to Monday job but, things have changed..."

"In more ways than one..."

"Jasper, don't worry...Everything will work out, but just to give you a quick heads up...If Olivia breaks your heart then I am going to kill on her arse!"

"Got it...Bye Bella!" Jasper smiled, I was thankful that I had managed to make him smile, without saying another word he disappeared out of the front door, leaving Danny's bag by the front door for me to use whenever I needed it.

Adjusting Danny on my hip, he was busy gnawing some kind of small teddy in one his hands and I let him get on with that and walked up to Edward's room and saw that the door was ajar but the room, itself was dark. This was what Edward did; whenever he felt too emotional he'd stand or lie in the dark so that others cannot have the chance to see the emotion in his eyes and down his face.

I set Danny down on the foot of Edward's bed, luckily he sat still and was not so much of a curious child that he moved and ran the risk of falling to the floor and injuring himself...I tiptoed towards Edward where he was standing by the window and ran a hand across his shoulders and just on the dip between the blades. "Edward, baby..." I whispered the sound of his sniffing breaking my heart.

"I don't hate him, Bella...I am not mad at him...I'm mad because Alice is gone..."

"Ssh sweetheart, everything is going to be okay..." I kept my circular motions on his back feeling his back and muscles tense up.

"No it's not, Bella...Nothing is going to be the same, now and I thought so stupidly that I had gotten over it..."

"Edward look at me?"

He was motionless his hand moving up to his face, probably to wipe away the tears..."Please?" I added pleading with him, fair enough I cannot bring Alice back but I could attempt to make him feel a little better because I understood what he was feeling. Taking a deep breath he turned on his heel, his head lowered to the floor...My arms wrapped around his waist bringing him closer to me.

"We need to give Olivia a chance...Apparently she is so scared about just the idea of meeting your family because she is wary and wants to keep Alice's memory..."

"Did Jasper tell you that?"

"Yes, and Jasper only wants you to think good things of him...But Edward, can you stand there...Look me in the eye and tell me that after everything he has gone through, also struggling to bring up his son as a single parent that as a result after losing his fiancée and the love of his life that love is not possible for him, anymore...That he does not deserve to have someone who cares about him and looks after him?"

"No Bella, out of anyone he deserves happiness..."

"I understand what you're feeling, it's natural...We all love Jasper and he has made the life of the most beautiful boy in existence and because we love them, he deserves our support because he is so scared of upsetting you...Does that speak something about the caring person he is?"

"Yes, oh God you're always right aren't you?"

"Well..." I moved my fingers to the buttons of his shirt and began to undo each of them from the bottom of the hem to the top, slowly but not so slow that a snail could beat me, Edward sighed deeply and allowed me to make the bold gesture the only word that rang in my head was love and that whenever the man I loved was upset my first instinct was to comfort him by loving him. Silly maybe, but I can never resist the chance to touch Edward or to kiss him in more than one place because I loved to love him in the way that was more natural to me, physical touch made me feel wanted and so, I do the same technique to others as well.

Once I managed to get the buttons undone, using both my hands to part the shirt and reveal his marble muscles my lips touched the base of his neck and worked their way around, my breath from my nose falling onto his skin as well as his cinnamon smell reaching my nose when I took a breath in – that smell was so Edward and it was mine...No one else's.

"It's a habit..." I finished my sentence as he swallowed above me and placed his hands on the top of my own on his shoulders where the fabric of his shirt stayed ether side from my grasp and my mouth welcomed the velvet texture of his skin, the hardness of the muscles, toned and all around the right places and if it were possible his chest and stomach had even gotten harder since my last show of love to them decades ago, I had missed him.

"Do you have any idea about how much I have missed you?" Edward breathed out in a whisper, the affect I was having on him sending confidence through the fibres of my being.

"Not as much as I have missed you, love" I whispered back, using his name for me as well as kissing around his belly button, taking my time to appreciate the hardness but also the small quivers of desire building inside of his body.

Edward moved his hands to my face and brought my head back up and wrapped his arms tightly around my shoulders as he crashed his lips to mine and hugged me close, his breathing deep and distinctive, I moaned against him enjoying his forceful leading of the kiss bringing his tongue into mine and the dancing of our tongues in nothing but passion and undying love. My life definitely belonged with him, now it became clear that my life was always meant to be with Edward but the only fear and doubt in my head was that this moment, not just kissing him with all the love inside me but being so close to him, allowing him to hold me and having the warmth of his skin between our clothes.

Something was going to take him or even take me away so that the only plan was to survive the hurt and pain because there was going to be some coming up.

This is me, of course something was going to come and break this up!

For now, I was going to enjoy it.

Taking my lips away from his, I smiled and kissed his nose "we can get through this, together..." I repeated his words from this morning, causing him to smile.

"Thank you, Bella"


	23. Strength

**Stephenie Meyer owns 'Twilight'**

**I own 'A Misshapen Life' and this sequel!**

*~A Shaped Life~*

*~Bella~*

"Now, does this recipe sound okay...Seeing as I have not made food for so many people in a long time..." Watching Esme flutter around the kitchen was as humorous as watching Edward attempt to put his socks on in the mornings. The young man had mostly everything going for him, except for the right amount of balance for such a small everyday task.

"Mum, stop panicking...Besides the one person you should be worrying about is dad, what is he going to say when he finds you cooking?"

"My husband may be able to take away my name, Bella but he will never be able to take away my love for cooking...Are you sure she is going to eat this?"

For someone who is cooking for her 'almost' son-in-law's new girlfriend, Esme was surprisingly upbeat – Olivia had done her a favour, at being bound to a lying position for the majority of her days thanks to Carlisle's insistence that she rest a new task was taken by the mother Cullen at full blow. I did feel a little sorry for Esme, seeing as the only people who could actually manage to cook were Edward and I. Carlisle had not cooked in a long time and the last meal he made was in all fairness very good – his employment ran over any chances to excel at the usual familiar tasks of a householder.

"Now, Edward and Carlisle will be home at five, so if I start on the vegetables then everything will be ready to serve by seven..."

"Mum, calm down...You're making me nervous and I am not even lifting a finger-"

"This has to be perfect, Bella...This Olivia is clearly very important to Jasper and the last thing we all need is for him to be upset at our not liking her!"

Esme was very bad at putting a false mask on, I could tell from the moment Edward and I had taken it on ourselves to tell her about Olivia and Jasper and about how Jasper wants to introduce his new girlfriend to us all that Esme was harbouring true feelings buried beneath her natural habit of pretending that everything was all well and done. Esme missed Alice, almost more so than Edward, Emmett, Rose and I all put together but like a true tower of strength and courage she cowered away her real feelings to please Jasper. If any of us ended up disliking Olivia then the result would be not want of trying, at least the family would have points to make up for the effort we had all gone to.

As I gazed around the kitchen and into the living room, my mind rested on Alice...Remembering her decorating both rooms for Edward's birthday party and how for even the smallest occasions she'd insist to the point of utter annoyance to decorate the house. Who was to decorate the house that she was gone? I was awful with decoration, cleaning was my only area of high standard expertise but through experience did that only come about. Edward and Carlisle were not men prone to interior design, wanting to spend 'alone' time with the people they care about was further up their 'to do' lists instead of worrying themselves about how their surroundings looked. Emmett...Well there is not much to say about him apart from the love he radiates from his soul would blow all the balloons off the walls if possible.

Edward had left early this morning, in a constant battle with his head – the two of us had to a certain extent sat and spoken about how we feel about tonight but the one situation that is the most prominent for us combined was that Carlisle and Esme were to go on holiday tomorrow morning and so, as a result Edward and I would finally have some much needed time to re-live the lost time in my admittance to hospital. I longed to help my beautiful Edward to some kind of neutral comfort in his state of mind, but like me he spent far too much time pondering in the feelings and thoughts he possesses.

The brother of his sister was finding it hard to cope along with the mother of his sister, and I was trying so hard to keep strong for the family then and there – someone has to be able to lead this ship and it had become my usual ritual to be the peacemaker, so of course I was definitely enthusiastic about involving myself into the old routine.

Emmett and Rose were going to be coming over as well, the idea originally was for Olivia to meet all of the immediate family in one go before meeting the rest – what was scaring me, not so much scaring me but making me feel a little nauseous was the fact that all of us were going to have our own reactions either good or bad and I, admittedly was open-minded about this situation before it had even began. What was everyone else going to think? Jasper was going to be broken if the family he considers to be his second didn't like Olivia, the Cullens true to form would pretend that they were all okay just to make him feel better. Selfishness runs in the genes even though I had the same trait and I did _not_ belong in the same gene pool or blood line.

As Esme stopped the conversation, I hopped down from one of the stools against the kitchen bar and walked out of the kitchen and into the living room, what was strange was that without Edward and without the rest of the Cullens and even little Danny the place seemed so deserted, a large house with the most beautiful interior design imaginable could be as lonely as not actually being in the house in the first place. I guess, without work and without the people that I had pretty much grown-up with, grown up into the final stages of my maturity with I mean it was always so lonesome. Adapting my life without Emmett and Alice, both for different reasons was difficult but, as long as I had Edward then I was going to still have the ability to stand strong.

Well as strong as I have been, of course there was a small part of me that nagged to be stronger, then perhaps Edward and I may have not been separated for a second time in my Sandgrove revisit in my fate but how could I be any stronger than right now, when all I truly desired was to lie face down on my bed with no one around me to intrude or to interrupt my moment of pondering. Lying with my thoughts proved to be more of a disadvantage because there wasn't going to be the one person I wanted there, the sole individual that could have some hold over me.

Work calls and 'needs must' as the Brits always say!

*~Rosalie~*

"Sweetheart what's wrong?"

I had not been able to speak all morning, the bed appealing to my body more so than ever that all I craved was to wrap myself up tightly in a sort of cocoon and never come back up. I was nervous about meeting Olivia, nervous that I was going to keep comparing her to Alice as naturally my soul pushed me to do, even in my head and without speaking any words.

Emmett had been so wonderful to me all morning, letting time pass by with only attempting to speak to me at certain points, asking whether I was hungry and whether there was anything he can do.

This day was scary for all of us, Emmett, as usual had put on his mask of pretending to be okay with everything but even my beautiful man couldn't hide what he truly feels from me, if there was an opportunity to join me in the bed, he'd take it.

"I'm fine baby..."

In all honesty, the majority of me was fine, does that make any sense? My mind is on a complete whirlwind today and nothing seems to be going right my way at this moment in time.

The Cullens have been marching around Esme's pregnancy which, of course by anyone's standard is a miracle to happen so along with the tension that something could go wrong along with the awful reality of losing one of the best friends I have ever had, I suddenly wanted so much to possess the strength that Bella has. The girl has been knocked so many times in the past two years and yet, when times get hard she is there, always there to make sure that everyone else is alright. Selfless from the very bone was Bella and she was a credit to us all. It was at this moment in time, the kind of moments when I'd call up Alice and chat to her whilst sobbing my heart out – no one who didn't know me as well as my best friend would have never understood me but Alice caught every slurred word that escaped violently out of my system as I cried. I needed her now, along with Emmett but I could not bring myself to tell him what was going on in fear of him being upset with me.

It's true in the beginning; the idea of meeting the new woman who was going to make our Jasper happy made me more positive and ready, but like anything premature until set in stone most situations can be deemed positive. However, now that the fateful day was upon us all, I was suddenly unsure about whether it was natural to feel like this or if my behaviour wasn't going to help matters at all.

Emmett was looking up into my eyes, I could feel him doing so and it didn't take a genius to know that he was putting on the usual persuasive pout and the puppy dog eyes to seal the deal. A woman so much in love, no matter how angry you are there are certain things your husband can do to sway any decision and melt even the coldest heart of stone imaginable.

"Rosie, don't lie to me...I can always tell when you lie..."

Another disadvantage to married life, Emmett was so much my world that he knew everything there is to know about me to the small looks of different emotion and also to the covering up of the truth – my Em was more in-tune to the smaller things than the big.

"Really, Em...Today is going to be a struggle for me that's all and the last thing anyone else wants is for me to rain on the parade..."

"Don't be ridiculous, you're a part of my family, too and I won't do anything that will make you feel uncomfortable...We can cancel-"

"No Emmett, how is that going to look. No. Jasper needs us, today and like always and like the rest of the Cullens we are going to show a united front..."

"Rosie, please tell me what is happening in your head right now?"

"I just miss your sister, Emmett...More so in these last few weeks with every little obstacle that Bella has had to face, with your mom's pregnancy, I just miss the talks we used to have about the little things and then laugh about them, afterwards."

"I will always miss my sister, Rosie...However, against all the emotions that I desire to shoot towards this Olivia; she does not deserve our bitterness. Alice would have joined in with the support and yes, she was part of the equation but she'd be there making sure all the members of the house were looking and feeling great because...That's the kind of person she was."

"I know. Do you really think that Jasper is going to last with Olivia?"

"The man hasn't found love since the death of his fiancé...If anything he deserves to have the chance to feel again, perhaps it won't last...Who knows I mean life has given us much worse and we have all come out the other end."

"Tell me honestly, baby...Am I being stupid?"

"Now why would you feeling sad about losing your best friend be stupid, I want to stay here in this bed and hide as much as you, but, I owe it to my little sister to give Olivia a chance, Jazz also deserves me to be there because he has been a great buddy."

"Now look who's right?"

"I learnt from the best, how else have I been able to grasp any sense besides getting up in the morning if it wasn't for my beautiful wife kicking me into shape..."

"I have done no such thing. Now, what do you think I should wear...Something formal?"

"Today is not an interview, Rosie. Wear what's comfortable. Just not anything too sexy because let's just say that I won't be spending a lot of time walking around the room in conversation. Oh hell whatever you're going to wear is sexy. I am screwed, really."

"Emmett...Stop me if this is a bit random, but, do you ever regret marrying me?"

"I have never, nor will I ever regret marrying you. Rosalie Cullen has always been my girl and no one else was going to marry her but me. I'll admit it took me some time to realise that my fate had been decided the moment we met."

"Such a sap..."

"Can I ask you the same question?"

"You can. Emmett, you're my saviour and that sounds so unromantic when I say it, of course these sentences sound better in my head. I want to be romantic right now, perhaps when all of the new changes are over like your mom finally bringing another life into this world and Jasper finding his feet with this Olivia, if that is whom he decides to be with. Do you ever think about us having a family?"

"All the time my love...The thought is scary, because me being a dad is just too weird to adapt around but come on, the day we got married was the day that we were going to bring little lives of our own into this world. I want to watch you carry our child, nurture it and give it a great home before letting them see us. I want to hold you and our baby in the hospital room after you've endured the one situation that I never will...I promise that nothing is going to ever stop me from being near you or our children. Whether it's one or fifty, as long as you are in my life then nothing else is ever going to come close."

I melted into the duvet, there was such adoration in my husband's eyes, the same adoration that I have witnessed so many times before but until now, never fully appreciated. Emmett was going to be a fantastic father to the children that we may have, I do not have a fully operated machine in terms of my ovaries and conceiving may take longer because of complications as a teenager through puberty but it was nothing to give any of the doctor's alarm or rule out any possibilities of a family. The children that we bring will be even bigger miracles because we as parents would have wanted them so much to put the extra work in. Honestly, just the idea of spending hours in bed with my husband got me aroused let alone filling out the act in reality. I couldn't force the tears away, the tears that he had consumed within me because this was my life. Pure and simple, Emmett and I were always going to be together. That is how I want our living days to stay.

"I do love you, Emmett..." I sniffed stroking the side of his face with my fingers as he brought his hands around my hips and rolled me over so that the two of us were face to face.

"I love you too Rosie." He finished wrapping his arm around me and burying it within the confines of my hair, bringing my lips closer so that he could touch them lightly.

I was going to do this, for Jasper, for Bella.

Most of all, I was going to do this for Emmett.

*~Bella~*

The hours were drawing near; I had spent more time in the shower deliberately to show off a good impression. What Olivia may not be aware of is how far I have come since being in Sandgrove. These past few weeks have been a doddle because there was no need to have any makeup or pick out the best clothes from my wardrobe. However, now that I was planning on visiting Liz again tomorrow, the mind-set to look my best may have to stay for longer.

I stood in front of my mirror, analysing every area of my face, in truth the bags under my eyes had decreased in a big way but my natural paleness never helped the radiance of good health. In school, others always used to think that I was sick and much to the contrary the majority of the time. However, when I was sick people needed more proof. I have to blame genetics for this one.

Turning on my feet, I strode towards my wardrobe – with all the dresses that Alice had given me in the past there was one that I had not worn. The dress was in no way one to wear at a party because meeting Olivia was not going to be too formal. Instead, the dress was of a design that clung to my every curve and was a simple cream colour with a frilly lace for the V-shape around my chest. Not the type of lace that belonged to a dated wedding but a simple and somewhat beautiful fabric, besides the sole reason I liked it was because it had brought out the colour in my hair and eyes that and Edward brought it for me as a present.

Choosing on the dress, I found some nice white shoes, with a bit of a heel but not one that could kill me before my life had even begun and got changed quickly, the majority of my time was now deciding on whether to have my hair up or down. Seems silly but this was a big day for all of us and I do not want to look like I have been dragged through a hedge and back again.

As I sat down on my bed, I moved my silver locket away from contact with my bottom; I have not brought myself to look at the picture of what the Cullen family looked like, no matter how beautiful the portrait inside the locket was everything had changed. No one was the same in personality back then as indeed they are now, and of course we had lost a vital member to hold everyone together. The locket gave me a huge sense of pride and ability to indulge in happy memories but, my track record was not enough to result in my looking on the bright side constantly. There was always going to be another hurdle, someone like me who has come so far cannot be continuously happy and at harmony with life. That's all part of the reason as to why I was born on this earth, I was born to struggle as some people may be.

The struggling I could deal with but, if I had to endure the tragedy of losing another Cullen, I do not think I will ever be able to survive that, again.

At times like these, it's best to be truthful.

*~Rosalie~*

*(Twenty minutes later)*

As Emmett and I stepped into the Cullen house, he immediately and rightly so had chosen to make sure that Esme was okay. There was only one person I wanted to see and who could help me at this time, a person who was not emotionally connected with me like Emmett. Taking my time to take off my shoes and walk up the stairs, in my sudden nervousness I smoothed down the dress I had chosen to wear, honestly it was the only item of clothing in my wardrobe for which I could safely brand as 'tasteful' because I am fond of brighter colours and more vintage design.

Edging up to Bella's door, I couldn't hear anything from within her room, which ruled out the use of the hairdryer and using the bathroom...Taking in one last breath, I brought my shaky hand up to the wood on the door and tapped on it lightly with my finger.

"Come in..." I was suddenly relieved in that short moment that she had heard me at all. Wasting no time, I opened the door and was welcomed with a smile from Bella as I came into her view. The girl could not be more pretty if she tried, choosing the same kind of dress as me however looking so much better in it as she sat at the foot of her bed, one of her hands holding a blusher brush.

"Hi Rose..." She greeted me.

"Hi Bella, did you need a hand with that?" Perhaps it was wrong to make a joke, but being in her room not only made me feel like I was intruding her privacy but also that she was not Bella at all. I was acting like she was a judge or a member of a jury handing me out a prison sentence.

"Um...I suppose, yeah, come on in and have a seat."

Turning on my heel, I closed the door and made my way towards her, the chocolate curls of her hair beginning to dry naturally on the fabric of her dress at the back. I sat down behind her, noticing the locket that she always chose to wear of the Cullen family next door to her.

"So how have you been?" Bella's back was facing me, but it was nice not to watch her put on her makeup because I know from personal experience that being watched isn't comfortable.

"Good, your hair's got longer..." _Jesus, Rosalie grow a pair!_

"I know, I need to get it cut but Edward won't let me. Then again, when can a man ever stop a woman from what she wants?" I was always so stunned by how much she had grown in the two years we had all known her. Maybe the bad luck in her life made her mature, who knows but she always surprised me and mostly all in good ways, too.

I bit down on my lip, how could I not muster anything to say? What was wrong with me that I couldn't speak to Bella?

"Rosalie, can you please sit where I can see you?" Bella interrupted the flames from the burning questions at my stupidity in my head. Defeated, I stood back up and sat down on the floor, in front of her but considering she was higher, I did have to crane my neck. "Thank you, now can you please tell me why you are looking at me like I am a murderer..." the girl was intuitive, that much was true.

"Sorry...Today is really, I'm struggling."

"I never for one second believed that you'd find this easy. No one does, Rosalie..."

"Even you?"

"Even me...I mean, here I am just escaped from another hell session at Sandgrove hospital trying to put makeup on which is already kicking my arse to meet Jasper's new girlfriend. Talk about adapting!"

"Here let me help you..." I desperately needed something to do, if only to prevent me from pondering anymore in my head. My head, the emotions inside of my brain and heart are not helping me in any way, shape or form right now. Coming up to kneeling, I took the brush away from Bella's hand and got to work on her face. "Alice always loved doing this..."

"What?"

"Putting makeup on you. I believe her words were, even though Bella will never need makeup making her look even more beautiful is like teaching a bird to fly."

"Of course she would know all about teaching baby birds to fly..."

"Don't avoid the point, Bella. Alice was telling the truth."

"We all believe the opinions of ourselves but never of others...If I were to say that you were beautiful, you'd never believe me. You never have."

"You're right, there. Anyway, Alice loved you. That's what the main point was."

"Alice loved you, too"

"I am no sister..."

*~Bella~*

I stopped Rosalie by placing my hand on her arm that she was using to put makeup on me. Watching her and seeing her so tense and unglued sent alarm bells into my head. Rosalie had always taken the bull by its horns in life, throwing herself into things and being there to defend herself if necessary. I, strangely enough had always admired that strategy because she had always known how to survive and not spend so much time in therapy like me.

"You were as much, actually even more of a sister to Alice than I was. You were here with her way before I was on the scene, Rosalie..."

"Bella, I don't know whether I can do this. I love Jasper like a brother and you are already aware about how much love there will always be in my heart for Emmett..."

"Just tell me what you're feeling...Don't be afraid to tell me. This is not stupid, Rose. It's normal."

"Is normal wanting to go home right now and hide under a duvet...Because that's not me, Bella?"

"Everyone wants to hide at some point; you have done less hiding in life than I so if anyone deserves a time out it's going to be you. There is no way that I will doubt your reasons for coming here, we are all here for Jasper but he already understands that we will all, in our own ways struggle. He is struggling, too."

"I just want him to be with Alice. I can't see him with anyone else, they were so meant to be Bella. Why was she taken away from us?"

"I don't know, that's like me asking the heavens why I was taken away from my mum. That answer is simple, every cloud has a silver lining no matter how small or even non-existent it may appear. I was brought here to meet the Cullens...Also to meet the love of my life."

"So what's this silver lining?"

"Do I really need to say it?"

"Is it so obvious?"

"Not to someone who has spent the time thinking about the positives. In Sandgrove there was nothing but time to wonder where everything was going and whether there was a reason as to why any of this happened. Yes, I came up with a conclusion."

"Which is?"

"The moment I think of Alice and Jasper...I think of Danny. The little boy who was the miracle to a young couple's life having faced the ordeal of losing his mother before he was even developed properly. The silver lining in this is Danny. With Olivia he has a female in his life because Jasper was always going to struggle being a single parent like so many do but that doesn't mean that Olivia will replace Alice. Danny is going to grow up wondering what his mother is like and talking to a female about deeper subjects may help him mature into a beautiful young man which we know he will do. Jasper needs to love someone, to give his heart to someone and have that companionship and of course it was going to be with Alice but, she has given him the gift of life and sacrificed her own. Alice remains alive in Danny and that is what we all have to accept."

"Bella, how can you be so right about everything?"

"I'm not right, I am never right when it comes to life. I nearly lost Edward three times and put my family in the most difficult situations..."

"Be-"

"It's true. My being in hospital didn't help any of you, especially seeing as the beliefs that had clouded in my head were so wrong. I was so afraid, Rosalie. Afraid, not for my own life, but because Alice's life was going to be forgotten by everyone else. Can you imagine that I could ever have thought those things?"

"You were ill, Bella..."

"Yes. Being ill comes with the job these days. You're not ill, Rose and you never will be because you have that strength to take on life for what it really is. More strength than I."

"Don't say that..."

"As long as you accept that you have strength inside of you, Rose then hiding won't look so appealing, anymore. I found strength in Edward and in Emmett, Carlisle and Esme all in different ways and now, I must find the strength for Jasper because he has always been there for me."

"Emmett said the same thing."

"Emmett is right. Not all the time but when it comes to matters of the heart he is on the ball."

Hearing Rosalie chuckle lightly at my comment soothed the panic in my system, the girl was so on edge and it was obvious without her even speaking about how she felt – the tension was in the atmosphere around us.

"Can I talk to you about what we spoke about before we came here, today?"

"Sure but can you finish the war-paint whilst you're talking, it may make time go faster."

"Sure" Rose continued on my face, much smoother than she had before. Her nerves seemed to have calmed a little and I was pleased that for now, we both had a common ground.

"So what did you talk about?"

*~Emmett~*

My Rose had disappeared from the couch where I had last left her, it was clear that she had gone to talk to Bella because whenever anyone has a problem Bella is the perfect person to tell. I was so worried about my beautiful wife and how she was mentally coping with everything. I was feeling very edgy about today, not because of Olivia because from what Jasper has said she does make him happy but because we were all shadowed by our endless love for my sister. Speaking about having children with Rosalie was bittersweet because of the excitement on extending our family with the woman I had always loved but also how my sister had died filling out her giving a life to her and Jasper's son.

Rosalie had confided in me, against what she may have wanted to do in our bed this morning and the more I thought about her and her feelings, the more accustomed I became in needing to make her feel better. Let's face it; she was my damn rock in every sense of the word. Most of our marriage is spent with her trying to fix me and of course, succeeding brilliantly. I had never felt that I have been truly there for her in our marriage, before we both made that lifelong commitment under the hands of God and the witnesses who came to see the wedding I cannot pinpoint a time where I filled out a need to make her calmer.

"What are you thinking about baby?" Mom took me away from my thoughts, and had come over to me placing a hand on my shoulder in comfort.

"Nothing, just how Rosalie was worried about today..."

"Oh well she has every right to be, tell her that she can always come to me as well you know."

"What about you, mom. How are you?"

"Sweetheart, there comes a time in life where we have to accept our true feelings and see the bigger picture. This is Jasper's day and the more we all try to find a way to cope the less time we have to make a supportive front for him."

"I know, you're right but...With the baby and everything?"

"The baby is fine, we're fine. There is nothing to worry about, Jasper seems to like Olivia very much and not everything is set in stone but we can always be the people we have always been. Besides, this is the next thing to do before my second scan..."

"Oh Jesus, that's soon!"

"Language, Emmett!"

"Sorry, mom. You can always make me feel like such a little boy still, sometimes..." I took her arm off my shoulder and placed my hands on her growing stomach gently.

"That's because you will always be my little boy...Just a very mature, brave and loving one. I don't think I have ever been more proud of you than I am right now."

"Don't do this to me, mom. Don't get me emotional."

"I am a pregnant woman; my emotions are always on a rollercoaster. You're married and have your own life now and I can't help but feel a little pride in how I may have had something to do with that..."

"Of course you have. It's not over yet, not with this little one coming..." I smoothed my hands around her stomach feeling the new brother or sister she was about to bring into the world for the final time. Her and my dad's second chance to make a life of their own and bring them to our family.

"This one is a death-trap for my marriage. Your father is constantly on tenterhooks, he may as well be having this baby. He knows much more than I do!"

"What are you hoping for, a boy or a girl?"

"I don't care Emmett sweetie. As long as they're healthy and possess the Cullen strength than that is all a mother could want."

"I can't wait to meet them; I hope it's a boy so I can teach him all the things I do when he's old enough."

"I hope it's a girl, so she won't have to endure adult education from my oldest son!"

*~Jasper~*

"Livvie, calm down. Everything is going to be alright."

Watching Livvie bouncing my giggling son up and down was a battle to try and not laugh at Danny's beaming face and flushed cheeks, Olivia was nervous but in her attempts to shake them off she was giving my son a good time. I saw her clutch onto him but in fairness, Danny is probably much harder than her in strength.

"I know, but Jasper do you really think that this is a good idea, I do not want to make anyone upset..."

"What have I always said to you? This is going to be hard for everyone but the Cullen's mean so much to me, almost like a second family and their opinions have always helped me through the hard times...After all their beautiful daughter is who made my life complete for so long..." I felt much more comfortable talking about Alice to Livvie – because she always understood my meaning. Olivia wasn't one of those women who feel empowered by the death of their new boyfriend's fiancés. The type that always want attention and shun away any conversations about the past...That's one of the reasons I was attracted to her in the first place.

I was feeling a little nauseous about bringing Olivia to the Cullen's, Danny had already made his mark to make all the hearts melt and so he was a nice advantage to break the tension, my little man had been walking so much the past few weeks as he had first done so with my mom holding his hands he was getting better every day and it broke my heart that my Alice could not be here to see our son develop. I missed her still, so much some nights that whenever I was alone, the loneliness ate away at me and as a result, I'd be at Olivia's door just needing to be close to her without acting too intimate or clingy. Alice was the mother of my beautiful son and no matter how many years down the line my life will be, I was never going to forget her because her soul and beauty belonged in the skin of Danny. Looking at my son brought me a little closer to her spirit without pining too much for her to come back.

Sniffing away her falling tears, she placed Danny back in his playpen and stood up brushing her pyjama trousers down, she had not even gotten dressed yet and time was ticking away. I stood up, taking my attention away from my son as he amused himself with his various toys and walked over to Livvie who now had her arms wrapped around herself.

"Listen...I need you to breathe, first Livvie..." I whispered, placing my hands on her forearms and feeling them loosen at our contact.

"Sorry, Jasper..."

"Ssh" I put my fingers on her lips. "The Cullens have agreed to meet you, if there was some way that they did not feel happy about this change then they would have said something before now. Alice is still so much loved in that family and in my heart she is going to be loved by me until the day I die, but that doesn't mean that we can't adapt. Don't feel pressured sweetheart. I just want them to like you as much as I do."

"Oh I am being so silly...It's just with everything that has been said about Alice and how beautiful she was from your pictures, I feel like I am replacing her even though I would never for one second consider doing that."

"Now is the time to stick together, I want us to be together for longer than a few weeks...I know we have had seven dates but I am too fond of your company and a little too selfish to ever want to give you up, not since my son loves you so much."

Olivia sighed and brought her hands up and wrapped them around my neck, my hands instantly wound around her waist as she leant her head on my shoulder. "I have always wanted to be this close to you since we first met; now that I am meeting your family and already met your mom none of it seems real..."

"Better believe it, of course this is real."

"I know that you can't tell me how you feel right now, but is it still alright to tell you that I love you, Jazz?"

"You can tell me whenever you want...I am sorry that I can't say it..."

"Don't be..."

"Now, what have you decided to wear? What did you bring back with you from yours?" Staying at my mother's house with Olivia was a change that made me feel a little weird but mom had seemed to like her enough not to throw her out of the house, but there was always Alice hanging over so many of the individuals that surround me because she had been loved by them. I was always going to love my mom so much more for accepting Olivia last night and welcoming her to my old childhood life in this house before I had even met Alice at all.

"I have that green top with my black trousers..." Olivia knew how fond I was of the colour green on her skin and colouring, so having her wear the colour I loved her in was intentional. Honestly, she was so naturally beautiful much like Alice but the both of them could not be different – Livvie had the innocent and feminine beauty whereas Alice had the striking and stunning beauty. I was so lucky to have had two such attractive women in my life. Livvie was my rock right now, mine and Danny's – he needed security and it was a great fact to know that Olivia loved me, perhaps when the time is right I could tell her that I love her, too. Right now, telling her even the idea of telling her was clouded with doubt. Of course I felt more for her than what I had already said but I couldn't physically find the words.

I wrapped my arms around her and rocked us back and forth, I needed to feel safe in this decision and having Livvie snuggle in my arms, and my contact giving protection to her in the smallest way gave me hope that our life was secure for this moment in time.

"Sounds perfect" I whispered kissing her vanilla-scented hair.

*~Edward~*

*(Afternoon)*

Finishing work a little earlier than usual helped me to get into the mind-set of what dinner tonight may bring to my family. I, personally was struggling with the concept of welcoming Jasper's new girlfriend, Olivia into the family because deep down I came to a belief that I was deceiving my little sister but, Bella would only tell me that we were there for Jasper and he had been a great friend to me in the past. Bella was always right about the correct ways of doing things; I had missed her so much when she was taken away from me for the third time in two years. I never seem to have the ability to do anything right, but I loved Bella from the very depths of my soul even more than I had done when we first started going out and if anything, Bella and Jasper were the two people who needed me to find the strength in my soul today.

Dad had stayed at work, allowing me to go home and see everyone before he managed to be there before dinner, as I passed the cemetery in my car I was tempted to stop and speak to Alice but I had already done so to keep her up to date this morning before going into the hospital. I carried on towards my house, the anticipation of seeing Bella building the closer that I managed to get and soon enough, I was pulling into the drive. Jasper and Emmett's car were already parked along with Bella's the driveway frankly looking a little too full but, we would all have to manage in all senses of that word, today without worrying about the cars.

I locked the car, buttoning up my coat from the chilly afternoon air and passed all the cars, stopping and taking a glimpse at Danny's seat at the back of Jasper's car, soon before any of us knew it he was going to be old enough to drive his own car, pass all his exams and go off to college. Amaze us all, and become far better people than all of us but the main point of having him brought to us was because he was grown to be loved in every way. That is how it was all going to remain.

Turning the key into the lock of the front door, I felt nauseous and sick mostly all from nerves and I decided to take a deep breath in, forgetting Alice for a few moments so as not to bring out any unwanted emotion, if I took the time to picture her face I was going to break down and how good would that look?

_Alice, I love you._

Taking that thought into the heavens so as she could hear me, I opened the door and brushed off my feet, the strong smell of my mom's cooking bringing me right back to the times when I walked home from school to great food being cooked for my survival. Emmett emerged from the kitchen and nodded at me once, much like the way that many people did at funerals were there could not be any words to make the situation easier. I nodded back smiling at him for the gesture and took off my coat as my brother closed the distance between us in the doorway.

"Everyone is in the dining room, Olivia is really nice from what I have seen of her...I was thirsty and, the emotion was proving to be too much so I needed to have a moment..."

"It's alright, Em. There will be moments like that for everyone; I am going to head upstairs..."

"Bella is up there, she went up there a while ago to wash her hands after cutting herself with a knife. Don't worry it's nothing a plaster and some healing won't fix."

"Okay, just go back in there and tell everyone that Bella and I will be back down shortly."

"Sure thing"

Emmett walked away with the can of beer in his hands, holding it like a treasure no doubt to prevent the emotion that both of us shared in not displaying. I have been through so much worse than this, having to endure the grief of losing my sister and losing Bella, the one meaning and purpose to my change into a man, now. I rushed up to Bella's room not able to slow down my feet at all, God I needed her, I just needed to wrap her in my arms and have her tell me that everything was going to go smoothly. When those words come from her mouth, they reek of the truth.

I wasted no time in walking across her room after closing the door to give us privacy and entering her bathroom, her back was to me her chocolate, heavenly curls staring back at me shining from the bright light above her head. My angel, my world, my Bella.

As she caught my reflection in the mirror, she turned off the tap and turned, she was not crying and yet somehow it didn't matter – the lines on her forehead were enough to indicate her inner struggle and she could not have any stress, today not with how fragile she really is inside.

"You're home..." She whispered, giving me a smile – relief shining across her face in seconds, her hand was wrapped around the wrist of her injured one and I broke away from her beautiful eyes long enough to glance at her wrist, there was a long gash from the very bottom of her hand to her index finger there were no traces of blood left but the line was very obvious. Finding the movement in my feet, I stepped towards her my eyes getting closer and closer to the line and, slowly with slightly trembling hands of my own, I took hers and placed small kisses along the line.

"I didn't lose so much blood, that'll teach me to sing whilst cutting vegetable for the salad."

"Oh Bella, I have missed you all day."

"Edward...Will you be able to come down with me, because my staying up here for too long will send the wrong signals-"

"Can I just be with you, for five minutes at least...?" Emotion clouded my voice making the sound unrecognisable. The warmth of her skin pulled me in, like she had always been able to without ever saying any words. Bella consumed me.

Nodding, my Bella wound her hands in my hair, knowing that I have always loved her doing so and brought my head closer to her chest which I took as a chance to sink into. Winding my hands around her waist, I rested my head on her chest, slouching my back in order to not have her arch her back to hold me – her kisses in my hair and on the very top of my head surrounded my soul in her love and care. I didn't want to cry, anymore instead just bask in all that was Bella and indulge in what was mine.

"I don't need to say that we will all be okay because who knows what will happen, however I know that Danny wants a cuddle from you," Bella whispered beautifully.

"Don't worry; I am never going to forget about my little nephew. I just really miss her, Bella."

"I know baby...She won't ever be forgotten about, not now not ever and we have to hold on to what she would do today and how she'd be thinking. Nothing is going to change now that only her spirit is here to watch us."

"I love you" I brought my head up and caressed her soft and radiant skin of her face with my hands, her eyes closing at the contact and the reaction that my touch was giving her. Much like the same reaction as I she melted into my hands kissing my palms as they moved closer to the corners of her mouth.

"I love you, too" she replied, leaning her head in closer to kiss my neck, the base to the centre and to the sides up to the bottom of my ears. Sighing, unable to prevent the moans from how she was making me feel and how much I had missed making love to her stunning body, I clutched onto her ignoring the arousal she was gradually bringing out and didn't try to hold back in snuggling close to her warmth, beauty and scent. It seemed like I was being a little obsessive in my need to be near my Bella but, I am a man so much in love that nothing could really make sense so much anymore. As Bella stopped her worship on my neck, I lifted her head using my hands on her cheeks and brought my own lips to her neck breathing in the strawberries the smell of my home. I loved her sighing at the movement of my mouth, the adoration Bella had being kissed on the neck because no one was going to tell me again that her neck and forehead were her ultimate favourite kissing spots on her body. The softness of her skin caused tingles of desire to my lips and I wanted nothing more than to reach around her body and take off the dress that had the fortunate situation of clinging closely to every dip and curve of her figure and unzip it revealing her body to me, that only I could ever be able to see in such a strong light. However, as strong as my needs were, this day was for Jasper.

*~Bella~*

Trying to grasp any understandable thought or sentence was never worth the hard work when Edward was kissing me, worshipping me in the only way he had known how. Words could not ever justify how strongly I wanted to have a night with him, of course with Esme and Carlisle going away tomorrow there was a chance for us to have the house to ourselves and to be alone.

"I've missed you, I want you so badly Bella..." Edward breathed against my neck as he moved to my collarbone; my legs were giving away and loosening under his hold at every kiss he gave to the building fire inside the pores of my skin.

"I know, Edward we have to go back downstairs, we have a chance tomorrow to do this. I can't melt into your body anymore because I am never going to be able to face anyone..."

With a defeating groan, on the same wave-length as I in every way, Edward pulled away showing as always that he respects my wishes and I hated having to say no to him because even though it was not a definite refusal with rejection. To me, it felt like I was rejecting Edward against the very desires deep in the insides of me.

"I have your shirt in my wardrobe and a pair of trousers, there's no need to wear shoes, Emmett wore shoes and then took them off the moment he came in."

"No, shoes are good, besides I have a proper pair in my own wardrobe...Thank you for taking my clothes though my love."

"You're welcome. Now, hurry so we can get back downstairs."

*~Esme~*

As everyone started to gather around the dining table, I had a spare moment to relax from constantly checking on the food so I did not cause a fire from over-cooking the food and having to result in ringing up a delivery place. Olivia so far seemed to show great conversational skills, the moment that she and Jasper walked through the door it was obvious that they felt happy with one another and the atmosphere softened from the tension as a result. The young woman was very pretty and showed a kind of frailty that my daughter did not have, no one could have the same amount of confidence about meeting new people as my beautiful Alice because she was indeed a free-spirit. However much I wished my daughter was still around, Emmett and Rosalie had each made welcome to Olivia and showed a great team effort for me to work with. Jasper was standing beside me with his arm around me; he was so much like my own son in so many ways that I felt proud that he was smiling so much in the last hour than he has in the last two years.

"Jasper, why don't you take Danny upstairs to see Bella and Edward, I will stay here with Olivia." It's true; I needed a moment with his new girlfriend just as a chance to get to know her. Fortunately, Jasper understood and called out Emmett and Rosalie to throw jobs that didn't exist so as they could help him but as I studied Olivia's face she looked none the wiser to our little plan.

"So, Olivia..." as the room became silent, I was anxious to break it which is what I did. "You work in the same place as Jasper?"

"Yes, well not so much the same place as in the building, but my father has contact with the business and the reason I was sent out to collect a delivery is really how we met the very first time."

"Are your family close by?"

"Not really, I decided to be independent, from the moment I left college I wanted to spread my wings and live on my own which most people I am aware of can be find scary."

"That's fantastic..."

"Listen Esme, do you mind if I speak the truth?"

"Go ahead, honey..."

"I know how hard this must be for all of you; before there is a chance for you to brush away the comment I'd rather explain myself. Jasper means a lot to me, more than anyone ever has and, there has been a time in the past where I have had to go through losing a young man that I loved much like the unfortunate situation of losing your beautiful daughter. Grief is awful and I'd never wish that emotional rollercoaster on anyone especially not members of your family who Jasper love so much. Danny is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen and such a credit to his parents and, I am not here to replace your daughter or cause any upset because of my being in her 'place' – as far as I'm concerned that place is always going to be there, in Jasper's heart and in Danny's life. I will never once play the mother role because that little angel deserves to know as much as possible about where he came from and I have stated to Jasper from the start that I am a friend for him, a female influence in case he ever needs someone else's opinion or even someone to listen to him. Alice will never be erased from those boys' life, especially seeing as she died bringing Danny into the world...I care about Jasper enough to be there, a constant support and the last thing I want is to tread on people's toes. If there is a chance that this is too hard for all of you, then I will leave...Just tell me and I will respect your choice."

The young woman amazed me, more so than words. I hardly knew what to think or say because she had shown so much love, heartbreak and determination all in one go with her explanation. I had no idea about her past love that died and hearing that reality coupled her and Jasper to more sense – they had both gone through this transition and found each other. Olivia respected Alice's memory and I was so busy worrying about everyone in my family that honestly, I failed to see how hard this must have been on her.

"That's so sweet of you to say. I am sorry about your young love ending like that...Yes, you're not far off the mark with this day being difficult, my daughter lit up everyone's lives and touched so many souls that her being gone will always be unjustifiable. However, we do not want you to go; anyone can see that Jasper thinks very highly of you. We are happy to have you join us, today."

*~Bella~*

"Oh there's my little buddy!"

Jasper came in carrying Danny and immediately he reached out his small arms to me, like clockwork his father released him and I took him into my arms, bouncing him around and making a slight fool of myself by cooing to him. Edward looked on from my bed.

"We were just about to come down..." I said to Jasper, easing away the concern he may have felt in mine and Edward's absence from the mingling.

"There's no need, Esme is spending some time with Livvie on her own. Is your hand alright now, Bella?"

"Yes, just a scratch it has stopped bleeding, which helps the nausea and of course I have my little angel so I am just ecstatic now!" I placed a big kiss on Danny's cheek as he snuggled his neck onto mine, calming down his giggles and finding some sense of peace.

"How was your day, Edward?"

"Good thanks, how's work for you?"

"Fine at the moment, with the business economy as it is not everyone's job is in a permanent state but I am hopeful that I can stay there. If not there are always other things."

"Why don't you come to Angeles and work with me?"

"I think I'll pass..."

"We can go back down, now" Rose interrupted us peering her head around the door. Jasper and Edward walked out, leaving me alone with Danny – I was grateful to have the moment with my Godson before I had even reached the nursery. Kissing his head as his breathing became deeper and deeper showing me that he was asleep, I walked out slowly from my room and clutched Danny a little tighter as I climbed the stairs. Reaching the nursery...I gently placed Danny down in his crib and reached over to the small CD player turning on the lullaby that Edward had written for his nephew and let's just say the melody never fails to make him fall to sleep – seems like peace in slumber is so much easier for little babies who have no clue about how hard life can really be.

As I turned to walk out the door, I was stunned to find Olivia reaching the doorway, realisation dawning on her face along with a small apologetic glance as she bit down on her lip.

"Oh I'm sorry, I wondered who had Danny and Jasper mentioned where the nursery was...Now I know." She let out a nervous laugh which admittedly was adorable but, I was not going to be judgemental this is probably the only chance we will have to be alone with each other for the rest of the night.

"You must be Bella." I nodded giving a small smile in her direction. "Jasper speaks a lot about you, how much help you have brought him up until recently."

"We have helped each other, that is what us Cullen's do even though we are not a family of biological blood."

"I have to admit, your journey is one of the most interesting, believe me I am in no way nosey. Jasper was so worried about you when you were in hospital. How are you feeling now?"

"Much better, but there is always going to be something to make me fall again, once you have had depression it's much easier to fall back into the negative state."

"I understand, it must be hard. I came up here because Danny usually has his little hippo with him, it was left downstairs." Olivia brought the toy up to my view in her hands which had previously been behind her back, I thought on first glance that she was doing that because of nerves.

"Oh well, that's sweet of you."

"I got it at a fair that Jasper and I went to, those silly games that become addictive and hard to the purse if that makes sense but...Danny won't seem to put it down."

"You can come and place it with him if you want." I offered, stepping to one side so that she could walk in slowly, which she took the opportunity to do so and place it down next to the snoozer in the crib. Her hand came up to stroke the side of Danny's face – the gesture did not seem to faze his sleep much at all. "Oh he is such a little angel." She sighed. "What's that music, it's beautiful?"

"Edward made it for Danny, he is the only musician in his family and for a hobby he composes pieces for the people he loves."

"Oh wow, I wish I could do something like that. You're with Edward aren't you?"

"Yes"

"Doesn't it feel weird, that he was your brother?"

"How do you mean?" I didn't know where she was going with that statement, but either way I did not like it in my gut.

"I mean you were brother and sister and now you're lovers..."

"Not blood-related, I just happen to have Esme and Carlisle as my guardians at the time. Now that I am eighteen that bond is not as strong as it was two years ago."

"Please don't be offended, I did not mean it like that..."

"How did you mean it, I'd be interested to know. My worst fear is people asking me about my relationship with Edward?"

"Nothing, it must be great having someone by your side who can love you back."

"Jasper likes you, but he once belonged and had a fate with Alice which ended, Edward and I found one another and yes, it may seem odd and perhaps a bit sick that we're together but I love him, you must know what love feels like..."

"I do. I feel it every day I am around Danny and Jasper."

"So when you're in love with someone, nothing else really matters?"

"Yes that is true."

"I'm sorry Olivia but, in future please remember that this family saved my life, every single one of the people downstairs and even Carlisle is not here, he was my real lifebelt and even Jasper was there for me when we did not share anything in common. If you have an issue about Edward and I then please get it out now to me because I will not have the rest of the family have any more pain or stress inflicted on them, especially not Esme. Anyone but her."

"Wow, Jasper was right about you..."

"What?"

"You are the person who holds this family together, now it makes sense how everyone was so worried about you. They had every right to be. I have no qualms over Edward and you; if anything I believe that your story is the story of true love in the greatest form. I am sorry if you mistook my meaning."

"Okay, well if there is anything that I can do to make this evening better for you then please let me know..."

"Thank you, I will bear that in mind. The family have been so welcoming and Edward is extremely lucky to have someone like you by his side. Only an idiot wouldn't know that he adores you."

"Jasper will come around, Olivia. He may not say how he feels right now because of Alice but their love was so much stronger than outsiders can believe, we saw it all and it's not the kind of love that can be switched off."

"I can understand, I lost someone I loved too. Don't worry Bella, I won't do anything to hurt Jasper or Danny, the two of them are the only people I think about every moment of every day. I won't have them or the family that Danny comes from feel any pain from my own mistakes. I love Jasper so, Bella and yes it is the kind of love that will last longer than a few weeks, you have my word on that."

Nodding, I took the chance to walk out of the room, perhaps my behaviour was a little defensive but what Edward and I have is extremely special and even to this day two years on I can't believe that we are still together facing the world as one. Olivia and I came to an understanding, it was nice to know that she felt so strongly about Jasper and I hoped walking down the stairs to be a part of the celebrations that Jasper would find the courage to make that love mutual. After all, Alice would have wanted him to move on because she was such a good-hearted soul who loved him that much. Alice had his past and his son and now, maybe there will be Olivia who can have his future. I didn't know how life was going to take things with me let alone with any of the people that I had grown to love so much but all that I did know right now was that if Jasper or Danny got hurt because Olivia decided to leave them without a good explanation and break his heart once again – I was not going to be responsible for my behaviour.

That's the great thing about unconditional love in families – when the chips are down and when push comes to shove we will always stick together.

After all that is what families do.

**A very draining chapter to write.**

**.S.**


	24. Passion

**Stephanie Meyer owns 'Twilight'**

**I own 'A Misshapen Life' and this sequel!**

**I hope that all my readers had a fantastic Christmas and shared some beautiful time together with their families in the day.**

**I believe this should be the chapter that everyone is waiting for! **

*~A Shaped Life~*

*~Bella~*

"Bella?"

Stirring from the best sleep I have had since coming back to my house, again...I opened my eyes, not willing to take my head away from the comfort of my pillow until I found out who it was...I already knew for certain that Edward had not been the person who called my name.

"Jazz..." The blonde hair just about came into my vision, blinking frantically I resorted to sitting up – using my arms to prop me up against the pillow.

"Sorry..."

"That's okay, what are you doing here?" Admittedly, seeing Jasper was not the first automatic situation that came into my head, Edward must already be awake or at least done a whole action movie slink back to his room thanks to the obstacle that was Jasper Hale on this particular morning.

"I just came here to thank you for everything you did for Olivia yesterday, she felt so much better after meeting everyone and I really appreciate all of you for making an effort."

"Oh Jasper, there's no need to thank anyone. We did it for you, besides it's what Alice would have made us do."

"I know that but it still must have been hard, she said that the two of you spoke about things...Frankly she's impressed with you."

"I'm impressed with her; the girl is so head over heels for you, Jasper. It's hard not to like someone when there is so much love in her heart for you. She reminded me a bit of how I used to speak about Edward when my feelings changed...I know that little glint anywhere."

"I wish I could tell her what she wants me to know – but, my heart still belongs to Alice even though she cannot be here to see that and now, knowing and having accepted that my lovely girl won't be coming back...I still know that I'd be betraying her if my feelings for Olivia grew."

"If?" I raised an eyebrow, what Jasper isn't aware of is how well I knew him, well knew about how love could make you feel so nervous that all verbalising turns into babbling and Jasper was always prone to babble even when Alice was alive and the day we were in the park and I was speaking to him about having Danny and whether he actually wanted to. Of course my deeper motive then was to bring Jasper and Alice back together and on talking terms once again because them not being with one another was too foreign. Frankly it still was.

"Alright..." Jasper sighed running his hand through his hair, much the same as Edward does whenever he was nervous. "I am slowly falling for her, but how is it going to look to my Alice, I know she is watching over us."

"Alice would want you to find love again...Love is healthy especially when the feeling is mutual and it is the greatest journey of your life. Take that from me, nothing can beat having someone respect you and feel so much for you, even the flaws that you can find unbearable inside yourself."

"I believe that there is a chance, when she died and Danny was so much younger there wasn't so much of a hope, there was only the dark and my fear about being a single parent. Now, look at where we have come...Everything has changed and yet I still can't find the words to want to move on with Livvie, not because I don't want to but because of something going wrong."

"I always think like that, believe me...I still need to stop myself from thinking that I also will lose everything for the sake of doubt and fear. Edward and I would never have been put together in any other world so why now. After everything, how are we still together. I have no idea; instead all I know is of our love for each other – that is what makes us strong."

"Well, anyway...I just need to tell you how grateful I am."

"We were grateful to have the chance, Esme especially...Carlisle would encircle bubble wrap around her whole body if he could, the two of them are also scared because of the troubles of Alice's birth making another appearance to their new baby. It seems like all the family have their own individual cases of fear."

"Do you like her, Bella?"

"Jasper, nothing I have ever said to you is a lie and this won't be either. Olivia seems like a very bright, wise, loving and caring person who sometimes has to understand that the man she loves may not say it back. I don't know how she is coping with it, perhaps she never gives it a second thought but that is a hard pill to swallow even to the most selfless person."

"I really like her, too. She is different to Alice but not any less inferior just great in other ways; I can really see myself going forward with her, not right now but in the future."

"If both you and Danny need her, then it is the right thing to do."

"You'd tell me, right, if you were unhappy about this?"

"Of course I would...Yesterday was hard to adapt to in the beginning, but the woman made Rosalie laugh – even I couldn't do that in that short amount of time of meeting her. That's a skill in itself."

"Thanks, Danny is back at my mum's I have to go over there to check on him before I get to work. I'll see you at the weekend most probably."

"Yes, sounds good, remember if you need a spare person to look after Danny please consider me. I will be sorting out my work situation today but, I can always clear space."

"You really are the best, Bella." With a final kiss from him on the cheek, Jasper rose from the bed and disappeared from the room, leaving nothing but solemnity and mellowness in his wake around the atmosphere. I was about to fall back down onto my mattress again when my door squeaked open a little too slowly and stopped me. I tilted my head and fought back a giggle when Edward peered around the door, smiling a little stupidly and closed it behind him.

"Bella, I have never tried to get changed so fast in my life..." Edward whispered, not fighting back his own laughter and climbed back in the bed with me, wrapping one of his arms around my torso and bringing me down with him.

"What time is Esme and Carlisle going?"

"Around nine, we have another couple of hours left, yet."

"I have to go to Angeles today, to sort out what may be going on with my job, if I can even call it that."

"I can come with you..."

"No baby, this is something I must do on my own, besides nothing helps when my boss is constantly flirting with my boyfriend now is it...She'll serve me my job back on a plate?"

"What can I say, I'm irresistible!" With a smug grin, Edward cupped my face in his hands and kissed the very centre of my nose.

"Yes, but I only want you to be irresistible to me...Because you're mine..."

"Hmmm, I do love it when you say that I am yours..."

"Yeah, well don't count on it too much. When I have my job I can say it as many times as needed."

"I shall hold you to that."

"Now shut up and get dressed, there are still some of your clothes in my wardrobe."

*~Carlisle~*

"Now I am pretty sure that everything is here, have my clothes and some spares just in cases of emergency of some kind. The question is, how long are we definitely planning on staying because...They said Tuesday and sometimes their days can be another day completely and so, I want to make sure that we have enough and-"

I stopped my babbling wife by placing my index finger on her lips. Anyone would believe that the woman had never travelled so far out of our own town in her life, before. I knew too well that she was over packing because of her belief that something, any kind of obstacle was going to stand in the way of our holiday.

I have been acting so very protective of my beautiful Esme, more so than normal because of her pregnancy. Everything seemed to be going so smoothly that I was wrongly waiting for another situation to throw myself and the rest of my family into despair. Nothing made me more happy than watching my Esme make a beautiful home for Alice and now our new little miracle and I prayed every night and day that having this baby will go much simpler than Alice's birth had been. Some can say that I was being too protective, that I may as well have my wife and our unborn child wrapped up in a sealed box and only feed them and give them liquids until the nine months are up but what kind of person would that make me? Paranoid and unable to hold any calmness or leadership within my family. All of us had been through enough with individual problems that, as a result turn into everyone's issue that we must face together.

"Oh honey, I am sorry...I don't mean to babble..." Esme sighed, letting me smooth out the softness of her skin, she stunned me speechless sometimes and this moment proving to be no exception.

"Just calm down, we have everything and whatever we might forget...It doesn't matter." I whispered, I leant my forehead against hers, letting the warmth of her skin and body heat surround me into our own little bubble.

"God, I hope that Bella and Edward are going to be alright without us..."

"They will, they need the time alone just as much as we do. I have not spent the day with you for so long because of my work hours increasing...Just be with me, my love and nothing bad will happen."

"You do say all the right things my Carlisle."

"That's what I am here for, that and to make sure that you have packed your pre-natal vitamins."

"I packed those first."

"Do you have your phone, with all the numbers we need on the contacts list?"

"Yes, I even asked Olivia for hers, in case we need her for something. Now she is with our Jasper, she is basically family."

"Olivia is a great girl; I hated not being around to meet her with everyone else, at the same time..."

"Don't worry she understood. Jasper has told her all about us."

"So, there is nothing else to bring up. We are all packed and we don't have to leave until a good two hours from now..."

"Hmmm...What do we do in two hours?"

With a raise of her eyebrow, I knew exactly what my stunning wife wanted, and in all honesty I have never needed her so much before, my work hours didn't allow me to schedule any private time with the woman I would move the whole earth for and there was only us in that moment – a rare and wonderful thing.

Silencing her for any future babbling or subject changes, I wound my arms around her and our child and kissed her with all the passion from my soul. It didn't matter how long we were married or how we feel old sometimes because of our children growing up so fast before our eyes – Esme was always going to be the only love of my life.

That is why I wanted so much to protect her from the pain we had all endured.

*~Rosalie~*

"You know, I don't like the idea of Bella and Edward being alone in that house for four days..."

Emmett paced around our bedroom like a man on a mission. Never had he been up this early besides from the usual working day but he had been hacking his brains for the majority of the night, discussing with me the changes that were happening for our family members. Now, of course he had decided to bring the topic of Carlisle and Esme's going away and leaving the house to be looked after by Bella and Edward into the conversation. I rolled my eyes from under the duvet, just needing to go back to sleep and put all this talk to rest.

"Emmett, leave them alone. They have not spent any proper time together since Bella came back from Sandgrove and you can understand how much missing someone can make a man yearn to be with the woman he loves..."

"Damn, why can't I say anything right in front of you?" _I was always right about certain things. I am not always in control of my husband's wild imagination but I am known to have my moments._

"Why...Because the way that you have gone on this morning makes me believe that your choice of having Bella and Edward supervised is the best option..."

"What will they get up to?"

"Possibly the same things that we did when we were two years down the line..." _Bed, bed and yes...More time in bed!_

"That was different; we were idiots, who couldn't keep our hands off each other."

"As a couple, we were no different to anyone else, the two of them aren't going to stay in bed all day and wreck the house, Bella is going to speak with Liz about her job and Edward will be working outside of spending time with Bella for his next exams so as a whole they won't be constant duvet-hiders."

"Alright, fine. I still think that the two of us should go over there and have dinner with them." _Obsessed? I think so!_

"What good would that do?"

"This is Edward and Bella; I am not going to let them have four days to themselves..."

"Jealous are you Em?"

"No..."

"Leave it be. We are not going around there and if I were Bella, I'd kick your ass for interrupting my time with the man I loved. If Bella came in here now then I'd have to hear a good explanation. Women are women, Emmett and Bella has been through so much. Don't you think she deserves to have Edward right now?"

"Jeez...I do sound like a parent don't I?"

"More like a concerned brother..."

"Yeah, that's more like me. Besides, when we have a family leadership is the skill I need to improve, being the head of the family and all..."

"Of course, but Bella is not your child and...We will have a family, I am sure of it."

"Rosie, the doctor said that nothing was impossible. Yes, we will have it harder than most couples but you and I could do it all day if we wanted...I know I have the stamina."

"I know you have the stamina too, that and being extremely sexy and dominating."

"I believe you are the more dominating one..."

"Care to put that to the test dear husband of mine?"

"Oh bring it on my sexy wife!"

The one thing that can make all conversation disappear from a man's head. Sex.

*~Bella~*

"Are you sure that you'll be alright?" Esme hadn't released me from her tight hug for a few minutes; she was making sure that I was alright to look after the house whilst she and Carlisle went on a much needed holiday before the baby began to grow more and more. I could feel Edward staring into the back of my head, Carlisle also staring ahead of me at Edward at certain moments. The two of us hadn't even got dressed properly, over-sleeping and missing the alarm next to my bed – mental note, always stay up once awake and don't snuggle into Edward's arms if there are spare moments to go back to sleep.

"Yes, the two of you have fun!"

"We have our cell with us, my work one is also on me in case there is something wrong with the other one. I have left the number of the house we will be staying in on the fridge as well." Carlisle informed me, the information was basic but if it stopped Esme from having a cow about our safety then I was all ears. After everything that the two of them had ever done for me - I owed them to listen and to take all the information in.

"Great, well I suppose this is it. Let me know about the job, Bella...I'd love to be able to go back in there and see you working once again..."

"I will..."

"Edward you study hard!"

"Don't worry, mom...I have been taught everything I know from the best." Esme turned and smiled proudly at her husband, who took her hand and led her forwards past Edward and myself and out into the living room. Edward shot me a cheeky smile as we both followed Carlisle and Esme out into the morning air, fog and cloud becoming our weather friends until whichever time during today. Both of my parents had already packed, their cases in the boot of Carlisle's car, at the small surge of wind...I resulted in wrapping my arms around my torso, I stood still watching Esme get into the passenger side of Carlisle's car, holding a hand to her stomach as she did so forever reminding all of us of the new life that had been produced and surely be blessed with such amazing parental figures to meet in seven months. Edward stood one step below me, his hands clasped out in front of him – the two of us did not like to show our emotion and love towards one another in front if Carlisle and Esme so as not to cause any weirdness, just as they in turn did not love each other in front of any of us. It was just little actions and gestures to be endured in private and that was the way that everyone had chosen to do.

At the sound of the tooting of the horn, I waved to the car now reversing out of the drive and heading straight...Esme blew us both a kiss before the car disappeared from view, turning on my heel...I stepped back inside the house consuming all the heat from the chill in the air and shutting out any of the draught getting inside closing the door after Edward.

With a clear of his throat, Edward pulled me into a hug causing a giggle to escape at the nuzzling he made on my neck and moaning against my skin the vibrations feeling strange but welcoming at the same time. "Finally" he whispered.

"Now, don't be getting ideas my love. I have to get ready and when I come home, I don't expect to see you here."

"What?"

"I want you to do a little job for me. Go to Jasper's and see his mom...Tell her that I want to go and see her at some point tomorrow – to have a talk."

"Why can't you do that, baby...Won't it seem strange me just acting as a messenger?"

"No...Besides, I have so much to do today and, I am also arranging a surprise for you. That's the beauty about being a female...I can multi-task."

"For me?"

"Oh yes, but of course a person needs privacy to organise a surprise..."

"Well my love we seem to be at a crossroads, because I have also organised something for us to do."

"Does it involve eating?"

"Yes but that is all I will tell you."

"Oh, so much for me making dinner..." I pouted, hopefully allowing the action to let me have my own way, Edward is a little too powerless when it comes to my pout and so over the two years, I have used that as an advantage at certain points in a conflict of verbal discussion.

"I am sorry but the pout won't work my love, not this time. Meet me at the beach in Port Angeles later on this afternoon, around six. You will be there at that time, won't you?"

"Looks like I will _have _to be. What is the dress code for this particular surprise?"

"Anything with a coat on top."

"So what about my surprise?"

"If you wish to make dinner, which I would absolutely love to enjoy...Then we can have it tomorrow night, tonight is all about you my angel because no one deserves some special time more than you do."

"Oh very well, I cannot argue with that...Thank you Edward."

"Don't thank me I wanted to organise this...I have had it planned since day one, with some re-arranging thanks to some idiot who couldn't find anything in his intelligence to maintain a dinner reservation. Coincidentally, mine the only one disappearing from the list, altogether."

"We were going to a restaurant?"

"Were...Of course, it won't be an evening at a restaurant so...I picked a place which was more sentimental."

"I shall look forward to it, then my prince charming."

*~Jasper~*

"Bella wants to talk to me?" Mum bounced Danny up and down on her knee; Olivia was out in the kitchen making some drinks for us all whereas I needed the time alone to pass my friend's message on.

"Yes, she said it as if you would know about it..."

"Of course I do, at least I can have a guess and no...I am not telling you anything. There is no need to get all paranoid about this particular meeting."

"You have never met Bella, before."

"I know people like her, so prone to ensuring the happiness and comfort of others that they neglect themselves...Besides, I have seen her from a distance or does that not pass in your list of pros and cons?"

"Stop it; there is nothing wrong with being paranoid..."

"It will make you bald and I don't believe that Livvie wants to have a bald man by her side, especially when you have always had such beautiful hair."

"Now is not the time to act all 'mom' on me. Anyway, Bella will always tell me if I ask, people like her do not keep secrets."

"Then that is your choice but I will not tell you, because deep down you know what it is about don't you?"

"Is everything alright in here?" Livvie came back with two drinks in her hand for my mom and me.

"Yes thank you honey, Jasper is just worrying about nothing as usual. Now would it be possible to have Danny this weekend, I want you two to try and have some time away, somewhere. Now that Esme and Carlisle are out of the house the last thing Bella and Edward need is a baby."

"Get away, mom what are you talking about...I have to work?"

"Aren't you due vacation time, besides think about the rest that you'll have. It doesn't have to be in another country..."

"Mom if you want to take Danny then all you have to do is ask, we won't be going on holiday."

"Don't be such a stick in the mud, sweetie. It will only be two days."

"We can always stay with my Aunt, she lives alone and I have not managed to go down and see her in a while." Olivia suggested taking a nervous sip of my drink in one of her hands.

"Livvie, I can't meet your family, I mean we are not that serious and...What will families think of me as a single parent unable to watch my child for the right amount of time and having him go two and fro between two houses?"

"Jasper..."

"A holiday is not just going to be a holiday, I care about Olivia mum but the last holiday I was on...I went with..."

"It was only a suggestion, honey please forget about it?" Olivia pleaded, my emotions were on a rollercoaster at the moment, one minute I was paranoid as hell and now I am losing it over the idea of a holiday with Olivia. Holidays with one other sole person meant a gesture more romantic, at least in my own opinion and there I was unable to say 'I love you' to Livvie yet and mum was jetting us off to goodness knows where.

"I need a minute" I rose from the chair, ignoring the drink that Olivia had in her hand for me and heading for the front door, my eyes fixed on the floor beneath me...I felt shame and fear all in one as my body trembled the sobs bubbling from my stomach up my body speedily. Closing the front door, I basked in the fresh air, breathing in the coolness and exhaling all the bad emotions that attacked my system. The words that Olivia and I were not serious were never supposed to come out that way, thinking about what she must be feeling made me want to beat myself up on the verge of unconsciousness. How could I behave so stupidly when she had been nothing but the sweetest person to me?

Her kindness had turned me around and this is how I repay her? Was I ever going to forget about the past and move on to be happy?

Fear controlled my head, turning me into this disorientated moron!

"Jasper?"

The sound of Livvie's voice made me take a few steps forward, in our front garden pretty much on our doorstep there was the woodland and needing to have something to prevent my legs from crumbling beneath me, I leant against the nearest trunk but kept my back firmly in front of Livvie's gaze. "Please, Liv...Not now. I said some horrible things and, you can't forgive me that quickly..."

"Jasper..."

"_Please_ don't be nice, I'll just die if you pretend that what just happened in there is normal. What I am feeling is not normal, Livvie. All the time I feel so lucky for finding you, being so grateful about the care you give me and deep down, like an alarm there is fear that this is all a dream. That something in my life will take you away from me, just like fate took Alice away from me..."

"Listen to me, Jasper."

"No..."

"How many times must I say that there is nothing that will make me leave you? I will never leave out of choice and as always if you decide that you don't want me around then I care about you enough to respect that decision, _any _decision that you make."

"God..."

Wrapping her arms around my torso, she turned me – my body only willing to comply as our eyes met, tears filling her own eyelids as she smiled at me. "The holiday was just a suggestion, your mom only wants what's best for you and everyone deserves to have a break some time..."

"I'm so sorry, Liv."

"Ssh...If anything I am sorry for suggesting that we go and see my aunt. You're right when you said that our path is not as of yet set in stone and who knows where life is going to take us..."

"I never said it in those words...I didn't mean it, Liv."

"Yes you did...Otherwise they would have never come out of your mouth. I don't want to be hasty, besides taking things slow makes a nice change to my previous relationship."

"Why do you stay with me?"

"Do you really want to ask me, that?" Olivia smiled and took my face in her hands, "Alright Jasper Hale...I will tell you. Amongst all the unpredictability of your behaviour there is not another man who has ever cared for me like you do, without even realising that you are caring. These worries and fears are not about us as a couple, but about your moving on with me. I am never going to rush you into anything because I have been so lucky to have met you. I would do anything for you, Jasper...Anything within my power to do so. Don't fret over the holiday, or about something else that makes you nervous. There is nothing to be afraid of."

"Thank you, Livvie. For being here, putting up with me."

"I am not _putting up_ with you; there isn't anywhere that I'd rather be. Do you understand that?"

"Yes."

Olivia kissed me tenderly and wrapped her arms around me, which I only then responded to melt into her – my body needing to have her close and to have her comfort me. In this safety and non-judgment air that hung over us allowed me to release my emotion in her arms.

*~Bella~*

Taking the opportunity whilst Edward was out to get some food for tonight, I had finished on the phone to Jasper's mother – needing to speak to her about something that has been on my mind for a while. I have never met the woman and I realised that it's about time I made myself known to her. After all, her son had brought me and my family so much life in his own way and of course fathered Alice's beautiful son who is growing into a beautiful person already.

Not bothering to ring to make an appointment, I was on my way in my car to 'Angeles' to speak to Liz about my job and whether there was any place left for me to take now that I was away from hospital. My admittance hadn't done anyone any favours especially not the very people who had made me so welcome in my first and only employment establishment...I only hoped that there was an opportunity to go back and make something of my life again, at least earn some money whilst I decide where to go and what to do, next. I was content with the way life was going at the present moment to want to make any drastic change.

As I pulled up outside the row of shops, the memory of the way I had left there last before having my accident and meltdown together ran through my head like a broken record. The echo of Edward's voice pleading with me to tell him what was wrong placing a weight on my heart. It was only here that those memories have been the strongest than they had ever been and had the greatest impact

Taking a deep breath, to pull myself back into the present...I climbed out of the car locking it behind me to make the small walk to the restaurant. I enjoyed the heat from inside the corridor, I almost felt the tears come to escape my eyelids when I saw Shaun standing at the podium with his his gaze down in front of him, at the sound of the door closing the outside air leaving well enough alone outside the building, he lifted his head and gasped loudly.

"Bella?" He wasted no time in walking around from behind the podium and wrapping me tightly against him in a comforting hug, which I responded and released the tears that had been threatening to fall. I never realised how much I had missed him, even when we worked together we unfortunately did not have the time to really socialise being on two different sides of the restaurant but, never in my life had I forgot a kindness.

"Oh beautiful, it's so great to see you!" he exclaimed, his voice muffled slightly in the strength of our arms around one another...I gasped as he pulled away keeping his hands on my shoulders. "How are you feeling?"

"I am much better now, wow I have missed you. Is Elizabeth in?"

"Yes, she is in her office...Oh nothing has happened since you have been away; I wish that I could give you some news to bring you back into our world. Alex is proving to be a very popular employee with all of us, of course he is nothing compared to you..."

"That's great. Can I go and see her?"

"Of course, she is free and on lunch at the moment...Shall I let her know you're here?"

"No, I would like to surprise her. Tell me, before I go...Is there a chance that I may still have a job?"

"Oh Bella, we would all be idiots if we did not allow you back here. Trust me; Liz has missed you above all others."

"Thank you, I will see you when I come back."

"You're welcome, I am so pleased that you're better now, Bella!"

Giving him the best smile imaginable, I stepped away from the small corridor and pushed open the double doors to the restaurant, thankfully the restaurant was not open for another half an hour and so the seats that may have stayed in at night time were empty and all that was there to acknowledge my presence were the bar staff who had also not been behind the bar as I scanned the room. Not wanting to hang around to wait, I made my way towards the next set of doors and instantly got swept up into the whirlwind of cooking smells and the banging and other noises of the chefs on rota at work.

"Bella!"

Groaning a little internally, I halted and turned to face Jacob who had literally appeared in front of the hot counters. "Long time no see!"

"Hi Jacob, I can't stop and chat...I have to see Liz."

"Alright, go on through." _This guy was letting me go into the boss's office when he was in no way inclined to do so, what gave him the right to let me walk in when the office did not belong to him? Never mind, Bella you're here to see Lizzie and no one else!_

Without any hesitation this time around, I knocked twice on the office doors before stepping in and quickly closing it before standing head-on in front of my boss who must have been on the phone as she sat her mouth wide open the phone forgotten about in her hands. I mimed the word 'hello' as she continued to look so surprised and without words.

"I'll call you back...Duck!" Elizabeth put down the phone and covered her mouth with her hands as she followed the same path as Shaun to come out from behind her desk and over to me, taking me into a much softer hug in welcome. "Oh my dear, how are you, I am so happy to see you!"

"Hi Liz, oh it's so nice to be back here." I had to be honest, in the security of her office I released more tears, more overcome with emotion to be in the place where I had worked before than I had ever been in hospital suffering with another breakdown of depression.

"Is everything alright, are you feeling better now?" Elizabeth took my hand and led me to the empty chair opposite her at the desk and knelt down next to me.

"Yes, I am much better. I am so sorry for how I was unable to work."

"Stop, I won't have any of that. Never apologise for being ill, even the hardest working people get ill sometimes."

"That is why I came here; I want to know whether I can come back and work for you, again..."

"There is no need to ask for your job back, the place was always here waiting for you...I wouldn't dare get a replacement because no one is never going to be as good for this place than you. Alex has grown into a hard worker, too and often asks how you are."

"I have heard that, that's good news. Are you sure I can come back?"

"Of course you can, when do you want to start...Seeing as it's the weekend, we have many bookings more so than normal and so, considering your recovery I would like you to start next week. Is Tuesday alright?"

"Yes, Tuesday is fine. Wow, thank you so much!"

"No, thank you Bella...For finding the strength to recover and come back to us and to your family who I can only guess have been worried sick. You do know how to scare people, Bella. Your coming out from this dark spell proves to any outsider that there is a real strength inside your soul duck. Never for one second believe that to be untrue."

"My family made me strong, now that I am back...I need to carry on the usual routine and do something so as not to dwell on my thoughts."

"I understand, well you are always welcome to come back on Monday, just let me know in advance if you decide otherwise..."

"Of course..."

"Would you like me to fetch Mikey and Alex; they are down sorting out the barrels in the cellar?"

"No, really...Saying hello to you and Shaun has given me my fair share of the emotion for the day."

"Very well, then I will see you on Tuesday."

*~Edward~*

*(Evening)*

I studied my Bella's face, unable to drag my eyes away from her reaction at the picnic I had made at the beach in the same spot as where we had our first date two years ago. I had originally organised a dinner indoors without the cold to disturb us but, like most things in life that didn't work out.

"Oh Edward, I love it...How did you-"

"Seems like mom enjoys helping her son make a picnic basket. More so than Emmett that's for sure..."

"You and Esme..."

"Mostly me my love. I wanted to learn."

Bella's reaction was going to be the proof I needed to ensure that I made more picnics in our future or never tried to, again – not just those options of course but she was so silent that I was starting to, clutching onto her hand feel a little nervous at where her head was going.

"Oh Edward, this is perfect..."

"I'm sorry it's not inside, I had a reservation but...What are those these days, huh?"

"No please, I don't care that this dinner is not surrounded by lots of strangers, I mean this place is what made me feel so complete once before when I was in your arms and no one else in the world or the planet could pry my hands away from the safety of your embrace. Back then, us as a couple was all so clear and nothing felt wrong..."

"What about now?"

"Now, we have come so far and...Being in Sandgrove again, even though I swore against all that was holy I was not going to allow myself to be admitted there again after the first time – Now, what can I say? Everything is better."

"Bella..." I tugged on her hand, making her body turn so that she was within enough distance, once she came to another facing direction, my arms wrapped around her. "I never want to have to go through that, again. I am sorry baby but I didn't survive as well as you must of thought. Jasper was around almost every day and Emmett was probably thinking how much of an idiot I had turned into. I couldn't function at all; there was no goal to get up in the morning and go to work. My whole body was on some kind of automatic mode...Like I had to get up even though my head was screaming at my legs to stand still and crawl back under my covers. I am never going to have the same courage as you, my love."

"Oh honey..."

"I have to let you know...It killed me, not having you there to come back home to. The smallest things like how your hair is always so much curlier in the mornings than before your shower, the smile that appears across your mouth whenever you catch Danny's little eye...How you moan against every kiss we share. Those were always the things I missed and would have given an arm and a leg to become a hero on a white horse to take you out of there."

"Edward you're my hero." I frowned at her remark, she just responded with a shake of her head, the beautiful softness of her fingers smoothing out my forehead. "Don't you see...Can't you see that the only reason I ever wanted to get out of there was because of you. Both times I was riddled with the thoughts of how I may never see your face again, those eyes that see into the very depths of my being – the velvet and marble-like tone of your skin that only I have the luxury to ever fully touch and appreciate. Edward, the reason that I am alive...The reason that I am living each day and finding new ways to survive my sensitive nature is because of the man I fell in love with when I was sixteen. The only man that will ever have my heart. I don't need a white knight in the fairytale books and I don't need the gentlemen in the classics...All I want, all I have ever wanted is you. You have saved me, more than you can ever really understand...By the way, you ought to know that...I have my job back and I start again on Tuesday."

"Really, oh my love that's brilliant!"

*~Bella~*

The tears from Edward's eyes fell onto my skin, creating a trail down to the back of my hand and wrist. I never wanted him to show emotion because of what result it has on my own system, but he had not cried since finding out by surprise that I had returned home from the hell-hole. Now was not my time to cry, I have cried more tears for the both of us and the rest of the family in these two years. After the elation that he had felt at the news of my job, the mood then shifted the tears turning into sadness once more. I listened to him, knowing that he needed to have me listen to his words.

"Oh my love, it killed me. All I wanted was to hold you. Feel the warmth of your skin and the beating of your heart."

"I know sweetheart, and you will never want to hear it but...The way I treated you, that will forever be regret for the rest of my life because no one in the family and especially you, do not deserve to have my rotten beliefs overpower the strength we had all built. Not back then and not ever again"

"Don't apologise for being ill, I should have known...We all should have known that these changes do not just affect us but you of all people have the sensitivity and the emotion to make a change a difficult struggle mentally to adapt to. I didn't ever want you to be on your own, not in there..."

"I wasn't..."

"You were, please don't lie. Can you stand there and tell me that all those moments that were spent alone in that room that we never crossed your mind. That you didn't desire to have us there?"

"No because that is a lie in itself. Do you really think I wanted you all to see me so zombie-like and almost inhuman? Not having control of my body that's one thing to cope with but having the individuals that I love so damn much to see me like that is taking the biscuit."

"We all saw you like that."

"I know and I dread to think what was going on in all of your minds. Anyway, it's all over now..."

"Bella, I can't ever describe how much I wanted you. Not having you near me makes the want grow so much more that there is never a moment to not think about my girlfriend. How much I love you."

"I love you, too. Oh Edward I do...Now shall we eat something before the food gets cold?"

"Well, there is always a time to dance..."

"Still no music?"

"I considered using my iPod earphones to use but, that would have thrown the whole romantic ideas out the window."

"That so like you."

Placing a kiss on my Edward's palm and brought both my arms up to a dancing position, I can scarcely ever call myself a dancer but I suppose with Edward I feel so much more in tune with the idea of dancing and realistically carrying out the deed, with him I felt safe in my skin – my flaws can show themselves without any verbal judgement from his part and vice-versa, I wasn't perfect and as a human being in the real world and living on the earth I am definitely far from perfection as one might be or even hope to aspire to become but none of that mattered to the love of my life. Watching Edward smirk my favourite expression on his glorious face, he obliged me in holding up his own frame which could never be considered as a double act on both our parts to be technically brilliant for a slow dance. At least not one of a classical waltzing kind as those back in England. Our frame was more of a contemporary or at least some attempt to dance by two young people. The breeze coming from the direction of the sea helped us, brought me back to the memory of Edward's surprise dinner. The location was the same but our lives have come so far.

As the sea washed and cascaded around my bare feet, sinking them further into the roughness of the sand beneath, I sunk my head onto Edward's shoulder, the faint beating of his heart filling my ear and bringing me home.

"I don't have to tell you how much you mean to me, Bella. I could never say enough about how much my life has changed and become so much better because of you. I swear by everyone in the heavens that there is no one to equal you. Just because of your admittance to hospital twice doesn't once reflect your state of mind. Do you understand that, I wouldn't care if you spent numerous times in there I would not think less of you. I'd hate it, like I have for those two times but...I am here, I am always going to be here..."

"Calm down, Edward. You can say anything you want to me...Please don't be afraid to tell me whatever you think."

"Sorry, I guess with your being away, the easiness to form words and sentences disappear...I was so worried, so scared and hopeless that there was nothing that could be done. All I wanted to do was help but, there was nothing..."

"There is nothing anyway when it comes to the human mental state of mind. Even professionals lack the full grasp of the subject because if that was so easy – no one would have to be in hospital to get better."

"True...God, what must have gone on in your mind...All alone...?"

"Let's not talk about that, now. Everything is forgotten at least until the time when I have to go back. Once a person gets hit by depression then there is always chances for a second, third or even fourth time to endure the affects of the illness again."

"Stop talking that way, Bella...Please, the idea just hurts all on its own without having to live with the reality."

"Oh Edward I do love you...I always say that and in my head the words always sound so repetitive even verging on boring but I can't find myself to stop."

"Never stop...I will never get bored of hearing those words, Bella. The reason I live is to hear them."

"Hmmm...How can people have moments like this, live moments like these and never believe the greater things in life to appreciate. I came out of hospital to reconcile in these moments and now, I feel as if I have never been away."

"I appreciate this, I appreciate you."

*~Jasper~*

"Where have you been, Livvie?"

For the past couple of hours, I had been pacing around Olivia's house like some kind of paranoid hermit. Danny was sleeping soundly upstairs whereas all the panic and worry had come from my own personal energy to reek the atmosphere of the house in tension. Olivia was supposed to have been back home an hour ago but having her walk in with an hour to wonder around helplessly not able to leave my son felt like years had gone by, instead.

"Sorry, Jasper...I went somewhere to clear my head...I had a bit of a stressful day."

"What happened, where did you go?"

At the burning questions in my head, I did want to mentally and physically hit myself very hard at how much of an idiot I must have looked and how much like a parent the words that came out of my mouth sounded. Olivia was a beautiful woman old enough to live on her own and here I am, shortly into a relationship with her and sounding like her father and mother. I couldn't help asking, though – I could look like a fool in this moment because of the genuine feeling of worry and nervousness as she was away from me. I didn't think that there was ever going to be a time where I could pine for anyone again.

"Oh Jazz...Believe me, I am sorry...I should have called. It's nice of you to worry."

"Worrying doesn't feel nice, Liv can you at least tell me where you went?"

"Where I went, it's not important...My head is clear and I can go back to thinking about making some food. Are you hungry?" Olivia was clearly avoiding the subject – walking into the kitchen she had taken the conversation away and panic rose within me at that moment. Questions of a different kind were swarming my head and I was becoming more and more worried than I had been seeing her walk through the door.

Following her into the kitchen, I leant against the table unable to find comfort and sit down. Olivia was humming to herself her back constantly towards my face as she took out various items of food from the fridge and placed them on the side.

"Livvie, tell me where you went – or why you are stressed?"

"Jasper, please stop worrying, I appreciate your curiosity as to where I have been but I promise you that there is nothing to say that anyone would want to hear..."

"So am I supposed to forget about it, Liv I may not be able to say how I feel yet and I wish every hour that passes that I could but that doesn't mean that you are any less important to me." As she began to chop vegetables, I was really starting to get annoyed. What was so secretive that she couldn't tell me?

"Olivia, these feelings are all so new to me, I have been so sad for what feels like a decade and...I hate myself for needing to know about your business but a whole hour!"

"There is nothing to say..." I saw red and closed the distance between us, clenching my arms around her waist and turning her around so she had to look at me. At least with her facial expressions I may have some idea about what she was feeling and how I could help her. How could I help her when she had already told me that she was stressed? What would I do to ease her mind and soul?

"Jasper..." Olivia's hands pushed me away, tried to at least her hands on my arms but my hold only tightened.

"Please tell me?" I whispered putting our foreheads together.

"I was thinking maybe roasted vegetables and meat of some kind...How does that sound?"

"Olivia!"

I watched as she bit down on her lip and sighed in defeat, there was no way that she could get out of this conversation. "I was at Alice's grave" she whispered closing her eyes and pushing her head further into mine.

"What?"

"I needed to speak to someone about things...Perhaps it was wrong of me and the last thing I want to do is to upset you but, she knew you better than anyone and the fresh air helped to get rid of the strain in my head. The aches and pains the stress caused."

"What was wrong, you can always tell me..."

"I can't Jasper, because my feelings grow for you every day and I have no control over it. Being here with you, in the silence is how I want to continue living for a long time, longer than any person of the opposite gender will stay around."

"Oh Olivia, I hate that I can't say the words that will secure your happiness and faith in me..."

"Ssh none of this is your fault. Bad luck is an awful twist of fate and we must all survive somehow. I just needed to let off some words and, Alice was the absolute love of your life and I want to get to know her a little more."

"Thank you, for doing that Olivia. I am sorry for pushing the information out of you."

"You can be persuasive when it's needed."

"Hmmm...You are so amazing, Olivia and I need so much to deserve you."

"If anything, I deserve you far more Jasper. I have got two people with the deal, a beautiful man with a beautiful child and I realise how lucky that is all the time."

"Vegetables and 'meat of some kind' sounds great, I promise from now on not to pester you to tell me anything...That is, unless you want to tell me."

"There's nothing to be sorry for, again, I am grateful that you care enough to push me."

*~Bella~*

The food from the picnic affected my walk back across the driveway, holding Edward's hand as he held the now empty basket in his other hand. I may have eaten too much but the cold air was tolerable enough when my stomach was stuffed with goodness knows how much beautiful food to do damage to the body rather than good. Edward had outdone himself in the making and choosing of all the food and my walk now looked much more hunched than normal.

"Come on you can make it." Edward teased pulling me a little harder along the gravel until we finally reached the door climbing, well I more stumbling up the stairs, I may as well have been drunk as that is indeed what people must have thought if they saw Edward pulling me up so strongly as he was.

"Shut up, why did you have to put in so much great food in that darn basket, Edward?"

"All part of my charm." With a wink he hoisted me up to rest my weight on his hip and I took the front door key out of my overheated coat and turned it into the lock, I felt like such an invalid and I was not even ill. Once the door opened, I let out a giggle as Edward released me and I was on my own to make the few steps into the hallway, trust me if someone has eaten all of their body weight and some more in one evening then feeling the effects to do the simple everyday easy tasks becomes a fiasco and recipe for disaster.

"Oh my god, if I didn't love you so much then I'd laugh my ass off at you, Bell." Edward's remark from behind me made my body more motivated to walk in and take my shoes off without needing an emergency hospital call. That's going to be a great situation to explain to Carlisle and Esme when they come back, not a full twenty four hours gone by and already a damaged body part.

Grunting and with my arm wrapped around my stomach, my feet touched the soft fibres of the living room carpet and slowly but surely edged towards the sofa, landing with a soft cushioning to my back. Suddenly, lying down in a warm house was like heaven opening itself and welcoming my soul with open arms to join the do-gooders.

"Oh baby...I am sorry..." Edward was fighting back laughter with all the strength in his physical state, the hard line of his mouth squashed together with the upper and bottom lips hidden inside.

"Next time, don't feed me insisting that I must not lift a finger...Or you won't get a night with me ever again"

"So much for me being a hero...I have managed to make you immobile. Is there anything I can get you?"

"No thank you." I lifted up my sweater and ran my hand along my stomach, feeling the muscles release at the soft touch of my fingers, my mother had always done this so well – other people may have used a hot water bottle to release pain in your stomach before their bodies got used to painkillers. There were few memories of my mother and I that come back to me and her stroking my stomach and playing with my hair was one of the rare ones.

With a hum, Edward took my hand away and replaced it with his own, the softness of his skin not matching the feel of mine in the slightest.

He began the movement in circular motions on my stomach and I couldn't help but stop the moan of contentment about how his skin reacted with my own and immediately released any pain on the stuffed demean of my stomach. The tingles bubbled to the surface and desire washed over me, his temperature was always a little cooler than my own which made the soothing gesture more beneficial than if I had carried on. This was a downside to Edward's touch; one small melding of skin contact no matter how big or small sends me into a drunken daze and consuming world of want and need to bring him closer to my body.

"I feel bad, baby...Just relax your body and I will get you a drink of water. Food is not on the cards but you still have to keep hydrated."

_Oh he is such a sweetheart!_ A fellow doctor in the making, Edward possessed the correct amounts of compassion and willingness to help others just like that job description entails. I could never be a doctor; I couldn't even try and get rid of the over-eating sleepiness that came over my head in this moment. Blood makes me feel sick and injuries would just result in my throwing up over the patient who required help – that wouldn't look good to anyone.

"No, Edward...Don't leave me." I instantly grasped his hand on my stomach with one of mine, forgetting about my full stomach and causing a wince to shake through from my toes to my head.

"I won't sweetheart, are you thirsty?"

"No...Just keep whispering to me...I need to hear your voice..."

"I'm sorry, Bella..."

"Don't be...Trust me blaming you is much easier but, I could have said no to so many things...I know now not to eat my body weight, again."

"Well...It will help the weight you lost in hospital."

"Forget about Sandgrove, that place seems to make such an appearance in our conversations."

As Edward continued to talk, the sleepiness pulled me under into darkness, the only word I managed to understand from Edward's mouth being 'love' as darkness followed.

*~Edward~*

_Damn!_

I had planned to give Bella such a night now that the two of us were finally alone, the dinner which just on the menu looked delicious without my having to eat anything from there and a walk on the beach to burn it odd. Why is it that whenever Bella and I wished to do something there was always an obstacle to have us change to an idea entirely new? One night, one night in the whole damn year that I wanted to plan and make my love happy and we ended up on a cold beach, would could not even be called one because of the lack of people there even in the summer months. Bella had taken advantage of the food that my mom had pushed me to buy and of course, she was absolutely right but the disadvantage was that my baby was not sleeping soundly from the over-eating.

Bella was never a fat person, or even a chubby person – however her normal weight before she had been admitted to hospital this time around was the healthiest she had ever been. Curves in all the right places and admittedly, there were many moments when I couldn't physically find the strength to take my eyes away from her whenever she wasn't looking. This hospital admittance like the others had caused her to lose weight at an alarming rate and my goal was to secretly find good food to put into a basket that didn't make her see that I was trying to add the pounds back on to her. The woman was positively stunning, inside in her soul and her whole physical form outside – I am such a lucky idiot to have Bella, let's face it no one on the earth would compare, not one other I would have so much love for in my heart.

As the sound of her breathing increased indicating to me that she was falling further and further into sleep, I leant over my girl and took her in my arms, the food not affecting her overall weight at all, she still felt the same in my arms as she had done two years ago...I suppose some feelings never change given time.

Gentle as anything, so afraid to make the wrong movement and wake her, I climbed the stairs and suddenly I was thankful for her room being on the first floor and taking one of my hands out from underneath her legs, I pushed the door and let it go as I walked in her room and like a feather, I laid her across the bed and used the throw from the bottom which she never uses, a present from my mom and put it over her body.

A sigh fell through her closed lips as her head lowered deeper into the pillow, I wanted so much to watch her sleep...Her sleeping has always been fascinating to me but the idea of gawking at her without any knowledge of the action on her part verged on creepy and caressing her soft, flawless skin I left her room, taking the time to close the door and breathing a sigh of defeat, wanting to hit myself for making her result to this state and without thinking twice, I went into my own room and took out my textbooks to sit down and study, if Bella was going to be sleeping all night then I needed to do something productive with the time.

Alone with Bella still feels very weird, like we were the only two people on the earth, the house didn't even exist, only both of our rooms with no one else around to cross our paths or interrupt us. The house was strange without Danny as well. My little nephew who was never going to be my nephew with the same blood tie which to this day killed me a little inside slightly – his cries even though there were never many moments where he needed to be constantly around an individual who would go to the ends of the earth and back for him gave me another purpose. Bella was my ultimate purpose, but whilst she was away in that hospital for those torturous weeks then the person down the line was Danny to be next to having some interest and some things for me to do so that insanity didn't cross my own mental state as well.

I glanced at the picture of my beautiful sister gracing my bedside table, everyone seemed to have a different portrait of her in each of our rooms, Bella was the only one who did not have the memory in a frame...She had the locket and the eternal love of her and her son to get by. Alice was looking over my baby, I believe deep down inside that she was and I was going to be forever grateful to my sister for that.

Flicking my iPod on, letting the music of my favourite classical composers give me motivation to read and study the words before going for a medicine or other science major in college somewhere. My aspirations do not include staying in this house with my family for the immediate future, because of course like any young person, I want so much to spread my own wings and own my own place and of course, ultimately take Bella with me wherever I go – whether she wants to do something else in college in another place, nothing matters because in my place and in my heart there was never going to be a replacement – a constant empty space for her to come back to.

*~Rosalie~*

"Emmett, seriously if you look out that window again there is a spare bed in the guest room with your name on it!" Emmett was turning into some neurotic father figure to his brother, looking out the window as if by some miracle that the two of them will show up wanting to join us for dinner.

"Sorry, Rosie...I just can't help it. I swear that they will end up married one day..."

"That will make you look out the window even more?"

"No, then at least there is a commitment there, but the two of them have had so much shit thrown at them that I wonder what is next for them. At least here, in the house we have some freedom but what do they have?"

"Each other...That is enough for the moment, who wants to think about marriage after everything they have had to go through. There will be a time when that all falls into place."

"Yeah...Do you reckon that Jasper will ever think about marrying?"

"Marrying Olivia is different to when he accepted with his whole heart to marry Alice...Two people are different and anything could happen, anyway why talk about everyone else's life when there is nothing that any of us can do to skip fate?"

"There's no reason for you to be negative, sweetheart."

"It's not negativity, it's realistic."

"All right, if you say so."

"Rosalie, I am sorry for bringing Olivia up..."

"Jesus Emmett it's not that!"

Emmett had been in his own mind for too much of the day, that my own thoughts were running away with my emotions and my actions – life was circling into a different path once again and the time for adapting was at hand. I was never good with change, living in this own bubble was enough to make me ignore everyone else who had loved and supported me, that is if I chose to but I don't. Bella and Edward are the epitome of young love, what love should be and yet now nearly two years into my married life, there's something missing.

That missing piece was a constant factor in the deepest parts of my soul to create emotion; I felt complete in my love life and was secure that Emmett was always going to be with me, by my side to face the world together.

What was missing? What didn't I have that anyone should count themselves so lucky to have?

"Rosie...What's the matter?"

At the feel of Emmett's arms wrapping around me, his hands resting on my stomach I breathed out my forgotten breath in the whirlwind of a daydream and swallowed down the dryness in my throat.

"Nothing is ever going to be the same...The same as it was, and it hurts sometimes...It's been two years but it feels like a lifetime without my best friend and I still want her to ring, to hear the ringtone that I picked for her and listen to the over-confident voice on the end of my cell telling me to come out and play. Bella's been amazing as a friend but she can never be Alice, I hoped that one day we would share married life stories together and watch future children grow, watch Danny grow up with both his parents raising him but, none of that will happen."

"Baby, I know you miss her and two, five maybe even twenty years down the line you will miss her and that feeling won't ever be wrong or unnatural. I know how much she meant to you and how much you meant to her in return."

"I remember the first time we met Bella, it was on a beauty night and Bella told me that she thought I was beautiful. No one has ever said anything like that to me, especially with only knowing my name."

"The girl was right about her opinions even then..."

"Her telling me that I was beautiful wasn't the point, the point was that this girl changed our lives around with those words, that first day we all met her as a family and look how far we have all come, Edward more than anyone else."

"He's crazy about her..."

"Maybe Olivia can capture our hearts, too. After time, perhaps Jasper will consider moving on with her...I just need to stop living in the past. Hoping that life is going to fall back the way it was and I wake up and this has all been in my dreams. What kind of life is that to lead, what kind of a person am I if I cannot live in the future and make plans?"

"Rosie, none of this is wrong...I am never going anywhere and yes, I can't relate to losing a best friend but I lost my sister and she was one of my best friends in that sense. Tell me, tell me what I have to do to make this better?"

"I don't know what can make it better, therapy, talking...I mean Bella has done it, perhaps needing to speak to someone will help me in grasping the fact that Alice is never coming back. Does seeing a therapist make me weak?"

"No, if anything knowing that something isn't right and taking out action makes a person strong...You will never be weak to me, Rosalie. I will be here for you with every decision you make and I will support you."

"I have to find some closure to this, Emmett...I hate feeling incomplete and I don't want to bring you down with me."

"You never will, baby. Can you look at me for a moment?"

Sniffing, I turned my head, grasping his hands on my stomach tightly and my Emmett smiled back at me assuringly, placing a tender kiss on my nose before running them both together. "Can you make me a promise?"

"Anything" I replied in a whisper without any second thought.

"When mom gives birth and my parents get their next task to bring a second life into the world and...Whenever the time comes when you find the resolve and motivation you need to live in the present again-"he stopped taking a deep breath in, as if to steady himself. "Can we try for a baby?"

At that question, my legs threatened to fall out from underneath me, that would have been possible unless my husband wasn't holding me so closely to his body...More tears escaped at the genuine honesty from Emmett's face, he never asked me anything like that unless he truly meant it and right from the very beginning of our relationship there was a need in him to become a father to a lucky child one day. With or without me to share that DNA.

"Is that what you want?"

"Yes...More than anything. Living my life with you just as us now is heaven, but you would make such a beautiful mother Rosie and, I want to have the chance to be a father, one that does even half as much justice as Carlisle did with me. My job is done. I desire to move on, to see what we can make and the family we can have..."

"Emmett it might not be possible..."

"If we end up adopting, then that is what we will do. Rosie, I love you for so much more than the fact that we may or may not have children of our own, I only have to gaze at Esme and Carlisle and know that they have fulfilment without biological children because Edward and I were theirs first before Alice came around as their first miracle."

"You really mean it, because once the problems start there is no going back."

"You're my past, present and future and I am here to stay, Rosalie. I want to make the most of what we have and whatever our child will end up being, ours or not nothing will ever take away how much I will love them. Do you promise that having a baby will be the next step for us?"

"Yes...Yes, Emmett I promise."

*~Bella~*

*(Three hours later)*

_Oh Bella how could you be so stupid?_

The first night that Edward and I have together is now ruined by my action to eat too much. I took out the best, most comfortable outfit in the drawer that was only opened whenever I was alone with my boyfriend. The sexy underwear drawer which admittedly still has all the outfits that Alice had chosen for me on the secret. There were some that could be considered offensive and will find their way into the bin at some point in the next clearout. Although there was some that had lace, not the itchy but the more flattering side. I did not want to have Edward attack me but at the same time, I wanted to find myself somewhat beautiful and worthy as he will always make me feel more special than ever. I had more confidence now in my body and, considering that I had spent the last few hours asleep and away from Edward made me want to go in there and be average-looking to surprise him.

I ran my hands through my hair, and sprayed my 'mist' twice around my neck and took a deep breath, deliberately ignoring my mirror and stepped out making the tiny steps to Edward's room. His light was off, his music muffled with the door being closed and I hoped then in my stomach that he hadn't fallen asleep. I needed him too much, I realised how much I had missed him being away and back into the hell that I, again put myself through. I pushed down the handle and edged the door open slowly, peering my head around the door so that there was an idea about what position he was in and whether he wanted me to come in here in my 'glad rags'.

Looking at the direction of his bed, I almost burst out laughing at Edward who was leaning up against his headboard; his book that he had been reading sprawled out across his lap, his eyes closed in a deep sleep. He looked so adorable that standing here staring at him adoringly became too easy...Instead, I stepped inside smelling his aroma in the air and flicking the lock on the door...I climbed onto the foot of his bed.

Edward sighed as I got closer and closer to him, but he didn't once wake...I brushed the book aside letting it fall to the floor and took a seat on his lap lowering my body gently and smoothing my hands up his shirt, the familiar sensations of the tightness of his muscles moulding my fingers closer and closer to his beating heart. With our noses almost-touching, I leant forward kissing the very tip of his nose causing him to stir underneath me.

Remaining silent all I could do in that moment was gaze at his eyes fluttering open, his vision falling onto me – the frown line making an appearance on his forehead. "Bella, are you okay?" he whispered.

Not wanting to answer, my lips reached forward on their own accord and my lips meshed with his, the springs in my lips coming to life as I moved them against the velvet surface – the beginning surge of the magical feelings consumed within my body. "I want you, Edward..." I whispered my lips moving and caressing the shell of his ear trailing downwards to his lobe as his ribs came to life beneath my torso in a shuddered sound between a moan and a breath. "Will you show me...I have missed you so much?"

"Touch me, Bella" he replied, his hips rotating against my own as his desire for me began to grow. Taking the plunge, never to deny him anything in my own power, I took the collar of his shirt in my hands and pulled the fabric apart causing the buttons to fly from the material and around us on the bed and onto the floor. His hands began to roam and spread all around my body, ghosting my neck, my chest, my stomach and hips in such a beautiful way that it was inevitable that my coming undone was deemed quicker than usual in this moment. My own hands explored the muscles that I had loved for so long, the tenseness of his muscles, the circuit of harboured breathing filling my ears and the passion that lies within his soul bubbling to the surface. My mouth ran along the length of his neck, using my tongue to kiss the base of his neck the same way that I'd kiss his mouth as his hands grasped my shoulders pushing our contact together.

"I love you, Bella...I love you so much."

Those words increased my confidence to go further, bringing my aching lips down the centre of his Pecs and onto his washboard abdominal muscles feeling their own welcome to my gesture as they quivered with lust. Not wanting to go further, I hoisted my weight up onto my knees and let Edward's eyes open as he gazed upon me. His stare used to make me feel so much desire and worry at the same time at what I looked like, but with his words everything came to life and completed me.

"You look so beautiful, love...Can I take this off?" he whispered touching the buttons of the corset-designed buttons covering my naked chest underneath, I began to shake violently my legs bucking the weight on them.

"No" I replied taking his hands away, I did the one thing that took far too much bravery on my part and brought my own fingers down to the buttons, unzipping them one by one torturously slowly to study Edward's reaction. "If I don't do this, you will always undress me." At the last button, I parted the fabric letting my aching skin fall to the depths of my boyfriend's emotion and to the contrasting temperature in the room around us.

At the silence, I was tempted to cover myself back up but in my heart I knew that Edward would never allow it, Edward sensing my hesitation brought his torso up from the headboard and his eyes sparkled burning into mine. "My Bella" he whispered once to carry out his worship of my skin. His lips finding my neck and loving me in turn trailing from the top to the base. I closed my eyes breathing in the moment, my hands winding around his neck my own lips kissing the soft roots of his hair my hips moving up and down in the need to have friction underneath me.

"I have missed this..."

"I'd go through that hospital a hundred times, Edward...I'd endure the pain a hundred times over to know that you'll be there to catch me, to be with me..."

"I will never go anywhere, Bella. I will always be here for you."

*~Edward~*

Bella looked so amazing under the moonlight, even in her choice of clothing which was already planned to be in tatters by the end of the evening was right. Alice had brought her these kinds of outfits but she had only, just up until recently chosen to wear them because of her lack of confidence in her body. I hated the idea that she disliked herself, because in my eyes she was always going to be the most perfect person in the world. Rose-coloured glasses in love but, I wanted to love her and I had waited so long to show her again that now, under the moonlight and the haze of our intimacy...I chose to worship her.

At the sight of her trembling, I brought one arm around her torso leaning her closer to my bare chest, the undone fabric of my shirt forgotten about and used the other to pull the corset half of her underwear down to rest against the curve of her hips, her chest born to me in her exposed beauty. The paleness of her skin shining in the luminous shade of the moon encircled my vision and the parting of her lips as my lips reached her navel spurred me on to move even more. The softness of her skin, the scent of her spray she uses each day taking me into a drunken haze, my eyes unable to pull away from the expressions on her face.

"There's nothing to be afraid of my own love...rest yourself on my knees, is there anything I can do to ease your shakiness?"

"No Edward, I am sorry...This is just a little overwhelming, I have dreamed of this but as always reality is never the same..."

"Hmmm" Bella was always so correct with her words, it seems like both of us had wanted this for so long, none more than the other in competition. As my gaze fell onto the two buttons left holding her lingerie against her body, with battered breath I took the rest of the shirt away from my arms, her hands reaching down and releasing the confines of my pants, pulling the zip and undoing the button of my flies. "Is this for me, Edward?"

I didn't need to think twice about what my girl was asking me, her forwardness had stunned me a little, never was she so verbal during our times together like this unless she was making the sounds that always gave me such great music to my ears. I realised as I was stunned to silence that I liked her new confidence that seemed to be growing at every second.

"It's always for you my baby..." I was getting so uncomfortable in my lower body that finding words to answer Bella was gradually becoming harder and harder, excusing the use of the pun in my thoughts.

"Can I take these off?"

"There's no need to ask my Bella." My beauty grasped the hem of my pants and trailed them down slowly, moving her weight from her knees to her feet as she stood crouched to take the defeating material away from my body and onto the floor by the foot of the bed, her spine disappeared back slowly into the depths of her skin as she sat back down on her knees, her weight resting on my hips once more. The place where I wanted to be now shielded by my boxers and by the rest of her underwear...Ghosting my hands along the muscles of her thighs she rested her head on my shoulder, the chocolate curls brushing my face.

"Will you love me, Edward...In the way that I so want you to?"

"Of course my only sweetheart, do you realise how much I have wanted this to happen?"

"Yes, just as much as I."

Bella brought her head away and took hold of my neck, leaning in closer the scent of her hair flushing my nostrils and connected her lips with my own for the first time since being on the beach...I moaned into her lips letting the vibration tingle both of our mouths, she was devouring me – taking control of the kiss opening her mouth to me willingly and seeping her tongue around, bringing the sensitive sensations to a boil. I let her control this, allowed her whatever she wanted...My passion for her was reaching a climax soon enough before like an animal with want I'd roll her over and bury my body with hers, making us one again. However, my needs no matter how powerful will not take away the slowness of this moment, breathing in all that was Bella in the opportunity to wait for her to be ready to be made love to. God I love her so much to ever deny her anything in the world.

"Undo my buttons, Edward...Please?" She whispered taking her lips away from my own to speak before melding them together again with more want and desire, within moments her hips had gravitated off of mine a few inches and I was then moving my hands away from the comfort of her thighs and onto the buttons, hesitating slightly as her lip speed increased on mine showing that she wanted me to do this. I undid both the buttons and trailed the rest of the lingerie, all connected in one outfit down her things and away from her legs as she stretched them out in front of her either side of my hips for a few seconds...Now that she was fully exposed, her hands then moved to my boxers, taking her lips abruptly away from mine and breathing in a lust-filled moan she removed the rest of my clothes.

Now that we were both naked, I had never wanted her so close to me, in our current position the want was too strong to cope with and as she was about to take back the same position, my arms wound around her upper body and I rolled her over, her hair sprawling out across my pillow like an angel's halo as her head sunk down into the material, a smile crept lifting up the corners of her mouth, her legs spreading so that I could rest in between them, Bella always knew what I wanted and how to make these moments last.

"Are you okay, are you sure you want this?" I whispered, kissing along her jaw line.

"Yes, Edward...I need you, I have needed you for so long."

At her answer, I kissed her on the mouth again, letting her arms pull me down as they hugged me closer, the heat from both of the surfaces of our skin coming together.

*~Bella~*

Taking one more time to study the brightness of Edward's eyes, h moved his legs, my own winding around his waist like magic without my brain having to tell them to do so and moving his hips forward in one fluid movement he connected us in the most intimate way.

The reaction at our connection was so strong that a sob came out from my chest, not from pain but at how much I had missed the feelings that Edward aroused within ever area of my body, how much control he had over my actions.

Matching his rhythm, there was no more time to dwell on thoughts, we were together completely in every way and in moments like these, words are not enough.

Edward loved me and I loved him, this night was purely for us.


	25. Transitions

*~A Shaped Life~*

*~Rosalie~*

_I had heard stories about therapists!_

_Horror stories, mostly._

What was worse is that I have always hated them, the idea of people getting paid a good amount of money just to listen to client's issues. Then again, who are they to judge working in a career where venting is more of a habit than a choice. I have never needed to vent to anyone, always a solve my own problems kind of attitude given from my parents who never really cared so much about what was going on inside my mind.

The snooty receptionist had given me reason to slap her, along with the nerves that made my knees fidget and my teeth bite down on my lip as I waited. I was literally waiting to sign my soul, away and how was I supposed to express anything when a therapist sits there with the clipboard? Her job title may frown on the use of 'judgement' but the movement in that pen is judgement enough. A person can be shown to be insane or normal just by pieces of paper that came from trees, I will never be able to manage in my job if everyone thinks that I have been going to therapy! Hard work was the only source of real motivation to escape from my head and also my married life, what were everyone going to speak about when they find out that Rosalie is weak?

I _was_ weak; I had to be otherwise I wouldn't be here in this poorly decorated waiting area which may as well have my chair glued to the floor because my nerves were going to take away any hope of moving when the name Rosalie was called. Pissed was not the right word to describe how my Emmett would feel when I disclose that I did not attend my appointment, especially when his promise of trying for a child knocked down response to defend. I couldn't answer him back and make a justified answer to my opinion when he wished to try as many times as humanely possible to give us a child to grow in my stomach. All my life, there have been moments where I have felt like a failure and my pregnancy will finally throw the happiness in my face that I long for.

"Mrs Rosalie Cullen," _ah just when I start to find ways of escape, there goes my name!_ Shifting my eyes over to the therapist, my legs started to raise my body from the chair and I crossed my arms close to my chest. Oh did Bella manage to deal with this?

The therapist held the door open to let me in, her office the same white coloured walls and dirty, stained carpet – the only artefact in the room showing a slice of modern furnishing being her desk and large chairs. My mind then wandered to how many people had actually sat on the chair in the years gone by.

"Have a seat, please," _I really want to get out of here!_

_No, I have to do this. I have to do this, for my husband and for our family!_

As the therapist took her seat, I then followed suit placing my hands in my lap, my back so straight there could have been a wall against it – this is what happens when I am nervous; I lose all sense of mannerisms and basically lose all traces of _me_. "Now Mrs Cullen,"

"Call me Rosalie, please?"

"Very well, you can call me Sandra. Why have you come to see me, today Rosalie?" It's a shame that they could not add psychic abilities to their records, not speaking may make these two hours fly much easier.

"The decision was mine, even though I have always taken problems in the past and sorted them out myself this whole situation of talking to you is difficult,"

"I see. So by solving your problems, in the past have you found a sense of closure from them?"

"Yes,"

"Tell me a little bit about why my help is required please, Rosalie? With a little bit of background story we may be able to understand what the problems are," _first judgement of the day._

"I am married, been so for two years to a fantastic man...The love of my life, I don't speak to my family, my biological family that is out of choice – they have never really been so supportive of where my life has gone and, their disappointment is not worth enduring. Emmett, my husband, his family are amazing. Very much like my second, substitute one really," _Rosalie way to make yourself look normal. Stop babbling!_

"Already in that short analysis we have identified two issues that need to be explored. Denial is not a person's friend, Rosalie no matter how easy it may be to brush certain feelings under the carpet. Now, why haven't your family offered you the correct support?" _Now I am expected to be psychic?_

"I don't know,"

"Have you always had a rocky relationship with them?"

"Of course not. Growing up, I mean as a family we were in-separate. I am an only child, never having any brothers or sisters of my own didn't really make me think about sharing or bonding with another person for life. I was the only daughter; we had a nice house, good friends,"

"Was talking ever part of the family's routine?"

"Dad was mostly working; he worked to get the money to get the nice house and the nice cars but mum did have some talks with me, mostly life talks,"

"Did you ever take any advice from her?"

"No she was always fond of drinking, perhaps a little too much now I look back on it. See, what I can say is that I was an only child because my mother suffered from...Well anyway, she wasn't able to have anymore children – having me was pretty much a miracle. I didn't listen to her because, I didn't want to become like her,"

"So your husband's family, how do they coincide with your life?"

"Carlisle and Esme were my parents from the word go. When I met Emmett, I wasn't the person I am, now. Anger was always running through me and, that anger made me dislike myself and push others away. I was the head cheerleader, not to mention vice president of the school council, my friendship circle was large and people respected me,"

"Friends?"

"I realised later, when I specifically met Emmett's sister, Alice that those people were not my friends, to be honest she was the only friend that I could have wanted – she was the only one that mattered,"

"So what does Alice do?"

"Alice died" What the hell, kill the bird with the stone. All the problems have arisen since she was taken away from the world, anyway. I didn't need to pay someone to know that I had not grieved.

"When did she die?"

"Two years ago. She...Alice, was giving birth to her son when she lost too much blood from a clot and died minutes after her baby was delivered. It's strange how she would have been a mother to a two and a half year old, now, what the two of us or where the two of us would be is something that I'll never know. Jasper is the father, they were engaged...Like Emmett and I were at that time. Now he is a single parent and the Cullens, I included all have our share of spoiling Danny, Alice's son,"

"That must have been difficult. Death has a way of turning people into the deepest depths of despair and with a woman so young never seeing the son she gave birth, too. That must have affected you,"

"Yes, we were _all_ destroyed,"

"How did _you_ specifically feel, Rosalie?"

"I lost part of my soul when she went. I lost the idea that good people can live long lives and produce loving families; I lost trust in the masters of fate and what they still have in store for me, what other obstacle may be coming round the bend. I took myself away from Emmett, emotionally,"

"A strain on your relationship?"

"No he had me to cry to, and I was there to look after him because I love him. Yes, I _did_ neglect myself but Emmett was part of that family, he isn't related by blood as Alice is the only biological daughter of both Esme and Carlisle but Edward and Emmett are no less connected by blood, but in my own opinion, my husband suffered the biggest blow because he had grown up with a sister before I even met Alice,"

"The sons are adopted?"

"Along with another adopted daughter, Bella,"

"That is quite a family,"

"Yes but there is nothing wrong with the Cullens, just the shit of injustice of having to live their lives without Alice,"

"I believe that there hasn't been a proper grieving process for you, not out of intentional choice of course because when there is a family, not to mention a baby involved there is bound to be a shared discomfort and sadness. Rosalie, even though you are not related to them does not mean that you do not deserve the right to grieve for your friend, grieving is natural it's the closing of the door and turning of the page,"

"What if someone else I love dies?"

"People die, Rosalie. That is the way that planet Earth works, people are born and then they die. We are all dying. That doesn't result in losing anyone _else _around you, soon. Do you trust anyone to speak to them about your worries and insecurities?"

"I trust Esme a lot but, seeing as my talking brings up Alice there is really never a good time to involve her name in conversation. Esme is pregnant, getting her second chance for a biological child and, her plate is already full,"

"What about...Bella is it?"

"Bella has been through therapy, the girl has had at least two major breakdowns in suffering with depression and, she is the perfect candidate but, I fear that she will not want to speak about Alice, either,"

"Alice needs to be spoken about, if only to keep her memory alive, Rosalie. Think of your health,"

"Believe me, my health is usually the block to my own happiness,"

"Well then how about we use drawings?"

*~Bella~*

"Bella?"

At the faint whisper of my name, I stirred on the pillow not really liking the disturbance of a great sleep; whenever I was by Edward's side my sleep was deep and peaceful. Without him, the dreams may as well be nightmares of the highest order. I had taken a step last night, a step up from the usual routine in mine and Edward's intimate and personal acts, he was always the one who showed me how much he loves me and, I was there to play my part. Regret forced me to come into his room, the longing was too much considering that the only things I had seen until coming back home was four walls and a ceiling. Isolation had changed me, the feeling of loneliness, a life without the Cullens and a life without Edward gave me the realisation I needed to believe Edward still wanted and needed me. In every way possible.

As my eyes clouded out of sleep, I was greeted with the smiling face of Edward kneeling on the floor his hand stroking one of mine outside the warmth of the duvet. "Morning, my love."

"Hi, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, we have Danny today, mom insists that she wants to be around here more now so she can get back into the habits of being a new mother – Jasper is working, so is Livvie so it will be the three of us, today,"

"Wow us and a baby, whatever shall we do?"

"I am sure you can think of something, that little boy adores his Godmother too much to ever cause trouble, do you want some breakfast?"

"No thank you, I just want to sleep like this forever, but I have to prepare myself to start work, find my uniform and give it a wash if it needs it. That wardrobe has moth balls, I swear!"

"I have to spare some time to do some more studying but, most of the day is yours to do with me as you please," Edward seemed a little too happy smirking at me once he finished his comment. Others would want to escape but me, the idea was too tempting. That smirk made me want to do things so out of character and I loved Edward for having such an effect on me. He used that as an advantage of course, but who wouldn't?

"Wow, Mr Cullen that does sound like a tempting offer. However, Jasper will not want to walk in on a little show to scar his mind when he is working,"

"Nothing he hasn't seen before,"

"Why does that comment not surprise me? What time is it?"

"Just gone eight,"

"That's pretty late me for me, I usually deal with insomnia and a busy head,"

"I know. However now that I have you back with me, you're not ever going back in that place, again Bella,"

"Don't worry, I will tell you every sordid detail of my day if that is what you truly want. Anyway, going back to work will make a nice change for me, not to mention Carlisle and Esme coming back tomorrow,"

"I have already assigned myself to be the chief cleaner,"

"Now that _does_ surprise me,"

"Considering what they have had to go through with me all these years, cleaning the house is the _least_ I can do,"

"Then seeing as you will be cleaning, my little Cinderella. I would like some breakfast,"

"I thought you might, ergo," He brought up a tray from the floor, the pancake smell hitting my nose and instantly moistening my tongue in anticipation. So much for not being hungry. "Edward, you are too much sometimes,"

"Only the best for the woman I love,"

"With corny responses like that you will cake my breakfast in even more syrup!"

"Just enjoy, baby."

I turned over onto my back and lifted my body up, resting my back against the headboard as Edward placed the tray on my lap. The little flower in the empty glass, accompanying a carton of apple juice hadn't gone unnoticed, either. Edward was too good to me at the best of times and, I never wanted to endure the kind of life I would have without him, again.

*~Rosalie~*

"I can't draw," I glanced down at the A3 sheet of paper and felt like I was in elementary school again. Only now, in this moment in time there were no other pupils to fight over the best coloured crayons. The pencil lay beside the paper, wanting to be used but, therapy was enough just talking. I didn't want to draw anything because I have no talent in that area.

"Rosalie this isn't an art competition. Pictures can help understanding issues a little better and besides a person can find comfort in allowing expression through visual means rather than speaking for two hours straight,"

"Bella has these pictures, I overheard her once in conversation saying that she had gone to art therapy lessons but, therapy is...I don't feel as if I believe in the concept of unloading even through speaking. Drawing is not my thing,"

"Could you write names of people in your life, instead on separate areas of the paper?"

"Just their names?"

"Anything you feel like?"

The woman was already showing signs of misunderstanding; she was already making me feel like a self-involved bitch without the opportunity to cloud it with colours. I felt like I had been so self-indulgent, Emmett had only been mentioned once and I'd much rather speak about him for two hours straight, I needed more than two hours but speaking of him would be easier. Without really thinking, I drew all the Cullen's names on the paper in different areas, not forgetting to place Emmett in the middle as he was the very centre and pinnacle of my present life.

"Good, now we shall start off basic. Who are these people in terms of relationship with you?" _Hadn't I already cleared that one up before this paper and drawing charade?_

"Carlisle is Emmett's father, Esme is his mother, Alice is his late adopted sister and my best friend, Edward is his adopted brother and Bella is the adopted sister, she is also a good friend, Jasper is Alice's late fiancée and Emmett is my husband,"

"So if there was one word you could use to describe each of these people what would they be?" I felt like I was suddenly on some kind of game show!

"Carlisle...Compassionate. Esme...Loving. Edward...Intelligent. Bella...Caring. Alice...Beautiful. Jasper...Strong. Emmett...Miracle."

"That's very good. Where would you place yourself in this picture?"

"Right beside Emmett, we face the world together,"

"Are any of these relationships not going well at this moment, or over the past two years?"

"Well. Bella and I had some disagreements but everyone else still means the same to me,"

"What happened between Bella and yourself?"

"Bella's British, that's not an issue. Long story but she was adopted by the Cullens as a last member, she has had a hard childhood with an alcoholic mother who died of cancer a few months before Alice died, I wasn't very supportive of her behaviour when she decided to follow her mother back to England three Christmases ago because she had found out that her mother was dying. I felt bad for Edward,"

"Edward...Are they close?"

"They are in a relationship, he and Bella. They still are,"

"I see."

"Perhaps it was not my place to intrude on their relationship but as I have always felt protective of the Cullens and Edward had some own troubles with the temptations of alcohol, I hated her for leaving him when she knew how much it tore him up, inside to watch her go,"

"Being supportive is a natural thing, however did you consider Bella's feelings?"

"No, believe me I regret that now, because she is the best thing to ever happen to all of us. The girl always there, loves us, caring for us, watching us cry and listening to us. I hit her when she came back, my husband – fiancée at the time went to bring her back right away but she stayed for three months, when her mother died she came back,"

"The hit was out of anger?"

"Anger and mostly jealousy. I have this trait inside me where I still feel angry when someone gets attention, especially Bella at that time because Alice was pregnant so young and dealing and all everyone else was doing was running around after Bella,"

"Did you feel neglect?"

"No. I didn't like Emmett's sudden need to run after her, either. That is the only time we haven't agreed on anything. I didn't want her back because she had done enough damage – opening up old wounds was the last thing anyone needed,"

"Bella must have dealt with a lot in her life. Hence why she, as you say has had psychological problems. Was there ever at any point the feeling of jealousy when Alice met Bella?"

"No, we both adored her. Bella's escape and choice to move back home put a hardship on all of us because we wanted her to stay, in our own little way,"

"I see."

"Trust me; I am not proud of myself. I look at Bella every day and realise just how much she has had to cope with in such a short amount of time. I feel envious towards her strength and her determination to beat every problem – she no longer runs away, only when she suffers breakdowns does she pull away. Bella recently came back from her second admittance in hospital, actually,"

"Really?"

"Yes. Bella had become convinced that we, as a family were forgetting Alice because Jasper had met someone else and started dating, Emmett and I had our own house and, I believe that as she observed everyone else's lives moving on, because she remained stuck she feared we were forgetting Alice. Esme also became pregnant; she is near to three months gone,"

"Ah that must have been the pivotal point. Rosalie, Bella never truly believed your 'forgetfulness' otherwise she would have been receiving more treatment as we speak. Depression takes away all control of our minds and actions of everyday life,"

"Am I depressed?"

"Not chronically so, at least not at a level where I feel alarmed. There is just the need to learn how to speak and make choices for yourself, Rosalie. The reason why Bella has been ill is because she thinks of others before herself. It's good that she is learning to think for herself, now. That is what you need to do. You lost a friend that meant a lot to you, your thoughts and sadness should not be put to one side. I am sure that your husband will say the same thing,"

"He does worry about me. I always insist that he shouldn't,"

"Communication is key, Rosalie. So you mentioned something about your mother having you as her 'miracle' child,"

"Yes. A trait that has been passed down to me through genetics. I cannot conceive as easily as others, it's not that my ovaries aren't working, but I have always had irregular cycles but because the condition is genetic and considered 'minor' I just have to keep trying,"

"Can you tell me, in your own words what a family would mean to you?"

"The world. I want my family to have the childhood that I never had, I want any children of my own to take advice and guidance from me. I want to watch them grow, to have the benefit of building my own nest. Watching Alice and Esme do it, when they were both such natural mothers makes me feel like I could be a good mother, too,"

"Have you spoken about this with your husband?"

"Yes, it seems like all we talk about these days is how we can't have a biological family. Exploring the alternate option that we can go through,"

"Does he want children?"

"Yes he does. Emmett would make a terrific father, Carlisle has been such an influence over his development and made him grow into such an amazing man that now, and he has that goodness to pass on,"

"Perhaps fate can take a different road for the both of you,"

"I came into therapy because I wanted to sort myself out. Emmett said that once I feel like all of these issues are behind me and once I can mentally move on, we can try for a child,"

"Then there is your incentive. I have had people come in here, Rosalie for their first appointment and there is usually so much to cover that they have a long road ahead to recovery. There is nothing in what you have said today that makes me feel like this will be a huge disadvantage in your life. Sounds like there is a great support circle around you and of course the love of a man who loves you,"

"I know, and I am grateful for that,"

"I know you are. This will not be long drawn-out, Rosalie. If you have the determination inside of yourself to speak in these sessions about anything that is bothering you then my door is always open,"

"Thank you, Sandra. You've been a big help,"

I hated to admit that in actual fact, she had helped.

*~Emmett~*

I admired my Rosalie.

Not only had she gone to therapy, which God forbid is never an option to take to make her feel better, she had promised to get through what she needed to in order for us to have a family.

I hated the fact that I was a part in not giving her a child, it hurts me to think that she may never have the joy of giving birth to a child of our very own and, there was a part of me that did want to have our own child but of course, I loved Rosalie for everything she is, I had since the moment I met her and that feeling had never or will go away because having her as my partner in life was more important than whether we could have our own family. Work was hard today, my head getting to me more than usual and my boss was not the kind of person to want to have a deep conversation. Let's face it; I wouldn't want to have a meaningful conversation with a man, anyway. I had endless support in my mom and in Bella, not to mention Rosalie and women were brilliant at really listening to a bloke's shit.

On my lunch break I had gone home to have some food, not wanting to be around any of my colleagues in the usual conversation. I had also sent Rosalie a text asking how she was, even though I wanted her to come home this afternoon and tell me face to face. There are moments in the days that go by where she is too distant, I never liked to be kept out of the loop in case her discomfort was something that had been provoked by me in some way, but anyway her well-being was vital to me.

When she didn't text back, it gave me a clear sign that she was still in her session and, to be honest when I had left for work this morning there was a nagging feeling inside that Rosalie would up and leave after five minutes because, no matter how much I loved her she was not a talker. Her relationship with her parents had always been a little rocky, not the kind of relationship I have with Esme and Carlisle and because of my own parents, and she had sought comfort in having a second, alternative family in my mom and dad. This as a result, made my parents like and respect her so much more.

I finished up the rest of my shift, taking pleasure in walking away and pulling up in front of our house for the second time, today but was thrown a little left field when I saw that Olivia was waiting for me on our doorstep. I had only met the girl and I did like her, she had brought Jasper back to life which I already knew my sister would be pleased about. I approached her, watching as she stood up on her feet.

"Hello, Emmett," she greeted me, her hands clasped out in front of her, her feet shifting a little from side to side. To be honest, she seemed more nervous than usual. Perhaps that was only a wrong observation.

"Hi Olivia. What's wrong?"

"I am so sorry to call around like this, Jasper doesn't know I'm here and to be honest, I needed to speak to someone about him,"

"Jasper?"

"Yes."

"Sure, well come inside." I said, opening our front door and letting her walk in, I kicked off my shoes and threw off my coat placing it on our rack. "Can I get you anything, a drink or something?"

"No please, this won't take long. This is nerve-wracking enough without worrying about spilling something in this beautiful house. The reason I came-"

"Whoa wait, let's go and sit down. The last thing my wife needs to see is my attempt to try and revive you after your faint by our front door." I thought that my cracking a small joke would make the tension in the air feel better but instead, admittedly I made it worse. I really need to learn the divide about when to just allow things to happen and then make a joke about them if it was necessary. Mom always went on at me about that and now, I can see her point.

Olivia sat down on the couch and I sat down next to her, immediately getting comfortable. The poor girl looked like she was acting in a scene from a horror movie and, of course dimwit here is not equipped with the right techniques on how to make this anticipation smoother.

"Emmett, you're Jasper's best friend and, I know that he was so very much in love with your sister. I wanted your advice on something,"

"Shoot,"

"I have this Aunt. My only relative who is worth my time and, she wants to come and stay with me. Of course, I have not gotten around to telling her about Jasper or Danny. The last thing I want is to make anyone uncomfortable and, Jazz, even though he feels pain is coming on better with each day. I was wondering whether it would be right to have him stay with his mom for that weekend,"

"Wouldn't your Aunt approve?"

"I don't know. She is entitled to her own opinion but, I don't want Jazz to be put under any stress because he is not officially my boyfriend, per se because of the transition he has to make,"

"Of course he's your boyfriend, I don't feel upset in disclosing that and neither should you,"

"By telling myself he is not my boyfriend makes the whole loving him easier to cope, with,"

"Ah I understand. Well, have you spoken to him about it?"

"I said the wrong thing and mentioned that I wanted to go away, actually I didn't say that I, me solely wanted to go – more of a suggestion that _we_ both should,"

"Right,"

"This whole process is bad enough without stupid suggestions like that,"

"Olivia. Can I just say something?"

"Yeah,"

"Don't put yourself down. This whole situation is shit and yes, all of us believed that Jasper would be with Alice until they grew old because that was how their lives worked but, things change. Jasper is grateful to you in some way I mean let's face it, he can now believe that he can be friends with another woman and feel something again, that is worth more than any other support we can give him. Life is stressful at the moment, what with my mom's pregnancy being one reason but, the main comfort is knowing that Jasper has you. All the time I have known him, he has loved completely and put the people he loves before himself – now, with your Aunt coming that may still be possible,"

"Am I really being silly about all of this, look at me coming round here and putting you out?"

"You need to give yourself more credit. Do I look put out? Even if I was, you have my best friend's interest at heart and anyone can see that you love him, are in love with him to worry and care. Jasper means a lot to me, he's my buddy and we have seen each other through many things. Olivia, I can say from the bottom of my heart that he will decide what to do, and whatever he is it will be right because he would have made it by himself. Don't shut him out completely; he may want to meet your Aunt but just talk to him about it,"

"Wow. I look at you and Rosalie sometimes and wonder what your lives are like but, she is one lucky woman and you're a lucky guy to have that connection. Please don't take each other for granted,"

"We don't. Thank you, though. For coming round here even though you looked like you were about to upchuck all over my carpet,"

"I wanted to speak to someone, but giving the fact that your parents are away and that Edward and Bella have Danny, I needed some place quieter. Thank you, Emmett."

*~Bella~*

I wanted to cry and laugh at loud at the same time when Edward showed me that Danny could walk the majority of a small distance with limited help to stand him up. Danny had also surprised me when he had pointed at certain things and said what they were, like 'book' and 'table'. He was a slow-developer but he was so much like Alice with the look in his eyes. He was a living memory.

"Oh God, my Danny is so clever!" I exclaimed opening my arms for a hug, which in response he giggled to and landed on his bottom. The little boy was dangerous for my tear ducts. I was crying at when he was talking just words; imagine what was going to happen when he started to say names. I picked him up and kissed him on the cheek, leaning into his small shoulder and breathing in his baby smell with a hint of washing powder from his clothes.

"I can't wait for you to be a mother," Edward said from the sofa, looking on at Danny and me with a wide smile on his face.

"What?"

"Look at you, holding Danny, it's so natural...So right,"

"Yeah well, I have no desire to have a family right now. Bella needs to get herself a better job, not to mention a home doesn't she my beautiful?" I cooed my last sentence; Danny snuggled into my neck in the usual way.

"Bella, there will be a better job. Hell, there may even be a college course out there for you,"

"I am not sure whether to search anything right now. The applications start right now but, my decision to go away to study will have to be definite. I can't bear leaving you,"

"Then I shouldn't be the one to stop your chances to have your dreams, Bella. Whatever they may be."

"England is a great country to study; besides the qualifications are easier to understand. I wouldn't want anyone to up and forget what they want to come and be with me?"

"I assume by people you mean me?"

"I still want you in my life, Edward. I love you. I have to know whether I will have it in my heart to go back, because honestly if I were to study then it wouldn't be here,"

"Don't worry, when the time comes just please talk to me about it. I will be upset, Bella because I love you and I am a little selfish to want you to always be with me. Your happiness is what I live and breathe for and if that means going back to England then, that is how it's going to be,"

"You'd really do that. Support me?"

"That is what a person does for love, Bella," Edward got up from the chair and ghosted his lips along the side of my face where Danny wasn't snuggling into, placing a kiss on my ear and moving to my cheek. "Is it wrong to also want you to bear our children?"

"No, Edward. I'd only want the children you give me; there will not be anyone else in my future,"

I kissed him softly on the lips, he after finishing with his attentions to my lips moved to kiss Danny on the head, "I have to study,"

"Okay" I whispered back letting him walk up the stairs, not forgetting to take the chance to goggle at his incredible arse as he went. _Damn my man was sex on legs!_

"Now what shall we do, now my pumpkin? Shall we read about the three little pigs, again?" I asked Danny sitting down on the sofa, holding Danny securely in my lap with one hand and picking up the small book at my side with the other.

I liked the idea of having my own child sit and hear me read them a story. Almost too much.

*~Rosalie~*

. "Hey baby!"

Emmett was there to greet me. After my session I had gone for a walk, not once forgetting to stop at Alice's grave to tell her about my session. I felt so drained and had pretty much cried all the tears I should have done inside the therapy room outside. Crying in front of people was only done when I couldn't control my emotions, but thinking about what I spoke about and bringing all those feelings back now made me resemble a zombie. My mascara had already said goodbye.

"Hi," I whispered back melting into his arms as we stood by the front door. In his loving embrace, I started to cry, again.

"Was it hard, sweetheart?" Emmett whispered, running his hand through my hair.

"Yeah. God the things that I have been bottling up, you were right, Emmett. I do need therapy,"

"Will you go again?"

"Yes. I want a family, Emmett. I am never going to want that change in my life if I don't put to rest the old demons. I feel like a zombie but, a part of me is relieved that there is the option to go to my therapist when I need to. Of course it will cost a bit,"

"Ssh. Money doesn't matter, baby. Your mental health is more important and we can manage,"

"Do you think I'm weak, Emmett?" at my question he cupped my face and brought my head up, our eyes reaching one another's.

"No Rosalie. You're in pain, that's all. Thank you for going, today. That takes strength and you have never been weak. At least to me you haven't. I love you, Rose."

"I love you too."

It had been one of the hardest things to do in my life, but as long as I have my Emmett...I can do anything.


	26. Worth

*~A Shaped Life~*

~*Jasper~*

*(Three Days Later)*

Since I didn't have to start work until 10am, I made sure I was around when Livvie was packing up her things. When she mentioned the idea of seeing her Aunt with my mother and I the other day it didn't really register that she would be leaving Danny and I for a long weekend. Livvie spent a lot of her time with us and between her house and my mother's as much as possible and I have grown to love having her here when I got home from work and for Danny to have some consistency in his care.

I couldn't bring myself to move from the doorway, watching her mumble to herself as she packed her small suitcase; with the amount of clothes she had packed she may as well be going away for a fortnight. However, Livvie always took great pride in her looks and liked to change a little more pleasantly for dinner, she looked amazing first thing in the mornings when she hadn't had the time to style her hair and put a small amount of makeup on for work. To be honest she didn't need to make herself look any better, she was already beautiful.

I felt very emotional as I stood in silence, Livvie knew that I was behind her but she was so in her own little world it seemed pointless to break her away from her detailed ticking off of the list in her head. I had been thinking a lot about Alice as Christmas would be coming up soon as well as Thanksgiving, 'family' holidays in which a family needed each other around more so than any other time in the year. My first Christmas without Alice had been so hard and now I didn't want to imagine Christmas without Olivia, or even imagine Olivia out of my life.

"Hey you." I snapped out of my thoughts as Livvie faced me, her arms folded across her chest. "Are you okay?" she asked.

"Yeah" I nodded. "Do you have everything you need?"

"Yes I think so. I always end up leaving something at my Aunt's which she has to send back, one time I left my underwear there and even now she won't let me live that down. Where's Danny?"

"Playing in his pen in the nursery. He slept like a rock last night so I won't need to be scheduling any naps for him, today. That's one weight off for mom."

"That's good. I am going to say my goodbyes." As she started to walk towards me, I stepped aside to leave enough room for her to leave.

"I will take your bag downstairs, then."

"Thank you." Livvie responded cupping my left cheek with one of her hands before walking out of her bedroom and across the hall. Olivia had done brilliantly clearing out her only spare room and making a small room for Danny to sleep. He had two cribs, one here and one at the Cullen's, I had refused to let mom pay for another and so she makes a note to come here during the day until I come back. I would have to get some more vegetables in from Wal-Mart on my way back from work so that I could make something for mom and me to eat.

With a heavy ache in my heart, I dragged the small suitcase from the bed and lifted it up, leaving the bedroom and making my way down the stairs.

*~Olivia~*

I had resisted the temptation to cry so much since waking up beside Jasper this morning. Leaving him caused a kind of pain that was proving to be unbearable to deal with in silence. I wanted to believe that he would miss me as much as I did him but that wasn't a possibility considering how much my heart beat for him, as corny and cheesy as it sounds, I have never loved anyone as much as I love Jasper and as he was grieving what was proving difficult was my need for him in a physical way as well as an emotional level. Our physical relationship isn't going to be easy whether it happens soon or not, as he was overcoming some great pain and also the empty hole that had been left in his life only two years ago. As I walked into the nursery, Danny stopped chewing the foot of his teddy and let out a giggle as his big beautiful eyes fell on me, his smile made me want to melt at his feet, my thoughts always rested on the future women in his life as he gets older, they would do the exact same thing as me as Danny was such a beautiful little boy, the most beautiful that I had ever seen and I always believe that all babies are beautiful but Danny was uniquely special both in appearance and in his general behaviour. I have never had any trouble with him.

"Hey buddy." I sat down on the floor opposite the pen, peering at Danny through the netted material, his arms reached out in front of him. My heart screamed at me to hold him close but my head told me to stay away, I felt that right now I just needed to let out what I was thinking, he wasn't going to understand and Jasper wasn't going to be interrupting our moment.

"Listen Danny, I have to go away for a few days...I need you to be very well behaved for your daddy and your Grandmother-"I glanced at Alice's picture on the bedside table beside Danny's crib across the room, I had made a second copy of the original one at the Cullen's, it didn't seem right to have Danny in a place where his mother wasn't. I sighed and looked back to Danny. "You know little man you are so loved, your daddy loves you, your mommy loves you, both your Grandmothers love you, your Grandfathers, Auntie Bella and Rosalie and your Uncles Emmett and Edward. Someday when you're older you will be able to understand just how fantastic they all are and how blessed you are to have them in your life. Leaving you is hard, buddy...And leaving your dad...It's-"I bit down on my lip, the tears filling my eyes slowly. "I love your daddy so much buddy, he's been so brilliant with me even before you came into our lives, for years he has always had a special place in my heart but, your mother, Alice was so beautiful and she and your daddy were so right together that nothing in the world could have forced them apart but, fate had their paths differently. That's what happens in life sometimes little one, as much as we would like you to believe otherwise it is not all song and games – struggle is a huge part of what shapes us, what gives us strength and will to carry on. Perhaps one day we can all be happy and content enough for long enough but as it seems, we must live each day as it comes." I stood up and leant down taking Danny in my arms and placed one of my hands on the soft skin of his head, his blonde hair getting longer and longer by the minute and placed a large kiss on his head, he leant his head into my neck and I relished in the extra warmth his little body gave me. Holding Danny made me feel maternal, like there was another life who strived for my care – I would never call myself his mother because Alice was too much of an angel in Jasper's and the Cullen's lives to ever forget. However, in this moment I was embracing a little boy who I loved to the ends of the earth and would do anything for, a very good friend.

I walked out of the nursery, clutching Danny close as I descended the stairs, Jasper came out from the kitchen in good time to meet me at the bottom. He smiled at the sight of Danny and me together and, I handed Danny into Jasper's arms as I grabbed my coat from the rack near the front door.

"Will you ring me as soon as you get to your Aunt's? To let me know that you got there safely?" Jasper asked as I fastened the coat and climbed into my most comfortable shoes for driving the long distance to my Aunt's house.

"Yes of course." I smiled, turning around and taking the handle of my suitcase and opening the front door.

The morning air was slightly cold but had been forecasted mild later on; there were no possible interruptions to my journey from the weather so the only disadvantage that could come my way was in the form of Thursday morning traffic.

*~Jasper~*

Clutching my son close to my chest, Olivia placed her suitcase in the boot of her car and fumbled for her keys from inside her coat pocket; she opened the door on the driver's side and turned on the heater, the radio coming on at the same time as the engine. Olivia had already put her small handbag in the passenger seat with her purse and various smaller belongings but all she needed was the keys for now. Closing the driver's side door she walked over to the sidewalk, stepping up and standing still in front of us both.

"So I will see you on Monday, I should be back at around four if the traffic is smooth. I have left a few meals in the freezer in case you don't have time to make anything from scratch; you just have to get them out the night before to defrost."

"I know, thank you, Livvie." Silence fell between us, silence of unspoken words and feelings that were overshadowed by the sadness that she was leaving us for the first time to stay away for a weekend. I watched as her eyes fell to Danny, he was starting to fidget in my arms, the usual sign of wanting to be cuddled by Livvie, my son had grown accustomed to having Livvie around and inside I feared that this weekend may be hard on him as much as it was on me. He was not small enough to pick up on other people's emotions or the atmosphere in which he is a part of.

"Okay bye beautiful angel." Livvie bent down to Danny's eye-level, placed a kiss on her finger and pressed her fingertip to his nose, she was so brilliant with Danny and he adored her and watching the sparkle in my son's eyes whenever he was around Livvie my heart always melted whenever I saw the affection she put towards my son and how much she got it back from Danny in the smallest but largest way imaginable.

Tears had fallen down to Livvie's cheeks as she straightened back up, she leant in to me – the smell of her shampoo surrounding me, my stomach tightened and I gasped a little as her lips touched my cheek, I leant into her mouth gently and lowered my head blinking away my own tears, I wanted to kiss her, I wanted to hold her, lift her up and cradle her body to mine and not let her leave me. I wanted to shower her with as much love and as much passion I knew my heart held for her. It feared me to tell her how I felt about her verbally but that did not mean that I couldn't show her.

"I love you." She whispered, I gasped, my emotions coming to a hilt and immediately latched my lips onto hers, my lips hard and urgent, I was putting all my emotion in the kiss without forcing too much of a display for my son still in my arms. Livvie responded, running her hand through my hair, moaning and gasping through the kiss, our tears moulding together from one cheek to another. With a final deep breath, Livvie released her touch on me and put her hand to her mouth, keeping a sob at bay, we weren't embarrassed about crying anymore. I already felt like she was walking away from us forever, but she was taking my heart with her.

With a final smile and a deep inhale to compose herself she turned and walked around the car once again, climbing into the driver's seat and closing the door. Danny began to bounce a little harder in my arms but not enough to alarm me; I was glued to the spot, helpless in not being able to do anything to stop Livvie. I had to recognise that she had family as well and it was only right that she see them whenever she could – that didn't make the selfish side of me want her to stay with me.

As Livvie shifted into gear she waved at Danny and me, I lifted up my hand once long enough to place it back around Danny's body, he was getting heavier fast and there would be a time where I wouldn't be able to balance him with only one arm. The car drove away down the road and, once at the end turned away from view.

*~Esme~*

I woke up pleasantly to my Carlisle kissing the left side of my face, his arm locked around me, his arm across my swollen stomach holding our unborn child. I turned my head and as Carlisle placed a kiss on my nose, I couldn't help but giggle. It had been a while since I have felt this relaxed, as Carlisle and I had one day left at the hotel, we had spent the majority of the night making love, the softness of the white sheet now covering my naked body from view. I never liked the look of my body when I was pregnant with Alice, however this time, as our newest child was such a blessing – Under Carlisle's touch and under the protection he makes me feel I felt wanted and loved more so than usual.

"Good morning my darling Esme." Carlisle whispered, I melted into his body, our skin touching underneath the sheet sending heat through my body from my head down to my toes.

"Good morning" I almost sung, my back pressing deeper and deeper into the mattress of the hotel bed. I have never been this comfortable in the longest time; no matter how many times Carlisle presses me to sit down during the day I can never sit in the house and look like I am being unproductive in any way, I made a plan to rest more in the later months of my pregnancy when aching feet were going to be an issue.

"You know, we will have to get out of this bed today my love." Carlisle stated, smiling beautifully as his mind wandered to our actions last night. I knew him well enough to know that smile and little glow in his eyes, anywhere.

"Well, Mr Cullen that sounds like a good idea, we could venture out of here for our last full day here." I agreed nodding my head. "Is the buffet still open?"

"I think so. However first, there is a shower calling our names." I smiled like a smitten schoolgirl again as Carlisle took my hand and led us both, with no clothes on out of the bed and into the door of the en-suite.

*~Bella~*

"I am glad to see you back, Bella." Alex said, he had miraculously appeared from the restaurant as I ate my sandwich outside the back. Today was a busy day; the tills would no doubt sing the hallelujah chorus once all the takings were totalled. In honesty, I would have preferred to be out here on my own, without anyone making conversation. Getting over my third breakdown was proving to be more difficult than ever, especially when Edward was not by my side to protect me, hold me in his arms and whisper his love to me. So far, I had been successful in my avoidance of my co-workers, I had been avoiding Alex all day, too, seeing as he was a person who had witnessed the end to my downfall and fortunately only my family have seen me at my absolute worst. I didn't want to show anyone at work my battle at recovering depression each day, or worse see what depression did to me and what I must have become in the eyes of the members of my family and the man I loved so much.

"Thank you." I answered, wanting to stop all conversation before it could make a dramatic turn into feelings and current thoughts. The thoughts I now possessed were not present to be a subject of ridicule and opinions to others – in my breakdown there was no protection to my inner-most emotions and the desires of my heart, I can't help but look back and wonder why I had ever been so stupid to believe that Alice would be forgotten about. No matter how well my family hid it, her not being here was still such an empty space in all our hearts and her death was still one that gave us sadness and shock at the same time.

I finished up my sandwich and stood up to throw the foil into the bin. As I turned to head back inside the restaurant, Alex spoke again stopping me.

"Have I done something to piss you off, Bella?" He asked, his voice a little louder, I didn't oversee the slight tone of anger in his voice, also.

"No Alex, to be honest I just want to get through the day, I haven't been having a good time at the moment but the last thing I want to do is to complain or moan about anything. Believe me; I have been doing a lot of that."

"What has that got to do with me? I am not asking you to complain or offload anything from your mind if that is what you decide but I don't deserve to be ignored completely. I thought we were friends."

"We are, Alex. We are...Things and life in general is complicated right now, after the weekend I will be much more civil believe me. I'm sorry if I have upset you, anyway I have a couple of hours left to work so I will see you tomorrow."

"Yeah whatever."

Alex stormed past me back into the restaurant. I was beginning to feel that Alex may not be the person I had originally thought, there was an immaturity deep down inside of him and the way he flipped his moods like the two faces of a coin made me suddenly feel like I may have gotten into something strange and unpredictable being friends with him.

Perhaps I was thinking too much into things, Edward has always said that I had a mind that wandered over the ends of the earth and back again, not quite his words – the basic meaning behind them was that I pondered far too much. The activeness of my mind playing a great helping hand in my various breakdowns.

Brushing off my over-detailed analysis of a mere gut feeling, I followed Alex in the same way back into the restaurant, however I was met with Liz who stood in front of me with her hands on her hips. The smile on her face made me believe that I wasn't in that much trouble.

"Now Bella, why have you added another two hours to your shift today? Not to mention adding eight hours in total for this week alone?"

"Liz, I can't stay at home. All of my family want me to stay at home so badly and to be completely honest it drives me insane – it would indeed make me have another breakdown staring at four walls and a ceiling."

"I understand honey but, I don't want you to put pressure on yourself to take all the hours of overtime, Alex and Mickey covered the majority of your shifts whilst you were in hospital-"

"I know they did. I will always be grateful to them both for that but please don't make me cut my hours, if deep down I wasn't sure I could manage them then I wouldn't have put my name down in the first place."

"As long as you're okay with doing them."

"I promise."

*~Rosalie~*

"I have always wanted to have a baby. My parents did such a horrible job raising me and even now they don't show any interest in where my life has gone. Only the Cullens were present at my wedding. You can imagine how happy the idea of moving out made me and now, I want to prove that I can do a much better job at being a mother. Emmett wants to be a father so much, watching Esme grow in her pregnancy is a little hard for me sometimes. That baby is a miracle and if a woman Esme's age can conceive then I use that reality to maintain the hope that I soon will be pregnant but there have been a few miscarriages and even more failed attempts altogether and, I can't help but think that Emmett is taking this very hard, perhaps more so than me. Is it wrong to feel like a failure when I am unable to give him the child he has always wanted?"

"Rosalie, I wouldn't say that you were a failure. In any sense it's admirable that you are both continuing to try when most couples would have found a different route."

"We have discussed adoption and perhaps artificial insemination or a surrogate but there is something special about going through pregnancy on my own. I wouldn't wish to have another person give birth to our child; I don't know...Maybe that's selfish."

"Is there a particular reason as to why you are opening up much more in this session, Rosalie?"

"No, not really. Bella has been through all of this and I was always curious as to how she managed to see to the other side – I didn't like the concept of expressing your darkest secrets and opinions about yourself and your life to a stranger. I am finding it easy to find a benefit in therapy, Bella's right, talking is the best kind of therapy."

"Bella seems like a huge influential figure in your life, it's always fantastic for someone to have someone who can relate to this kind of situation."

"My family would not be able to live without her, she has taught me so much and I admire her endlessly. For the love she holds for us all, her patience, her strength, whenever I am around her it does make me miss Alice a lot more. We used to be a good little trio; I always imagined that we would love each other forever to the point where we would be sharing our lives even when we had all grown old."

"Well, it would be wise to start working on the fact that you believe you're a failure, there are some deeper issues of what you conceive of yourself, your image, your worth. We all have something to give to the world and to the people included in them. I want you to write down what you see in the mirror everyday when you wake up and when you go to sleep, not just on your appearance but what you want the day to hold for you and we will look over your thoughts next week."

After coming out of my third session, I was feeling much more confident in the road ahead. Yes, I would always miss Alice and there will always be a hole where she was, no one was going to replace her and yet there were people around me who wanted me to be happy, dare I say proud of me. I had a wonderful husband, we were going to have an amazing marriage and now, my goal was to change the critical thoughts of myself and gain back a little more confidence that had once been present in my life but with the tragedy fate handed to me had been lost.

I walked back to my car and prepared myself for the next session, with the progress I was making it would not be long before I could finish the sessions and gradually get back to my old self once more.


	27. Belief

I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT. I OWN THIS STORY AND IT'S PREQUEL. JigsawRose2012.

~* A Shaped Life ~*

*~Olivia~*

(A week later)

"How are you feeling?" I asked my Aunt, another morning fell upon my not knowing whether she was going to fully recover. The doctor had made numerous visits, content in the fact that he placed her condition on an unknown virus. A virus that is can be managed at home rather than in a hospital. I did wish that I had a better grasp on medical terms. On the plus side, being a carer for a solid week did give me an opportunity to brush up each day.

I missed Jasper terribly. Not just the little things like being around him, or being locked tightly in his arms content in the knowledge that his embrace was a sign that he truly cared for me. I hold on to the fact that deep down Jasper holds much suppression, suppression because of fear. His heart has already been broken in such a substantial way and I only want to love him in the way I know how, not to replace anyone or to taint any memories of Danny's beautiful mother. I need him, need him more than he can possibly realise.

"Oh how can I answer that when you are a million miles away, darling?" My Aunt replied. I understood her sigh; this wasn't the first time I had run away mid-conversation with Jasper on my mind.

"I'm sorry." I sat down beside her, taking her hand in mine. "Being away from Jasper so long…I just…I'm not used to it that's all."

"Livvie, can you tell me that you see a solid future with this man?"

I was a little taken aback by my Aunt's question; I have enough turmoil at the fact that I have to keep justifying my relationship with him to myself let alone to other people.

"Of course. I have never cared so much about a person so much, before."

"What about Jeremy?"

"Please let's not talk about him. I loved him, but he died. Yes up until recently he was the only man I have ever loved but its different now. Jasper is…Jasper has been through so much, so much pain that I would never wish on anyone and…He has the most beautiful son and the little angel loves me as I love him."

"You will never be his mother, Livvie.."

"I know that. I don't want to ever replace his mother and saying that has become habit since I met Danny's family for real, as a partner of Jasper's."

"Does Jasper love you?"

"I hope he does….I mean I _know_ he does. I can be his friend, be there to support him because a person can never have too many friends…" I stood up from the bed. I didn't have to look into the eyes of my Aunt to know her look of scepticism. My family have never been the type to beat around the bush about matters of the heart, if anything they could be downright blunt whenever they wanted to. Folding my arms, I closed my eyes inhaling the thoughts of how pleased I would be to get back to Jasper and Danny once more. I hoped every night that they were missing me as much as I was them. I feared that my behaviour was falling towards the over-obsessive, my need to be cared for by Jasper becoming a habit that I may not be able to snap out of. My family would say that I was a little careless to be involved with a widowed father, anyway. I could only understand that opinion because of their need to protect me but that is as far as my patience would go whenever I was being trapped in that kind of conversation.

"I only want you to be happy, Livvie. Your parents, too…That is all we've ever wanted-"I turned around to face her, again.

"Then why can't you trust me when I know that I have made the right decision? When I have said time and time again that when I am with Jasper I am truly happy? Being this happy is not something that comes around often and naturally I want and need to cherish it here and now. As for the future, who knows what might happen…What fate has in store for us…Whether we will be together but that is a bridge in which I will face nearer to the time. I bet when you married my Uncle it was the happiest day of your life…That deep down you knew that your marriage would last until the end of time even though it panned out differently-"

"Yes sweetheart, of course I did."

"Then there is nothing else to say. I am not going to be a victim because I am stronger than this. I am strong enough to love a little boy that isn't mine but to always be there for him for the rest of his life…I am strong enough to meet the family of a lovely young woman who lost her life so young from giving birth to that very same little boy. I am strong enough to tell that family that I care for Jasper and Danny immensely and I will never do anything to hurt them. Lastly, I am strong enough to love someone who has had his heart destroyed and if only to make it mend once more that will be enough. I will never stop loving him but I respect him enough to, perish the thought and end our relationship if he no longer feels comfortable or capable to carry on with this. That is all I am going to say." I took a deep breath in and let out a much needed sigh of relief at finally settling down some ground. My family can be blunt and I also can be honest with them and myself in where my life is going.

My aunt, silent, just nodded in response and both of us turned to noise coming from somewhere else in the house, we gazed on the bedroom door when my father appeared in the bedroom smiling once at me before walking over to the bed. "Hello Fi, how are you feeling?"

"Oh I am much better thank you. Thanks to our beautiful Olivia I am feeling stronger every day. The doctor is still putting the condition as an unknown virus but with regular check-ups from the nurse she is happy with the results and my continuous progress."

"Good, I'm glad." My father turned to look at me, he gazed upon me and his expression unreadable before he stood up brushed down his suit. "I just came by to see whether there was anything you need-"

"Now you ask, Robert I would like Olivia to go back home, I believe that she is needed somewhere else more important than here-"

My father frowned, "but Fi-"he was silent when my Aunt raised a hand.

"Now, no more of that, her position in your work cannot be covered for longer than a month, those poor temporary workers who merely fill in her spot cannot possibly be completing the job with as much attention to detail and passion as your own daughter. No, I will not hear any argument, she has her own life and her own friends, she cannot be stuck here looking after me she will go insane."

"Au-" I wanted to fight against what she was saying, I love my family and even though I couldn't deny that leaving Jasper to come here was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life, there was always the hope, the light at the end of the tunnel in my return to him. I would see him again, whereas with my own Aunt being so ill as she has been this past week, I was unsure about whether she was going to make a full recovery or not.

"No Livvie, from what you have told me you belong elsewhere. I have a nurse and not to mention Dorothy next door makes no refusal to come over and speak with me. Even if 'speaking' is actually her letting off some steam, or engaging me in some unnecessary gossip. I am grateful for everything you have done for me but as much as I love you my darling you have never really truly been here with me. You wander elsewhere…To the place where your heart lies. Oh now, will you look at me, I am turning into such a sap my own mother would turn in her grave." I looked over at my dad, he shook his head at me and as much as my Aunt wants one thing I knew my father was right. I swallowed down the dryness in my throat and walked over to the bed, perching down onto the duvet.

"You're right, Auntie…I haven't been here, at least not completely in my mind….You have been sick and all I can think about is missing the people I care the most about when I need to be here with you." I took her hand in mine. "I'll be better from now on, I promise."

"No, there's no need to apologise for anything, I was married once and I have been in love, it's lovely knowing that my little girl is becoming such a beautiful and courageous woman right in front of my eyes." She patted my hand and rubbed it in a comforting gesture.

"Dad is right; I don't need to hear him speak to know what he will say. This is my decision; I need to stay with you, just long enough to be reassured that you will recover."

"Oh baby I will recover, I still have many years left in me, I am much stronger than you think."

"I know that, I have never doubted that. It's just the right thing to do."

"I really must get back to work, Ellie will be around to see you later, she is on a night shift and won't be awake for a couple of hours-"

"Stop your fussing, go and be prepared to have Livvie back in the next couple of days, no excuses!"

*~Rosalie~*

"Do you miss being on vacation?"

I was pouring Esme and I some tea. Spending time with her on my lunch break was the usual thing now that my therapy office was closer to the Cullen house than mine and Emmett's.

"Of course I do but Carlisle has patients to look after and come home to and, there isn't much time left before travel isn't an option for me." Esme replied working hard at her knitting. Now that Carlisle was getting more and more protective over his wife, she had been forced to find activities to do indoors that didn't make her bored. Esme wasn't much of a sociable being but her mom's-to-be group met twice a week and other than that there wasn't much she had planned on a weekly basis. That's why I wanted to be with her as much as possible, mostly because I enjoyed her company and we have gotten closer since Alice left our lives.

"Anyway how is everything with you?" Esme put down her knitting, this was a sign, a sign that only Esme can give when she wants to have an in-depth conversation. I placed the cup of tea in front of her and sat on one of the kitchen island stools.

"Everything is fine, much better." I smiled, I wasn't lying but I wasn't telling the whole truth, either. Emmett and I had not been as close since I started therapy; it was a mutual decision to wait until trying for another baby once my time was over, once I felt confident that I resolved all issues. Even with the choice to be further apart, we were drifting even further and further apart.

"Emmett came to see me yesterday-" I sucked in a breath and looked down on the surface of the Island. "He mentioned that he wants to respect you and stay apart for the sake of your recovery but he is finding it difficult. He loves you so much, Rosalie."

"I know he does. Esme, we made the decision to keep apart from intimacy until I was sure I was recovering, these emotions make me do the most awful things and say things that cannot be erased. Emmett loves me, as much as I love him and I find being away from him in that sense very difficult but, I guess I thought that when recovered we would have a stronger relationship."

"You already have a strong relationship. After all, you both have lasted the longest staying together in our family. Is therapy helping?"

"Definitely. I don't regret making the decision to do this, sometimes I feel like there are bad habits in which I have gotten into that could have been avoided. I could have had the strength of mind to know better, not have to talk to strangers when it has all gotten the better of me." I sipped my tea, I wasn't as emotional anymore, however I still feel like my spell in therapy could have been avoided, recognized earlier so that I may have had a chance to make myself better without spending so much money on professional help.

"Oh Rosalie you can't say that. There will always be a part of me missing, a part of me that Alice took with her but that doesn't mean that I can't still function. I know my daughter, I knew her spirit – she was reborn from me in everything she was. I know Alice would want me to have another healthy child and to love them, as much as I loved her. Life won't ever be the same without her, without seeing her grow up into an even more beautiful woman, doting wife and an amazing mother but we have to keep her memory alive in any way we can."

"I know you're right. I know she is watching over us, so do you want to find out what the sex of the baby is?" I leant my head on my hand, I always loved talking to Esme about her pregnancy, I always felt like I could get an education for when Emmett and I finally had a baby of our own.

"I have a strong feeling that I will have another girl, another chance at having a daughter surrounded by two protective older brothers and an older sister, however, Carlisle believes that we will have a boy. I don't want to find out, I want to be surprised."

"Does Carlisle want to know?"

"I haven't said to him that he mustn't know, as long as he doesn't tell me and watch who else he tells in case there are accidental slip-ups along the way."

"That's fair." I replied, I took another sip of tea.

"What would you like to have, Rosalie?" Esme asked. I instantly felt a small pang of pain in my chest, like any woman wanting a family I had dreamt extensively about having children from a very young age. The dream came from my desire to be a better parent than both of my own had been. The Cullens had been my family, even if I hadn't always been desperately in love with their eldest son; they were always going to be a part of my life. I took a deep breath before answering.

"I have wanted to have both a son and a daughter, a son that looks like Emmett and a daughter like me, I hope that I can raise her to not be too much of a bitch to members of the opposite sex but, she could still hold her own. Our little boy could become a sportsmen like Emmett, maybe even better than his dad, become a champion someday…"

"If you don't stop believing, there is no chance that you can't have that all…."

"The problem is, if I can't carry a baby full-term then we find a surrogate or consider adoption, as much as I would love to have children, more than words can express I can't deny that their not being entirely mine biologically will be a little hard."

Esme took my hand in hers. "Of course it will. Rose I know that you are going to make a lovely mother, any child will be lucky to be under your love and guidance and Emmett…Well, I tell my sons every day that I am proud of them because of how they treat women. How I have wanted them to treat women even through the difficult stages of their teenage years. He will be a shining example of us, I imagine just like Carlisle when he becomes a father. As long as you're together and you have each other, Rose you can get through anything." I wiped away a tear that had fallen down my cheek and averted my eyes to the clock on the wall.

"I better get back to work." I finished the rest of my tea and stood up, leaning over and kissing Esme on the cheek. "Thank you for everything."

"You have made such progress, Rose. Keep going, keep surviving, this is what us Cullens excel in."

As I stepped outside the front door, I was a little confused as to why Emmett was leaning against my car in the driveway, seeing me he stood upright and walked towards me.

"Emmett, what are you doing here?" I asked him, he rested his hands on my arms and moved them in an up and down motion.

"I spoke to your boss, explaining that you have been feeling a little run-down lately trying to balance work and therapy and he very kindly allowed you to have half a day. The rest of the day is ours to do as we wish."

"What? Why did you do that?" I stepped back. Emmett knew how hard I worked, how much having time off could jeopardise my chances at a promotion later in the year. "Emmett, baby, we need as much money as we can…I mean for the treatments and everything-" Emmett placed his finger on my lips.

"There's no definite answer to you never being able to carry a child for nine months. I am holding on to the fact that we will have a baby; we will have the family we both want so badly. Rose, we can't drift apart, I can't stay apart from you, you're my wife and I love you so much." He took his finger away from my lips and I melted into him, I knew that Esme had told him about my being here – she may be pregnant but she can't go to the bathroom four times in an hour. "Trust me, baby your boss will not be mad at you. Just please, spend some time with me?"

I smiled, taking his face in my hands. "Emmett, I am making progress in therapy, I am getting better every day. Luckily your mother knows how to make a person feel better. I'm sorry I've been distant this past week, I have been sending mixed signals to you."

"Rosie-" it was now my turn to put my finger on his lips.

"Let me finish. I want to be better; I want to be more confident in myself, like the girl you first met back in High School…Minus the bitchiness, of course. I want to be with you for the rest of my life, Esme made me realise that even if we didn't have children of our own, it doesn't matter – we will have each other. I guess paying for therapy wasn't entirely necessary when you have a mother with special powers. I love you too, Emmett. I always have." I took my finger away and pulled him to me, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him. Emmett responded violently, parting our lips and joining our tongues, his hands running down my back, around my hips and coming up to run through my hair. The need between us was strong, entirely too strong for a performance in the Cullen's driveway. I pulled away from Emmett, keeping my forehead resting on his.

"Emmett, can you do something for me?"

"Anything" he responded, his voice reeking of lust, his lips coming down to my neck.

"Can you take me home…Take me home so we can try for a baby, again?" He stilled his kisses on my neck and lifted his head to face me.

"Are you sure you are ready? I mean, don't you have another three sessions of therapy, left?"

"Yes but that doesn't mean I can't make love to my husband and improve my mind at the same time. Emmett, I want to try, the doctors have been giving me medication that should help me and they are always there to check up on me if I have any problems. I can't always be wondering why, I can keep going until there is a definitive no…I can take the pain, as long as I have my unbelievably sexy husband to be around whenever I fall."

"I will always be here to catch you, Rosie…Always." He sealed his promise with a kiss and took me home that day, the outside world didn't matter then and there, we were together and we were potentially making a family and for once since Alice died….I felt lucky to be alive and to have Emmett right there beside me every step of the way.

*~Bella~*

After an exhausting day at work, I collapsed on my bed excited by the lovely smell of food coming from the kitchen. I took out my mail from my bag and opened up the envelope sent to me holding various prospectuses for Universities in England. I understood where most of them were but to be honest, I couldn't go to University until I had gained qualifications in A-Levels. Instead of going to University, I would have to go to college instead which wasn't a problem; however, I would have to save as much money as I could to fund myself. I put the prospectuses down on my duvet. I wanted to try and go back to England, even if it was only for a holiday.

I was about to go into the shower when there was a knock at my door.

"Come In." I shouted buttoning my blouse back up. The door opened revealing Alex holding the doorknob smiling at me.

"Hi Bella."

"Alex? What are you doing here?" Alex stepped into my room closing the door behind him. I backed away instinctively feeling that I wanted Edward.

"Your mom let me in and said that I could come straight up. I really need to talk to you."

"Alex, now is really not a good time…I will be having dinner soon and Edward will be home and-"

"Oh Edward eh? Well, I want to say something that has been on my mind for a long time. Can I sit?" Alex stopped as he was about to sit, he noticed the prospectuses on the bed and picked one up, glancing at the front cover for a long time. My back rested against my en-suite door, I folded my arms close to my body. "England? You are moving back to England?"

"There just prospectuses, Edward and I were talking about gaining qualifications there because there are more places and opportunities to gain better jobs. Look, Alex it's really none of your business, just came what you came to say please?"

"You have been short with me since you came back to work, what did I do wrong, Bella?"

"You didn't do anything. I just know that I have revealed too much to you about my life and you don't deserve to be dragged into all of this. I had another breakdown and it was stupid. I have people in my life who care about me and I scared them."

"I care about you too, Bella. Do you know that?"

"Yes, I know you're my friend."

"I don't want to just be your friend. Ever since I started this job I haven't been able to get you out of my head, you're the most beautiful girl in that building, Bella, I am in awe of you and I'm sorry if this is untoward. I know there's Edward but we come from the same culture, Bella. I feel we have a different kind of connection-"

"Alex please-"

"I know you're going to reject me but I wanted you to know. You don't just have your family Bella, I am here, too."

"Thank you but I really need to get down to have some dinner-"

"We will talk about this, tomorrow. Have a nice night, Bella." Alex left the room immediately and I heard him walk down the stairs.

I walked over to the bed and sat on it, my head spinning. I was suddenly at a loss as to what to do. It was the first time that I have wanted to call in sick from work, either that or quit it, altogether. However I have spent most of my life running and that has always turned out badly and hurting more people than I realised. I can't run from this. I just have to find a way to tell Edward, or at least get to him before he finds out. I fell back onto the bed and put a pillow on my face.

I can't believe this was happening.


End file.
